Is a No Kids wedding ok?

[Anonymous]

Currently in the very early stage of planning! A little background, my immediate family is huge, and his is maybe medium sized. Combined there are a lot of kids, all under 11. After talking a bit about it me and fiancé think we want no kids at the wedding. Don’t get me wrong we love them all, but some of their parents are so hands off, let them run everywhere, get into things, act crazy, and I really just want a stress free grown up wedding. I talked to my mom about it and she thinks maaaybe it’s not a great idea. Almost all of the parents do not trust babysitters, they only trust my grandparents and obviously they will be at the wedding. Which means relatives that I really want there, wouldn’t be attending. I don’t have any kids, or my fiancé, so I don't know maybe we are biased and being unreasonable? I just want other opinions that aren’t my two friends who agree with everything my mom says like as a default lol.

[Anonymous]

For anyone that says kids are little angels who don't ruin weddings, I bring you my brothers wedding where they had 9 kids in the wedding party. There had been so much drama trying to wrangle everyone to this destination wedding, that finally after all the stress, my SIL was looking forward to her moment coming down the aisle. Her niece had other plans. When asked to sit in her seat which all the kids had rehearsed several times, she lost it. She began screaming at the top of her lungs, kicking, crying, running this way and that, launching her flowers in the air, agitating the other kids who were beginning to get annoyed with some also starting to cry with her tantrum. My SIL approaches and everyone is just looking at this kid losing her mind. Didn't stop there, this went on for 15 full minutes until eventually the kids mom who was the maid of honor, sister to the bride, had to scoop up the kid mid ceremony...and leave.

I'm all for a no kids wedding, I've got your back! However....know that if you do that, most likely the ones with kids either will a) not come because they don't trust babysitters or can't find one in time or don't want to pay for one b) bring them anyway and assume "no kids" didn't mean their kids. The only way to really avoid this is to put no kids on the invite, hope for the best or just hire some babysitters yourself for a kids room FAR enough from the exact wedding location so they can't be brought out, where they can have snacks, watch movies, play games, etc. or have a smaller more intimate wedding ceremony for adults only and a reception/party at a later date or in the afternoon/night that includes the kids. Good luck!

[BlueScorpio]

There's a chance you're limiting your guest/attendance to your own wedding cause they might not be able to find a babysitter or can't afford one either. They might have to skip out on going to the wedding. There a chance some people might be upset cause the kids are part of your family so even if they could go they just might not show up out discontent for you not wanting their children to be there. But it's really up to, some of them might not mind.

[SnowedIn]

You ask is it okay? The answer is yes, it's okay. The other posters here have given you great advice. I agree with the ones who say that kids are part of the family and weddings are all about family. Doesn't mean you can't have a no-kids wedding, just be prepared for anger, frustration, family drama, etc., and strong opinions about it. The reality is that you will lose people from the wedding, possibly close family members. Some will be fine with it, some won't care, and some will hold a grudge and be offended. I'm not judging either way, just pointing out that you need to be prepared for the drama and it won't just be drama leading up to the wedding or on the day. It'll last. You'll be at some holiday gathering and someone will mention it.

So, make the decision that you and your other half want to make, but do it with eyes wide open to the consequences for either decision.

[hahahmm]

Let's say a couple don't trust anybody to watch their kids. They know they can split up & let one parent watch the kids while the other parent goes to the wedding. They also know that they can have one of their siblings watch a bunch of kids while all the other siblings go to the wedding. They will make excuses or try to make you feel like it's your problem that they have kids but really it's not.

I have seen kids at weddings but in all cases the kids had parents with enough control that the kid wouldn't be running around wild. Also sometimes people hire a babysitter to be AT THE WEDDING and watching the kid a few feet away from the parents. Hard for somebody to abuse your kids when you're five feet away.

Your mom's POV is going to be 100% about what is best for her... which means trying to keep everyone happy & forgetting about how no kids were at her own wedding.

[hahahmm]

So i would suggest to these people that they bring a babysitter and if they do that they're welcome. The downside is you need to provide food for that babysitter and that can add up $$ depending on your wedding setup which sucks but it is what it is.

[Guy13]

Passing along of tradition, customs, and the ways of Experience is one of the cool things about being adult…

Knowledge and Wisdom passed an the WOW 😮 look and smile are the best pics anyway…especially for the flower girls’ wedding or Anniversary etc

[AviatorTom]

A wedding is a family affair, and kids are part of the family.

Though it's nice to plan for the perfect wedding, that rarely happens, and some of the best times are those that are unplanned.

When I got married, many years ago, there were kids at the wedding. They were generally well-behaved, with only a couple "events" that were easily handled. It was nice to have a picture of all the kids with the bride and groom, as I've seen in several other weddings I've been to.

