Why do some women provide "wifey services" at the price of a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

many women provide their boyfriends with wifey benefits such as : washing his underwear, cooking his lunch box, cooking breakfast lunch and dinner for him, raising his children, . while deep in her hearts, she knows that he would never ever make her his wife.

why do women settle for this? many of them even wear fake rings on their ring finger pretending as if they are married. while their boyfriend has never even proposed or ever thought about proposing.

[Stressyalaire]

I see it like this. Sure the wife has a duty just like the husband has a duty. But if I found the right guy, I will do what it takes to show him that I HAVE what it takes to become his wife. I'll work for that promotion if he's worth it!

And that way you can also get the parents' approval that their baby boy is in good hands.

if I know that he isn't looking for marriage, I end it right then and there. But if he's doing things that makes him in my eyes a potential husband, I'm working to keep him by my side.

[B4851]

That's a very wonderful way to look at it.

[Asker]

Why would anyone have kids with someone they aren't sure if they can trust for a wife or husband? Proving yourself still after having kids? Now thsts fucked up

[Stressyalaire]

I didn't say anything about kids. But cooking, clothes, ... I can do that

[BoopBoopBeep]

@Stressyalaire
so do you have any older sisters?

[nexiside]

Must have been confused... The children in the original statement was maybe referring to children or child he already had when they became boyfriend/girlfriend ( i hope ) why would anyone have a child before marriage. Like, as said, why in tell hells would anyone have kids with someone they can't commit to. The boyfriend stage is part of life where you are supposed to find out if this person is someone you could spend your life with to share and have a family with.

[Stressyalaire]

@BoopBoopBeep No I don't.

[Asker]

@stressyalaire

but wouldn't you feel ripped off if you both were to have children together, you're playing the entire role of a wife but he won't marry you?

what if you were to play "wife" for years but he never made you his wife?

this is the question being asked...

[Asker]

@nexiside

[The boyfriend stage is part of life where you are supposed to find out if this person is someone you could spend your life with to share and have a family with.]

you can quit pretending that "boyfriend/girlfriend" is commitment, it is not. Marriage is the ULTIMATE sign of commentment.

[Stressyalaire]

I'd feel stupid. I don't want to think about children before marriage. I actually don't really want kids.

[Stressyalaire]

Little chores around the house is that of a wife's, you could say. and I think that's totally okay to do. But if you don't do that, where is the balance in giving and taking?

He lets you sleep over, he provides food, drives you both to the date, maybe pays for it as well. And all we should do is just be there and have sex? If that's all we do, being pretty and fuck... we're a sugarbaby and nothing more.

[Massageman]

Great sentiments!

[LazerBean]

Most girls weren't taught better, and a lot either think that's the only way any guy will have anything to do with them. A lot of women just don't think things through either.

[NamerOfStars]

Because they value him and their relationship with him more than a stupid ceremony. What exactly do you think marriage gives a woman that she can't get without it?

For that matter, why would you WANT to marry someone that you don't want to make happy? Is everything a commercial transaction for you?

[Asker]

if you view marriage as just a "transaction" then it means it is not love.
if you're willing to call a "marriage just a "another ceremony" , then it is not love.

if you TRULY LOVED someone and wanted to be with them forever, you WOULD marry them...

Because all talk about commitment means nothing UNLESS YOU CAN PROVE THAT YOU'RE WILLING TO COMMIT.

[NamerOfStars]

Yes- and you prove that you're willing to commit by performing the tasks you would after making that commitment. You're arguing my point for me; some women aren't as shallow as you are.

[JaneDee5]

Well let's say:
Employment benefits suchs as health insurance or family leave
Tax and estate planning benefits, in which I can transfer assets to my husband any time without paying taxes on the asset. We file joint tax returns and I'm actually earning slightly higher than him.
Medical and death benefits in case something happens to me or him. Let's say I were to be the unfortunate one in the hospital or pass away. My husband can visit me, make medical decisions and participate in burial arrangements.

Can a boyfriend do any of that? NOPE

[Asker]

@namerofstars

[Yes- and you prove that you're willing to commit by performing the tasks you would after making that commitment. ]

"Performing tasks" is not the ultimate sign of commitment. Marriage is the ultimate sign of commitment. nobody cares of what tasks you perform if you WON'T SIGN THE MARRAIGE CERTIFICIATE.

[Asker]

@namerofstars

you can call yourself the "most committed boyfriend on earth" who won't sign the marriage certificate.

there is no such thing as a " committed boyfriend" who refuses to marry you.

absolutely no such thing

[RingOfFire]

Because guys are sneaky.

