How do you feel about arranged marriages?

[Babygirl_S]

I feel like you can't know someone's true personality and the decisions are based on superficial things like their income and appearance.

What is your opinion?

[MMelanieM]

Oh wow - I'm an experienced campaigner on the process that takes place in Arranged Marriage. Unfortunately/Fortunately not what happens after your married! The process of arranged marriage, has wasted my time immensely. Its not for me clearly. But it has worked for many however, if it has gone past the process and they got married there after, I'm very happy for them.

In arranged marriage, the men's parents usually feel entitled or privileged (just my experience, not generalising). When they say there 1st hello to me, they are already waiting at the alter. That's a lot of pressure for starters. The constant inquiry on the side about how the couple is getting along is monitored! The experience for me has too many formalities and I find it very rigid. There is a subtle under-tone for some, where I felt, they are making decisions on the way in the way I should live my life after getting married with regards to my career and how I should run a household - which feels invasive.

In my experience, I felt that the men are not MAN enough (for me) & forward enough in an authentic way as there are too many people around directing & narating (not all of them). My rejection towards the guy for any particular reason, leads them to speak ill of me. If the guy rejects, the closure is made by someone else.

I have met some guys outside the arranged marriage process and i've experienced a drastic difference. The men were more self assured, very confident, know how to respect a woman & they made me feel like a woman, unlike what i've experienced in the arranged marriage courting process. In finding someone independently, it was liberating to feel, that no one was around us directing it. They knew how to make a woman feel safe & I felt so relaxed as a woman.

On the other hand, I'm sure many are happy in their arranged marriages and living the life that they and their family desire.

[Tiptoetamm]

I'm not for it or against it. Arranged marriage are around for a reason. Would I want a arranged marriage? No I wouldn't. But I do think they have there purpose. I'm all about the romance and love and I feel like if it were arranged falling in love would be difficult. how can you love someone pushed in your face? I guess you would have to have an open mind to it. But people do fall in love this way. Whatever works for the person.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

My wife's parents were arranged in marriage, although not forcibly. They chose each other voluntarily among candidates that their families picked out.

Doesn't seem like the worst idea to me. They've been married very peacefully now for like a gazillion years (I think around 50 years to be exact). The husband is a former politician, kendo teacher, and kindergarten school owner while the wife helps run the kindergarten and is a piano teacher.

Seems at least better than the US with almost half of all marriages ending in divorce.

I do think we can potentially do better without constraining ourselves to our family's choices of marriage candidates but I do think a reasonably traditional view of marriage as an institution to unite families and communities, build a home, and raise children is still the most successful, arranged or not.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I'm a fan of communal dating and marriage which I think is the healthy middle ground.

If we look at online dating and picking up dates in bars and nightclubs as one extreme example where we have endless options and no familial/communal foundation whatsoever, and arranged marriage as the extreme opposite with the strongest familiar/communal foundation but the fewest of choices, the communal approach seems like the most suitable middle.

That's how I find my wife. I wasn't arranged but I found my wife through a community of very good and like-minded friends and met her at a picnic. I didn't have as many options as I did when I was going to nightclubs picking up women or online dating (never tried online dating but that seems like even more options). Yet I was still bound tightly to a community of like-minded people of whom my wife was also a member.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

My father also tried to arrange me in marriage when I first visited him as an adult. He had an entire line up of women my age he picked up for me and introducing me to all of them which was a bit embarrassing.

Yet he picked out really good ones. He was like, "She's a doctor and comes from a great family. She's extremely bright and will make a very intelligent wife for you." -"She's a beautician and comes from a good family. She's very good-looking, don't you think? I know you like that." -"She's into computers just like you and also comes from a good family. Perhaps you two can work together and learn from each other."

I had a knee-jerk action to refuse all his offers since I really wanted to pick out my own dates and marriage candidates, but actually his choices were way better than mine back then in my earliest 20s. I was picking up mostly wild party women in nightclubs and bars who did little more than spend all their money on shoes and dresses and drinking.

Later when I matured a bit, I think there's no choice my father could have recommended that could possibly beat my wife after I started to favor the communal approach to dating. Yet at least all his choices were better than mine starting out.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

[*] He had an entire line up of women my age he picked [out] for me [...]
[*] I had a knee-jerk [reaction] to refuse all his offers [...]

[HawkPerception]

Arranged marriage is a disgusting concept that humans have thought up and it's usually pretty shallow and meant to make sure they're both capable and successful. It's usually to combine whatever material value each individual has. It has nothing to do with love or chemistry and people who have arranged marriages tend to not have the greatest relationship with their partner. It takes the freedom of choice out of the equation.

Arranged dating, which seems to be prevalent in eastern culture nowadays is kinda like normal dating, except you meet up with them in person. I think it's not a bad concept, but I also think there shouldn't be any pressure to get married and to go at your own pace.

[XHopelessRomanticX]

I don’t really approve of them, but I do understand why people did them, historically speaking.

[handsomelad70]

They suck and are a sign of a backwards culture and/or raising.

[AviatorTom]

Sure removes the stress of dating. Arranged marriages work in some societies, not in others.

[handsomelad70]

Imagine a handsome chap such as I being compelled to marry a chubbette? No, thanks !!!

