Are guys really THAT SIMPLE like y'all say you are?

[Diaforos22]

Before you jump to answer, hear me out. I'm not saying men are better/worse- just curious how simple y'all are. I think men are complex. So many guys say that they want a straight-forward girl. But what I've discovered is men actually like a chase- as long as you aren't playing games, men like some mystery. Don't dish out all you fell about em too soon. They don't want to be PURPOSELY ignored but they tend to put in less effort if they know they caught you and then have you do all the planning/initiating instead of taking turns. And some men go so far extreme to like "hard to get"- I have exes and friends who say they want a girl who plays those games cuz they admit they lose interest if she stops playing too early. This is not all guys, but even guys who say they want a direct girl really don't cuz then she's "too much" or "boring" or both. I once asked a guy out 5 hrs after a first date- apparently that was a turn off... Anyways I thought y'all wanted us to make a move more...

To be CLEAR: not a discussion of men being worse/better or more complex then females. I will block you if you clearly didn't read. I also am not saying women aren't difficult. We are :)

[watrewks]

Lol I love you admitting that at the end 😂😂😂


I agree with you. I never thought about the complexity that guys do have. Yes we love mystery that’s why lingerie, leggings, short skirts, tank tops are so arousing 😍😍


When guys do say that we’re simple I feel like it’s usually in response to women trying to figure out what a guy wants or them trying to figure out his experience. Guys just don’t process emotions like women do and not everything is related to everything lol. Guys like direct information and that’s usually what he means when he says he likes direct girls.


Men and women experience life differently and if a girl gets mad at me because she thinks I’m completely dismissing how something is affecting her and I’m insensitive for not considering her feelings when the reality is that I just wasn’t aware of what she was going through, I’m not going to feel shame and guilt over something I’m not doing. If you want to talk, then talk, but keep in mind I’m not going to understand you like your girlfriends so the direct communication really does help.


While typing this I thought about girls and deciding on what to eat. I’ve always been told the girl just wants a guy to lead and pick the place. For any guy reading this a good trick is to pay attention to what types of food she talked about earlier in the day, or maybe even the week. If she hasn’t talked about food, go with her favorite food. If you don’t know her favorite food then Italian and Mexican are usually good choices. Sushi is a risk but she’ll tell you if she doesn’t like it lol.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

Sort of. It's not that they're complicated, it's more a problem about relative complexity. That is to say, they may not be that complex, but the issue is that women don't understand them that well.

For example, you sort of got part of it but then say "but they tend to put in less effort if they know they caught you and then have you do all the planning/initiating". The issue there is that you think that's a problem. Guys don't consider that a problem. That a *girl* problem being projected onto guys' normal reaction.

Let's explore the thinking: I'm trying to get the girl and it's a fucking chore and I hate it, but I do it because it's demanded of me. Hopefully, I can put up with it long enough to win a girl over and jump through all their dumb hoops. Now, at that point I would like to stop jumping through so many hoops and just enjoy the relationship.

So when it comes to initiating/planning, well that doesn't happen because they don't care about that.

*You do*.

They don't plan or initiate too hard because they're not interested in making plans or doing anything (in the way women want).

So *you* interpreted it as a result of "enjoying the chase", but from my perspective it's that I enjoy *not* chasing anymore and want to chill in this happy relationship I've finally arrived at.

See? It's not so much about complexity, but more that you're wired to get it wrong.

[spuitkaas]

So you don't want to do anything with the person you're dating? No dates? Dinner? Fun stuff? Then I don't want a man I guess 😅. Like what is the point then?

