It's been proven that the more somebody spends on a wedding celebration the higher the risk of divorce, what are your theories about why that is so?

[jennifer_bloom]

I have two theories about it

One is that they believe the relationship is maintained by their spouses loyalty and not by their effort and sacrifice in the relationship, so that they take a non participatory approach to keeping their lover interested in them

Or maybe it's because they want they are unjustly squandering the time of others by making them take time and money out of their busy schedules to celebrate them and only them in a wedding celebration

Another reason could be that people who have big weddings are fixated on appearance and vanity, and appearance or vanity driven people might have a higher risk of divorce due to conflict and fighting in the relationship out of their pride, greed and the unreasonable demands they impose on others to fulfill their desire for praise and social esteem.

[BCRanger10]

If that's the case, my wife and I are in luck because we only spent about $8,000 on our wedding (honeymoon included)!

The first thing I'd say though is that, regardless of who is reporting this, it "proves" nothing by itself. This is one of those correlation vs. causation deals; correlation does not necessarily mean causation. Spending more on a wedding does not by itself mean that a couple will have higher chances of divorce. There will be other issues at work. If a couple knows that they're doing, if they know what marriage demands of them - both as individuals and as a couple - and if they are willing to accept and embrace the challenges that they will face and grow in love for and fidelity to each other through it all, and if they can and want to spend what I make in a year on their wedding, then to them I say knock yourselves out!

With all that said, a wedding is a day, but a marriage is a lifetime. Many people get married when they've already been living together, they've already been having sex, they already have children, and they've been using contraception (which does have an impact). They go into it with a mindset that they're already "practically married" and therefore that the wedding is just a formality and that marriage is the next logical step rather than a conscious and free choice.

Not only that, but they have an "easy way out" if they decide not to put in the effort anymore or if they don't get the warm, fuzzy feelings anymore. In the US, we have no-fault divorce and people cite "irreconcilable differences". They also sign prenuptial agreements; for the record, I'm now at a point where I think that people that prenups more seriously than the marriage vows. Then factor in that one of them may be watching porn as well.

That's at least a part of what I think. There's more I could say, but I could go on for days probably.

[GreatBigCircles]

A person who throws over the top weddings might be trying to justify a world that doesn't exist. Kind of hard to explain though... Like, just consider how no one REALLY knows someone else, we just have a sort of mental image of them based on what we know about them and how we've experienced them. A woman who has a very distorted image of their husband, they might be projecting wild expectations upon them that are impossible to meet just as extravagant as the marriage ceremony. But then as they spend time together, the reality starts breaking down the unrealistic image they have. Rather then accept they had unrealistic expectations, they turn to blame the guy for 'lying' to them or pressure them into living to those standards, and the whole thing falls apart.

[ariadneR]

When i do finally get married, I don't want it to be an extravagant affair.

The family that I want to attend live in the UK, and due to the sheer amount they can't all afford to fly over to attend. So im content to have the small wedding here, with my partners family, and the 9 people in my immediate family. I'll probably extend it to my brothers best friends and family friends but that's pushing it. Just as long as at a later date, my partner and I are going to fly to the UK and celebrate our marriage with them in like a hall, that's all that matters to me.

I think those that spend the huge amount of money are concerned and more focused on the image and how people see them. I personally think it's so vain. I feel it's a trait that will carry on throughout their life together.

I'd run away and elope with my partner, just me and him of he was ok with it. As long as I have him in my life, that's all I need

[May1787]

Larger, more expensive, showy weddings may correlate to what the couple values such as material things, ego, reputation etc whereas having a small, inexpensive, modest wedding may correlate to valuing their partner, their relationship, sanctity of marriage, etc. Ultimately, a lot of people are more interested in the wedding than the marriage.

[AviatorTom]

A very expensive and high-class wedding might indicate that the couple is putting more emphasis on the ceremony itself, pleasing their family and friends, than on their relationship.

[Avicenna]

Sounds like this may be more correlation than causation. But I like the vanity theory.

[MrOracle]

Simple: these people don't want a MARRIAGE, they want a WEDDING - a big party where they can show off and live a fantasy life above their normal status. This is mostly women, but I've known a few men who are just as bad as some of the women - people going deep 5 figures or even 6 figures in debt for a wedding. It's insanity.

All of this shows that these people are getting married for all the wrong reasons.

As a mobile DJ, I've been to hundreds of weddings, from the very simple to the very lavish, and, *generally*, the modest weddings seem most likely to lead to successful marriages.

[richardcory]

I think having a big wedding, where "big" means it uses up a substantial fraction of your net worth, indicates poor understanding of priorities. The wedding is a single day - yet some people spend enough for a house downpayment. Its pretty rare for people to enjoy their own weddings - its too much project management, too little romance.

