Is it true that the reason men don't want to get married isn't really financial?

Question

It ain't based on fearing she will take his money. its based on the fact there isn't someone they trust. And that goes far beyond a fear of marriage.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Can't speak for all men and women, but in the case of my girlfriend and I - we have been together over a decade and have three children - it is not economic. It is, quite simply, that we think what we have is natural, spontaneous and beautiful.

For us, and we are otherwise actually pretty traditional, marriage was simply too elaborate, too contrived and too - for lack of a better term - "institutional" to add to what we share. So we decided not to be married.

It was not, at the start, an all at once decision. We met, and started with the pretty traditional dating and the like. As it got more serious, we started to have sex and then began talking about living together before we got married.

Frankly, we went back and forth about just living together or getting married. Then I got my girlfriend pregnant and we decided to at least move in together with plans to get married after the baby was born.

From there, gradually and almost imperceptibly, we just walked away from getting married. We love what we have and what we share and marriage and a wedding just all seemed too contrived and artificial. Two more children later, here we are.

(Plus I later learned that I have a son from a one night stand that I had years before I met my girlfriend. My eldest son's mom decided, at the time, not to tell she was pregnant and only contacted me about two years ago when she decided that our son, who is entering his teen years, should know his father. Since then, I have been building a relationship with my son, and he with me, his step-mother and his step-siblings.)

Of course, it is a bit more complicated in that I have had to arrange Social Security, insurance and other legal matters for a woman who is not my wife and for our children. So it is not quite as easy and as uncomplicated and we would like. Still, there is just something about not being married that has give my relationship to my girlfriend a naturalness and spontaneity that we find loving, sexual and beautiful.

Grant, we are probably not the norm. Though marriage has become less popular as living together and having sex and children out of marriage has become more socially acceptable. (Grant that the data are pretty clear - children born out of wedlock tend not to do as well academically and economically as children born to married couples.)

That said, men, at an instinctive and evolutionary level, are programmed sexually to seek out as many females to impregnate as possible. (It has how the species has survived for most of its' 4 million years on the planet.) So marriage in that sense represents psychological and financial commitment and there is a normal human tendency to avoid that which it is hard to un-do.

So that is probably the main reason - plus various economic factors at any moment in time - that men avoid marriage. The other irony being that married men tend to live longer and prosper. Still, it was not the reason, in my case, that I did not get married.

zeitgeist057 · Accepted Answer

It's not financial, nor is it limited to the alternative option you gave that they didn't find someone they trust. I have found many women (and men, platonically) that I trust immensely, but I still don't want to get married.

My reason is that I see marriage as an antiquated model that is not relevant to me. It came from trading women, essentially selling them as a way to seal a deal between men who controlled them. But these days it is just a static relationship model which works if you are dealing with static individuals or at least those who are willing to compromise their lives and stagnate a little (or sometimes a lot) in order to gain some security in terms of relationship status.

Of course different people have different ideas about what matters and some have very romantic ideas about marriage that make it very fulfilling for them to partake in the ceremony and live out a fantasy. Of course roughly half those fantasies end in the reality of divorce, and of the remaining marriages, many of them don't get divorced even though they are unhappy, for various reasons most people in our culture are familiar with (staying together for the kids, for finances, &c.) But it's fine to dream.

Is it true that the reason men don't want to get married isn't really financial?

MzAsh · Accepted Answer

Most men don’t even have very much money. I don’t know what all these middle/working class men are so worried about when any woman can easily triple his income by signing up for an OF account. Other than that, I’d say a lot of men have trust issues from previously bad relationships or bad relationships that have been modeled for them by their parents.

whirled_up_girl · Accepted Answer

Most of my peers seemed to get married when they wanted to buy a house and start a family. If they weren't interested in that sometimes they just moved in together and nothing more.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

