If you bought your partner expensive gifts and they break up with you, is it wrong to ask for the gifts back?

[Ursidae]

If you bought your partner expensive gifts and they break up with you, is it wrong to ask for the gifts back?

Updates

+1 y

Never buy a girl something, got it

[Anonymous]

The only gifts you should attempt to ask for back are those that are things like family heirlooms that belong in the family like your grandmothers ring. Other than that, know that in life if you give someone a gift, you are doing so with the knowledge that you are giving it to them with no intention of getting it back. As someone else mentioned, it's gift "giving" not gift "lending." It also has nothing to do with your gender. When I broke up with my ex, that was it. It wasn't, hey can you give me all the Christmas gifts I got you back. They're his because I gave them to him and even the law recognizes that you can't repo a gift.

[ragequeen]

Yes, you shouldn`t be asking for it. If she was mature, she would offer to give them back. My ex bought me a lot of expensive jewelry and an expensive custom-made crystal rose, and of course, I offered to give them back to him when we broke up.

[OlderAndWiser]

When you gave them a gift, you transferred ownership of the item. You did not say, "Here, you can have this as long as we are dating but you must return it if we break up." You have no legal claim to return of the item. The law does make an exception for an engagement ring because it is a gift specifically given in contemplation of marriage.

Aside from the legalities, why do you want to get into a harangue with your ex about returning gifts? That is just a way of clinging to the relationship and not letting go: pathetic. You won't move forward as long as you are looking back!

[MrOracle]

Don't give gifts expecting them to be returned to you. It's really that simple. If that means you don't give expensive gifts, so be it.

My most recent ex has several items that I bought her that cost a good amount of money, but I didn't want or expect them to be returned. And the things from me that she values most costed almost nothing, but have very high sentimental value to her (one of them is a stuffed animal that I won for her at a fair, for example), so you don't need to spend a lot to mean a lot to her.

[SueShe]

A gift is a token of appreciation for what you did (or do) and for who you were (or are) and not for you will do or will be in the future.

If it is a purchased gift, you can ask it back, mainly if it was expensive and cost you all your savings. If the person is a gentleman or a decent girl, she will return it but it is no obligation.

I see it differently if the gift is a heirloom that was given to you by a family member and you gave it in good faith for it to remain in the family.

There, I would not hesitate to insist that they return it.

[witherwing]

Yes, it's rude to ask for the gifts back. You give a gift with an idea that it will never be yours.

[coachTanthony]

Don't be petty by ever asking for the gift back. You need to just chalk that up to a live and learn moment.

As for your update: Love is a risk.. either take that risk or stay home!

[StingRayxoxo]

It's not wrong but your partner has no obligation to give them back. If it's something like an engagement ring and she called it off, she should give the ring back. But there are no guarantees.

[Moonchild714]

Engagement Ring she is obligated to give back if she ends things, that's considered breach of contract. Engagement Rings signify a Legal Contract. This has been disputed in courts many times. Only time woman loses is if guy was abusive in anyway (which Judges always say why would you want the ring unless to Pawn it or a reminder of type of guy to stay away from).

[jennifer_bloom]

Its not wrong but they have a legal right to say it was a gift and they owe you nothing. Some might pay you back while others won't.

[Logorithim]

Yes, it's wrong. Makes you look petty.

[sjoes006]

Well, a gift is given just as such. It’s not a down payment on a future promise. And a gift can only truly be given if you expect nothing in return.

If a gift is given to influence future behavior it’s less of a gift and more of a lobbying chip to put it nicely.

I used to hate flowers for this reason, first it’s a waste but second they weren’t sincere.

Now, have I been in a relationship where the balance of money spent was heavier paid by me and not the other? Of course, but that’s my lesson to learn. I don’t hound them for money.

My longest relationship was with a guy who made an excellent income between his work and investment properties. But he was usually pretty tight about spending on dinner during the week which meant no eating out.

Well we didn’t eat out but I lived downtown and had a dog so we usually spent the night at mine. This meant I could cook or not cook but I usually did because it was healthier than the alternative and I enjoyed it, having someone to cook for.