[AllThatSweetJazz]

@spuitkaas You call that "fun stuff". I don't. What I call fun stuff, you don't. And that's the real complaint. I want to enjoy the company of my partner and that can involve all sorts of things, but women just seem to have a narrow conceptualization of how a relationship is to be enjoyed. They need "dinners" and "dates". During the initial period of a relationship I'll acquiesce and make plans, but once the relationship is a bit more solid, I'd like to move on from that shit and actually enjoy myself and her company in they way I prefer. That means I would like to enjoy food with her, but that doesn't mean "going out to dinner". I would like to share in activities with her, but that doesn't mean "dates". Instead of going to the restaurant, I'd rather just make the same food myself and engaging in more comfortable activities and interests we have in common at home, but again, women find this appeal in being "out". Like our time together is more satisfying if we eat in front of strangers who we don't give a fuck about and have no intention of interacting with. But *I'm* the weird one for *not* liking that?

Isn't it weird that as soon as she's no longer being pandered to that she interprets it in theses weird ways like he's failing somehow or that he "likes the chase"? Shouldn't a relationship go both ways? May I just enjoy her company? Is that a reasonable request from someone supposedly an equal? Why would "dates" be the point of dating? The progression of the relationship is the point of dating.

The satisfaction of being in the relationship is precisely that we got the girl and no longer have to try so hard: It's done. It's secure. We've "proven" ourselves. We've completed "the chase" and can move on. That's the satisfaction. Progress complete. The dance is over. That's the bliss of it.
Then we can move on to settling in and thinking about establishing a family, that's the real point of all this.

[spuitkaas]

I think we are completely different people then. I go to restaurants and do stuff with my friends as well. My love language is spending time and making memories with people I love. I don't think it's a narrow conceptualization, it's just what I like to do for fun and many people do.
For me, I like restaurants because of the atmosphere and trying new food. It's not much of the other people thing.
If someone would stop planning things with me and engaging in activities I would loose interest. Sure I make most of the plans, but if will never initiate, it's a problem. I'm not a couch potato and will never be, not even when things have settled down.
I think in your ways, you should always try to make things interesting and do stuff together even when they're not 'dates'. The relationship will get boring and the spark will leave. I hope you find your fellow couch potato.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

You’re saying the same thing I said just with more words: the short version is yes, you like to go “out”, like I said.

The point was the generalities between men and women. Women typically like “out” and other related concepts, men often don’t, but being considerate only seems to go one way in that regard. That’s the point. If she wants “out” and “plans” and he doesn’t, then for some reason instead of just accepting that guys have a different perspective, he’s treated as the one in the wrong for not doing “plans”. It’s just weird behavior women frequently have and it results in the stuff that was mentioned, like leaping to the l conclusion that “he likes the chase” and other such things.

[Xoxocutekitty]

I think how some women have 'princess' syndrome, you know, grow up expecting a man to be her knight and 'save her' from bills and strife, some men have 'knight' syndrome.

They want to go around saving a 'high value' woman, or well a princess. Modern women who don't want to be saved come across as forward, headstrong, and there's little chase or 'kerchief dropping.'

Ladies, you do know what I mean, casually suggesting dates, so he can invite you on them later. 😉

I think desire for open, clear, and constructive criticism come with maturity. Most mature men have other things in life that they value over games. I do think though, that regardless of gender, you want to put a little 'work' or skin into the game, for you to value it.

[Jaximus-Lion]

I wanted to explain this with other words, won't be as good as this👌

[Coulis]

I'm not a man but I think that every person is different. Some people are more complex than others and some men are more complex than their male counterparts.

I think it's more so a matter of women and men having more particular expectations in different areas.

For example, men and women have different complexity levels when it comes to bathroom cleanliness.

Most women are happy their car runs while a man may freak out if there is some minite aound that he hears while his wife is like yeah I don't hear it.

These are of course very archetypal but you get my drift.

[Account]

I dont know one single person who is simple. No matter the gender.

[VanillaSalt]

Your first mistake are “guys”. Guys are as simple and as compiled as girls. It depends on what and who you’re dealing with.


Let’s mindscape. Do you think a man who’s always getting dates and who’s successful and confident will appreciate women being direct like a man who’s shy and less confident or less successful with women?


Here’s a big lesson to learn. Women want that tall, dark, and handsome rich guy who will give them everything... all women want him. Do you think he appreciates you if he’s got 8 more of you waiting if you don’t please him? The more high quality a guy is the more women you have to out due to land him. And he’ll always be tempted by other younger women then you.


