Italian mother in law? HELP!

[ReeseCupzLuv]

Long story short, my fiance is saying that he is ready for me to meet his HUGE Italian family (as in EVERYBODY) & well I'm NOT Italian so I don't know the "Italian ways". I'm mixed, mainly Hispanic...& I've heard that Italian moms are NO joke...so any pointers to fit IN? I've also heard that many Italian guys are "mommas boys"? please help me out, I'm just a girl trying to make my life filled with as much love, harmony and happiness as I can. I LOVE my husband to be & I want his family to be my family. :0) ...well their about to be MY family too lol...soon.

[ZenQueen]

Just don't try to be italian... o god! my cousins husband must have read a "how to be Italian" book right before coming over for dinner, he is white as ever but was saying things like the food is delicioso! I was embarassed for him.. just be respectful, help out in the kitchen(hopefully you know how to cook, or at least work the appliances) and most importantly show them you love your hubby, don't be all over him, respect him, show them you are smart and can hold your own, don't be shy! you got nothing to hide, you are part of the family, get to know them, make them laugh, relax, enjoy the food, drink, Italians know how to enjoy life and will fish out anyone who isn't being real with themselves or putting on an act, also my family kisses on the cheek so be prepared for that, ask your husband if there is anything you should know or do before coming over, if he is the shy type then try to bring it out of him, by going through a basic run through of a usual night at mama's house. Relate the italian culture with your own culture, tell them about your family(they will apprciate a strong family/culture, so avoid something like "I don't talk to my mom" say something more like "me and my mom loved to do blahblah blah", control the convo so you won't have to say anything you don't want to say) It might be a fun idea to look at family photo albums. Have fun, I was relating this to my dad's family who is 100% italian, of course his will be different, but basically this advice applies to all cultures.

[ZenQueen]

my chihuahua has the same dress by the way:D

[ReeseCupzLuv]

haha great minds think alike! =P but yeah I was google'in lol & it seems like italians have the opposite customs that most hispanics are use to following, like the way I was raised was that you don't talk with your mouth full at the table, NO elbows on the table, you don't talk as much during family meals, etc.. And yeah I cook, clean & tend to my hubby to be. I'm very respectful especially of mothers even if I don't always get along with mine lol. Oh & his mom is old skool italian homemade EVERYTHING!

[ZenQueen]

haha we are not that type of family. we are loud, rude, peeing off the balcony type. even with guests, we don't try to impress, they just take it as it is. But we are full of love and I think all families have that in common, knowing that you may be nervous my family would tease you a bit to bring you down to reality, if his family is like that don't take it personal ("they don't like me!") It's out of love, just roll with it and tease back them back. We love to laugh even if it doesn't make sen

[ZenQueen]

se or isn't too funny. Might want to bring some wine too:)

[ReeseCupzLuv]

lol my family is like that too once you get to know us but we don't start peeing off the balcony until somebodys had a few beers LOL, I can understand the whole teasing thing because were silly too and it does help ease any suddent tension. I guess its just that whole "stereotype" that italian mommas are SUPER TOUGH but then again my moms a 5'1 little tough lady too lol. And whatsup with the NO bottled tomato sauce? My fiance almost had a heart attack one pasta night lol and decided to make some

[ReeseCupzLuv]

of his familys pasta sauce lol, he freaked out when he saw the little jar of Ragu on the kitchen counter top but I was in a rush so I didn't mean to =P ...good thing he can cook just as good as his grandparents haha.

[ZenQueen]

oh no! not the bottled sauce! that is not good, lol.. really. Italians can taste the difference, always. and good parmesana is just as important as the sauce. Italian moms take family and cooking very seriously, they usually never sit down during dinner (they are constanly filling people's plates and filling up drinks) they eat when dinner is over.lol. She will want you to feel confortable and welcomed, compliment her food and she will love you!:)

[ZenQueen]

the most important thing to her is that you will take care of her baby boy, so she may give you a hard time if she thinks you can't cook or will not clean, but that is just because she loves her son, you just have to show her that you love him just as much and will take care of him like she does.

[ReeseCupzLuv]

Oh I know now that bottled OTC sauce is a NO NO! lol, that day we had to go to 3 different supermarkets to find the "right" kind of tomatoes for the [sacred sauce] lol, which we didn't find them. But so, what next? to his nonnas house we went lol, I LOVE her! She is always stirring something up in a pot or somethings coming out of the oven freshly baked. =] and her food is to DIE FOR! she hooked us up with sauce for I don't even know how long that sauce lasted lol, already bottled & everything! =P

[ReeseCupzLuv]

Oh wow, they never sit down for a family meal? =/ ...aww that seems kind of mean though, the mom serving EVERYBODY then she's the one whos LAST? uh uh...that sounds awful...its like she's never done working!

[ZenQueen]

basically, making their family happy makes them happy, sometimes they give too much of themselves to their family but that is the Italian way and that is why the boys love their moms so much! Your mother in law sounds awesome, you should deffiantly visit her often:) she would love it, and would like it if you wanted to learn her recipies and pass them down too!

[Arcano]

Is he the eldest child, and first son? If so... that is always the trickiest of situations-- it could take a bit of warming-up on her part, as no one is ever seen to be good enough at the beginning for her baby.

