Why are married men so miserable?

Question

I've met a lot of men who are miserable who blamed it on being married. One man told me to never get married.

Shiningtempest · Accepted Answer

@heartache0405 I suspect some married me are miserable due to their wife having an affair or being manipulative.

jahaims · Accepted Answer

Because they get tricked and the consequences of leaving are worse than staying.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

People who are miserable complain to whoever will listen. People who are happy bask in the glow. It's easier to hear grumpy old men bitching than it is to hear happy old men being happy.

Moose304 · Answer

I would be more comfortable writing this if the question was why are married PEOPLE so miserable? At 63 I have been an adult for over 40 years. I can look back at people and situations and am left with some thoughts on this. At its heart, I believe people get married way too soon in the western world. The last part of a human to develop is their wisdom. For the average person, this does not fully develop until the 40s. I'm not saying hold off getting married until you are 40 something. I'm saying 18 - 26 is not a time to be getting married. It's a time to explore the world around you and get an education. Notice I did not say school. I said education. Learn a trade. Just something that you can earn a living with. Then settle down. However, people don't do this. Male and female both. Then over time, they come to see they never really loved this person and this is when all the BS starts. By this time there are kids, house payments, car payments, and things like revolving credit payments. You can't afford to get a divorce. It's really pathetic too because these small kids are smarter than you might think. They see this crap and will grow into thinking it's how it's done. One last thing about divorce. ONLY the Attorney is the real winner. I see a Family Law attorney some. She also does a lot of real estate law too. In 2020 she made a bit over $120,000 JUST from handling divorces. THIS is what I mean by winning!

Anonymous · Answer

I think that in a lot of cases the woman changes after marriage. Or changes the way she acts towards her husband.

For example when they’re boyfriend/girlfriend she’s more happy and positive, they have regular sex, good times.

They get married and over time she becomes less positive. She begins to nag more, become more argumentative, basically shows him less respect. The sex isn’t the same, and it becomes less frequent.

Women will say to each other “don’t be a wife to a boyfriend”, as in don’t treat a boyfriend as well as you would a husband - wait until he puts a ring on it before you do. This would make perfect sense if that was what they did, and if they did guys would be much more willing to get married, and married men would be more happy. That’s just not what happens.

I think that it’s partly about power for the woman. When they’re boyfriend/girlfriend, if she starts to act in a disrespectful manner regularly he might leave. Thus the woman will avoid doing that too much if she wants to stay. But once they’re husband and wife she knows she has him by the balls and related to the above point now she feels like she’s entitled to nag, be disrespectful, tell the guy what to do. And he just feels stuck, plus nobody gives a shit about over-bearing wives the way they would over-bearing husbands.

BCA6010 · Answer

Every unhappily married guy I know who falls into that group has a basically worthless wife who doesn't really contribute anything to the household except for blowing the husband's money on (often frivolous) crap. They usually dont have kids either, and frankly probably shouldn't in a toxic household.

There's an inverse group too but frankly I know a lot fewer of them. In either case, they're usually miserable because they rushed into marriage over superficial qualities with disregard for the long term.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Most married men I met are not miserable and many marriages lasted decades. Some portion are miserable and I've met a few and a few who divorced. They didn't know how hard it would be to live with their spouse on a day to day basis.

It's due to emotional conflicts, needs, stress between two human beings in a close setting. We can all handle some stress and stress is good to change, but too much and we breakdown.

It's work to understand, to change, and both sides just want to feel good. We all need better training in youth, limit emotional damage by way of established values that worked for eons, and support.

sage2021 · Answer

I believe you might be surprised one day and meet someone, fall in love, and feel like something is missing if she's not around. I have said this before on here - find someone you can laugh with, have a good sense of humor with each other, use your good manners with each other, be polite to one another. There was this elderly couple on tv being interviewed because they were still married after 65 years. They said it was to always hav a good sense of humor about things. Sometimes it's the little things that I mentioned that could make all the difference. I hope you find your special someone one day, and you won't want to live without her. ☮️

CuddlyCarla · Answer

I'm admittedly not married, but I've also known many men and women who were happy in their marriages. I tend to think that you get out of things what you put into them. If you go into marriage with the mindset that it sucks and you'll be miserable, it will probably be a self-fulfilling prophecy because you've already set that tone. Having been the product of divorce it's easy for me to not romanticize marriage, but if I'm honest I have several examples of happy marriages in both my family and in the world of my friends, so I know they are absolutely possible. I'm not in a rush, but I also know every couple and situation is different. People blame all sorts of things for their misery. There are plenty of people who aren't married and miserable too, just as there are single folks like me who are happy. Being miserable is usually the result of many choices, not just one.

Not_Average · Answer

Most married men I know are happy. Those who aren’t are not committed enough to the marriage, and therefore emotionally check out of it to a degree. This creates that stagnant misery you see. The moment you start saying to yourself “I won’t bring this up because I don’t want to fight or deal with it” is the moment you start to build resentment and distance. When that happens, your wife will become more controlling and disrespectful. Want to have a more fulfilling marriage and relationship with your wife? Help shape her to be the best version of herself. Be proactive rather than just coping. Most women are rather mailable with their flaws. They just need a leader to goad them in the right direction.

