Do you think men can be too young and immature to understand marriage?

Question

If a guy is under 30, in love, and consequently decides to get married. Do you think he could be emotionally just too immature to understand the implications of marriage and fight for his relationship? And walking away would be a very easy solution for him?

Or do you think age has nothing to do with it?

DaySpring · Accepted Answer

@alyssa_11 No but it can correlate but there is no inherent correlation. The problem is the awareness. If a marriage doesn't work it is because of 1 of 2 things. I always say this.
1) One of them or both didn't have an attractive/pleasing personality (a personality that doesn't repel/ that works well with others in a situations)
- If people can't find solutions to problems in a state of harmony... They're doomed.
- On top of that a repelling personality causes problems that shouldn't even exist
2) There was no clear joint, agreed upon vision ever created. Sounds like that guy finally started to think of what he wanted and realized he made a mistake... But if they had sat down and did that before marriage they would have realize that way sooner.

You have to create a joint vision before marriage to even know you two are a good long-term fit. You can both have an attractive/pleasing personality but if you want different things out of the relationship... ie kid vs no kids... That isn't a good fit. Thus you need to create a joint vision before marriage.

It really is that simple. Now you have to also get understand how to realize the vision. That is another thing most people have never been taught.

Basically you have 99% of people out there winging it. Why? Because they have never been taught any better.

It's a lot more than that but that is the base. There is more stuff like setting up bi-weekly mastermind meetings to discuss things going well and things that need a solution. Things that you want to add to the already established vision. That's where you can really dig in and talk about the vision and an organize, orderly, and heavenly manner. You must have rules and a culture for the meeting. Look I got a whole philosophy made. It's too much to type out on a comment.

My main point is most people just are out there winging it no matter the age. Winging it.

Rant: Like for instance, people say there is no book on raising kids. YES THERE IS! You simply need to understand what raising means. We can take the basic meaning even. To raise. Rise. Grow. How do humans grow? Humans grow intellectually, emotionally, physically, and in awareness. So you must grow them in those ways. What does it mean to grow. To learn. Growing or learning means you take something and make it apart of you aka habit. You want to raise a successful man or woman... Help with develop winning habits. It is that simple. Obviously you have to get them to buy in but there is also methods by which to do that. I've used the methods on myself. Auto-suggestion is one. Every time I think about Samuel Adams and the founding fathers now I cry. They were some special men. What they did. I want to be more like them. Loyal and brave. Make those traits habit. When I learned it in school I didn't cry and didn't care. What changed? I studied it over and over and over and over and glorified it over and over and over. You must inspire. You must glorify good. That is how you get someone to do something. You must also find their motives and find how certain winning habits relate to their desires.

The problem is as a society we glorify bad and mediocrity. It's cool to smoke and drink and be rude. I've never drank or smoked. That's pretty rare... That shouldn't be rare. We gotta study and understand and grow the awareness. We can't just bring kids into this world and not have a plan. I could never do that to my future kids. That would break my heart. I'm ranting at this point.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

To really say for sure , I can’t really give you a valid answer , but from my own personal experiences , I was married at the age of 25 , and at that time I wanted marriage and believed in marriage and thought I married a girl that wanted the same as me to come to find out after years of being together and having kids together , she let her selfishness take the best of her and started feeling like she was missing out on things , She started making her friends her main priority and I just turned into a room mate that she came to when it was convenient for her , when I would express my feelings of concern she would distant herself more from me and kept telling me I was being insecure , I wasn’t insecure I just knew things weren’t the same and my gut instincts told me something was off , the affection dies down the intimacy I felt like a constant punching bag but I tolerated it cuz I loved our family and believed in marriage to find out she was being up to no good and having an affair with a co worker , that was my final straw and I ended the marriage , after I moved on from her I started dating again , and from my own personal experiences with girls , most girls are very selfish and only really care about themselves , A girl will make me feel bad for loving her and respecting her so I don’t tolerate girls like that anymore, I do t cheat but I will make it clear to her that I have no problem walking away if she can’t give me what I am giving her then it’s a waste of time But sadly that attracts most girls being a bad boy , Girls love a guy with confidence because girls can easily be selfish and are great at lying, So if true love really exists good luck finding it these days , I feel social media has destroyed relationships big time , My ex was inseparable with me for a long time u til she got her ass on Facebook and Instagram and that’s when things all went down hill , My thing is I don’t commit to be single and it seems most girls today do. And then wonder why they end up single. Sad world we live in

Xoxocutekitty · Accepted Answer

I don't think age has to do with it. Life experience and an ability to reach some success (compared to what they grew up with) is key though.

A man doesn't need a degree to be hardworking or loyal. A man with a cushy degree working at a mechanic shop will likely snub his nose at where he is in life, instead of the young man who started at 16, and slowly started his own business at 22.

The second knows the value of merit and growth, the first will llikely fly off to Bali because he hasn't reached achieved growth up to his own metric of success.

