Ugh, another waiting-for-marriage question?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years, and have not yet done the deed. Both virgins. He expects that we wait until marriage. I was all for it, because I had a hard time socially when I was younger. I’m fairly certain I want to marry him, but even marriage is in the cards yet. We want to get married but just can’t afford it right now. The lack of sex is now excruciating. But ending a two-year relationship over sex, where we’ve had a blast otherwise, feels beyond rude and shallow. Looks like our relationship needs work. But other ideas?

[SueShe]

It is true that sex is taking way too much importance in a relation. It seems that this is the number one factor in a relationship and that is not at all what it should be.

You were able to avoid fornicating since you started puberty, so why can you not wait another few years? What is so complicated about it? Just don't think about it and don't prioritize it. Be master of your hormones and not the slave of them.

I mean, copulating takes 5 minutes at best, 2 or 3 times a week. That represents less than one single percent of people's adult awake time, yet they are ready to murder and rape for that 1%. Where is our world and society going?

Get busy with something more constructive and don't let your hormones dictate the life you have to live.

However, you should have a real in-depth talk with your boyfriend to set the record straight but your clock is ticking away and if you want a family, this topic must be addressed as soon as possible. Good luck.

[Guy13]

I have a question about 1 person with two accounts. Can you message me please.

[SueShe]

@Guy13 Sorry, I cannot message you but you can tell me here on this thread.

[PrettyPriya]

My DMs are open to all users if you have an issue. However, you can reply here as well and either myself or Sue will certainly look into the issue.

[PrettyPriya]

You managed to get to the age (at least) of 25 without it. What is waiting a little longer. I realize that you have to wait due to finances. That is tough but it will be worth the wait. Just as a side note, my husband and I did not wait. It was a personal decision, as it is with you.

Now, I will say this, the months leading up to the wedding, we did obtain from intimacy just to make it more special on the wedding night. It was both something we decided on together.

I can tell you that it was very much more special that night after we had "waited" months without any intimate contact. It wasn't hard either. Honestly, we are such busy people during the day that in the evenings we are tired. We are usually only intimate on the weekend when we have more time. Even then, it can be hard to find the time.

Ultimately, this is a personal decision for both of you and only you two can decide what to do. Good luck and hope the wedding comes soon!

[BCRanger10]

I have two questions about this. First of all, pretty basic, but what's not to afford? I ask this because my wife and I spent a grand total of about $8,000 on our wedding, and that included the honeymoon. Yes, there's rent and bills and things like that afterwards (because life does go on after the wedding), but if you're both working, regularly review your budget, and live a low-maintenance lifestyle within your means, it's not as intimidating as it might seem at first.

And the second question is what is his reason for waiting? I'd hazard that there's some reason or intention behind it for him, but with that you'd said about having a rough time socially when you were younger, the impression I get is that there was not a commitment, but rather a sense of resignation and, dare I say, even frustration, both with him and with yourself. This question is important because with something like sex, there has to be a shared understanding of it.

[Guy13]

If everything is good without sex then you are receiving blessing for holding to no sex before marriage. Resist the urges as not to ruin the magnificence that will be on you two wedding day.

IF you have sex, everything will come unglued and you will forever regret that you did. Ride the urges out.

[NotTacocaT6969]

Waiting for marriage is a trap.


An important part of a successful marriage is sexual compatibility.


Waiting until after marriage to engage in sexual activity removes the ability to see if you and your partner are compatible or not before tying the knot.


This is a very common cause for divorce.


It’s also unwise to marry someone without sharing a living space with them for years in advance.


People behave differently when they get used to seeing you every day when they wake up.

[boggboss]

Sit down and talk about it have u communicated this and how u are feeling

[Anonymous]

can't you do other things that make you feel closer?

[Shamalien]

Discuss this with him. Maybe you don’t need a fancy wedding? Wedding industry is a trap

[Jamie05rhs]

Assuming the "is" was a typo... Why isn't marriage in the cards yet?