But I usually eat a protein and fresh veg so it did more than double my cost to cook for two. He’s about 165% of my weight due to height and muscle, he just needs more food.

Steak, scallops, fresh veggies. He never offered to split the grocery bill and I don’t keep tabs.

But he won a free 3 day pass
To a music fest I hadn’t planned on attending then asked me to attend last moment because a friend pulled out for a day.

I agreed to go but prior to agreeing I asked how much the scalp ticket prices were. He gave me a max estimate, I pulled hundreds in cash but was short $50.

He paid it expecting me to pay him back.

That was me at my breaking point with him. Firstly, he was there on a ticker paid for by a friend who was married and that friend’s wife didn’t want to go so the friend invited him, no charge.

The wife ended up coming for a day and had to scalp a ticket.

Then this guy wins a ticket during a trivia game but thinking as an engineer of sorts, I guess, he reasons that he was owed all the things and that ticket he won is prize money to turn into cash.

So- he was there on a ticket meant for his friend’s wife who then paid scalp price for one day. I wasn’t going to go but was dragged in by him and again paid scalp price.

I felt it was fair that he take the $50 hit on my wrist band. I thought he did too since he was buying me beers and waiting in line so I didn’t have to. He also mentioned that he felt bad about our friends and the tickets.
I told him what I thought, make it right.

The stupid $50 came up at a later point in just that I needed to know he wasn’t keeping score, but he was.

I pulled my weekly grocery receipts up for him to show exactly how much it costs me to make a meal for us. About $50-65 a meal.

Can I take that back? No and I wouldn’t.

Don’t give anything you aren’t ready to let go of and appreciate the gifts you give as simply that, items you want the other person to ha e more than yourself.

[blackbird11]

No, because I gave them that gift because I appreciated the person they were at that point. When I buy someone a gift, no matter how expensive or not it is, I buy it with good feelings like: why I'm thankful for this person? I want them to know that I am, I want them to feel as good as I felt when they made me feel that way in a specific moment when I realized they are important for me. Even if they disappoint me or we just break up because we don't feel the same, the way they made me feel in a point stays there and I also made my "thank yous" with that gift or I've made a good deed by making them feel good with that gift, I can consider I've made a random person happy one day with an expensive gift if I really want to forget all about that person. Also... once you give someone a gift, it goes into their propriety :) It is their choice what they will do with them: keep it, exchange it or give it back when you two break up.

[Moonchild714]

Yes it's wrong to ask for a gift back. Gifts are unconditional non-negotiable. Don't buy gifts make everuthing a contract and it's all a loan...

For me I give all my gifts back to the guy when we break up, don't need the reminders. If he refuses them they go to Goodwill or Salvation Army. I've given very expensive $1000+ (USD) jewelry to those places and made sure they were sold for less than $5.00(USD). That makes me feel better about things. If he gives back gifts I gave, which only one guy has done that I donate those as well.

[GoodManDave]

If it’s a non conditional gift, then no, consider it a loss.

If it’s a gift for both, like a TV or apartment or whatever, it gets complicated.

If it’s an engagement ring, or something where it’s sort of expected that it has conditions with it, she SHOULD give it back. A present that depends on her doing something, like a loan to get her career started and it’s just a boyfriend and girlfriend deal...

Just assume most gift will be lost. And if you’re happy with the possibility (and don’t care), or you’re that much in love, then it’s not likely to come back. If you’re that unsure, don’t give too much more than you can afford to lose.

When I’ve lent friends money, I’ve never lent more than I cared about. If I lost $20 and never got it back, even as a loan, many of the friendships were worth more than those $20.00. I would never lend friends $500.00 (until I was making 100K a year). Same with relationships where I wasn’t engaged or married.

[sugarchateau]

Honestly, ask for it back, if that's what you want. No shame, especially if you felt she was a waste of your time and money. If it will help you feel compensated, do it for you. I don't know how the relationship went, but I believe in justice and balance.