[Alli39]

I mean, I doubt the people doing these things see it that way. Maybe some do and are trying to prove to the guy that she's someone worth marrying (regardless of how likely their approach is to work). But on my end, like honestly I'd help even just my friends with things like cleaning or cooking if that's what they needed in that moment so I suspect a lot of women just don't think of it as an "exchange" or a role-driven set of actions.

The ring thing might be wishful thinking or it might just be a way of communicating to people that they're in a committed relationship and don't want sexual/romantic attention, even if it's not a legal marriage. Could be a promise ring too.

[Asker]

Why would anyone have kids with someone they aren't sure if they can trust for a wife or husband? Proving yourself still after having kids? Now thsts fucked up

[Sweetsurprize]

It is. But honestly, I've seen it actually work for some women. They have like 2 or 3 kids and or are pregnant with the 3 one and they're either engaged (after like 7 years or so) or finally walking down the aisle, and their son is the ring bearer and their daughter is a flower girl. You'd be surprised.

[Alli39]

Could be that the individuals involved don't want to get married for some reason (legal, health, even just lack of time/resources for a wedding) but want to live committed lives anyway. I've seen it happen very successfully and it does end in marriage plenty of times. (At least the first kid may also have been an accident and both parents made a commitment to raising the child together anyway). I think these relationships actually tend to be rooted in high levels of self-confidence and trust from both parties because it can be difficult to maintain relationships long-term without the expected structure and labels that our society tends to apply to them.

[Asker]

@Sweetsurprize

It likely just means he is reluctant to marry her. He just settled for her once he got old cuz he has no game left. Its kinda like you know the person you are with isn't exactly your top pick but you realize that you can't find anyone better as you're getting older and losing your hair so you marry them...

there should be no reason why a man WON'T COMMIT to a woman he is having kids with... UNLESS he doesn't see her as a top choice

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Well, marriage is largely a business contact and given that both my wife and I come from big industrial families, it was mutually beneficial to get married as soon as possible to join our financial interests.

Before her I was considering marrying another woman, but my family probably wouldn't have accepted it and in the long run I would have regretted it.

[Asker]

if you view marriage as a business contract, it means you're not in love. If you were TRULY IN LOVE, with someone marriage would be FAR from a business contract.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Well, I do love my wife and she does love me too.
The fact that we have a fruitful and beneficial business relationship is a bonus.

[Asker]

@sun_kim-ai

Love is when their needs matter more than your own needs. This is why marriage is the opposite of a business contract.

[provokeesmokee]

Lots of women love for love's sake.

Doesn't help we have generational habits of servitude to break out of, in many cases.

Plus, for some ladies, those aren't "wifey" tasks. They're just things we do for those we love, because we love them.

And unfortunately many people will simply take advantage of that.

[Asker]

Dedicating yourself to work for a man you love- who you know won't ever marry you? Is it worth it?

[Sweetsurprize]

"Dedicating yourself to work for a man you love- who you know won't ever marry you? Is it worth it?"

1. You don't know that they won't marry them.
2. Weddings cost a lot of money, so maybe they are just saving up for the right time.
3. If the guy didn't really love them or wasn't serious with them, they'd leave them already. They're not THAT stupid to waste their time. I don't think they'd be THAT evil.
4. If she is THAT stupid then well, she is THAT stupid. It's her life, not yours.

[Inbox]

@Sweetsurprize THANK YOU

[BoopBoopBeep]

@Sweetsurprize I second this

[Asker]

@Sweetsurprize

[2. Weddings cost a lot of money, so maybe they are just saving up for the right time.]

what kinda lame excuse is this? you don't need a lot of money to get married. and plus, if a man is passionate about you, it won't marry how much it cost- HE WILL MARRY YOU.

[3. If the guy didn't really love them or wasn't serious with them, they'd leave them already. They're not THAT stupid to waste their time. I don't think they'd be THAT evil.]

you don't think there are men out there who want wifey benefits without needing to commit? are you really that dumb?

[4. If she is THAT stupid then well, she is THAT stupid. It's her life, not yours]

maybe YOU'RE that woman who is THAT stupid

[Effably]

Makes me wonder if I have been accidentally providing husband services at boyfriend prices. What are some examples of things I shouldn't do for a girlfriend?

Honestly I don't see an issue with it though. If you like someone and want to do something nice for them, you could. If you're doing it to prove your worth you might have other issues to work on, a modern guy won't marry you because you cook and clean. A good joke likely goes further than laundry.