In certain mothers' eyes: their boy is Jesus.

Having said that, it could also be a less "stereotypical" Italian family.

Show up fresh, do not wear any (even slightly) revealing/flaunting clothing, no extreme make-up, remove oddly placed piercings, I suggest no unnatural hair-dye, be courteous and offer to assist in the kitchen, show affection toward your fiancé (but be cautious to not present too much), watch your language, be very open to answer their questions, and be yourself.

Even if they do not initially like you (which is getting less common in each generation, I would like to add), they will certainly grow to. When my father married my mother, from what I understand, his mother (my grandmother) was not over the moon about it.

I am sure that your husband-to-be, potentially, has some words of advice and ease to share with you? Do not be embarrassed to bring it up.

The first meeting is always full of nerves, Italian or not.

[dutchpride92]

Well, my husband is Italian (he's from a small town in Abruzzo region) and he's not exactly a momma's boy... he does idolize his sister though (who is very sweet). I never had any problems with his family and we've been together for 5 years. Just be nice, polite, my husband's family likes "traditional" type of girls, you don't have to cook like his grandmother but knowing your way around the kitchen is a big plus. The most fun conversations I've had with the women in my husband's family were about good recipes. I really wrecked myself with my nerves before meeting them for the first time, but his entire family is unbelievably sweet and caring- much like mine (my parents are Dutch travellers, old-school style, the ones that don't steal or con people, we have much incommon with Italian people culturally speaking). I felt at home immediately and the relationship between us is really good. I was really worried for nothing, so I suspect it'll turn out wonderfully in the end for you as well :).

[carlo]

It is true that italians can be mama boys, many (most) are like that. It's a two way process, the mother just does not f***ing let go of her son, the son just does not f***ing let go of his mum (I'm italian btw). So, as a general thing, that's part of the culture. Also, if he wants you to meet his whole huge family, I'm pretty sure he is from the south or from the islands of italy. The italian ways is you'll come back home weighting about 50kg more (yet you'll have tasted really amazing food), you will be going from one home to another, it will be tiring, people will be very friendly with you and try to make you at ease as much as they can. They will be probably very insistent in wanting you to eat, 'try this' 'try that' 'you eat very little' 'you are not liking it?' and so on; so if you are concerned about your weight just be prepared for that, just let them know 'no thanks, it's really good but I'm very careful with my diet' or something like that. You will be welcome and everybody will want to meet you and perhaps try to exchange a few words with you (you don't speak italian do you?). Don't worry, it'll be OK but exhausting. As for mama boys, that's something deep in the psyche and don't know what to tell you about it, or what would you like to know? My mother and my aunts are really lovely persons and would make you really at ease.

[ReeseCupzLuv]

Hmm how would you know that his family is from the south of italy/ the islands? Just curious, are the southern italians bigger in the sense of their family? & I don't know where his family is from, either he's told me and I forgot lol or I don't know how to pronounce it so I forgot lol. And yeah, a lot of his fam. are here in the states (& in staten island or brooklyn too) but he still has a lot of fam in italy (spread around a little bit of everywhere) . My fam isn't that big, so this is new to me

[ReeseCupzLuv]

And yes the eat "this & that" is CRAZY! lol, my guy eats like if food was water! I don't know if that's just the whole he's italian thing but it just amazes me. Perfect ex., one day we went over to one of his many aunts & uncles house, had wine and such. By the end of the night we went home with like 4 big things FULL of food & dessert. After he had ate just about everything, he asks me "so, you gonna cook or what?" & I'm like you JUST ate a FULL feast not even 2hrs ago! lol.

[carlo]

The north of Italy is more industrialized, hence, lots of immigration from the south of italy to the north, plus, as typical of industrial areas, families are smaller and more isolated. The south is the 'poor' area of italy, so traditions and old style of family units still have their hold, though I rekon this is probably the last generation as such even there. The fact that a lot of his family are there in the states still points that he is from the south. Italy had a lot of immigration to USA

[carlo]

and it was mainly from the south regions, historically poorer, who went to America looking for a new life. It sounds as he's from regions like campania or calabria or sicily or puglia. can you check? Curious to see whether I'm guessing right.

[ReeseCupzLuv]

whoa...well you italians do know your stuff. :D so from an italian guys point of view, what's things that are a must in your family or any italian guys family? (whether its gf/fiance/wife wise?)

[ReeseCupzLuv]

Survey Says: Naples! :D

[carlo]

Thanks;) Naples is in campania, so I got it right;) I don't understand your question, what exactly would you like to know - " what's things that are a must in your family or any italian guys family? (whether its gf/fiance/wife wise?)"

[ReeseCupzLuv]

Yeah you did :) and I want to know from a guys point of view, if it was lets say your significant other meeting your whole family for the first time. How would you want her to be around your family? What would help her fit right in? Like if you were in my situation but from your point of view as a guy.

[carlo]

I think you maybe are worrying too much:) I'm sure you're gonna be respectful and will mind your own business and try not to be intrusive. All my family appreciate and notes right away whether a girl is respectful and helpful (i.e. not a lazy ass) so if you offer a hand here and there that will go down pretty well I believe. Be mindful though, try to respect yourself and not go overboard in a hurry to please;)

[carlo]

so basically, try to be genuine I would say and do what feels right to you :)