What do you think about arranged marriages?

[Babygirl_S]

I detest them.

Updates

1 y

They are not always forced but the partner is selected based on shallow things like looks, money, caste/social status without finding out about the kind of person they are.

[WonderBell99]

Never been a fan of them

I'm aware that not all arranged marriages are forced, but there is a lot of pressure on both the sides to make a decision. In many conservative families, even the "courtship" period is not there. I think South Asian parents should respect their child's decision on whether they want arranged marriages or not.

Why does it even exist? I thought the "caste" system was abolished in India? Unless it is for "upholding" familial "status", arranged marriages are largely unnecessary. The only reason they are successful is because divorce is stigmatized in South Asian cultures. It is frowned upon and well, couples are mechanical and are just married to satisfy their families. Are most of them even in love on their wedding day?

It's perfectly fine for those who want arranged marriages or unsuccessful in the dating arena, but other than that, I don't like the idea of pressurizing them into marrying someone the family wants.

We don't know what goes behind closed doors, but I guess a lot of those couples put on a "happily married for over (enter the number of years)" farce

Then again, many people enter into an arranged marriage with low expectations, but those "partner shocks" are still there. You don't know the true colors of your partner until you've married them which is also a huge con.. so besides satisfying your conservative family's wishes, I don't really see any pros here.

The core concept of arranged marriages is similar to blind dates, but rooted in deep racism and casteism which I abhor. Besides, sexual compatibility also plays a huge role. How would they know if their partner is sexually compatible with them? Sex spices up marriage and is essential for a healthy one.

Arranged marriages are simply not suitable for most, in this day and age.

[Babygirl_S]

They're not always forced but the partner is selected based on his looks, money and caste/social status. Nothing is done to find out more about his character. Divorces don't happen as people see it as a failure in life (I also see it that way). I don't like the concept of selecting someone without knowing the kind of person they are as that's the most important thing. No one can tolerate a good-looking rich guy if he is a horrible person.

[WonderBell99]

Exactly!

I completely agree with you. A lot of women get into these marriages because their families said so and THEY are the ones who suffer with their abusive husbands, (of course, not all husbands are abusive and sometimes the couple are just not compatible with each other). In many cases, I don't see the families doing anything to support their own daughters/sisters.

[Spongeboblol]

I really believe only me who can recognize if this person really fits me sexually, physically, financially, emotionally not beased on my parents' tastes , because they have undergone different experience, we have different body , diff sexual mechanism, etc. I dint believe , love will follow if friends have lived togwther although no feeling at first. Thats totally weird. Maybe some women can feel that as they are emotional based humans but me as a tomboy girl, i really knows who i want since we meet for the 1st time, no one can give you conclusion when you have put a period at the beginning. You are the masterpiece of your own not your own parents

[Passing_by]

Very risky but sometimes I feel like it saves a lot of trouble. 'test driving a car before you buy it' and stuff like that creates lot of confusion among people who want to enjoy their lives yet expect to get married/escalate to something serious.
Getting too close in relationships without marriage have many a times resulted in divorces. Dunno what's the specific reason behind it but it has happened a lot.
Lastly, relationships, even the most serious ones are always open to end without work like divorce. Makes people think it's easier to be in a relationship and leave than marry and divorce in case you don't get along too well. As good as it might be but it also leads partners to leave each other on very smallest mistakes/matters of incompatibility.

But then again, these are just my thoughts and what I learnt. I still don't think arrange marriage could work for me but I don't think it's as bad as people make it.

[ArrowheadSW]

Here in the US, arranged marriages are NOT common at all. I've known people from other cultures where it is common. But really don't see any reason for it. I don't see any real happiness in it. From the looks of it, it is just fulfilling the desires of the parents on each side, without regard to how the man and woman feel about each other. There are exceptions, but they are rare. Overall I see it as an unhappy arrangement.

[nice-girl]

We get attracted to the wrong people who end up hurting us. Arranged marriages are done on common values from people who know both people and families and work as matchmakers.

[ArrowheadSW]

@nice-girl Where you live, how well does this work out? Are people happy with this? Anyway I'm not convinced that parents know, or can tell, if two young adults are compatible or have common interests. However if where you live, it works out well, that is great!

