Well yeah, family jewelry is ok to ask for since there's a significant history behind it. But asking to get some more general gifts back is rude. You literally gave up your ownership of these things when you handed them over to your partner. Otherwise you can't call them gifts, you were just temporarily lending these items to them. Which defeats the purpose of a gift. So that's something you have to be prepared for in any type of relationship (or friendship, even). Don't give anything you're not prepared to never see again.
Plus, aren't most gifts sort of modified to fit your partner's likes and interests anyway? Like what are you supposed to do with the stuff once you get it back? Use it yourself? Burn it? Sell it? To me it just makes more sense to let them have it. And if they have something you want, then you should just go out and buy that thing for yourself instead of forcing them to give it back to you. Not only will it be brand new and in great condition, but it'll have none of the history too.
All in all it just seems distasteful. Breakups are hard enough as is, I think you'd only be making things harder for yourself if you tried asking for their presents back, because that will sure as hell not go down well.
Rude, rude, rude. The furthest you can take this is an engagement ring where the ring is a family heirloom throughout generations, you give it to a fiancee to ensure she proclaims to wait to marry only you and she cheats on you. You break up. You still gave it to her for that reason. Even if it all fell apart, the purpose of that gift was served and for you to ask for it back says something like: Customer service sucks here, I want my money back!
You can't. It's hers. That how gifts work. That's how people work. She's not a retail store.
If you really want it, you have to ask to buy it back from her. That's the only honorable thing to do. (same for women who gave gifts to men) Most women in such situations would just gift it back to you in the name of the past relationship and that's cool. Take it. But even if they didn't, acting dishonorable is unacceptable regardless of what others do to you.
Okay in EVERY situation. The problem is you should NEVER grow so emotionally attached to somebody you do not see a future with or marriage with. Giving somebody a family possession is the WRONG THING to do and so unwise for these reasons. MANY people if they watch Judge Judy or Divorce Court goes through this crap suing their ex's or spouse over such things. But gifts you paid out of your own money, that is your fault for ever doing that. At that point, it's best to talk about whether or not such thing should be given back or thrown out. You don't want to keep anything of that ex, as they should be in the past. I personally always say throw everything out, I don't care how expensive or give it back. Get a notarized note of it in writing and keep for reference in case somebody holds a grudge and wants to sue. You and that person are responsible for what you chose to do.
What if you buy a present to ur friend and you don't talk to them anymore? What if you gave your hairdresser a $10 tip and you don't go to her beauty salon anymore? What if you give your area homeless guy $20 and you move to a new neighborhood? What if you buy a present to your parents and you move to a university dorm? What if what if bla bla
gift is a gift if you give me something I burn it I lose it I throw it to the garbage I flush it it ain't your problem bc it's a gift thus it's called a gift
According to dictionary. com
Gift is a noun= something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone.
Personally if I get asked to give back a jewelry I'll eat it and shit it and give it back
If something bigger I'll donate it to the poor!
Cheers
if i fell in love with some dude and saat he likes reading... so i gave him one of my grandpa's first edition books... I would ask for it back cause i expected it to stay in the family and at the point I have him this gift i believed he would have joined my family.
or like if my brother gave a girl one of my great grandmothers necklaces as a gift, he would have to go and ask for it back because it belongs in our family.
but things like rings and other shiz i bought for them with my own money and stuff... they can keep cause it wouldn't make a difference if i got it back, I already spent the money and threw away the receipt having useless clutter in my room would just be a real big waste of time and energy.
in any relationship you start out as friends if I was to give you something it's because I wanted you to have it there's a reason why I wanted you to have it so and then we break up and I'm hurt but there's no way possible in this world that I could take back my gift I'm going to have you given it to you for a reason and that's because you're my friend so I think it would totally be rude now I think I gave you something that his grandmother's or something like that did you have to be the bigger person and I understand and respect you don't have to give the gift back but at the same time why not it'll mean nothing to you down the road anyway so I guess now depends on who wants to be the bigger person and walk away with a smile
u 1. An engagement ring should be returned if the engagement is broken. In my state, that is a legal obligation.
2. Any gift of a family heirloom should be returned but that is not an enforceable obligation.
3. Otherwise, it is very low class/no class to ask for the return of gifts.
Socially, I believe whoever calls off the engagement should affect who keeps the ring. The non-breaking party receives it.