[The_Reverend]

Arranged marriages are old timey and outdated. I get tradition but there’s a lot of old strange things we don’t do anymore. And to compare an arranged marriage to a regular marriage is impossible. The cultures that still do arranged marriages know this is for life and do not leave their marriage for the same reasons they went through with marrying a stranger to begin with. I really feel sorry for everyone put in these situations, especially the young women. In many of these cultures young women and even girls are treated like farm animals. Nothing more than something to barter with. It’s wrong at the highest level and shame on any man that does this. If there is a hell I hope you fucking burn forever. Sorry, just my opinion. 😇

[aceleon]

i'm against marriage in general they are just another type of marriage i disapprove and only smart if you don't want to deal with emotional clusterfucks and have pretty basic expectations about it like regular sex, someone to split the bills and have a child.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I'm against them, I think people deciding who to love for someone else is starting a marriage on the wrong foundation because they are together for approval and for whatever other reason that isn't the main reason it should be and that reason would be love, usually love forms on it's own, it's not forced through peer pressure, I think anyone that marries should be entitled to choosing who they want to marry, not have someone else make that choice.

[Kingofkings1992]

That’s a run-on sentence if I’ve ever seen one

[ChicoFromThe305]

Here comes the tantrum baby lmao

[The_Sexpert]

Both the people should spend a lot of time knowing each other and getting into love before marrying and choosing to be with each other for entire lives

Marrying someone your parents find good (based on income and appearance) sounds like a old age thing

[Anonymous]

Better than "marriage" for "love" as they define "love" today.

At least when its arranged:
1) The Marriage is done with-no expectation of both parties somehow keeping the other happy.
2) The Marriage is usually arranged by someone with a clear mind to the practical requirements of the relationships.
So by the experienced judgement of others a woman less likely be matched with a bum who can't or won't support her.

[Berethor]

With how many breakups there is in the west an arranged marriage might not be so bad.

https://allthetropes.org/wiki/Arranged_Marriage

[DryGermanGuy]

Because in countries with such a culture, a breakup comes with social outcasting or even death?

[Berethor]

Maybe, but it can also be because an parents tend to be smarter when choosing.

[Babygirl_S]

@berethor Divorce is stigmatised in my culture. Most people cannot find a partner after getting divorced.

[Berethor]

@Babygirl_S I would not want to marry a divorced women even though it's pretty common here, if she divorced someone else, what would make me think that she not divorce me?

[EDR44]

I think they are ridiculous and I dont think that this type of thing should exist anymore. Marriage is a very important commitment and you want to make sure you are compatible as lovers and friends before you do this

[renodnol32]

Its match making at the end of the day. Ultimately its up to the two who are looking to get married to decided over time if they feel like they're a good match. Sadly the term "arranged marriage" is often confused for forced marriage. Forced marriage is wrong.

[renodnol32]

Depends on certain factors. If its simply match making done by the elders on the basis of introduction and then left entirely upto the two to decide if they want to go ahead with it. Then thats fine. Obvs a certain period of time should be required for both parties to see if they feel this is right. However forced marriages covered by the term arranged marriages, thats something im strongly against.

[SereneScribe3]

It seems like a relic from the days of old. Personally, I dislike the practice, as it feels like the parents are treating their children as property to trade. I want my parents to be as far out of my romantic life as is conceivably possible.

[Kelley1]

Arranged marriages are the most successful. That is because your parents are wiser them you are.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I don't like the idea of them. In some of those arranged marriages, you might not even like the person you're marrying. So then you're only marrying for benefits and stuff, but not love.

[Mariena_Anne92]

At this point of my life where love marriage is almost impossible, i think i prefer arrange marriage. But it’s not happening in my country🤦🏻‍♀️

[Telekinetic-Potato]

They suck. Only reason should be for like royalty or something. Even then they suck.

Any other reason is severely uncool

[CheeseMonster]

I don't feel strongly one way or another—as long as all parties involved are into it and not coerced.

[OtterMan68]

Marrying for love is very, very recent in human history! Up until the 20th century, most marriages on the planet were arranged.

I mean if the two meet before hand and hit it off, it's just like a dating service.

[exitseven]

Not a good idea. We have so few real choices in our lives. I want to pick my own wife and not have somebody do it for me.

[Cubus]

I believe they would be a good option for some people. Considering the current societal struggle with dating and marrying I would not be surprised if they became popular again.

[DagonbroughtMehere]

Once were a necessity to ensure the best for the bloodline and community now it's a tradition that no one remembers why it came about in the first place just followed.

[Jerre]

I don’t like arranged marriages. I feel the individuals must be in love to get married and marry the person they choose, not who are parents say to marry.

[zagor]

Based on who my parents suggested I date when I was younger, I am very glad that is not a tradition here.

[SunnyRS]

I think arranged meeting is fine but arranged marriage is only the suitable for those who believe in it.

[Cheerfull009]

Mostly arranged marriages are successful, you trust your parents

[Amur8711]

I don't like them, I believe in free will, and marring someone you love

[AmyHew1tt]

I definitely wouldn't want one for myself.

[laly520]

works for some n doesn't work for others

[Staximus]

They are dumb

[Iron_Man]

Horrible absolutely horrible

[NathanDavis]

nope...

[LavLavLuv]

Not my thing

[dinojames22]

Not good