[nice-girl]

General opinion is against it for the young people

[htmndg183]

I've given up on love marriage after having my heart broken. Arranged marriage is my only option. Its only bad if its forced. Its ok as long as its myself being introduced to my potential spouse and getting to know her and ultimately deciding if we wish to go ahead it with. Obvs my parents want the best me. Its just an ordeal I'll have to go through. If we vibe, we vibe. Simple as that.

[Adam1978]

Might work for awkward people, one less thing for them to try to solve. It's really about the attitude you enter a relationship that tells how good it will be.

[Redhead999]

I volunteer in a women's shelter we get a lot of girls fleeing arranged marraiges or from being forced into an arranged marraige usually to a cousin.

[htmndg183]

Thats awful. They give arranged marriage a bad name when they try to force it. I'll be getting married via the arranged marriage route. Simply because i want to get married and haven't been able to find a partner on my own. I'll just be introduced to a woman who is also looking to get married. After spending a fair amount of time if we feel this is right then we'll move forward, otherwise it won't happen.

[Kaneki05]

Call it by what it is, Forced Marriages. And of course I don't agree with them.

[Kaneki05]

Arranged marriage is a type of marital union where the bride and groom are selected by individuals other than the couple themselves. Therefore this is pressured and forced by someone else. If one wants to argue it's just pressured not forced we can dig deep into the semantics of how psychological they lead to the same manipulation to minor differences to the point one could call pressure been forced. But there is tons of basic research one could do into how pressure forces one into things that anyone could easily understand.
Then If someone decides to marry on there own will just for money reasons that's just called marriage since they chose to do it themselves whether you consider that "Not proper" or "Shallow" reason to marry or not.

[Guy13]

Yes, this is how things are there. Why don’t you get to a Western location? What’s your skill set?

[SlangSlayer]

Seemed to work society was better. And women didn't complain about can't find a good man.

[Redhead999]

Can you imagine being forced to marry your cousin like in 3rd world shitholes like Pakistan

[Grond21]

I think they can work sometimes, but the vast majority of time they do not work very well

[nice-girl]

I think it’s the opposite. I think they work most of the time because they are based on shared values.

[Grond21]

I suppose it depends on what we keen by 'work' then.
What definition are you using?

[nice-girl]

I mean not facing a “cultural shock” that people who come from very different families might face. And not sabotaging each other.

[Grond21]

That cultural shock can be a big thing, I agree. So not having it as an obstacle to your marriage is really nice. And not sabotaging each other is also very important.

But there has to be more to it than that, no? Because friends don't sabotage each other. Business partners don't sabotage each other. Neither do family members. So just because there isn't sabotage doesn't mean it's a successful marriage, it just means there isn't really bad relating. So in your estimation what makes it work as a marriage?

[nice-girl]

In addition to shared values, polarity between the genders

[Grond21]

Both of those are really good. The first is essential, and the second gives the relationship life.

[Grond21]

But haven't you seen marriages where those aspects are present, and yet the marriage is falling apart?

[nice-girl]

I don’t know why it could be

[Grond21]

Because they don't respect each other

[Rizwan_khan]

I don't like at all love is better we can understand eachother at good level.

[Zygum]

In India, Pakistan and Arab countries, the arranged marriage is considered most successful, and it is true also

[Redhead999]

Well if you can't escape it is...

[Zygum]

@Redhead999, it is proved, the successful marriage, very less rate of divorce

[Redhead999]

Of course when women aren't allowed to divorce and are the property of their husbands. Orif they try to leave the police take them back to their husband. I volunteer in a women's shelter we take in a lot of girls and women from pakistan, India and the middle east fleeing arranged marraiges usually to their cousin.

[Kaneki05]

"Very less of divorce" no shit sherlock that's because there not allowed too lmao.

[Zygum]

@Redhead999 those girls are living in UK, USA and Europe, effected by culture of that country, but not in India, Pakistan or Middle East

[WonderBell99]

@zygum It is quite self evident why those countries have low divorce rates. Divorce is frowned upon and they will most likely be shunned by their own families for getting out of an unhappy marriage.