Secondly thank you for the knowledge. I thought it was an old archaic law that no longer exists saying one is entitled to the value of the ring if the engagement is called off. I was going to point this out so I researched. Instead I found you are correct: that most states award the ring to the giver considering it to be a conditional gift. My state included. I could have sworn I learned it's treated like any gift but I'm incorrect. I think I'm confusing this with the fact engagements are no longer treated as enforceable contracts. So again; thank you.
@Reddr The idea that someone could break a person's heart by calling off an engagement and still have the right to demand the right back initially kind of made me mad. But I guess considering how much some people spend on engagement rings, it does make sense. It's a major investment for some people. Which I think is nuts to begin with, but you know.
@samhradh_leannan The legal concept is that an engagement ring is a conditional gift. It is given to you upon the understanding that you have agreed to marry me and I would not give you the ring unless you had made that promise with the intent of honoring the promise. Therefore, if the marriage is called off, the ring must be returned. The law is not interested in whose "fault" it is that the engagement has been ended; I may have decided to end the engagement but it was based upon you being unfaithful, and you may say that you were unfaithful because of something that I did, etc. That kind of inquiry usually gets nowhere so, regardless of who is "at fault" in the engagement ending, the engagement ring must be returned.
Yeah, I understand the reason for the law, especially when considering how much some people actually spend on a ring. But in a case where the giver of the ring calls off the engagement just because they changed their mind, it seems a little petty to me. That's all.
I mean, I'd probably still choose to give the ring back. But being asked for it back, in that situation, would make my blood boil lol.
@samhradh_leannan Yes, I understand those feelings. You just need to remember that if somebody called off their engagement to you, in the long run, they have probably done you a great favor!
True.
Honestly I don't get the amount of money spent on engagement rings either. Or weddings for that matter. And when it comes down to it if there's a broken engagement I don't want to keep the ring. I don't care which party you are or who broke it off; I wouldn't want it. The other person can do as they please.
I could see the buyer wanting the try to recoup value though.
in my opinion you should never give a gift that you aren't prepared to lose forever. I never expect to get a gift back.
I guess one possible exception would be an engagement ring that was a family heirloom - but if an engagement is broken off, the ring should be returned anyway.
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my ex gave me a really expensive laptop for Christmas, 2 really expensive big soft toys, and a lot more. he's only 18 and wasn't working so he used all his savings and got those for me. he NEVER asked them back. i dont know if its because he feels awkward to do so or what but I'm kind of thankful he didn't. or else it'll be really awkward. i never asked for anything back too - well, i asked him to return a sum of money he LENT from me because before we broke up, we agreed I'll lend it to him instead of giving.
I agree with @OlderAndWiser gifts like engagement rings should be given back before marriage. I was married about 7 and a half years so of course she kept her ring. I would never ask for any other gift back. I would not give a gift like a family heirloom to a girl until after marriage. I give nice gifts but nothing that has so much meaning that I would ask for it back.
My fiancé had given me some of his family's heirloom silver when we got engaged. After we broke up, I returned it. He didn't ask for it back, but it didn't feel right to keep it. I had no claim to it, and it was the last piece. His younger sister didn't even have any - who am i to keep that?
If it was a unique item that had deep sentimental value then of course it should be returned, further if it was something that wasn't paid for yet, sich as a wedding ring then it would be appropriate to return it. There should be no need to ask. Unfortunately if you are in a position to have to ask, chances are you won't see it again.
if it's truly a gift it's a one way street. people should really debate whether or not an item of importance should be given to someone they're not certain they would want to have it. If the person chooses to give it back that is their decision to do but it is certainly no place of the individual that gave it to them to request it back. to do so in any circumstance would be rude.
i think it's only ok if the gift was something personal that perhaps has sentimental value to the person who gave it... so perhaps some sort of family trinket or something like that
otherwise gifts are gifts and once given are entirely the possession of the receiver
I have never seen the point in giving back gifts or wanting gifts back. They are gifts. If I didn't want you to have it I wouldn't have given it to you. Though I see the argument when it comes to family heirlooms; I have to ask why did one give it away in the first place? I mean I'd have a pre-nupt drawn to extra-protect my family heirlooms in the event of a divorce, I'm definitely not giving them away to someone. Even if I'm married to him.
If it was a family heirloom or something it's totally appropriate to ask for it back, and if they refused that would be a suuuuuuper dick move!
