Found out my husband confessed his love to one of our friends when drunk? Should I confront him?

[Spacec]

I'm not sure if this happened before we dated or not. Our husbands are childhood best friends and my husband apparently messaged her via chat online that he's in love with her, but then retracts it and says "I'm drunk, please don't tell your boyfriend". This was all before my husband and I got married I know that.

All this is coming up as we are kinda thinking of doing a girl/girl or foursome thing, but now that her and her husband have been sitting with this info they're afraid my husband has other intentions after all these years and now I'm second guessing as I've never heard about this until now...

My husband has been eager about seeing her naked and has been enjoying fantasizing about me and her (which I find hot) but now ngl I have a worry as I didn't know he ever had feelings like that for her... and him saying that to his best friends girlfriend at the time is out of character for him even if he was drunk. So does that mean he actually is hiding these feelings?

They've talked about confronting him about it before we all go to far, but they may not, and I want to get to the bottom of it as it's not bothering my conscious.

Should I confront him about it even though I was told not to share that info?

Updates

1 y

Well, I point blank asked him about it! He said he has zero memory of that, but since the message was via world of warcraft, he does know it was during a time he was getting black out drunk a lot (which is true). He also understands how weird and uncomfortable it is for everyone involved and that he doesn't love her or even have those feelings for her.

Updates

1 y

Unfortunately during that time we were dating (like a year in) and were since out of high school

[SweetPi]

Yes talk to him about it! Less confronting and more asking to understand! This is a wildly serious thing a 4 some and if he has feelings it will cause drama and ruin the friendship and your marriage!

Honestly I think it's best to try a 4 some with someone else!

These things always ruin marriages and relationships cause you're not ever know and when you do it's over for your husband and he wants her. Not the woman he married.

My BFF did this with me and my ex and we'll she wanted her childhood friend more then her boyfriend. They got together and the two of us ended up single with regrets.

Is it hot yes very is it naughty ooo yes but maybes keep it a fantasy? Something to keep that hot spark alive.

Your married be nice and talk about it ask to understand before things get out of hand. Also how far have the talks of a 4 some gone?

[Spacec]

They've (the guys) been sharing photos of us back and forth with each other and we even have a date at least that us girls will be messing around in the near future.

The foursome part is up in the air due to her husbands feelings about what my husband did back in the day with his wife. But he doesn't know that, and now he's not sure why his best friend is not comfortable with wife sharing essentially.

We've all been best friends since high school and I do feel comfortable doing this stuff around them, but I can't help have these assumptions that he's only down for it because he had/still has those feelings for her.

It was just mainly meant to be us girls exploring, but we wanted to have the bigger conversation about group stuff just incase.

I agree with you, though, it's already been drama in so many ways due to their jealousy issues on their end. Both my husband and I have had great communication on our end about all this, however I know he doesn't know that we all know what he did long ago and that's why this is on pause

[SweetPi]

Wait wait wait! They share your nudes back and forth! Did they even talk to you two about it?

[SweetPi]

I'm on board with you two girls opening up trying things but that just sounds creepy to me.

Honestly my advice is open talk with him. About her like just bring it up as you had a dream 😜. Has he ever really loved her or just always wanted her. Have him come clean if he ever sent her messages of love.

Then I guess talk with the other man about it we'll probably her first. How does she feel?

She is getting the boy who got away.

If it was drunk before your time it's fine. If it's after then bigger issue.

This sounds more like it should just be you two enjoying and trying things. let the boy fantasize or maybe a video. Let them be jealous he has to to enjoy.

[SweetPi]

Good luck your so wonderful and amazing he is so lucky to have you and she is too!

[Spacec]

Yeah, we knew about it because we wanted them to be involved and get turned on by it!

But then she talks to me in person and spills the beans on this while thing and can't even tell me if it was before we started dating which is odd (maybe because she can't remember) so yeah I agree it's a great fantasy right now but def need to slow down and have us figure all these little nuances out.

I just wasn't sure if I should confront him or leave it for them to talk to him about. I feel like I should as this is something that's keeping his best friend from allowing him to feel comfortable about this whole thing anyways.

Thank you for the feedback! It's reassuring to hear that I just need to be upfront (which I know but it's hard to not know if it's your place to bring something up like that)

[SweetPi]

Then good sorry only ever had this with the boys pushing and shoving us about it. Wonderful you two are so into it!
Gave you a follow to see how this goes latter.

[SweetPi]

Your welcome and it is your place! Your his wife and getting sexual with his childhood crush! Honestly sometimes I'd forget when something dumb happened to but she should be able to place if it was before he got you or after!