A “fear of marriage” would be highly irrational. Therefore, ANY justification would be silly. I don’t believe anyone fears marriage. Smart people don’t marry because we know the odds are stacked deeply against success. This is particularly true for men. Two-thirds of marriages in the US end in divorce. Three-quarters of all divorces are initiated by women. 100% of US courts favor women.
Prenuptial agreements are not court sanctioned documents. If a judge didn’t have to sign it to make it official, then a judge doesn’t have to abide by it. Prenups are destroyed or entirely ignored in the US daily. You might as well wipe your booty on it unless you golf with divorce court officials on the regular. Ell oh ell!
This mentality goes well beyond trust in women or trust in A woman. It goes toward a lack of trust in the entire system.
Nobody marries someone they don’t trust. But most people don’t trust the former spouses either. Trust must be earned and it can be lost or destroyed. Once that happens in a marriage, it’s way too easy for a jaded woman to absolutely destroy a man through divorce.

Anonymous · Answer

Hmm, sort of. It's actually a combination of reasons, and the financial one is definitely one of them. Here are all the primary reasons marriage is disapearing from modern western society.

1) Marriage to a modern women does not offer men nearly as many benefits as it used to. Men are told they benefit more than women, but most men know that's false. Studies that show men benefit more than women were based on outcomes of couples who were married for many years, by necessity, and any qualifying marriage is by definition one that began during a time when marriage was very different than it is today. If you take marriages that begin today and study them 30 years from now, the outcome will be very different because today's marriage is very different than the ones on which those misleading studies were based.

2) Marriage today is much more risky and costly to men than it used to be. Half of marriages end in divorce, women initiate 80% of them, and our very biased court system almost always screws men in divorce court and child custody settlements. The number one reason for divorce is lack of commitment, and study after study show women initiate the vast majority of them because they have a huge incentive, financial and otherwise, to file for divorce. It should come as no surprise that they would be the ones who want to divorce in the vast majority of cases.

3) Sex, which was obviously one of the primary benefits to men in marriage, is easily available outside of marriage now and without the minefield that modern marriage is for men.

Moose304 · Answer

I need to make something crystal clear. "Trust" is something both sexes can and often do lose. I know how the question is worded and as worded I do agree. Not trusting women is why I never married. I still have girls that are friends with benefits and I enjoy my time with them. The money thing is really not that complicated. If I were ever to decide to get married (trust me I won't) I can protect ALL of my assets with ironclad prenups. For men who don't want to get married money is just a part of the reason. However, that general loss of trust is a biggie and in some situations an insurmountable obstacle. To avoid an argument let me repeat, this applies to women too.

genericname85 · Answer

i would say that the reason is that society has changed in such a way that the problem that marriage fixes isn't a problem anymore. so marriage is really down to cost now.

because back in the day, a woman could not really make a living, cause work was too hard for women and additionally if they chose to have children, they'd be massively fucked over by the man just leaving as they were considered "damaged goods", unlikely to find a new husband AND not really able to generate income, cause they had a child instead of building a career. that was a massive inequality that marriage tried to fix.

but since women can have careers while also having children and make even more money than their husband while doing so, the reason for marriage is no longer given.

TroyDT2 · Answer

People change over time. They might think it will last forever at the moment, but end up hating each other in a few years. Because of no fault, either can bail out whenever for whatever reason. So if you, man or woman, have more assets or earning potential than your proposed spouse, you are betting half of that (attorneys are pretty adept at getting separate property declared marital property, so don't assume you are safe there), and possibly a chunk of your future earnings, plus the fees of both attorneys, on the hope that the other person's mind won't ever change. Sucker's bet.

Wood-Carver777 · Answer

With marriage a lot of factors come into play which are clearly obvious. Finance, assets, validity of genuine trust between both partners and the intentions being put forward when tieing the knot, the marriage deal (if divorced who gets what?) and is it rightly deserved? The better or for worse part is where men get screwed over because the courts support the opposite side than consider who's at fault to begin with.. hence a prenup is a good policy to have. Frankly speaking men have a lot to lose than to win in the game of marriage.

ViceGAG · Answer

I wouldn’t want to get married for many reasons: Financially They require a lot of attention  They stink down there  I’m afraid to get bored having sex with them I have seen a lot of women cheat not on me but on other people.  In the end, why get a cat when you can live alone!

