Arranged marriages in the 2020s - what are your thoughts?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

I believe they are feasible and can work out, if they are arranged well and sensibly. My own marriage was semi-arranged by my father and her parents and we are both an economic powerhouse while sharing a genuine love - likewise for my sister.

In the recent days I've been looking into starting the arrangements for a marriage for my half-brother, since my father has passed away and the responsibility fell on me. He's still young (19) so we won't be talking about marriage right away, but I've already found a couple of interested and suitable candidates around his age or slightly older, with whom I hope to set him up with and pave the way towards marriage in two-three years. It's quite a delicate mission because it doesn't "just" matter that the candidate is from a good family and with the prospect of establishing or reinforce business and political connections, but it's also necessary to make sure there's a healthy chemistry so the marriage is also a happy and loving one.

Updates

1 y

I honestly believe, that at least for wealthy people at least, marriages are more business partnerships, so that entails much more planning and precautions in favor and to protect both spouses' capitals and assets.
Marriage - do you see it as a love union or a business partnership? ↗

[WonderBell99]

A lot of people are confusing arranged marriage with forced marriages. Both are two entirely different things, although, the latter could also be through arranged marriages. Arranged marriages are common in many South Asian cultures. My parents had an arranged marriage and so did all of my grandparents. They were never forced into it. In fact, before my mother met my father, she rejected TONS of other men who had asked my grandfather for her hand in marriage.

They are usually "forced" in rural areas. In some families, arranged marriages are the norm, so naturally, it's followed. A lot of my uncles and aunts have married people they dated (not arranged marriages). My family is OK with me dating as long as the guy I'm with treats me well, has decent qualities, compatible with me, Hindu/does not mind my family's religion and respects their beliefs.

I find that concept a bit archaic. Technically, it's not for me since my family's expectations of whom I should marry is a lot different from my ideal guy. I'm not religious, but if I let my parents find a guy for me, they would find the most boring guy on the planet... or someone who is religious and that is just not it for me. There are pros and cons to it, but then again, I'd much rather date someone without any external influence/pressure.

[Adaeva]

That is how it should be. That is not saying the parties shouldn't some veto power but parents and grandparents have the experience and wisdom to make better and more realistic choices. That is especially true if the marriages are prior to age 25; not so much after that. Men date down for sex but they don't marry down but young women tend to chase after the hottest guys that will have sex with them and reject guys within their league that would marry them. However, by their upper twenties, they may have learned to look for a man that is willing to marry then; not just have sex with them.

[AmeerX]

Very intelligent answer for your age.
I think I will agree with it 100%.

[HaveNoName]

@AmeerX could not agree with you more. 👍👍👍

[Adaeva]

@AmeerX I have read lots of posts by young girls on GAG and based on what they say, especially their questions, "does this guy like me," it does appear they chase after hot guys that are probably out of their league. I've noticed they never ask that about less hot guys because they know those guys are into them. They are just hoping the hot guys are even when the hot guys don't give much indication that they are interested.

[AmeerX]

@Adaeva, it's not just on gag. In real life as well. Either they want a well settled guy but want him to be athletic and do gym and lots of other things.
I mean girls complimented me a lot as well but they would in most cases just keep looking for someone better till they reach a certain age around 28-29 and then hurry to marry just the guy who is for the money

[Adaeva]

@AmeerX I can read comments on GAG plus sometimes I read articles but I don't have real life experience about what girls and young women above mid-teen do. However, what you say makes sense because it also makes sense that GAG comments are example of what young women do in real life.

[AmeerX]

It was nice meeting someone mature for there age. Don't change from the line you have taken. Most girls regret it too. And for yourself and other girls. I advise them to stop letting guys take advantage of you. If someone loves you they should love marrying you too. They don't want to marry because they just want your body in the end and not look for your personality.

[jshm2]

All marriages are technically arranged marriages. Unless you've just married someone you've randomly met.

Really what most people mean when they say "arranged" is "forced" and it's not really the case for most marriages. Hence why a lot of people don't really understand what "arranged" marriages really are, other other than the wrong tropes.