Low divorce rates =/= happy marriage.

[WonderBell99]

@zygum Oh, please. We all know how regressive India, Pakistan and other Arab countries are.

[Redhead999]

We know how women are treated in Pakistan. We know how Pakistani men view women, they think its perfectly normal to gang rape women.

[WonderBell99]

@Redhead999 I don't think ALL men are the same. I would not say that, but they are conservative countries where women are largely not safe.

[WonderBell99]

(I meant, not all men are the same, so do not generalize them. There are good men out there)

[Redhead999]

@WonderBell99 this is true. There's for instance a problem in Pakistan with homeless boys being gang raped. Watched a Pakistani documentary on it. For instance a bus driver would stop his bus if he saw a young homeless boy and all the passengers who are all male (because women aren't safe to be on buses in Pakistan) get off the bus and gang rape the poor boy. Surveys done say that 2 in 3 Pakistanis don't see this as a crime or even wrong.

[WonderBell99]

@Redhead999 Yikes. That is terrifying. Poor lad. I hope he got therapy and is doing much better.

I have some Pakistani friends and they are all liberal. I reckon they have views similar to ours. I guess it's only among the uneducated folks that such nonsense is prevalent.

[Redhead999]

@WonderBell99 well there's a reason people leave these countries. The only problem is when they take that bullshit with them like the Rochdale grooming gangs.

[WonderBell99]

@Redhead999 It's more so about the economy than about the culture

Grooming gangs are awful, but again, I would not generalize every single immigrant from South Asian countries.

[Redhead999]

@WonderBell99 agreed. Indians are great gangs. I never hear of Hindu or Seik rape gangs, a group of indians have never followed me home...

[WonderBell99]

@Redhead999 Pardon? Indians are gangs? I don't understand what you're trying to imply

Pakistan is not the same as India. Both are two different countries (though, they used to be one before, they were split into two due to religious differences)

I'm sorry that you were followed, carry a pepper spray for being safe. And I guess not all people are bad. It's the bad ones who bring bad name to an entire race

[Redhead999]

@WonderBell99 that's the point. It's not indians. Pepper spray is illegal in the UK, probably a good thing because it would be the perfect weapon for criminals

[Zygum]

@Redhead999 you are totally wrong, nothing like that, it is just a propoganda from people like you, Pakistan follow Islamic laws and there is punishment for rape, This is your dirty culture and society, where women are used like tissue paper with the moto of :Fuck & Dump, even no morality, father is fucking his real daughter and son is fucking his real mother and brother is fucking his real sister , what you talk about Muslim and Pakistani society?

[Redhead999]

Not true. This is Pakistani culture. That's why so many Pakistani men in Britain are now in jail because a guy like yourself thinks after mosque it's perfectly acceptable to lure an underage girl to a place where his father, brothers, cousins and uncles are waiting to attack and gang rape that girl one after the other while they all watch. As for the homeless boys being raped in Pakistan, it's very real and it's why women aren't allowed out on their own in Pakistan because Pakistani men will gang rape them. Pakistani director Mohammed Ali Naqvi recently made a movie documenting how Pakistani men rape young homeless boys everyday and how it's a cultural problem in Pakistan.
www.google.com/.../
www.google.com/.../five-men-gang-rape-six-year-old-girl-in-faisalabad%3fversion=amp
https://youtu.be/niN5g8ZxFQg

[Pudsmucker]

Arrangement marriages are wrong. I also know a person must respect the costumes of the country.

[Zygum]

It is your culture where lot of Cheating and breakage

[Pudsmucker]

@Zygum I am background follow the strong teaching's of father Abraham.
I have been with my wife for 44 years.

[Hanrej]

Well... If you're gonna have your life ruined you may at least chose who gets to wreck it.

[Vikkrram]

In mine country we have mostly Arranged Marriages

[anon1903]

All marriages are detestable, in my opinion

[jasco]

Sometimes its good, usually it isn't

[Birbman]

The concept is disgusting.

[CuriousMufuxka]

I've seen more arranged divorces!

[Agape93]

I abhor them

[exitseven]

barbaric.

[Iron_Man]

Horrible

[Ringstretch]

Disagree with them