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After being in a long-distance relationship since the start of 2023, he's coming over for the marriage. Unlike any other marriages, there won't be any formal proposal, bending on one knee nor an engagement period because he's already spending it on the travel cost (along with other paperworks) and I'm paying for the wedding. He has already sent the paperworks and I have to start setting up the reservation and create a guest list.
So yeah we're going from long-distance partners (we call each other boyfriend and girlfriend because that seems too childish for our ages), straight to the wedding. Are there marriages like that? I'm the first one in my family that will get married without a proposal.
Updates
+1 y
typo... I meant we DON'T call each other boyfriend and girlfriend because that seems too childish for our ages
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
shady. very shady.
We're treating this similar to a transaction. Though at the same time, we like each other a lot and we're at an age we both want to settle down already, tired of dating.
if that's what you want to do. just don't tell your unborn kid that.
Ironically, my own father told me that love is overrated (he makes fun of ''I'll be with you forever and ever, for eternity'' unrealistic love songs, love declarations) and it's better to be married when you're not in love (infatuated) and actually know the person's flaws and deal with reality.
My father actually finds it even better that I'm not in love.
that is a very weird way of looking at things.
To be honest, the more infatuated (madly in love) someone is, the more likely those people will break-up as soon as that intensive emotion fades because you're not going to be feeling on cloud 9 forever. At some point, you need to see the real person and deal with their flaws and imperfections.
seeing the real person and "dealing" with their flaws and imperfections is called accepting everything that they are, which is the most purest form of love.
How much time have you spent together in person?
A whole week. We want to get married for other reasons too. The only way we can be together in the same place is through marriage.
So you have barely been together a year and a half, only seen each other for a week and now jumping into marriage because that’s the only way you can be together? I don't know if this is a religious thing but if it’s not then I hope you reconsider. Marriage is very binding and in my opinion you haven’t spent nearly enough time together to have a genuine idea of who he is.
We're not getting married at a church either but at a courthouse. Yes everything you said in the 2 sentences are true. Both of us are actually tired of dating and we would also like to have a child. I'm 37 and he's 50.
This isn't the typical ''young lovers, madly in love with each other and they live happily ever after'' story among younger people. This originally was a bargain and he agreed to helping me.
So because of you’re ages and you feel like your biological clock is ticking, there is a rush to the alter? I think that’s silly. So many women are having babies and families in their late 30s even 40s. I’m not saying you have to wait that long, I just think it shouldn’t be what you’re diving into marriage for. You should try to spend some more time with him in person before that huge commitment. Like why is he 50 and in this rush? What has he disclosed to you about his past? It’s just odd to me.
Oh wow, a bargain? Were you the one who was on here saying you want to get married because you’re tired of working and taking care of yourself? Want to be stay at home wife I believe.
No, it was a bargain for us to be together and for me to start a small business. I would be moving to his place after we get married.
Then kids will come along the way. I would be happy with at least one child.
So the bargain initially was if you marry him, he gives you the tools you feel you’re currently missing to start your own business. I’m sure you’ll roll your eyes at this and that’s ok, but what’s preventing you from getting this started on your own? I mean you may not have the money or space but no one really does in the beginning, I’ve been struggling to get mine started for about 6 months even with outside help it’s hard. To get married with this expectation, how do you know he will follow through? Or not try to leverage how much he helped you at some future date? To me that would suck because if you’re living with him, he’s funded your business, men can be conniving and in a way he would feel entitled to a lot from you.
I'm paying for the wedding and his paperworks he sent. He won't have to pay anything for the wedding, it's free.
I don't mind signing a prenup though and actually like collaborating and helping out with the bills. I don't like taking advantage of anyone. In a way, we're both doing each other a favor. He doesn't have to pay for the wedding and in return, I'll have a life companion. Then we'll both benefit by having at least one child. He never been married before nor ever had a child either.
very rare
True. I'm now really a fiancee (without a verbal declaration nor question asked; the declaration is already within the paperworks he submitted), just without the whole romantic, getting on one knee moment nor engagement period. He's coming directly for the wedding.