[NathanDavis]

never been a thing around here

personally, I cannot imagine to leave the most important decision of MY life... to be decided or "arranged" by others for me

but I guess that's just culture, tradition or society norms for others

[coachTanthony]

Some people like that tradition and good for them. I have seen it work with friends of mine.

[HaveNoName]

Beautiful answer.

[coachTanthony]

@HaveNoName Thanks much appreciated

[OlderAndWiser]

It's not for me, but I mght feel different if I had grown up with that expectation.

[Agape93]

If they're against the wishes of one or both involved, or made without their knowledge, I see it as abhorrent.

If it's consensual by both parties, I'm fine with it.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

That goes without saying, making this against the will of one or both parties is a violence in itself.

[Agape93]

Agreed

[AmeerX]

That's not how arranged marriages work 🙄. That's forced marriage

[Agape93]

Which is how some arranged marriages are done even today. They aren't mutually exclusive.

[AnUglyBarnacle]

Forced? Absolutely not.

If you mean arranged where parents are trying to find a partner for their son or daughter, then I actually like this approach assuming that the parent (s) and offspring have a decent to good relationship.

Moms can usually read girls better than their sons can, and Dads can usually read boys better than their daughters can.

[Phoenix98]

It’s not my thing and I’d never go through a arranged marriage myself. I prefer to choose who I want to be with and explore that on my own.

to me it just seems more like business transaction.

but with that being said if it works for both parties involved and they are fine with it power to em.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I think when people talk about arranged marriages, they think about a couple of people who hate eachother that are getting married for the sake of treaty, money, land, heirs, power, etc.

But you could just as easily have an arranged marriage be a community of families finding the best possible match for a person, and that in my opinion can be a positive thing.

[letuswaltzforthedead]

I think it could work better than the regular way of doing things if the person's family is close to them. If the person has a bad relationship with their parents, it will probably not work.

[AdithyaR]

Personally I wouldn't be okay with having an arranged marriage.
The idea of someone else finding a partner for me feels wrong for me. I'm capable of finding a partner I match with myself. Nobody else should have a role or voice in it.

[Audiofox]

I’d say it depends on what you think marriage is for and where her, culturally, it reflects on a wider group. Some people see marriage as practical, some as mostly romantic or at the very least, about love.

[AmeerX]

Actually, my parents tell me I find a girl or they will find one for me. I find a lover then they will not object to the marriage but they find one first I am done for

[Alaskan_123]

Arranged marriages in more families like you explained would be perfect to society today, since most people can't find the "right one."

[AmeerX]

The right one flies once love marriages are combined with promiscuity. People share bed and then they start to find the one Tru love which won't be there since they know they can do better finding.
You could say enemy of a good match is the dream of a perfect matching couple

[call_me_scar]

If both parts are good with it then whatever so long as other laws are in place stating that's its not mandatory and if they are a bad fit then it should be easy to get a divorce

[SlavicThor]

It's really not a bad idea to be honest. Personally not for me

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Stupidity at its finest. Imagine being with forced to be with someone you have absolutely no desire to be with? 😳

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

If they don't want to be together, then there's no marriage. There's a difference between "arranged" and "forced" marriage.

[AmeerX]

Forced marriages are not the same as arranged marriages

[Jamie05rhs]

It's not something I'm interested in. If others want to do it, that's fine.

[AmeerX]

Surprised so many men and women actually think arranged marriage might work

[AmeerX]

Actually what you said about it being business partnership is true. So I liked this girl a little older. My uncle's daughter. She is older than me and I can't even tell her that because
A. She is older so no one would normally want to marry her.
B. She has parents, so they will think I want to go after her because of there wealth. So, I am stuck where I am

[Anonymous]

Freedom is worth rebelling and dying for.

I got mine at a high price and it's worth every expense.

[msc545]

Can't be any worse than arranging it yourself.

[htmndg183]

Think they are more practical and there's a greater sense of unity with both fams.

[OddBeMe]

Barbaric and antiquated.
No marriage without dating, sex and living together first. Should be a law.

[TrippyStarry]

Why so there are more options for you?

[EaterPeter]

Yes. They should start with pmc. Premarital counseling that is.