There are plenty of young men who are intimated by marriage, but they is because they haven't found the direction of who they want to be. You can't get married, promising everything until you know who you are and where you're headed

shaysh87 · Accepted Answer

No. You can't make such broad general assumptions about entire populations of men completely just based on age. From my experience observing people through the years, if you marry the right person, regardless at whatever age you chose to marry, you will have a successful long-term marriage. Vast majority of guys in their early 20s are too immature and typically don't want a relationship. Its not until their mid to late 20s when they finally develop a genuine desire to date. I can't say this for all guys in their early 20s but most.

aWes0MeNeSs · Answer

Depends on the guy, of course. Everyone matures at different ages.

But what I really want to know is, why did G@G put a picture of a guy holding a cute Teddy bear on this question? Nothing immature at all about being cuddly and liking stuffed animals!

Anonymous · Answer

I've actually had the opposite experience. Before I met my husband I was dating a guy 5 years older than me. However, he was fairly immature and selfish. He didn't help out in the relationship, he never opened up emotionally, never considered what I wanted before making decisions, often was only interested in sex (which made me a lot less interested in sex), and (although he never said it) I think he really hated the fact I had 2 daughters. He was clearly far too immature to understand marriage.
A little under a year latter I did something I never thought I'd do: date a guy 15 years younger. At first I assumed I'd basically be dating a little immature boy. However, I quickly found out that wasn't the case. He was actually very sweet, considerate, committed, emotionally vulnerable, thought of me as more than a sex object (which made me want sex with him even more), and he was very considerate/supportive of the fact I put my daughters first. He is very mature and A+ marriage material (at least in my book).
We dated for about a year, and then I found out I was pregnant (with twin boys). When I told him he was super happy. We got married. I LOOOOVE being married to him. I'm SUPER glad that I got pregnant with his babies and not with my ex's babies.
Bottom line: age isn't always an indication of maturity or readiness for marriage. A guy can be older and still too immature/unread for marriage. A guy can be quite a bit younger while being super mature and very ready for marriage. I know that from life experience

Investigator · Answer

"fight for his relationship", this is like when women play "hard to get" because of some misguided "wisdom" that "high maintenance = high value". "Hard to get" is supposed to mean the guy or girl has to get on the other person's level. It does not mean "put up a bunch of arbitrary barriers, to see how much bullsh*t they are willing to tolerate, in the name of 'professing their love'." I don't know what happened in the last couple of years or even maybe the last decade, but a lot of women really do believe that their potential suitors have to prove themselves as "worthy". A common refrain in mens' dating circles is "you can't negotiate attraction": if the couple has to "reach a deal" before some kind of relationship is built, it's already failed. If I have to prove myself to a woman before she finds me desirable, it ain't worth the effort. Pass.

"He initiated the divorce because he realised he didn’t want this anymore... Comes as a shock because they were very in love."

It sounds like "while he was enthralled with her, he had an epiphany that the 'good times' were over". "In love" and "divorced" aren't mutually-exclusive, it's more probable that he simply realized she wasn't good for him, even if he still wanted her.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

I don’t know his situation. But it’s not tied to men being less mature than women. I think two people can be in love but when it comes down to actually living together they don’t co-exist well in the same environment. Chemistry and connection alone don’t necessarily make for a super committed relationship. There is so much more in a dynamic of a relationship that need to be worked on.. compromised and compromised again and again to be successful.
In that case, he probably didn’t see her being someone that could be livable with. Either because she isn’t the homemaker he thought she was, or some habits that turned him off. I’ll tell you want, he was brave brave enough to end it, instead of drag her along, make her suffer and miserable and probably end up cheating on her. Which would have made life worse for him.
Therefore, we need to evaluate from his perspective and from hers what he perceived to be unlivable and why she wasn’t worthy of being married to by him. She isn’t to blame, not at all, but there was something there that he knew would make hard to stay.
Feel sorry for her, but I commend him for not making the situation worse by dragging it out. He is much better off, and so is she.

DaveJord · Answer

Honestly, I am sure about just men... I think people in general have a misconception about marriage as a whole. I agree that divorce should be a last resort... but honestly for me I think marriage should be a last resort. Honestly, marriage is about the worst finical invest one could make. If you in a good relationship with some and its strong and powerful, then you already have all the benefits of marriage and with legal protections under the law. Once you get married you lose legal protection of your assets and have to live under with finical liabilities potentially for life.

FrenchGirl2 · Answer

My sister is married and has a child and she is less than 30, she'll be in June. They got married at 26 years old and her now husband had a crush on her just by seeing her on pictures (they met through a friend). But my dad got married at 32, he was taken by medical school and also wasn't serious. It really depends on the guy and the woman. I'm sure your friend did nothing wrong! Maybe they rushed a bit and I thought too late that he wasn't ready. Marriage isn't something to take slightly. You must be sure of your decision, feelings and your relationship with your partner family. When a relationship gets serious and the eventuality of marriage is implied I think that a serious conversation is important. Share your aspirations, big family? What if your baby has a detected disability? And a lot of subjects like that. So if a guy can't even handle a conversation like that it's a bad sign. Really it depends on the level of maturity of both parts

TheMajesticKing777 · Answer

Age has nothing to do with it because I'm 20 and I know the complications of marriage, I have observed my parents marriage very closely and it's not perfect but patience plays a big part and I think that's where many people fuck up, lack of patience and miscommunication both ruin marriages and are the biggest problems that cause so many marriages to fall apart, lust won't even let people get married, that falls apart before marriage unless they rush into it.