The real question for you is this: When you look back on your wedding 10 years from now, and the kids that were excluded are full-grown, will you regret that decision? ... and what will you tell those kids when they ask why they weren't there?

[BCRanger10]

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding 🍻

At any rate, no. Kids are a part of the family, for one thing. They should be able to celebrate the growth of their family on the day of. Additionally, they need to see a new couple entering into that bond which forms the most basic building block of society. This was where their parents were not that many years ago.

Plus, as the father of a currently two-year-old boy and a former 11-year-old myself, I can tell you from personal experience that kids are basically a combination of wrecking balls and kamikazes. That's just the way they are. I suppose though that I'd also need to know what exactly you're worried about them getting into.

[Moose304]

I am hoping you are joking. Yes, kids can be a handful. I highly recommend that you give excluding kids some serious thought. Trust me this is what will actually happen. Everybody that has kids will either get royally pissed at you and stay that way OR they will simply flip you the bird and stay at home. The last pre covid wedding I attended they had special activities for the little crumb crunchers and all went well. As I said, I hope you are joking. If you can't do any better than this just elope!

[xColinx]

It makes the logistics tricky. If you're planning a smaller, more intimate wedding then it's more feasible, but with a large family I'm assuming a large invite list and the NO KIDS constraint is gonna be a challenge for some peeps, particularly those who'd be traveling.

I get the convenience of not having the little shites running around, but there's definitely a significant tradeoff in trying to make it actually play out that way. Not worth it in my opinion but not a ridiculous idea either.

[RavVid]

If there are a lot of kids it will end up being a children's party inevitably and I can see why you don't want that. Chaos will happen.

Your relatives might be offended that their children can't run around as you are being married but they should have some realism. Maybe you can talk to some of the more realistic of them and get some input?

I don't see why they can't get baby sitters or why they have trust issues. Is there a kiddies fun building nearby that they could be parked at? Maybe research that.

Alternatively maybe accept fewer relatives or that only family side of each couple come.

Weddings are really boring for kids and I remember one when I was 10. Fortunately a waiter at the reception took pity on me and turned on a radio in the kitchen so I could listen to the football.

[Friendlybro79]

It's of course ok. This is hopefully a once in a life time event and if they don't want kids screaming and crying and shitting during while your vows are being said or you don't want some kid crying over your first dance. Yeah kids are great but not always appropriate for events like this. Also not all kids like being dragged to weddings. It used to suck for me when I went. Anyone disagreeing with this is entitled to their opinion but it's definitely them making it more about them than the newlyweds. They feel entitled to have their kids be there because being a parent trumps your day.

[Anonymous]

My brother had a no kids wedding, and my sister allowed kids at her wedding. I'd recommend no kids 100%. It's your day, and you don't want to get stressed out by kids running around, sometimes knocking things over, screaming, crying, etc. I'm sure that even if your relatives don't usually trust babysitters, they'll do their best to find a good one, and still attend your wedding. If they don't come, that's okay. You can have a small gathering after the wedding with those who couldn't show up. You can go to a restaurant all together, or have a bbq, or something simple like that. But trust me, it's better to have a few people missing, than kids ruining your special day. Congratulations, and I wish you the best for your big day.

[Mangospacho]

I usually assume that I have to find childcare for my kids if there’s a wedding. I still remember weddings before I was in my teens and they were always boring. I didn’t know anyone there and there were usually no other kids there so I was happy not having to go. The first wedding I actually enjoyed wasn’t until I was around 14-15.

[Fireguy17]

Yes, we did that, and no one had an issue.

They are a distraction, many parents seem to let them run rampant.

Just be sure you are clear on your invitations it is spelled out.

You may end up with a few that won't come, but that is their choice

[Fireguy17]

@bayoubomber
This was both our second marriage, and we are both older.
No one there "dressed to the nines", and people did wear jeans and hats.
We did not get married in a church, we were married at the venue where we had the reception, just close friends and family, so before you go spouting off and make yourself look like a fool, opps, too late, you may just know what you are talking about.
We did not have ring bearers, so no kids were involved in our wedding, and we do not have any parents, grandparents, Uncles or aunts that are living, so where you got your information from, or how you have any idea whatsoever what or how we had our wedding is beyond me.
But I'm sure if you are married it was perfect wedding for you and your bride, or when you get married if you ever choose to do so it will be one of the best days of your life, and that is all what really matters.

[bayoubomber]

@Fireguy17 Like I said. Who the fuck would show up? Instead of a Wedding, do a humdinger of a pig roast kegger after you went to the Court House. A celebration, not some cuck non kid affair. A Wedding is not supposed to be a god damn funeral. If you want to have that, have at it.

[bayoubomber]

@Fireguy17 Being all y'all's second marriage? Aren't you getting to that stage of having Grand Kids or already having them? The Grand Kids cannot show up to your second marriage? That's so detrimental.