ManOnFire · Answer

Financial would be the least of it. I think the increase in men not wanting to get married today is because they fear being screwed over by a woman. They don't want to give their all and show commitment to a woman who will cheat and scorn him. Men want loyalty, and if they feel like it's hard to find, they would rather not get married.

Valso · Answer

In my case both are true. In 30 years I never saw a woman who wants to marry the man himself bc she loves him and not his money. She's always marrying his money, period.

Add to that the fact that I don't trust women in general (I stopped trusting them 15 years ago)... Guess whether I wanna marry.

HaveNoName · Answer

Agreed. Financial is only a small portion of it. The main reason is the fact that they feel that there is no need to get married. Why get married if you can have a girlfriend who can live with you and you can be in all kinds of physical relationship.

Financial part is only a creation of the western society... Or maybe only America. I don't know what happens when they divorce in Europe or elsewhere.

Paris13 · Answer

Many Men Today are Comfy like a Fat Cat in the Corner and Like their Lives and their Own Money, Honey----Left where IT IS. No paper nor Legalities. xxoo

msc545 · Answer

It is not just money. It is the high probability of being cheated on, lied to, falsely accused, and losing everything we have worked for including our homes, property, and reputations, not to mention our children. Family Law courts heavily favor women and discriminate against men without consequences or remedies.

Why should any man run these risks?

melanieeeB · Answer

I don't think it was ever financial for men... like in the past women weren't allowed to work and therefore financially dependent on their family or husband but that thankfully changed.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

The lack of trust certainly isn’t helping anything. I can tell you in my own life that I just have a really hard time getting excited about spending my life with a group of people that makes a point of reminding me that I’m an accessory.

katiesmuff · Answer

I think both men and women just are not in that big a hurry to tie the knot giving them time to just get their life in a more stable state.

SaoirseS · Answer

I think it’s because many (maybe most) guys in my age range are just risk averse.

BlueScorpio · Answer

No, from what I read daily it's mostly a money/financial thing.

ArtemisSilver · Answer

It's kind of a raw deal these days. How many women you know who can cook and clean and are happy to suck a guys dick every night?

grega239 · Answer

Financial.  "till death do us part" is no longer meaningfull if we have no fault divorce laws

ZenJen444 · Answer

Men don't have a choice these days. a lot of them can't get married because women aren't settling for them.

DrBanana · Answer

Just like women men are dynamic creates. We have many reasons not to get maried to financial, personal or even culture based reaons.

Anonymous · Answer

To me, the real questions are: What is the purpose of marriage in the modern era? Who benefits financially from marriage? What steps (counseling, etc) are engaged couples willing to take BEFORE getting married to ensure a healthy marriage?

Shiningtempest · Answer

@randomguy1032 To be honest, I don't want to get married because Ned Fulmer cheating on his wife & Tom Brady divorcing from Gisele left me with a bitter taste in my mouth.

Billyscotter · Answer

This is a terrible poll. If they don’t agree with you, they have “no idea”

captain_voidwalker · Answer

Honestly it's more like, whats the point. Marriage is 100% risk 0% reward at least as far as men are concerned.

Anonymous · Answer

Most men are not mature and responsible enough for marriage.

Asker2022 · Answer

I don’t agree, The only thing is stopping me is money.

Shy_Steve · Answer

It's the same sort of reason you Girls enjoy being Single more than us Guys do.

PainusNdeeAnus · Answer

It’s not solely financial women on average just don’t care about what men want

Anonymous · Answer

I suspect financial is just the start of a long list of reasons.

Papabubbles · Answer

I can say its financial, my pension can't take another hit after my laat divorce.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it’s because they are pussy. Men envy womens life and they want to have a baby in their stomach hahah

Anonymous · Answer

It'll be like a Middle School basketball team going against an NBA Team with all the legends still in their prime.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I think it’s cause he doesn’t trust her

DaisyM23 · Answer

both ideas make sense

Anonymous · Answer

They want to cheat I think

Anonymous · Answer

I am looking for sugarmom.

Anonymous · Answer

Not the only reason but one of them.

Is it true that the reason men don't want to get married isn't really financial?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Is it true that the reason men don't want to get married isn't really financial?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.