Do you have any marriage or parenting tips or advice?

Question

I got married last year to the first boyfriend/partner I have ever had and I moved from the US to his home country Ireland to be with him, currently I'm pregnant with our first child, because we both wanted kids and so far I would say that marriage is great but also very hard, and I can imagine that raising our baby will also be hard apart from it being a great experience.

Since I'm on GAG and I have seen just how wise, kind and helpful a lot of you are on here I thought I should also seek your help because I see that I am going to need a lot of advice and tips with not just marriage but on parenting as well.

So please do share some marriage or parenting tips, Also feel free to give my husband tips or advice as well? anything you can share will be greatly appreciated!.

Do you have any marriage or parenting tips or advice?

BCRanger10 · Accepted Answer

I'm only five years into marriage, four years into parenthood. Just be advised.

People will say that marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. I also like the analogy that it's not just one movie. It's a whole franchise.

Marriage and parenthood each make you into a new person. Before you married your husband, you were just a woman. Now, you're a man's wife. You are your husband are basically two whole separate universes combined now. There's a lot you don't know about each other or yourselves that you're going to learn and will have to adjust to. Marriage will draw these things out of you, will teach you these things, will guide you through these unexplored areas of your heart and your soul. This whole idea that people have today about needing to know if they're "compatible" and basing their whole relationship on that just doesn't work. It can't. There are reasons why the divorce rate skyrocketed over the last couple of decades and why so many young people today are avoiding marriage. The mindset that they have does not work.

Love is ultimately a choice. You might have spontaneous moments of feeling attracted to each other, some more intensely than others. You each may even feel an occasional curiosity about or even attraction to other people. These things happen. You don't stop being human when you get married. But that does not mean that you act on it or question your decision to marry the person you did. Love certainly does have an emotional component to it, but love also involves loyalty and honor.

As for parenthood? Remember what I said above about two universes? Well, once you become pregnant, you've basically created another universe. First, you were just a woman. Then you became a man's wife. Now, you're someone's mother. You've once again become a whole new person. Your relationship with your husband, in a way, starts all over again as well. As with a marriage, parenthood will teach you more things about yourself that you wouldn't typically learn otherwise. You have to realize that this is what marriage is and does. It's no longer about you. It's about the procreation and education of children.

You and your husband are the primary instructors of your child. Sure, the things they will learn in school will have their part, but how you raise this child will have a greater impact on them than their grades and degrees. How you form a child going in to and through school will play a bigger role than anything else.

As a practical matter, be prepared for minimal sleep for the first few months. As time goes on, your child will only want to be around you and nothing and no one else, so get used to cooking, cleaning, and doing all sorts of other things with only one free arm.

For a while, your child's only way to communicate with you will be through screaming and crying. As time goes on, they'll look intently at something they want, or point at it. They communicate better as they grow, but regardless, it's almost like learning another language.

Your child may be sweet and cooperative at first, but sooner or later, they'll develop a will and also (this is very important) a temper. They'll go back and forth between those. Just a heads-up.

There's so much more I could say, but I've probably gone on long enough (maybe I should write a MyTake). Hopefully this has been a good starting point though. Marriage and parenthood are challenges, but they are good and joyful challenges.

JacobJordan · Accepted Answer

One general rule my wife and I have which you may find helpful is this; it is never you vs your husband. It is you AND your husband vs the problem.

Secondly be open and clear with communication we love you so much but we don't always know what you want or need and we can't read your mind so talk to us.

Third if there are disagreements sort them out quickly and make sure you both feel good. Do not go to bed angry.

Fourth specifically for your husband. Mate I've been where you are. As she hits later stages of pregnancy be ready to put her shoes on for her, help her out of bed because she has a little you inside her making movement tough. Also if she asks for anything get it odds are she won't want it when you return but she will later so having it is better than not having it.

5th specifically for you my dear. Your husband is going to be an idiot sometimes. He is not doing it on purpose I promise. So don't get mad at him treat him with love and respect and your relationship will be great. And 3 small things

1 silent treatment does nothing for men.

2 withholding sex will not make either of you happier nor will it improve behavior. Talk to him.

3 appreciation goes way farther than frustration.

shoeboxcerealcard · Accepted Answer

1. Write down the relationship you two want. It's hard to give tips when we don't know what you want and which direction you're headed. This is your life. Make it what you truly want because you don't know how long you have and this life is all we know for sure. Write down what you 2 want And then become the two people who naturally fit with what you want. @JacobJordan gave you a great philosophy to put into action, "it is never you vs your husband. It is you AND your husband vs the problem." The second 2 people are not on the same page the relationship is pointed toward the ground. The same page means being a team regardless of differences of opinions or problems. @BonzoInBitburg gave some good advice too.

2. Write down the person you want your children to be and then condition them. I don't mean career. I mean traits that are needed by everyone to thrive. Like self discipline, kindness, cleanliness. You should study conditioning everyday until they are 18. Because if you don't understand it there is no way you can guarantee what's going to happen or how your child will turn out. Study paradigms. Study yourself and your marriage. Study everyday even if it's only 5 minutes.

3. Know what you want because even though advice is great, people are telling you what they want not what you want. They is your life. Know what you want and then get in harmony with it. It's that simple. And seek people who can help you stay in harmony with what you want. That's the type of advice you need. But look, if you are not in harmony with what you want, I promise you you're not going to get it. 4. Know what you want and how to get in harmony with anything you want. That's all you need to know. Once you know that, you can take it anywhere. Wants and advice don't matter if you don't know how to get in harmony with it.

sheikalana · Accepted Answer

I can give some advice on marriage: Be patient. Marriage is a lot of work but it's great too. Being a wife is one of my favorite things ever. Never stop being affectionate with each other, never stop dating each other. That's your partner for life. You both need to respect each other and communicate everything and anything that's bothering you. Tell him your concerns about the future and always try to find solutions for any conflict you might have.