[bayoubomber]

@Fireguy17 This is the problem of society. Where Liberals want everything without doing the nuclear thing. They know damn well their marriage will do the the thing, end up in Divorce. It doesn't stop there. It never does. Too many a time is where a First Man is asked to do the duties? Or The Bridesmaid? They at some point refuse to do it. At that point it is not a Wedding. So, why do it? Don't ask people to show up. Over the hill is a thing. Act like it.

[Fireguy17]

@bayoubomber Once again your complete ignorance is coming through on this subject.
Who would show up you ask, about 110 of our relatives, friends and brothers and sisters from the firehouse, that is who showed up.
We decided to have the ceremony and reception at the same place, and going to the courthouse was discussed, but my soon to be wife never had the wedding of her dreams when she was married the first time, so I tried to make sure that she was able to have what she wanted, because that is what you do when you love someone.
It was far from a funeral as you put it.
As far as grandchildren go, neither one of us was ever able to have children, so no kids, no grandchildren.
My Fire Chief was my best man, and my wife's niece was her maid of honor, and they were only too happy to do that for us.
You have no idea if we are liberal, conservative, moderate or any of the other terms used today, so how you think you know what our political views is complete speculation.
As far as being over the hill, we are nowhere near that, so once again your preconceived notion is again incorrect.
Forgive me if I used words with more than 4 or 5 letters.
I tried to keep it down to your level so you might have a chance of understanding what was being said.
If you need any help with the big words if you know how to copy and paste, you can always do a search on Google if you can spell Google.
Have a pleasant life!

[CaptainSmartass]

Yeah. It's YOUR wedding. Do what you feel like. Put it on the invitations, so people have enough time to find babysitters. Others have made some good suggestions, like having a babysitter look after the kids during the ceremony.

Simples...

[Twalli]

My girlfriend's sister has 4 kids, and it was decided that she shouldn't take then (between 5 and 12 at that time) to her cousin's wedding. She attended the ceremony and then returned home. Her husband stayed home. I guess it depends whether or not you want both parents there for both the ceremony and reception, or just the relative there for the ceremony?

[JustinTheGreat]

go for it. It’s your wedding and you’re allowed to do what you wish. Usually invitations are sent out well in advanced so if they can’t find babysitters in time then that’s their own issue

[bamesjond0069]

Have a kids room with a babysitter but also so any parents and the grandparents can stop in. Set up video games. That's the best way to keep them quiet.

[joeldalton]

That's the issue. If you forbid kids you risk their parents not attending. Could you maybe hire sitters for the ceremony and then have kids at the reception?

[Subarugirl]

Child free weddings are extremely common. It is not at all an oddity to have an 18+ or 21+ wedding. This is your day, if you don't want kids at your wedding, then do it. They will have plenty of time to figure something out.

[KrakenAttackin]

Kids are a blast at weddings. Remember one thing, a wedding is about the joining of two families not just your day of ultra narcissistic strutting.

[Apple1996]

Not a good idea If you actually want those people to show up

[slatyb]

It's your party. On the invitation just say "Sorry, we won't be able to accommodate children."

[HippieVeganJewslim]

No. There’s no clear reason why adults alone should be invited to the wedding. Weddings are for all ages.

[Fuentes]

I think if you had like a daycare set up in a church for a day or something it's possible I remember as a kid not seeing my uncles wedding like 4 years old and they had all the kids in the church nursery area.

[pewter_moon]

It’s your wedding. Having a firm rule might decrease your attendance though.

[Part2603]

No that's not fucking okay. Marriage is about family. Are you daft?

[Anonymous]

no one cares what you want to do at your wedding... trust me. half of them don't even want to show up anyway.

[bayoubomber]

Why have a wedding at all? You know you can just show up at the Court House? You can go to Vegas? You can wait until Common Law Marriage takes effect? If you want to be a hoe about it, do it. No one is stopping you.

[Friendlybro79]

Because they may want to have an adult only party. Kids can be annoying and if there's alcohol being served all night maybe it's best for kids to stay home. Your kids don't have to rule others decisions over a 4 hour celebration that's not about them. You also don't have to go to someone's wedding if that offends you.

[bayoubomber]

@Friendlybro79 Adult only party? They show porno on the big screen?

[bayoubomber]

Alcohol gets served at a reception afterwards. Responsible folks do it. If they must, they get a baby sitter. If people want to get tuned up, they get tuned up. To say kids are banned. I mean, isn't that up to people who attend, to say hey, my kids are here and I must drive them home? To simply say your Wedding will require the attendees to get tuned up? No one is ever required to get tuned up or hung over.

[bayoubomber]

You didn't equate the other fact. People travel upwards of 1 hour vs 5 or more, maybe get on a flight. Just to attend your thing, that will likely end up in Divorce. Some will go home that night. They can't simply kowtow to your ways. It's so selfish, to say no kids.

