Break up- Parting gift?

[Anonymous]

Just recently broke up with my boyfriend of almost 1 year. This is my first break up and having a tough time , even though I dumped him. (Just a matter of trust and wrong timing) My question is his birthday is in 2 weeks and I had already gotten his present well in advance. (BTW the gift is a small box of items I know he enjoys music, MJ memorabilia, shirt, b day card) Do I send it to him or not? I was so looking forward to giving it to him and feel like it's a waste...but on the flip side, not sure if sending it would do more harm than good. Just conflicted. Thoughts?

Yes, send it, you planned to anyway

Yes, but make it clear the gift was for a B day, not reconciliation.

No, don't send it.

Updates

+1 y

Just an update- I did decide to give him the gift.

[lost-angel]

If you broke up with him, I think it would be best not to give it.

It will make it harder for him to move on.

Even if you make it clear that it`s only a Bday gift and nothing else, it will still confuse him. He will think, maybe she misses me, or still loves me, etc. No matter what you say, that gift will open up a lot of doors to confusion, for him. It will bring back memories, and thoughts of you, and "what if"s.

And like I said earlier, it will make it harder for him to move on.

You can hold on to the gift, and give it to him when you know for sure that he has moved on. Or you can donate it or give to friends.

If you really care for this guy and really want him to move on, then don`t give anything.

[yannick]

I don't think it's up to her to 'protect' her ex from the feelings he has. Everybody needs to be confronted with a tough situation and deal with it. The fact is this gift will make him happy. Maybe it will hurt him and will have a harder time moving on, but that's gonna be his job to move on knowing all there is to know about the break-up.

[lost-angel]

It will make him happy, and hurt at the same time. Yah it`s not her job to protect his feelings, but why make it worse for him? I`ve been dumped before and I know how hard it is to move on. The worst part is when you think you`re finally "ok", and then something like a gift or visit from the ex comes up... and you fall back to zero. It`s just.. really hard. If you want someone to move on, then help them by staying away.

[Asker]

Thanks Lost Angel, I understand your point, but do agree with yannick that he's got to face this tough situation. Actually we both do. Although I called for the break we both are experiencing a loss. I am happy to say despite it all we both have expressed that we want to be able to one day re-connect in the future if its meant to be otherwise be the best of friends with fond memories. I did send the gift. I just felt it important he knows he'll always be dear in my heart.

[lost-angel]

Aww that`s touching

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend of 4 1/2 years left me. I got her a thank you card. In it, I thanked her for being my best friend and for being such an amazing girlfriend and wonderful part of my life. I was absolutely heart broken (still am) I would say give it to him.

[Asker]

Thanks for your comments. I did decide to send it to him after all. Even though I called for he break it's because I knew timing wasn't right. I know we both care for each other still so I thought it important he knows just because we are apart doesn't mean I still don't hold him dear in my heart. I still think about him all the time.

[yannick]

Put yourself in his shoes. If you had been dumped by your boyfriend, would you like him to give you one last gift, or would you rather not having the chance to ever know about it because he kept it? I say give it to him.

[Asker]

Thanks for your input. I did decide to go ahead and send it. I feel good about my decision.

[yannick]

I feel good about your decision too lol :)