Personally, I let my exes (I had 2) keep their apple watch, iphone 6 (when it was relevant), expensive pants/jackets/shirts/shoes, car accessories, love letters, etc. When I gifted to them, I saw that these gifts would help build the man in boosting his ability to succeed (whether we were together or not). I'm not rich, but a huge giver and care taker. If they wanted to return their items, I wouldn't mind taking them back. lol. I'm glad they did genuinely find good use out of my gifts, I feel like I have good taste. I take it as a compliment.

[BrianMerritt]

If my girl and I broke up, I would want her to keep the one expensive gift I have gotten her so far. I put a lot of thought into it and I gave it to her because I wanted her to have it and put it to good use. I loved seeing her open it and be speechless. That moment and that feeling will always be with me, and I'm not gonna take that back just for the money. If we do break up because we aren't right for each other, I am not going to "take back" all the nice things I did for her. The time we had was still important to me.
It's kinda cheap. Don't spend the money in the first place if you want it back.

[Hypnos0929]

Depends on what it is. If it's a family heirloom then you can/should probably ask for it back. Thats a non negiotable return and she should give it back with no questions.
If it's expensive jewelry then you can ask for it back but she doesn't have to return it so be careful how you exit the relationship.
If it was a practical gift (i. e. kitchen materials, clothes, air conditioning system, etc) leave it alone.
Anything you're currently still paying for via bills then you should ask for it back or transfer the payment opprotunities.

[NatashaJ]

OH come on if a girl gets you a brand new gaming station wouldn't you be mad if she wanted it back after? if you can't get mad if you buying gifts for every girlfriend save the expensive gifts for someone you see marriage and a future for a long time with. Not someone you think it might not last problem solve. Instead of getting mad that people think your an asshole if you pull this.

[NatashaJ]

It also seems like if you buy people gifts to expect them to like you and stick with you even when you don't. It's makes you look bad if you are well off enough to buy a lot of these type of gifts then drop it and move on. If you were broke and doing this then your stupid. Simple.

[Alwaysthinking14]

I’m shocked at the women’s responses. So this has less to do with relationship and more to do with Etiquette.

If I give my friend an iPad because hers broke and then we get into a big fight a week later, am I going to ask for the iPad back? The answer is no. Once you give a gift it’s with the intention of them keeping it. That’s the etiquette of gift giving in any relationship even in romantic ones.

Asking for a gift back is in bad taste.

[ConfusednClueless]

Yes, it was a gift. My exe husband has the PS4 I got him for Christmas along with all the games and extras. When I packed his things I not only sent it but wrapped it up nice and safe. It was gotten for him. He owns it now. As well I have several pieces of Jewelry he got me over the years and he has several pieces I have gotten him. One pricey piece being my engagement ring.

[Wetdiick100]

can you send me private messages? i will say something

[ConfusednClueless]

You'd have to fallow me first.

[Wetdiick100]

Ok Ok

[JoseJr]

Personally it does feel wrong to ask from any gift back. You gave it her willingly and even tho it might suck you gave it away. Just like after a relationship you aren't going to send her a bill for all the money you spent on her , you shouldn't ask for gifts back either. But like a lot of females are saying, if you were the one who got handed the gift you should be considerate and ask if they would like it back.

[EpicDweeb]

Yeah no. If you gave it as a gift you don't get to ask for it back. That's incredibly insulting. If you leave something that's YOURS with her then yes you may ask for it back but anything you give as a gift is no longer yours. You can regret it all you want but regretting a gift is not justification for asking for it back.

[Anonymous]

Just go to their house, ask if you can just “talk” then fuck that shit up 😈

[Gavyn]

Yes, it's wrong. When you give someone something, you're relinquishing ownership of it. It no longer belongs to you. Therefore, you have no rights to the item, and as such have no rights to ask for them back. The only exceptions in my opinion are engagement rings. Since they're a symbol of a commitment that in this scenario was later broken, it should be returned to the one who bought it.

This should make you think long and hard before you decide to give someone something.