Ide share my mindset with you but I’m getting bored and you just need to learn is not important what other people want. Your not going to approach someone pretending to be funny if you’re not funny just because they like funny... you’re going to show off your other traits. You approach and either they say yes or they say no. I wish it was so easy for men as it is for women. Ide be married with kids right now.

[Pogi-Paddy-2]

I do not completely agree with your question here because I have experienced in my life that most women try to lump guys into a box. If you are using your preferences of what you think guys are about, you are selling yourself short because there are several billion men on this planet and no two men are the same, or think the same.

As an example you stated that men like to chase women as long as they don't play games. I disagree with this in its entirety because personally I am not going to chase or change anything or anyone. And I also believe that when I am trying to meet someone who has set standards and no flexibility within these standards this person has a very limited pool of potential mates to choose from.

Therefore by also saying that you will block someone who doesn't follow your directions within your question, you are shutting yourself off from a lot of people too. Just remember that there are many people whom may have some good feedback that you are steering them away.

[bamesjond0069]

This is some confused ass shit. Wtf. We dont want you to play hard to get. We want you to be hard to get. Meaning keep your legs closed to shitty dudes. Stop being a ho.

Secondly why are you asking men on dates? Thats fucked up. No wonder you're having problems. No men dont want you to make the moves. Thats for us to do.

Your problem is there is two kinds of men, passive men and active men, beta men alpha men, whatever you want to call them... passive men are very shy and ofc are going to give you advice like ask them out, but most women do not prefer these men, they mostly sit home alone and play video games or are guys you friendzone. The men women usually like are more active or alpha and so if you ask one of these men out they will consider it a red flag. Women who are too aggressive with asking a man out are generally low quality women. So yeah thats going to turn us off.

Essentially in stereotype terms think of it like this: your asking the no friends video game nerd how to land a date with the popular football qb. Its not going to work.

[Anonymous]

First of all, it's true there are a handful of guys who like the chase, but the vast majority of us do not. Don't make the mistake of seeing one guy who does and then assuming the rest of us do, too. We don't. If you make a guy chase you, you are playing games. Period. And we are likely to interpret your behavior as disinterest and just move on. Why? Because in our minds a woman who shows no interest seems obviously disinterested, because logic.

Now, to your question about whether guys are "simple". No, we are not. Each of us is different and unique and we are not robots. We have personalities with different wants, likes and needs. But having said that, we are not difficult to figure out and we are not unpredictable because we behave and make decisions based on logic, whereas women tend to be more emotionally driven and their motives are much less understandable or predictable as a result. That's the difference. Don't confuse being logical with being simple.

Take sexuality as an example. It's not hard to understand what men want and why, and we are very easy to turn on. Women's sexuality, on the other hand, will always remain a mystery to us guys. Here's a quote from a WebMD article that says it well.

"Study after study shows that men's sex drives are not only stronger than women's, but much more straightforward. The sources of women's libidos, by contrast, are much harder to pin down."

https://www.webmd.com/sex/features/sex-drive-how-do-men-women-compare

[Qdbrown]

Don't think many guys unstand your question. They don't want an easy girl, and they want a girl who is in their league or better. He wants to feel like she is not been around nor easy to get.

Many women would see that as the chase, but he is just figuring out if you're just a quick lay, or a woman of value? That's why I wouldn't recommend sleeping with guys on the first few dates. Especially the first, because although exceptions, most guys like naughty girls, but not naughty girlfriends, less it's that time to be crazy, at that moment. Nothing given has any value.

Once you get around that, most guys are simple. Say what you want, and don't chit test too much.

[Diaforos22]

You are right lol You're one of the few that actually understood what I was getting at. Props! Everyone thought of chase and then assumed playing games. I meant someone who is a catch that knows their worth/values and not just easy to get

[JBlade]

I get where you are coming from but realistically that's a smaller portion of men. Guys who are immature and younger may like the chase but most live their livelihoods in the background of society so they have stuff going on in life. Most guys, who are worth a damn, don't want to or won't play games (the chase is still a game), they don't have the time, patience, and they don't want the stress. Guys who are seeking a worthwhile relationship, in terms of a long-term partner, want cooperation from a women. So being hard to deal with or extra when courting will make the decision to opt out easier.