My wife and I had an extremely simple wedding >35 years ago. Neither of us has ever wished we had done something more complicated

[Miristheiss]

First, I've not heard that and I don't know if it is true but if it is true my guess would be that they are more interested and concerned with the status and prestige and attention of the event then being a spouse and putting the marriage and relationship and commitment above the party and looking good in pictures and being the focus of attention.

[JeffersonA]

Depends and also it screams privilege if it is to high!

Which privileged poeple often divorce more. changing the results from happy couples to poor couples would make a difference.

We spent 15k on our wedding and 8 on the honeymoon but it was not as amazing as we thought it would be but we did great with what little we had!

[LiamJHayden]

Spending more probably means that someone has a lot of money and there is a financial incentive to end it after a certain point. Conversely it could mean the couple went into debt just for the wedding and financial difficulties are a leading cause of divorce.

[Clyde_123]

Lol I think it depends I know someone who spent $1 million dollar and they still happily married. They also had two kids and they are in 8 years of marriage and counting. I also know someone who spent only $2k on their wedding didn't have a extravagant wedding and got divorced after 2 years of marriage. So my answer is depends.

[Christoff92]

Don't need a big wedding to feel satisfied. Make sure have the finance to invest in a big wedding to begin with. But divorces can happen after the expense of a big wedding but other things to.

Even if the wedding was right at their budget.

[electromagnetic]

Depends on the people. I have a friend in the UK £45,000 spent on her wedding. Didn’t last a year.
My best friend, $509 for paperwork and minor things, she’s on her way to her 7th year anniversary. Unfortunately that’s just one of many I know.

[Snakeyes7]

Overspending on weddings is something that should be avoided altogether, especially with the divorce rate being as high as it is. How it affects the rate itself I can't really be sure.

my guess is that it is just a sign that the divorce is only happening (if it happens) just to be an alimony/child support leech.

[236color]

Generally, women are the driving force behind the expensive wedding. For those women that push the big expensive wedding, it's more about the event than the marriage. Once the flashy day is over, living with the guy isn't nearly so exciting. If there's no thought given to the marriage after the wedding, steer clear.

[erandal]

I would guess that for a lot of people it is vanity over love but I am very happy that it is not always the case. My husband’s first wedding was from what I can tell fairly basic and it lasted four years, my wedding to him was anything but and we will be married 20 years this August.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

It so happens that is what I have seen happening.

People I know or heard of that have spent a very large fortune on their weddings are no longer married anymore.

[TheNurse]

My guess would be they are more caught up in appearances and what people think. So may not be in the relationship for true feelings. Just the thought of being a bride and a beautiful wedding

[BCA6010]

There's likely some truth to that. Focusing more on the spectacle rather than each other isn't exactly a good sign.

[goaded]

I knew a couple who spent thousands (a couple of decades ago) on their wedding, they got divorced soon after because he kept doing the sports he loved.

[Likes2drive]

Maybe because they expect so much In money to keep them entertained if they will spend so much on a wedding where does it stop and how do you keep them happy when you don’t have so much money anymore

[als24]

The more material, the less authentic. I think if 2 people genuinely love each other and want to celebrate that love through marriage, they'd have no problems if they were forced to get married in a small venue with no guests.

[DermalPunch]

Because the relationship is crap so they compensate with the big wedding. It's textbook. I think all the planning delays the comittment too.

[Sanser]

Wow really? Thats interesting...
Maybe its because that are more propense to look after material or financial stuff or looks instead of just love each other?

[exitseven]

I think there is some truth to that. We had a real bargain basement wedding and we have been married for 27 years so far.

[Jazzy54]

Someone that’s the case. Unfortunately, many people prepare for the wedding, but not for the marriage.

[DizzyDesii]

Nah i know courthouse folks who have divorced. I shall have my dream wedding

[slatyb]

Maybe it's because wealthy people can divorce without becoming impoverished.

[CallmeTheKnight]

Weddings aren’t pointless but a lot of people want to have weddings instead of marriages. Which is sad and a complete waste of time

[Meropatrick]

I believe so too. It means these people dont accept or value little things. They r showy and have high egos and demands.

[humanearth]

Our wedding had a homemade cake and we been together for 31 years

[worldscolide]

I would say its true. At least statistically speaking.

[KateSTL]

I’m curious how this theory was proven? Hard to believe there’s a system capable of accessing marriage records in every county clerk’s office across the USA, not to mention how this system verifies the total cost of each corresponding marriage record. I don’t mean to sound snarky but I’m skeptical.

[Emmy87]

I don’t think so , the most important thing is choosing the right guy before choosing the wedding details

[Jamie05rhs]

Because it signifies what they actually care about.
Appearances and shallow things vs. substance.

[Jamie05rhs]

So, the third thing you said. 👍

[Wise4myage]

I've never heard of that happening.

[krin_m]

I think that is statistically correct.

[Abdulwahh]

To me i wouldn't say in all cases

[dreamstar72]

I’m agree with you

[Goodvibes2]

That can't be proven. Doesn't make sense