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Asking for a gift back after a break up: Unbelievably rude or justified in some situations? (Page 2)
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I think in most situations, gifts are gifts and cannot be taken back. But, if a gift was given under false pretext, then I don't see a problem with asking for it back. The other thing is engagement rings. If no marriage happens, it should be given back.
I don't give gifts I would want to have back for this exact reason.
But I would give back as well as demand to be given back things in particular situations, such as whenever you get gifted something shortly before breakup.
In that case it is clear you have given or accepted a gift without sincerity and I don't see why you should cling onto it.
In my opinion once you give out something it's no longer yours, I'm not saying this because I want to keep gifts, I'm saying because it irritates me if someone tries to return something I gave them. It's a gift, burn it before you ever consider giving it back.
I’d argue that depending on the circumstances of the breakup and the specifics of the gift, it may be appropriate to ask for the gift to be returned. I. e. Gifting an heirloom or a particularly expensive item like a car
In most cases though I believe that asking for a gift back is out of spite.
Extremely tacky to ask for gifts back. If you give a gift to someone, be prepared to part with it forever. If it's a precious family heirloom, well I don't know if you should have been giving that away in the first place if it was so important, but it's worth a shot to ask for it back. But always be prepared for the worst.
well you made a decision to give a valued possession to them. once you've given it to them, it'll be wrong to take it back. lending is a different story. that's why we should take more caution in what we decide to give people.
I agree
If the recipient of the gift is the one who initiated the breakup, then they should offer to return the gift. If the giver of the gift is the one who initiated the breakup, then they should forfeit the gift.
Certain gifts should be returned like engagement ring, anything that represents his family or family heirloom and i think properties (where i come from we buy house and land as gift too) like anything that's big or hold significance.
Only reason properties she or he can have properties if it was long marrage like 20 years like that
(Girls family also give land or house as gift in my culture so it's not gender specific )
For small gifts big no.
I think its okay like if its something from the family obviously you two are no longer together so you CAN ask for it back since they're not part of the family anymore lol. Otherwise something like earrings.. nah engagement ring you can I think.
With family jewelry i can understand you want it back but its still rude. You are essentially at fault yourself for given away a family item so easily and they do not have to give it back if they refuse. A gift is a gift.
Only if it was something incredibly special like a family heirloom or very expensive.
I'd just offer to give back any gifts, to save the awkwardness, I wouldn't want to have them anyway with the memories of the breakup attached
Family jewelry? I'm definitely getting that shit back?
Why the fuck should she want to keep a family heirloom of a family she will never be a part of (outside of being spiteful)?
I mean if it was your mom/gmas ring, that makes sense. But if it was a random ring u proposed to me with, you ain't gettin that back. Lol u can buy it back tho before i pawn it
If it was something that meant a lot to me (grandfathers watch for example)
Also if it was an engagement ring that person paid for.
Or to be honest if they cheated or something deplorable, I would demand anything that cost a lot of money back.
If it's an item that belonged to the family than it's ok to reclaim it. If it's something else be it a car, a phone or other jewelry, if it was given with full consent than it can't be asked back.
In some culture, the party that want to break up is the one that would return the gifts. It's a way of saying "it's over" and "I don't owe you anything"
If i give her anything while the feelings are real, why would i even think to to take it back, it doesn't even come to mind. Unless i just want to try and hurt her.
in a few situations such as family jewelry. If a guy has given me that, and we break up he would not even have to ask, because I would feel bad to keep it.
The only instance in which it would ever be okay, would be an engagement ring. I can't think of a single other instance in which it would be okay to ask for a gift back.
Why ask for a ring back? I mean if it was your mom/gmas ring, then that makes sense. But if it was a random ring u proposed to me with, I wouldn't give it back. I'd either keep it as a memory or I'd give u the chance to buy it back before i pawn it
@DizzyDesii Because the ring was a sign of my love and commitment to you. In a way it was a symbol of me giving myself to you fully in the relationship. If you've rejected me and pushed me away, you can't just sell a part of me. Even if it's not literal it has a significance in what it symbolized. It's not just that I'm taking back a physical object, it's that I'm taking back the commitment I had made to you. I ring is a sign of a promise that has been made, and if I can no longer fulfill that promise, and if it is no longer considered a commitment, I take back the sign of that promise. If that makes sense. At least that's the way I see it. I'm not saying everyone should do it that way, but I don't generally think a guy is unjustified in asking for the ring back.
Hmm no you're right it kinda makes sense now
@DizzyDesii :) Cool!
If it's expensive, like a very fine piece of jewelry, I would think that she should give it back.. why should she have her ex's things lying around, but, if it's something like food, I would think they could just keep it, ya know? No point in wasting that shit, right?
Only if it's a family heirloom, in which case you shouldn't even have to ask. Anything else would be tacky.
According to the most American laws, engagement rings and other gifts like that are techincally gifts given out of conditions of the relationship. therefore, if one calls ofd the engagement, they must return the ring or could be sued