Vegasrunner · Answer

This is an EZ but unpopular answer. Marriage has more value to women than men. For women marriage is the culmination of a life long fantasy and signifies a personal achievement. Women tend to have more choices than men so their "choice" of a groom is usually made after carefully vetting While most men whether they admit it or not get married for 3 reasons. 1) The're young and don't believe they can do better so they want to "lock it down" and their so concerned about losing her that they never really ask themselves she is right for them. 2) They're dating the same girl for a long time and give into societal pressure. 3) They get a girl pregnant and feel the need to "do the right thing" When you add in the fact that men tend to give up more when they get married it's no surprise most Married men are miserable.

Anonymous · Answer

Whenever someone tells you they're miserable it's rarely the result of a single thing. You have to do some detective work to really sort out what's going on. Here are a few places to look in this case:

1) They're miserable because they're older than they were when they weren't married
2) They're miserable because they're having trouble balancing raising kids (if they have them) with work and the rest of life
3) Their relationship with their wife sucks
4) They have economic problems
5) They are sexually unsatisfied
6) They're having issues with their inlaws

Next, you have to sort out how much of the problem they have is something they're directly responsible for and can change if they work on it.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Generally most men today marry the wrong woman. Prior generations men loved and supported marriage... they also married young submissive virgins. But hey y'all are the ones trying to fix something that never was broken to begin with. Its not mens job to marry a feminist slut and then hope it works.

Leonharted · Answer

A lot of guys think that nothing will change after marriage. A lot of girls think everything will change after marriage. Both are wrong, and those misconceptions can absolutely wreck things for a couple.

As an example, I had a friend who got married to "lock her down." She got married thinking it would magically sort out his drinking problem. He didn't stop drinking, and she didn't stay loyal.

dustybiker · Answer

It takes two to make a marriage work. Those that bitch and complain have not accepted contributing their half of the problem. You can’t work through tough days when in denial.

Anonymous · Answer

Marriage is like your life or dream. Just because your life is SHIT, doesn't mean it is life's fault... How you have a good marriage is by having a marriage vision and working toward that vision with a partner that is also working toward that vision with you.

You don't have a good marriage by just hoping and wishing it works out for the best... Do you do that in life? No, so why would you do that in marriage?
You need a vision.
You define your marriage; don't let life and society tell you marriage is when you include the government or that it is this or that. You get to decide. Stop being a follower and make your own marriage. Decide what the hell you want and stop bitching about it like a little bitch named heartache. @heartache0405

Anonymous · Answer

Women benefit from marriage most, free food, housing, money, higher social status. Somehow it's men's fault too, marrying broke or low-status women. Plus you can get a nagging wife who emotionally abuses you, husbands can be abusive but women have outlets to drain them, married men somehow are most unhappy (Which shouldn't be) and tend to commit suicide most than other groups. Plus you can't ever divorce a bad wife without going on the streets as courts always favor women.

Wester1967 · Answer

It's legalized slavery basically. Hidden behind a bunch of faux romantic BS. Gynocrats protected by really corrupt divorce laws that give 1/2 of a man's assets to a 304 for zero reason except her gender. Crazy.

ally018 · Answer

I think some men feel that their freedom has been taken away when they marry their spouse. This generally comes from starting a family and gaining responsibility they weren’t prepared for.

MzAsh · Answer

I believe many marry the wrong person but don't realize it until it's too late.

AviatorTom · Answer

Being married to someone is not easy. Most men are not "miserable", they just have good days and bad days, and some of the bad days are really hard on them. by the way, same thing for women.

Ld775 · Answer

there's really no benefit for a guy to get married, and its a huge legal ordeal to get out of once you're there.

HighValue · Answer

Because if the relationship ends up being bad, they can't leave without losing half of their stuff.

Anonymous · Answer

Do women get married to make a man happy? Ever hear a woman talk about making her husband happy?

sumynonA · Answer

I'm 36. Most of my friends are married with children. I know a few marriages where one of the spouse is miserable. Every one of them points out that the partner changed dramatically after the wedding, eg she got fat and unattractive or he started drinking a lot sitting on a couch.

So, I think the cause lies in change in partner's behaviour, not marriage itself.

sheikalana · Answer

maybe they never wanted to get married in the first place and probably felt pressured to do it.

JSmuve · Answer

Because the women they're married to are unable or unwilling to satisfy their emotional needs.

jshm2 · Answer

They were just weak willed men. Ignore those assholes.

exitseven · Answer

Marriage is like everything else in life. It is what you make it.

emperor90 · Answer

Because they dont get many chances to do things with friends

Mangospacho · Answer

Not all of us are miserable. Some of us are quite happy.

genericname85 · Answer

well they obviousy are not leading a good marriage xD always consider their perspective and that their perspective may come from their own fuckups.

Anonymous · Answer

Duh. They got married.  how do you think does marriage benefit men and why most men either don't care about getting married or don't want to get married?

Seangreen · Answer

Because as soon as you get married you just acquired a nagging wife

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Because life isn’t easy and some guys blame others for their hardships

AddictofLove · Answer

Because getting married is like getting parasites attached to you.

malwins · Answer

they are just seeking attention, they are not stuck in their marriages

This_Is_My_Opinion8 · Answer

We are not. Actually statistically speaking married men are happier than single men.

noohair · Answer

I was happy for about 10 of my 26 year marriage.

Hangry06 · Answer

They don't mean it

LegendaryIcon · Answer

my dads not

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