Also, I feel like if an engagement is called off the ring should be given back. Unless it's because the giver cheated or abused the receiver. In that case, fuck 'em.
Other than that, I think a gift is a gift. Once given, it belongs to the person it was given to.
Unless it's something like family jewelry (which I never see anyone giving away without it being a fiance of husband/wife situation) it's extremely rude.
Don't give any significant or expensive gifts until you're sure that person is THE person for you.
If I gave my fiancée an engagement ring whether it was a priceless family treasure or bought by me @ Tiffany's, it should be returned. Judges in my state agree, its funny to see and hear about. Then you haven't seen nothing till you see Mariah and the Billionaire, lol. I will never worry bout this, I've got my marriage in...
My answer was yes , I'd hope to avoid having to ask for it back, but if I had to yes. Why would a woman want to keep a ring from a guy who she clearly doesn't love anymore?
Pawn it.
Right, that's exactly what I'd do!
I'm OK with whatever.
I can understand the reasons behind any option, so I don't really care.
Mainly because I don't expect anything. I pay my bills and can buy myself things I want. And I can understand that other person can have negative emotions and don't want to have this feeling of investing in someone no more is treasured.
I personally wouldn't ever give someone something I thought was so important to begin with probably because I have never connected with someone on that level.. but if someone asked for something back I wouldn't care either way more so if it was like a family item..
It's bullshit. You have a gift, you shouldn't ask for it back. Not unless you're in 3rd grade or something.
This is another good reason not to give a bitch anything that costs more than a couple dollars. You're basically throwing away any money you spend on a woman. Should have flushed it down the toilet, at least then you'd get to watch it go around the bowl and finally down.
*gave a gift
Autocorrect sucks fat girl gunt.
My mom often let him keep his things. They dated on/off 8 years and i hated that she let him keep all his stuff (especially since he lived with us). But that final time, she let him keep all the clothes she bought but she kept his playstation and all his signed jerseys she bought. Lmao i loved it. So i mean it can be rude but sometimes they deserve it. Now say i got engaged or something. If we break up, nah you not gettin the ring back. I'd either keep it as a memory or pawn it
Hmm. I disagree. See, I think of an engagement ring as more of a collar than a ring. Not to symbolize ownership, but to signify "taken" status and to symbolize the promise of future marriage. It isn't given to you, it's given to the marriage. You don't own it, and if you leave the marriage, you don't get to keep it.
See, an engagement ring isn't a gift. It's a promise and a question, as well as a commitment and an investment. To say you'd disregard all of that because, I dunno, he handed you a ring and that's all the thought you put into it, doesn't speak well of you.
I mean, if it was expensive and you bought it for them out of love and for the relationship and stuff, then I would expect your partner to have the courtesy of returning it to you.
Even if it does come across rude, who gives a shit about this guy. If he doesn't have strong moral principles then why does he deserve not to witness 'rudeness'? 😂
I think asking for gift back after a break-up is very rude.
Cuz , as the name implies 'gift' .
If you lend something to someone, ofcourse asking for gift back.
but, gift isn't lended stuff..
at the same time asking for gift back , meaning is ' give back to me remembrances '
in all my experience , I haven't never bougth too much expensive gift to anyone..
Unless it's an engagement ring, then it's rude and pointless to ask back for something you gave freely to someone else. That's the whole point of a gift, you bought it cause you wanted to out of the kindness of your heart, no one forces to give gifts to anybody. Plus that gift is sign of your old relationship, it's holding on to something that's dead and over, so just let them keep it or throw away. I also don't think the next person would like getting a gift that use to belong to an ex.
My friends was taken on a date by her boyfriend because they were boyfriend and girlfriend for 100 days (They`re 13) But a week after that, she broke up with him because she wasn`t in love with him anymore. She didn`t want to do it before the 100 days because he was so happy about it, but she had to pay her side of the date back, and it wasn't even a chique date, smh..
Well, with all due honesty, whoever wanted to go out on a date has to be ready to pay. If that's not the case, both must be ready to share the price. Can't expect one person ( man or woman ) to pay all the time.
@bio_scientist He took her on a date for the 100 days, and he would be the one to pay for the dinner, and now she has to pay her side back, I think thats ridiculous.
if this was the scenario after the date was over and after the breakup, then it is indeed bad.
No, it has been given, and therefore it’s her thing now. I don’t own it. In the other hand, I own things, which she gave me. And I still have and use something from my first relationship. From someone, who I really don’t want to see ever again, even if she was the last person on this planet.