[Diaforos22]

Actually these aren't young guys. And they are anything but immature. They are actually some of the most sane and logical men I know. I am not saying it as a personal complaint, just curious what you guys think about it. I think that there are more nuances between men then men like to point out. And like I said, it's not a matter of worse/better. Being complex is actually a good thing

[Diaforos22]

Also, I think that someone being either hard to get or not is too black and white... I am not talking about the hard to get where you aren't direct but rather you just simply have a natural mystery vibe to you, nothing to do with playing games (though a rare amount of guys like that too oddly enough). I find guys usually like to take it day by day when it comes to relationships, not because they don't take you seriously but because they want to see the bigger picture

[Diaforos22]

oh and a third thing I forgot to add to above^^- in my experience guys who love really straight -forward girls are usually insecure and want validation. If you tell a secure guy after only 4 dates how much you are strongly infatuated with him, it usually makes them nervous since investing in a long term dynamic takes months to figure out, usually about a year

[JBlade]

@Diaforos22 Yes, taking relationships day by day is generally how men go about it because for most the long-term is what matters. So there are general things that I could/have asked most men and they would agree or disagree with. You're anecdotal experience is interesting though. Yes in the grand scope of things there are definitely some nuances between men in terms of rational to all of this, y'know since it's not objective. Due to how people function now there's a lot more... hmm... diversity in the way people approach dating. But we must keep in mind a significant portion of men are now choosing not to date at all, more than prior generations. So, many women may only see certain men, who seem to fall in similar categories, trying to take advantage of the marketplace.

[JackSmy]

I'm not one of the Majority, on this, but to me, and what many of my guy friends say, most guys just want a Girlfriend/Lover/Wife to just think they are the best of EVERYTHING, and treat him like he is special, and amazing, and never look at other guys, or say anything negative about him, as he seems to think he needs to be adored, revered, maybe.
I think a lot of guys would agree with Chris Rock, in one of his Stand-ups, when he said what men want: "Feed me, Fuck me, Shut the Fuck up!"
I find it offensive, even in that "joke" as it perpetuates the sexism, the past.
I think a lot of guys ARE THAT SIMPLE, and they honestly want that.
Sorry, don't kill the messenger, OK?

[Leavesbound]

It is not that we are not complex. It is that we do not usually communicate in a complex manner with lots of things between the lines and lots of hidden meanings. One of the most frustrating things for a man is hearing a woman ask "Yes but what do you really mean?" If I say "red" I mean red not "green."

[Diaforos22]

Well I don't mean that what do you really mean question. But I see a lot of guys who just don't say what they want to say, whether it's because they are insecure or afraid or don't care. Like guys that will tag you along and say what you want to hear because they don't wanna be lonely or want sex

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

If the chemistry is there from the beginning, then it doesn't make much difference whether the girl is direct right away, or whether she plays games and plays hard to get. There's probably something to be said for reserving a little bit of mystery, to increase the sexual tension and make for a more exciting "release". But pretending to be flat out uninterested just kills any chemistry that was there, and only weak-minded men will stick around for a woman who actively kills off chemistry. Flirtation and chemistry and connection should be reciprocal, otherwise what's the point?

[HawkPerception]

I'm gonna be a little arrogant and say it... I'm a lot more honest than the average person. I always told my ex where I was at all times as soon as I changed locations. I let them know who I was with. I told them what I was doing. I always speak my mind whether it's negative or positive. I keep things real and I appreciate people that are just as honest with me. I hate all the fakeness and cloak and dagger out there nowadays. If something's on your mind, say it. If you're interested, show it or I'm out. I'm not gonna give attention to someone that clearly isn't into me. On to better things. Maybe some guys are into that, but I'd say they're lower IQ and just chasing for the P.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I don't want to chase, if I have to persue I give up, I like when she chases me instead though.