[Asker]

Its more about having equal consideration. Even tho she loves him, he may love her less. He may be taking advantage of her

[Effably]

I can agree with equal consideration! Although it is often better if you both put in more than you expect to get. Equal still, but with intent to exceed rather than match. Matching and tallying, as sensible as it is, also is not ideal.

And just logically at some point, one or both of the two have to do more than expected. And people do not really drastically change roles. Someone doing or not doing wife/husband stuff isn't likely to change it because a title changes.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@Effably
Well played!

[Asker]

@effably

[And just logically at some point, one or both of the two have to do more than expected. And people do not really drastically change roles. Someone doing or not doing wife/husband stuff isn't likely to change it because a title changes.]
PEOPLE DO DRASTICALLY CHANGE ROLES AFTER MARRIAGE.

vast majority of girlfriends do not provide "wifey benefits". its just that some stupid, dumb women out there are being ripped off.

and there are plenty of men who try to normalize this type of thing where there is no distinction between a girlfriend and a wife. There is HUGE difference between those 2 roles.

[Effably]

Do you truthfully believe most men would suddenly do a lot more for their partner if they marry? That someone who refused to handle basic chores before suddenly will? If it is not true for men it likely isn't for women either.

I don't see it. I also never met or dated a woman who made a distinction about wife/girlfriend benefits. It has always simply been helping each other when it makes sense.

I am now concerned that you may have bought into a false narrative harmful to you. I won't tell you what to believe, but it might benefit you to see if this is a narrative held outside your group. Talk to some married people and find out?

[BoopBoopBeep]

Facts. 100%. If i could MHO on somebody else's question @Effably would have it now

[Asker]

@effably

[Do you truthfully believe most men would suddenly do a lot more for their partner if they marry? That someone who refused to handle basic chores before suddenly will? If it is not true for men it likely isn't for women either.]

a wife has the responsibility of supporting her husband IF HE LOSES HIS JOB.

a wife has the responsibility of paying her husband's college tuition so that he can better provide for the family.

a wife holds the responsibility of helping her husband pay his medical bills.

a wife has the responsibility of cooking her husband breakfast, lunch , dinner , running his errands, washing his underwear, or PAYING HER HUSBAND'S FINES for damaging property at an airbnb.

This is totally different from a girlfriend just paying for her Date's movie ticket or dinner bill at the restaurant one night.

[Asker]

@effably

the problem nowadays is that men have become so entitled that they demand EVERYTHING from women without having to contribute anything in return.

there are even a lot of men nowadays who get free sex and attention from women without even having to get into a relationship.

its so fucked up .

[BoopBoopBeep]

We're not getting sex as some sort of one sided deal. The woman is getting sex as well. We're both winning.

[Asker]

@BoopBoopBeep

women aren't like men. women aren't nearly as desperate for sex as men. usually a woman provides sex to a man thinking that good sex can win him over. and it usually doesn't work.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I wouldn't say I'm desperate for it. It's not a limited commodity. I can't speak for every woman out there obviously, but the ones I know like sex just as much as men do. I've only known one woman who tried to weaponize sex in the relationship and she quickly found herself single because none of the men i know are mistakenly under the belief that sex is a limited commodity.

I forgot to take out the trash so now we aren't having sex for a week? No, I still will be, all we're debating is whether you'll be present for it.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You’re saying this like “acts of service” isn’t a love language. Y’all need to stop acting like marriage is exclusively about getting privileges you otherwise wouldn’t get.

[Unit1]

Exactly my thoughts.

[Asker]

what would make a man want to marry you if you're already giving him all the benefits of a wife? he would never marry you if this is what you're gonna do. at the end of the day, he wins while you lose.

[Unit1]

"what would make a man want to marry you if you're already giving him all the benefits of a wife?"

Exactly that. If you demand marriage, then make it clear.

[LiamJHayden]

Because most of them have been conned into thinking that if they do these things without a commitment that the guys will eventually legally bind themselves in order to get what they already get without the obligations.

[Vesuvius87]

This basically. Some of us have been scammed. No one does all those sacrifices for nothing in return.

[Asker]

@Vesuvius87

the reason why i asked this question is because I have a classmate who got hit on and was offered a number by this guy. This girl had a boyfriend and a baby. She rejected the guy who hit on her. And she said : "my boyfriend... my husband owns a car business, real estate business... advertising business. he is a hard worker." She also wore a ring on her left ring finger. It wasn't a wedding band but a ring.

why would anyone try to call their boyfriend "husband" when he won't MARRY her?

why would she be so desperate to go to school for a job IF HER HUSBAND MAKES SO MUCH MONEY? why can't he support the "love of his life"?

why would anyone have a baby with a guy who doesn't want her to be his wife?

it all just makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

OKay when I saw the title I thought you were going to describe wifey duties as tasks that are done out of love. But yeah washing his underwear and making him breakfast lunch AND dinner? Raising his kids without a ring? I honestly don’t know why people do all that.

