He never buys me anything

[Anonymous]

Ok this has been bothering me lately and I just want an opinion before I talk to my boyfriend about it. We've been dating for 4 months now and I'm 4 years older than him. I'm a very thoughtful women and I like to make my love ones feel special. I'd buy him food all the time cause he is always working and always tired. Id buy him small gifts and I never expect anything back but this Christmas I really though he'd give me just a little something I don't really mind a card or chocolates but just the thought counts. He also never took me out on dates and never did anything romantic. I want to keep him but I want to change that . I hope I'm not being selfish and all but who wouldn't like being appreciated right? Or be thought about in anyway honestly. I just wanted at least something that has meaning to him. Oh and he also said he gave me a gift by having sex or whatever. Should I call it quit? Give him a chance? Oh and I barely see him cause he's deployed far away.

[Anonymous]

I'd say confront him. This guy seems pretty lazy. Your not judging him based on the dollar amount of his gifts which is good, and which is why I support your decision to confront him. I'm also saying this because while gifts are one thing, he should be doing things for you and making some level of sacrifice to show that he cares about you, even if its just taking you to dinner every once and a while. It's sounds to me that this relationship is very one sided and that's not good.

I have 2 friends in similar but different situations. One of them in the same scenario. The guy is lazy in every way, and does nothing romantic for he GF. He pretty much just goes about his life, plays video games, and hangs out with his friends while she acts like a mother to him. She cleans for him, cooks food for him, buys him things all the time, etc. I constantly think to myself that he's a dick and that she should break up with him, but she's kind of too stupid, naive and desperate to.

The other friend has a Girlfriend who is always complaining that he doesn't spend enough money on her. The guy does treat her well and does small things for her like take her to dinner and buy her flowers. However, the reality is that he is very poor. His mom passed away, and his dad is in jail. He fully supports himself while paying for college. So buying her a $100 piece of jewelry for instance might mean he doesn't eat for a week. His Girlfriend on the other hand, comes from a very wealthy family who parents pretty much bankroll everything she does, including her gifts for him. She is kind of immature and as a result feels that he should be matching her dollar amounts. Her reasoning is that he would spend more if he loved her more. I also think she is simply insecure so she finds every reason to tell herself that he doesn't love her. In this situations I fully support the guy and not the girl.

The point is don't based things on dollar amounts, just based things on their effort and genuine care for you. If the relationship seems to be very one sided them you either need to have a talk with him or leave. These types of relationships are toxic and draining.

[windyCitysFinest]

Lol is this guy for real? he gave you a gift by having sex? That is terrible and no that is not a gift; goodness gracious. The reason you want to receive gifts is because that is one of your love languages. There are five different love languages and we all have combinations of the five. I myself need words of endearment, meaning I need to be told thank you and kind words in recognition for things I do for my partner. You need gifts not necessarily big ones but like you said it is the thought behind them that counts. I do not believe you are being selfish; dating I think more than two months he should be getting you gifts and most always going on dates with you. You need to express how you feel to him and tell him the ways he needs to show you he cares. The book Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a great book and I suggest reading it not only to better your relationship with your boyfriend but to just better yourself as a partner and understanding of yourself of what you need and the needs of other. I am not saying anything is wrong with you but everyone can benefit from more knowledge and enlightenment in their lives. I really do hope you guys can work it out and if not take it as a learning experience because many guys out there are sweet and do care about their girlfriends and some of us actually do listen when told these problems that you bring to us.

Best of wishes,

Vincent :)

[loda1994]

unless he's really good. then it is a gift.

[Darkfairie17]

I don't think you are being selfish. Everyone wants to feel appreciated and likes when someone does nice things for them.

But I think he's definitely doing a big cop out if he says that having sex with you is your gift, umm no. Giving you a nice card or doing something thoughtful for you like cooking dinner, or taking you out would be thoughtful.

Sounds to me like he doesn't appreciate you or really care for you. I'm sorry to say that, but from his actions that's what it sounds like.