Engagement rings and any families jewels or a car should be given back out of decency and self respect on the part of the woman and vice versa without the need to ask. Keeping stuff like that is mercenary and low.
I think in most situations, gifts are gifts and cannot be taken back. But, if a gift was given under false pretext, then I don't see a problem with asking for it back. The other thing is engagement rings. If no marriage happens, it should be given back.
I don't give gifts I would want to have back for this exact reason.
But I would give back as well as demand to be given back things in particular situations, such as whenever you get gifted something shortly before breakup.
In that case it is clear you have given or accepted a gift without sincerity and I don't see why you should cling onto it.
In my opinion once you give out something it's no longer yours, I'm not saying this because I want to keep gifts, I'm saying because it irritates me if someone tries to return something I gave them. It's a gift, burn it before you ever consider giving it back.
I’d argue that depending on the circumstances of the breakup and the specifics of the gift, it may be appropriate to ask for the gift to be returned. I. e. Gifting an heirloom or a particularly expensive item like a car
In most cases though I believe that asking for a gift back is out of spite.
Extremely tacky to ask for gifts back. If you give a gift to someone, be prepared to part with it forever. If it's a precious family heirloom, well I don't know if you should have been giving that away in the first place if it was so important, but it's worth a shot to ask for it back. But always be prepared for the worst.
well you made a decision to give a valued possession to them. once you've given it to them, it'll be wrong to take it back. lending is a different story. that's why we should take more caution in what we decide to give people.
If the recipient of the gift is the one who initiated the breakup, then they should offer to return the gift. If the giver of the gift is the one who initiated the breakup, then they should forfeit the gift.
Certain gifts should be returned like engagement ring, anything that represents his family or family heirloom and i think properties (where i come from we buy house and land as gift too) like anything that's big or hold significance.
Only reason properties she or he can have properties if it was long marrage like 20 years like that
(Girls family also give land or house as gift in my culture so it's not gender specific )
For small gifts big no.
I think its okay like if its something from the family obviously you two are no longer together so you CAN ask for it back since they're not part of the family anymore lol. Otherwise something like earrings.. nah engagement ring you can I think.
With family jewelry i can understand you want it back but its still rude. You are essentially at fault yourself for given away a family item so easily and they do not have to give it back if they refuse. A gift is a gift.
Only if it was something incredibly special like a family heirloom or very expensive.
I'd just offer to give back any gifts, to save the awkwardness, I wouldn't want to have them anyway with the memories of the breakup attached
Family jewelry? I'm definitely getting that shit back?
Why the fuck should she want to keep a family heirloom of a family she will never be a part of (outside of being spiteful)?
I mean if it was your mom/gmas ring, that makes sense. But if it was a random ring u proposed to me with, you ain't gettin that back. Lol u can buy it back tho before i pawn it
If it was something that meant a lot to me (grandfathers watch for example)
Also if it was an engagement ring that person paid for.
Or to be honest if they cheated or something deplorable, I would demand anything that cost a lot of money back.
If it's an item that belonged to the family than it's ok to reclaim it. If it's something else be it a car, a phone or other jewelry, if it was given with full consent than it can't be asked back.
In some culture, the party that want to break up is the one that would return the gifts. It's a way of saying "it's over" and "I don't owe you anything"
If i give her anything while the feelings are real, why would i even think to to take it back, it doesn't even come to mind. Unless i just want to try and hurt her.
in a few situations such as family jewelry. If a guy has given me that, and we break up he would not even have to ask, because I would feel bad to keep it.
The only instance in which it would ever be okay, would be an engagement ring. I can't think of a single other instance in which it would be okay to ask for a gift back.
Why ask for a ring back? I mean if it was your mom/gmas ring, then that makes sense. But if it was a random ring u proposed to me with, I wouldn't give it back. I'd either keep it as a memory or I'd give u the chance to buy it back before i pawn it
@DizzyDesii Because the ring was a sign of my love and commitment to you. In a way it was a symbol of me giving myself to you fully in the relationship. If you've rejected me and pushed me away, you can't just sell a part of me. Even if it's not literal it has a significance in what it symbolized. It's not just that I'm taking back a physical object, it's that I'm taking back the commitment I had made to you. I ring is a sign of a promise that has been made, and if I can no longer fulfill that promise, and if it is no longer considered a commitment, I take back the sign of that promise. If that makes sense. At least that's the way I see it. I'm not saying everyone should do it that way, but I don't generally think a guy is unjustified in asking for the ring back.