[bayoubomber]

It isn't the Super Bowl. It isn't. The Super Bowl is just a fucking game. Your wedding isn't just a FUCKING game. Comprehend?

[Friendlybro79]

Who's wedding is this? You're entitled your feelings but the couple getting married get to decide who they invite. If they want the kids there for all the reasons you suggest that's great. Not everyone has to RSVP yes if you can't get a sitter. You're projecting scenarios that I don't give a shit about lol. Which is the point that some people may not want having kids at their wedding. Get over the fact that people with kids are more important than anyone else. First off I like kids since that isn't clear, but others don't have to like kids, or can like them, and choose to not have kids crying at their reception and acting out. You do not have to agree with me but again don't give a shit you think your kids or someone's kids are someone else's responsibility to host.

[Friendlybro79]

You're the type of person who gets insulted way too easily when they don't care about kids being the entire universe. Have you ever thought that the kids don't even like being there. I hated being dragged to weddings when I was a kid. I'm sure some kids love it and some also act insane in public. Regardless this seems more about you or a parent being of more importance than the couple. It's a 4 hour party and so what if it takes time to get there. Stay home then with your kids. You sound like such a self centered ass hat

[bayoubomber]

@Friendlybro79 KIDS ARE THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE. Even if you have disabilities you would know this. When I went to weddings as a kid, on the way there was a song playing on the OLDIES station, Going To The Chapel Of Love- The Dixie Cups. Going to the Chapel of Love.

[bayoubomber]

Who's a self centered ass? I imagine you are one of those PRO CHOICERS, who will say your life is simply reduced to the 7 inch birth canal, and if you got offed, you would NEVER KNOW IT.

[Friendlybro79]

Why are so you triggered and changing the subject? Back to the topic... Kids don't have to be at a wedding and can still be extremely important. You're talking about abortion and I'm talking the question here. I don't think you're stable enough to continue talking to and there's nothing to argue about. There isn't a law saying you have to invite someone's kid to your wedding.. You can absolutely disagree and think kids should always be invited to weddings and that's ok... Try to relax and enjoy the rest of your day. If you're the type that needs to get the last word in go for it. I won't be responding.

[bayoubomber]

@Friendlybro79 You are what is called woke AF. A Libtard. Do what you will. It's fine. How does it work if I have a wedding, and say no to Queers, no to Trannies? It's my Wedding, and my Choice? Well, that's blasphemy in your mind. On top of that, I could say no religious people, I could say no all sorts of things. Yet, I might be evil in your mind. So, you may just not show up. I wouldn't care. Why should I? I would indeed welcome all!

[bayoubomber]

It's supposed to be the Greatest Day ever. Women are planning that day since they were born. They were a kid, they are supposed to see great examples. They are supposed to go to Funerals. When has anyone ever denied kids to a funeral? Kids might whine, so let's not allow them to grieve. That would be the most asshole thing ever. Their Dad died, their Mother died, Grandma, Grandpa, Brother, SIster, Aunt, Uncle, everything under the sun. Screw the kids. They will fuck up the FUNERAL? How would they ever fuck up a Wedding? Simple answer is, they can't.

[Friendlybro79]

I changed my mind about not answering because you're attacking me personally. The simple answer is do what you want at your wedding. You invite who you want. It's a wedding not a political statement. I'm consistent in my thoughts you're just an angry little man who likes telling others who they are. I don't think you're evil because I don't know you personally but you do sound ignorant with all the assumptions you're making about me. Have a good life sincerely. I wish you the best.

[bayoubomber]

Okay, so when you die, no kids at your Funeral? You are supposed to show up at Funerals and Weddings, for no other reason than no one would show up at yours. You simply say, well, shit, I'm dead, I don't care who the fuck shows up? When you are alive, you are supposed to be alive. If you want to turn your Wedding into something that is a mausoleum, have at it.

[Friendlybro79]

You can come to my funeral and bring your kids if I go first. If that makes you feel better.

[BJP21]

If you want it to be an all adult wedding, sure just make sure you state it in the invitations.

[ZenJen444]

This is your wedding, we're not attending, so why are you asking us?

[Anonymous]

I don't see it working and you already know some of the reasons why.

[Steamnir]

Yes it is

kids ruin things

[melanieeeB]

Of course, welcome to the 21st century

[melanieeeB]

Just make sure you're not offending anyone lol but honestly who cares if they're pissed, if they can't have a few hours without their kids, then they shouldn't come lol

[Agape93]

Yeap. Kids are loud, disgusting creatures.

[Chelsdope0]

Kids at weddings are annoying

[MountAverage]

A no kids anything is okay.

[red324]

People aren't going to show.

[MrTaboo]

That's how more kids are made

[Northernmost84]

Yes, it’s better

[Anonymous]

That would certainly work for me.