I hate mystery in relationships/dating. I want to know every last minute detail about a person to know if I should be their SO or not, and I want the info as quickly as possible.

I wan't to know how she feels about me as quickly as possible as well.

If I know I "caught" a girl as my girlfriend, I put in a lot more effort, not less.

Girls who play hard to get I lose interest in and ignore, I take it as her not being interested in me and move on.

I want a very direct girl, to the point of being adorably blunt.

The only thing I tend to drag out is proving she is the type she says she is, because it seems impossible to do in a short period of time.

[Anonymous]

Men are simpler than most women can believe.

On the very very rare occasion when a girl actually listens to the advice of men and starts downgrading her idea of how complex men are... she finds that they are absurdly simple and her relationships with all the men in her life improve. I've seen it before. Doubtless I will again.

There will always be those girls who hear this and go "Can't possibly be true". They will continue to get annoyed and frustrated and wonder why men make no sense to them.

The few rare girls who get it.. they know. We are simpler than you are prepared to believe.

[RingOfFire]

I liked and agreed with everything up until you said you would block people who didn't stick to the topic. It's better to let people speak.

I think everything you said is right. Men are natural hunters. They like the hunt, and the competitive game.

Usually, it's a kind of a turnoff if the girl approaches me. Makes me feel (subconsciously) that maybe she isn't worth the hunt. It's best when you are at least a little (but not too) hard to get. A challenge, but not downright impossible. You have to at least give clues you are interested otherwise the hunter gives up the hunt. Have to strike that balance.

Yes, men are every bit as complicated as women, but in different ways.

[rievious]

You sound very intelligent. Not with you're words but with your observation.

Yes as a guy I like both. Somedays are better than others and I mean on days when I come home and am tired I don't want a girlfriend who is playing hard to get (ignore the implied gender sterotype). I like a balance between the personalities. Reminds me why I wanted us to become a couple in the first place. She would be so clever to know when that attitude would be best. It would make me so happy... so yes we are that simple... unless your point is to be that girl is hard to reach making it an unrealistic goal a woman needs to meet, then no I guess our expectations are too high and we should lower the bar.

[Anonymous]

Everyone has their own pattern, men tend to follow a basic pattern that other men get and is simple. Women follow their own pattern, compared to men by men it seems complex, but to women simple and women understand each other better. To woman who don't understand man's basic pattern it is complex, but for the few men with their own pattern it can be even more challenging. Women who are more acquainted with the basic pattern aren't prepared for mine. Some women do things expected it to work, but not because I have my own pattern. A woman I am getting to know seems to understand, but most don't. I follow the bro code for some things, but ultimately my guidance is from the Bible.

[Nikola321]

Well yeah it's true, guys (not all ofc) do think that it's a man's job to approach first and try hard to get the girl and all that, but there's def a solid amount that wants a girl to make some moves too :D
Personally, I would like a girl that puts as much effort as I do, but that's cuz I'm shy and ngl, a little clumsy and insecure about that stuff :D

[sensible27]

People who really see that "thing" in you, will like you and maybe want to be around you even if you don't "make them" chase you. Someone who values their time (andmaybeyourstoo?) wouldn't really want to play a "game" and it could be a turn off. You have to maybe find that someone who really understands you, "if you've to play the game you've already lost"

[FilmGuy93]

Men are really simple…. Let me put it to you like this; I have never met a single guy in my entire life that wants to play the games you are talking about with girls. Every single one hates that shit with a passion. Guys play those games because being straight up with women doesn’t work.

[Twalli]

I DON'T chase. You want to run, I won't follow. Tell me exactly what you mean or want. If you want to be mysterious, it will be a mystery. You can play games, I can lose interest. If I want to be with you I will do it. If you pretend indifference, then I will go after someone who doesn't. I would prefer a girl asks me to be her boyfriend first, I don't have to guess anymore.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

Amen brotha!