Hmm no you're right it kinda makes sense now
@DizzyDesii :) Cool!
If it's expensive, like a very fine piece of jewelry, I would think that she should give it back.. why should she have her ex's things lying around, but, if it's something like food, I would think they could just keep it, ya know? No point in wasting that shit, right?
Only if it's a family heirloom, in which case you shouldn't even have to ask. Anything else would be tacky.
According to the most American laws, engagement rings and other gifts like that are techincally gifts given out of conditions of the relationship. therefore, if one calls ofd the engagement, they must return the ring or could be sued
Family heirloom, like ring or other family item. You can't take something away from the family it belonged to if you're leaving it; it's just not right.
very rude and means I never gave it to you from my heart. I never loved you. I only did it just to follow the Norms and trend of today. God is Love and only Love can forgive.
It is true that God is Love and only Love can forgive endlessly, we all are God's gift. We are love and we forgive despite our own flaws.
Let me tell you this; Jesus Christ died on the Cross of Calvary for your sins, accept Him as Your Lord (Master) and Savior and He will save your soul from hell and protect you from negative energies (unclean spirts). Reject Him Jesus Christ and God will judge you and send you to he'll for your sins (breaking His Laws). That is what The Bible says.
If you have seen people play the game Charlie Charlie. Charlie is spirit, an evil one for that matter. You don't see it. That is how God is invisible but you see His son Jesus Christ who died for your sins. So you are not talking to the sky but to an invisible Almighty Being called God. All you need is faith and knowledge.
I never had regardless to what happened. When I buy something for a person it's because I want to and not base on conditions. I think to ask for it back would be childish but that's just me.
I agree, family heirloom should be returned. Also if it was an engagement being called off, the person that initiated it should return any jewelry given. Not that I'd want to keep it. Sell it and buy yourself the toy you could never have while you were together.
Gifts? Never, their gifts.
However, an engagement ring isn't a gift, it's a loan until marriage.
Legally, at least in the U. S., the man can sue to get it back.
You can sue over anything...
@chrismarie5589 True, but they will win, due to legal precedent.
i dont care I've never dealt with the situation cuz i dont give anything away i buy stuff for em which i never expect to get back and anything gave to me they never asked for back i end up throwing it away anyway but still
It's kind of simple. If the other person have common sense they will know that the particular object is really important not only for you, for the entire family and they will give it back. Whoever we don't live in a fantasy world, do ask for it. It's not a big deal.
There is only ONE THING THAT MUST BE RETURNED after a break up if it is given, THE ENGAGEMENT RING, it was NOT a gift, it remains the man's property, it is a symbol if the promise to marry, if there is no marriage it must be returned, and it tells you a lot about the women when they refuse to return it, it proves they were not wife material.
It's okay if it's like a family item. Like a grandmothers ring/necklace.. something along those lines.
I don't think you should ask for gifts back unless it's an engagement ring or something passed down from your family.
I was going to say gifts are gifts and shouldn't be taken back except in the occasion where they have gave you something very precious to wear I. e great grandmothers jewlerry etc that was probably gave with the idea in mind that even if gave to someone it would still be with them because they are together
First don't give family jewellery away keep that in the actual family. Second me and my ex when we broke up we asked if there was anything the other whanted back
I think if its something either very expensive or a personal item of yours that you owned and then gave to the other person its alright
I honestly don't know. Me personally, I wouldn't want anything back that I gave an ex. Too many memories are attached to that. He can throw the gifts away for all I care.
A gift is a gift. Gifts are unconditionally given. Case closed!
I think wedding rings and heirlooms should be given back and photos of family etc.
The only thing I would ask back is like you said, a family heirloom. but other than that id let them keep whatever I gave them.
Whenever I give my boyfriend something big and special I tell him I want it back if we ever had to break up and he's always agreed.
After a break up I asked for a sweatshirt some b-ball shorts, and t-shirts but I never got most of it back haha girls are clothing thirds haha
for me; if its a gift better the person keep it because it is intent to be his or hers in the beginning it was given to him or her for a reason.
Nah, that too low. Just leave the person with the gift and go your way. Why do you want it? for memories? because those are gonna be so nice...
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