If you want a guy who is going to show his love through presents and gestures, then you need to find a different guy. Sounds to me like this guy doesn't want to put effort in. How does he treat you at other times?

Does he initiate conversations? Does he tell you he loves you? Has he done anything for you, ever?

4 Months isn't long. But if he isn't really treating you right, it might be time to let him go. Some guys just have gf's just because. They like getting regular sex and having someone around. But they aren't overly excited to have them in their life. I've dated a guy like this before. It's not the type of situation you want to be in for a long time.

Find a guy who is over the moon to be with you. You deserve that. You can't change this guy, he has to want to change himself.

[Anonymous]

You are definitely not being selfish. You have a right to expect certain things from a relationship and wanting to be courted is not something unreasonable. It's give and take on both sides. You haven't even been dating him for that long. This should be the period where there's a lot of affection and dates. I mean, every period of a relationship should involve affection but usually this is the time where two people have their "love goggles" on. I think he's comfortable with this arrangement and he thinks you're comfortable with this arrangement. It's always a red flag for me when a guy naturally doesn't want to do things to make his girlfriend happy. I know guys who are deployed who treat their girlfriend's like princesses when they get back.

You know yourself better than anyone here. If you can handle the time apart, but just want the affection when he get's back, then talk to him about it and tell him what you want out of the relationship. It sounds like a misunderstanding.

[glitterberryalisa]

no way are you being selfish. although money doesn't buy love, in a relationship, buying little presents are just ways of showing affection, it doesn't mean he needs to go out and buy you a 10,000 car, but he should get you little gifts without even being told to do so. it should be an automatic thing. and no Christmas present? if he's broke, okay, well he could have at least done something homemade, taken you out on a date, a million things. and if he's deployed, assuming he's in the army or something, I would think if he barely sees you that's even MORE reason to get you something special. I would confront him and just be completely honest. It sounds like its more of an affection thing and that maybe he just doesn't really care which is HIS loss. I know in relationships we can't have it all but this could become a bigger problem if you two are together for a long time.

[MaskofInsanity]

Sex is a 'gift'? That's ridiculous. Talk to him about it and see what he has to say. If it isn't good enough, end it and move on. It sounds like he's an entitled douchelord, but you know him better than me so I'll try withhold my judgment. You deserve better though.

[dodgypirate]

Maybe stop buying him stuff and make him realise.

You can't buy someone's love, even if it's with food and cheap stuff.

Don't dump him because he isn't getting you anything, he's given himself to you ... isn't that enough.

Give him - hell, your couple a chance.

[KingJR]

Just food for thought here, but from reading your question here. It seems like YOU're the one with the issue, not him. YOU're the one who thinks giving gifts = "I appreciate you". Maybe he doesn't think that way at all. Ever tried just ASKING HIM? " hey honey bunches, why you never buy me no gifts yo?!"

[chrisbigman]

If he doesn't plan to change, then yes. Quit. Leave him. As a guy, I can tend to be a cheap stake, but I do appreciate having someone special in my life and would have something to show for it - any sort of meaningful gift. He's deployed? Like to Afghanistan or Iraq? I would think he could still give you a gift, but it appears he's a solider or at least someone who works in a violent environment. Maybe give him another chance, and maybe talk to him if he doesn't change.

[QueenBeatris]

he sounds like a selfish dick and you are way too good for him, there are real men out there who shower their women with gifts to show their affection,he clearly has no clue what it takes.dump his ass, but tell him why

[bDizzie]

I know you want to change him but you can't change guys. He will always be stingy so the best thing to do is move on to a more thoughtful and generous man.

[stubbsy]

Your being used, no man would ever not get his girlfriend gifts, its just not done, so yeah, get rid, x

[6Paul11]

You should confront him on it. It's not fair that you are always buying.

[Anonymous]

i don't see a relationship here. its just you being his mother and or/f*** buddy. how did you ended up with a guy like this in four mouths?