Also understanding where a person fucks up is also a problem, many people feel like they do nothing wrong and can't accept it and clearly people can't be together if one can't accept their faults. That's what I learned from observations

Anonymous · Answer

Not all, but sure specific guys who jump into marriage with rose colored glasses on (and of course this applies to women too). You see it all the time where the couple is just focused on the early lust of it all or everything is perfect, but life pops up and they can't handle it. Covid for example, tested a lot of couples and how strong they really were when they had to spend all day with each other for months. You also see it when it comes to major life things like money, children, religious belief, where you're going to live---if you never ask these questions before the marriage and find out a major incompatibility after the fact that one is not prepared to bend on, you can't survive that unless you fight and they may not want to so they leave.

lucas262 · Answer

I think both genders can.

I think people today play hook up, and live together pretending to be married. Saying I looove you baby love love love.

They don't know what it means. One day you'll wake up and the hardest thing to do may be look that person in the eye that's when love is a choice not a feeling.

Man once said , I didn't love your mother. I liked her, I liked her a lot but I didn't love your mother till well after I'd married her.

I never forgot that.

You pick someone with no back ups options gradually upping the Anni as you go. You each gradually earn better investment from the other. EARN.

Your both in deep now

Everyone including me, sees marriage as a box full of things we think we need not remembering the box is empty. You fill it on day one.

Anonymous · Answer

Regardless of gender (some women are no better!), there can be many different factors, and this COULD be one of them, nor maybe have nothing to do with it. Sometimes there's nothing to "fight" for. Example you know when most women decide a relationship is over, it's done in their minds right because it's not something they've just decided probably, they've been thinking about it for a LONG time. So when the decision is finally made, there's often no going back for them. So that's what I mean by that. Guys can feel that way also.

hi_it_is_me123 · Answer

This is bs which was created by irresponsible boys with pedo tendencies who dont want to take any responsibility period. In my culture it is very common that everyone marries young. Why do i dont see this bs? Does this only happen to western men? Such men should not want a young woman when they become old motherfuckers who who f around aka waste their best years/youth but then want a young inexperienced woman.

Apple1996 · Answer

Doesn't matter the age but a real man will happily get married and stick around and not walk away when things get tough

KingofCups · Answer

Your implying that marriage requires maturity but that's not true because lots of young stupid people get married. Of course many people of my generation are consciously choosing not to marry or have children so they can enjoy a life free of excessive responsibility, financial strain, commitment, etc. I for instance want to travel the world, learn languages, fight mma, go to all the best night clubs and dj sets on the planet. With a life of leisure, personal development and sexual freedom, I'm not in the least tempted to get married, have a wife, family or kids.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

I think that age has nothing to do with it, it's all about the person and his beliefs, what he's willing to do, his upbringing and also if he's ready emotionally and financially to hold responsibilities... etc

Since i was 19, i had the same views and same wishes and now i'm 36 and haven't changed except that now i can handle things in a better way and became wiser...

Seinna · Answer

Anyone could be at any age, regardless of their sex... also, some people are just low intelligence but not yet retarded to the point of not being able to participate in society.

Even if girls mature faster, after a certain age those things even themselves out... that said, people nowadays act childish for much longer than they did in the past.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

What's to understand? You find some bimbo that you think is really pretty and sexy, you fuck her brains out for a while, marry her, maybe she spits out a few units (if she sticks around long enough), then she gets a divorce because she doesn't like your underwear or you told her best friend that she has pretty eyes and you lose half your stuff and possibly the kids and spend the rest of her life sending her half your pay! It's like going to an INCREDIBLY expensive whore house with a buy now/pay later policy.

monorprise · Answer

Anyone who leaves a marriage simply because they decided they didn't want it anymore never honestly entered into that marriage, or has betrayed it thereafter.

This man should be condemned, as a lier, immaturity is not an excuse. His family and frankly the state should force him to honor his vows.

Rtjulie · Answer

I think that’s hardly limited to only half the population, or even predominantly found in a single gender! I don’t think marriage is for everyone…but I don’t see that being a very common opinion. Being single because that’s what makes you happy should be a viable option, but all too often I see people get married because that’s what they’re expected to do. If the expectations were simply “do what makes you happy, because you know yourself best”, I think we’d all be better off. As it is though, I think lots of people believe marriage is the only right answer and the only path for them, and make bad decisions that they’re not mature enough to handle.

Lionman95 · Answer

I don´t think it´s about physical age but about his maturity level and the capacity of his understanding of life. I know many guys that got married under 30 and respectable and responsible fathers. But at the same time I think it´s true that a guy could be immature probably not too young but also not ready for a relationship.

Honesttguy · Answer

I understood not to get married very early in life.

But for guys who do want to get married yeah that is very sign of lack of understanding and immaturity right there.

He became mature and divorced that right there is sign of understanding and maturity.

Do you think men can be too young and immature to understand marriage?

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