A child is going to change your whole life and relationship forever. I'd advise you have someone you trust near you especially another woman to help and support you during this tough challenging time like a nanny or his mom or your own mom. Your relationship may change during this time too with the arrival of your little one but regardless never neglect your Husband.

I'm sure you'll be fine. Congratulations and all the best for the both of you. I'm always happy to know that young adults still value marriage.

Jessica405 · Answer

Never go to sleep, in any relationship, without making up after a row. If you leave it until morning, it will be harder to resolve.

BonzoInBitburg · Answer

I have 4 kids and 3 were homeowners before their 26th birthday. They all paid for their own education, bought their own cars for college and if they wanted a phone, they got jobs and paid for it with their own money. Your job as a parent is to prepare them to be able to live on their own and that mean teaching them work ethic, make their own decisions and allow them to make their own mistakes when they are young and learn from them so they don't make mistakes when they are older and the stakes are higher. You can't fight their battles, but you need to stand in their corner and support them. When life disappoints them, teach them how to deal with it. These are character building moments. If they can't deal with disappointment when they are young, they'll be on here as an adult complaining why no one wants to date them. Allow them some freedom when it's safe otherwise they'll never want to leave home and be an adult. But most importantly, love them unconditionally and make sure they know what being loved feels like

DrPepper12 · Answer

Communicate. ME time and WE time are essential - that's non negotiable. Have mutual and solo interests. In an argument, ALWAYS ask do you want me to listen or do you want me to solve?

For kids FUCK WHAT THEY THINK! Your kid, end of story. Start saving for you and kid NOW. Make a WIDE circle of possible care givers- family, friends, coworkers, etc and you reciprocate. You'll never have enough money and waiting for X is pointless - go do it (within reason ofc).

Hope some of that helps and congrats!

OtterMan68 · Answer

when you're talking to your spouse, make sure you have his attention. If he's watching TV or on the computer, get his attention THEN talk to him. Don't just start talking.

Date nights at least once a month after baby is born if you have a trusted baby sitter, such as the child's grandparents.

As soon as the child is born, read to him/her nightly. Sing to him/her nightly. Sing the ABC song. When the child is a toddler, point things out such as when you pull up to a Stop sign: point out what is says, what color it is, what shape it is, etc.

Get games for your child that are NOT electronic.

Get your child into sports and a musical instrument. Don't force it, but let him/her try it out.

jshm2 · Answer

Two pieces of important marriage advice are:

1. You are both individuals. Being "married" doesn't mean you both now must want the same things.

2. Always work together.

The second piece of advice may sound contrary to the first, but it's not. You can know the state of your marriage at any time by judging how "well" you are working together. If you're not working out together, then the marriage isn't going to last.

Mrtcn01 · Answer

man are simple. they like direct messages..
we like eating sleeping and you know making love.. so you are in different country and it is very very hard to manage it but i can feel it you are very brave and open minded lady.
pregnancy period is the most important period.. your health and babies healt is first so you should go regular checks. you eat less but healty you should walk everyday until 8 months. for parenting issue is early you will feel it when you hug your baby..

EmmaMary · Answer

Why be anonymous, especially when asking perhaps one of the most sensible questions we have had here in a very long time?

Anonymous · Answer

Marriage is a logistical exercise in which cooperation is paramount. Forget what the internet has programmed you with and find a way that both of you are capable of looking term.
Children eat time and resource but are an endless opportunity for growth.
Don't forget to work on your personal relationship at the same time. You don't need it to run a marriage or process kids but most people need the close emotional and physical support and involvement this provides.

Rami_NL · Answer

I am not am expert on the subject so I don't have any specific tip except for: don't project your parents' behavior into your parenting. I hear so many stories of parents taking decisions with the argument that "my father/mother did it like this", or even the other way around as a compensation for their parents' behavior. Just be objective and take your decisions with your own brain and rational thinking. And good luck!

Anonymous · Answer

The baby is the easy part. The relationship is the work. We don’t have instincts to maintain a relationship. We do have instincts to tend to our offspring. Marriage is a business transaction. He doesn’t own you or the baby.
Make sure communication is an open door policy. House chores are not to be used as weapons and they belong to both of you no matter who makes more money. Trust is important-

Good Luck Girl -

jamesgoldman · Answer

I have nothing for marriage unsurprising given my business prefers divorce Parentingwise start saving/investing for your child as soon as you can, loads of options to choose from

laly520 · Answer

without supporting n trusting each other it won't work out to have a successful marriage is to be responsible n loving

noohair · Answer

I always spoke to my daughter as if she was a small person. No baby talk. She learned that I ment what I said.

Anonymous · Answer

study self help and hypnosis and energy healing and stuff. It will teach you how to raise your kids. Stay away from motivation speakers they only create a high that fades, it's all a scam.

itsclearlynicholas · Answer

Don't get married or get divorced and don't have offspring. However that's my advice to myself, and at 30 now 30s, I'm doing pretty well by having charted my path of my own likes so far :)

JayBones2469 · Answer

Don't marry an American woman. Have kids with an Asian woman. If you must have kids with an American woman make sure she dies in a totally unexpected accident while being fully life insured 6 months after giving birth

dreamstar72 · Answer

Yes NEVER go to bed mad

Superreader · Answer

Congratulations? Following lol

Do you have any marriage or parenting tips or advice?

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