Maybe she just wants drama or wants to feel powerful giving you these feelings so she can feel like she is kinda taking him from you?

Good luck and enjoy! Hope to meet someone as special as you two for myself some day! He is lucky to have you!

Maybe get there tipsy 😜 see what she says.

[Spacec]

You know... she's made comments that have made me feel hurt or that she's trying to start drama recently and its been giving me red flags that I already shared with my husband.

He was immediately like "Nah we're not doing this if they are gonna start drama or talk about your body like that" so I'm so thankful for his support and flexibility. Not to toot my own horn but I'm not afraid of him leaving me, we're too solid for that to happen. BUT I do want to make sure he's not having sex with someone he has stronger feelings for then what he's leading on ya know?

I just wanted a girl to want ME 😩 and now it's turning into like this whole thing. Haha thank you for the luck and encouragement, I'm very lucky to have him and to be able to have conversations like this with him. I'm just hoping the trust we've created is solid and this isn't gonna be something imma regret asking for my own heart 😭

[Spacec]

But yes, he's been super into seeing us do stuff and I do find that very 🥵 I just don't want my horniness to interfere with my relationship haha

[SweetPi]

It's great that you want to be wanted! We all do! Well if she won't want you without drama I'll so take you!
🤗

What other red flags has she said or shared just to hurt your feelings? 😭

Your doing great exploring and wanting but it's so hard for our desire to learn us some where we don't want to go!

Trust him and your heart. Also go on brag about him! It's wonderful seeing married couples brag!

[Spacec]

Just saying stuff like how her husband isn't comfortable seeing me naked but that she doesn't mind if photos of her get shared with my husband and I, but to my husbands pov when sharing the photos with his friend he says "no he wants to see it, he's just lying to his wife because he doesn't want to admit it". So is she jealous or does he really not want to see me naked?

Then she's brought up things like "Don't you feel degraded when your husband calls you a pornstar" or "why is he only sharing photos of you when you were skinnier?" And just things that make me question stuff I shouldn't even be questioning. Like I said I'm confident in myself and my relationship so theses comments just seem intentional

Meanwhile I'm talking her up, telling her how attractive she is to my husband and I just showering her in compliments. Just seems weird that she has to make these little comments where it's like she wants to me to pick a fight with my husband or something I don't know...

[SweetPi]

Could we message about this?

[SweetPi]

For the pictures does he not like yours or he does not like the spot they were taken from?

[SweetPi]

From those yes she is jealous and has anger! Probably not happy in Thier sex life. Maybe jealous about how you excite him but wants him happy?

Might be she just wants drama like some girls need.

Few of my friends do that also! Just drama or insults when I compliment them.

Sounds like she wants to be the top girl. She wants that power to manipulate you and make you question things.

She wants the power trip of insulting you also.

Some people can't handle getting along with someone without hurting them.

I'd agree with your heart. It's hot but they are not a healthy couple for it.

[Spacec]

Well shit, I find that all attractive and hurtful 🤣 why do I gotta be into these kinda women.

[Spacec]

I'm also not used to flirting with other women, so like maybe this is flirting and not her trying to be intentionally hurtful? Lol

She's been clear she's not confident in her skin and with being a mom she have so many insecurities that I've told her she doesn't need to have those worries with me, I'm into her and the body she's currently in. I think she's projecting in a lot of ways

[mistiQ]

When people are dtunk they usually speak what is on their mind when sober. If you want your marriage to last forget about doing a foursome because it may cause major issues down the line.. not a good idea unless u can handle the aftermath.

[Anonymous]

Honestly kinda drunkenly texted someone also... In my 20s but that was how He felt in the moment and well drunk overly affectionate.

Who told you that he texted? Sounds fishy that it is coming up now after so much has been said.

Not saying it did not happen but why is it just coming out now?

Good luck we did a foursome and they broke up the month after with 3 kids.

[Spacec]

She told me because her husband has known since it happened and he's been worried about that situation being combined with this one and he's not sure of my husbands intentions with that in the back of his mind.

I also feel a fishiness, which is why I want to talk to my husband directly and get his story. This was apparently over 10-15 years ago, depending on when it actually happened. But he was drinking, and I've been with him since we were 17. So that part just makes me wonder when he actually did this ya know?

Oof yeah I don't want that kinda stuff to happen

[seviyorummm]

I wanted to chat via message to ask what you are up to.

I guess he tried it and the backlash was that I'm drunk. He hid in his lie.

[CuriousHubby]

Dude cringe 😬

[seviyorummm]

@CuriousHubby Please don't hurt me, there is nothing to be ashamed of