[Opinion Owner]

Like occasionally this stuff is okay but every day? This being your life can’t be okay

[genericname85]

why would a man commit to a woman and marry one that only gives him the "girlfriend services" and not the "wifey services"?

[genericname85]

it's the same question as: will you say yes to a man based to where he "is" in life? or will you say yes to a man based on where he says he wants to be in the future?

[Asker]

why would a man marry her if she is already providing him "wifey services"? it gives a man no incentive to propose. He can enjoy wifey benefits without commitment.

you can quit pretending that "boyfriend/girlfriend" is commitment, it is not. Marriage is the ULTIMATE sign of commentment.

[genericname85]

So can a man still fuck other girls while you're just his girlfriend? I mean should be fair. You're not married yet right? It's not the ultimate commitment as you say.

[genericname85]

Why should he give you the full his and treatment before marriage if you're not giving him the full wifey treatment before marriage?

[genericname85]

Husband... Not "his and". Auto correct fucked me up.

[Asker]

@genericname85

[Why should he give you the full his and treatment before marriage if you're not giving him the full wifey treatment before marriage?]

why should she give wifey benefits if she is not his wife?

are you really that entitled?

[genericname85]

how am i entiteled. i'm asking for same standards for both. why do you expect him to give you the full husband treatment before marriage, when you're not ready to give him the full wifey treatment before marriage?

[Anonymous]

just remember, marriage is a piece of paper. if you're treated like crap for doing basic things to make your partner happy or don't get anything in return, then leave.

[Asker]

Marriage is definitely not just a piece of paper. People who say this kinda stuff do not respect the sancitity of marriage.

To reduce marriage to a piece of paper is like saying money is nothing but just a piece of paper. Or the love of your life is just another human body.

[Opinion Owner]

... you do the same things in a marriage that you do in a relationship... it's a commitment with a piece of paper...

[Asker]

@opinion owner

if you're already playing the role of a wife, why not officially become a wife? instead of playing "house" like a bunch of little kids in preschool?

why just act like a wife when you can actually be a wife?

[Opinion Owner]

sigh

[Asker]

@opinion owner

exactly... there must be a reason why you just don't want marriage.

[ProbablyClueless]

Because they're trying show the guy that they are worth paying the wifey price for. It's a labor of love.

[Asker]

Why would anyone have kids with someone they aren't sure if they can trust for a wife or husband? Proving yourself still after having kids? Now thsts fucked up

[ProbablyClueless]

Lots of relationships are fucked up.

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[ColHathi]

I have never heard of any women doing that and wearing fake rings to pretend that they're married. Have a source for that?

[Asker]

I've seen it plenty of times. you just haven't because you're a hermit. most people on GAG are hermits who don't go anywhere. And no, I don't need to prove basic things to you just cuz you refuse to venture out of your house.

[ColHathi]

I don't know that I'd call anything about that basic, but you of course don't have to prove anything to me. I hope you'll forgive me for assuming it's bullshit though, then.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I don't know any girlfriends that do that. I know very few wives that even do that. Where are these women?

[jwmiller95]

Although all of that is perfect what you listed, some men may not want to get married because they are afraid of financial burden. They may not be financially ready to get married, have children, etc.

[Asker]

most of them are financially stable enough to get married. plus... bills are easier to pay as a married couple than as a single person.

[jwmiller95]

That's something you need to discuss with your man

[Anemone978]

I don't know but I would not have a guys kid if he wouldn't marry me or at least want to lol

[Anonymous]

Marriage is nothing but a piece of paper. Look at our divorce rates. How’s that working out for people?

[Asker]

if marriage rates are already high. the break up rates for boyfriend / gfs will even be higher.

[Vesuvius87]

Yet boyfriend and girlfriend are a bunch of worthless words and promises.

[Asker]

@Vesuvius87

its quite funny how many people just say marriage is a piece of paper that means nothing.

Realistically "saying you're committed " means nothing if you are unable to prove that you are willing to sign the marriage certificate.

[Vesuvius87]

You nailed it. So basically we're suppose to believe that there is commitment base on words? LOL
That's what boyfriend and girlfriend is about, just a verbal agreement.

[Anonymous]

They're desperate. 🤣