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Awhile ago some guys here asked me to write a Take about the topic of females hating guys for stating their opinions about women on whatever the subject, and I guess I’ve finally gotten around to it. In the past when I was on other sites I even had some women in my circles tell me as well that I should write about this problem. They would angrily express to me in private messages that they were sick and tired of their own gender hating men for saying something about women while women could say what they want and it was okay.
Are guys attacking females when they say something about us? No doubt some are, some times. But we know that women are often more respected when they do than vice versa, and even some guys will agree with them. So I’ve taken some time to finally write this, and hope that it helps you stay real and keep doing what you do.
“Misogyny” is a scare tactic...
When I was young and new to social media and would say what I think about women or what I disagreed with, I could be very easily afraid of the backlash and afraid of everyone thinking I hated women. I actually would get very paranoid about it and be afraid to post anything again, especially when some females had nothing better to do than literally comb through all my questions, comments, or posts just to bully me with accusations of “misogyny.” It would make coming online a frightening thing for me.
It’s also a well-known fact that when females write or talk about males in the same way that males might talk about females, no one calls it hatred of men or says she has issues, etc. The only people who do are some males that refer to it as misandry, but nobody takes it nearly as seriously as they do with “misogyny.”
Realize how the attacks are weakness...
Once you recognize what the strategy is, you know how to handle it better. In the same way that I love being blocked, I actually now embrace it when females say I’m hating their gender, “have issues,” “had a bad experience,” blah blah blah. Why do I love it? Because they’re saying it out of anger. In their minds it’s their best shot. Something I said really bothered them and while they think they’re showing strength and power by criticizing a male they are actually showing weakness out of being so flustered by it. And this pleases me. And the more they come in waves, the more I enjoy it. Numbers can sometimes show weakness, not strength.
And I love the way I get the ones who read one or two posts I make about females, and suddenly it’s “all you ever post about,” having obviously never read any of my other material that has even criticized guys at times, or has nothing to do with genders at all. And even if I am writing about women, it is what it is. That may be what is on my mind at a particular moment, and maybe for some time, so I’m gonna talk about it. Especially if I'm trying to help guys out or inform them.
And honestly, when all the responses I may get are just the same overdone “you’re angry/bitter” “you hate women” lobs I actually don’t even finish reading them a lot of the time. I will just pass over them until I can find an actual intelligent response, even if it is in disagreement with me and I disagree with them, at least that person still has something real to say to me. Nobody cares about reading a bunch of tired, long-winded essay opinions about how you’re angry at women or “had a bad experience” except the people who think the same things. It offers no mind meat for me to chew on. No solutions. And no realism.
A male opinion is not hatred of women…
Just because you don’t agree with women, or even see where their gender is wrong and has its own shit, doesn’t make you a woman-hater (God, I even feel stupid saying it because it’s so incredibly overused). We all are aware that women can make any kind of comments about men and few say she has issues with men or hates them. In fact it’s the opposite: people tend to listen to a woman and think she’s right just because she’s a woman. People can sometimes be caught in a dazzle where they think a woman is the image of deep wisdom, particular experience, or great spiritual perspective, so think what she says is right. Even if it’s not. But male opinion tends to intimidate people a little more, especially women. Why? Because women tend to be phobic of hearing anything from men about their gender, so their best response is to say it’s some kind of hate towards females.
Another reason is because they often hate to think that men might actually be right and do have some significant insight on women in how they think or behave, things that females themselves may or may not even recognize. And that’s what upsets them. They hate it if a man can see things about their gender because as females they like thinking they’re the ones with insight on everyone else. So then a man’s experience, opinion, or even valid understanding and ability to perceive becomes “sexism,” or even, “Men are the same way,” or the tired “Not ALL women are…” It’s a tactical way of trying to minimize male perspective or experience, to completely discount it as “anger,” “bitterness,” and an injury towards women so they don’t have to take it seriously or see any truth in it, and they don’t want anyone else to either.
Do guys have sexist opinions and ideas sometimes? Certainly. But not everything you say or think about women is sexist just because you’re a guy saying it and just because it’s not pretty and politically correct to say it.
Anger is an emotion...
And honestly? Even if some guy is angry at women or bitter from some kind of unfavorable experience with them, that’s life. Anger and bitterness is a human emotion, and at some point in all people’s lives they’re going to be bitter and angry towards somebody for something for some time. And that’s okay. You just work it out. And even if he is angry, that doesn't necessarily make him wrong for something he says about women, nor is he necessarily wrong for how he feels either.
When I was young I could be angry at females easily, but now I’m a grown man and that feeling doesn’t come very often anymore. There are certainly times where I can be annoyed by women, but mostly I just shake my head and think “What a shame” at something they do or how they act or what they might say that I think is stupid, ignorant, or ridiculous. Nothing surprises me anymore, nor do I have any angelic expectations from women. They have flaws and failures too, so I don’t get angry very often anymore.
Also, women are not being honest with their own selves on this issue. Many pretend that it’s men who are mostly angry at the opposite sex, when - if anything - it’s women who can be the most bitter and consumed with their own contempt for men, whether it’s because they were “scorned” in a relationship by a guy, fucked and dumped, or just angry at men for social “double standards.”
More females than we know actually agree with men but are afraid to be open…
In real life, you have a lot of your average women who are actually not offended all that much by what men might say or think about them. In fact quite a few of them even do agree with men, but some are not going to be public about it because they fear how other women will look at them. Even in my real life I can have discussions with women where we talk about both men and women and neither of us are offended by stuff we say. It is what it is. It’s never a battle of the sexes thing, just your regular casual discussion about the life of men and women.
Years back when I would put up certain gender posts that rocked the sites I was on, I would have some women actually message me in private saying they agreed with me but didn’t want to say that out loud. Women care very much about how they will look to other women. They want to remain in the group in the open because of their follower habit, but when they deviate from the group on a particular issue they fear scrutiny and ridicule. A lot more women than a lot of us know are not disagreeing with guys on everything in how they see things or what they know.
Apologizing is a mistake…
Once years ago on Experience Project (now resurrected as ‘Similar Worlds’) I made the mistake of putting up a post explaining myself for things I said about women, and saying how I didn’t hate them. This was due to all the females who kept hounding me, giving me anxiety, and wanting me to give in to their attacks. And foolishly I did. However, I was surprised to see some women come out and actually support me on my post, telling me I didn’t need to apologize for anything and to keep being me. I really took that to heart.
When you apologize and explain yourself, you give in to their strategy. It means they got to you, and what they want is for guys to be sorry they said anything. And you don’t need to be. These chicks are all over the web generalizing men, slamming them for this and that, getting voted up, and no one is policing them nor are they apologizing, and you don’t have to either.
So, guys, keep saying what you want…
Are there men out there who really do hate women? Sure. But sincerely hating women for being women is not that common. Are men always right? No. Of course not. But we are a lot more than women would rather recognize or admit, and you don’t have to let them try to shut you up.
If you guys have seen me and my posts over the last year or so, then you know by now that I am very real about stuff I say, whether it’s about women or anything else. I don’t front. I don’t bullshit. I don’t hide from people or go Anon. I don’t run when the criticism comes in. I face my battles and confront who I choose, and some others I ignore. I say what I feel or what I’m thinking about, and I don’t care if anybody sees me or if anybody blocks me or removes me from their circle either. And you need to be the same. Keep being real. You’re always going to have a woman out there - and even a “male” - criticize something you say that’s gender related, have a comeback she thinks is clever, or try to prove you wrong with a feministic argument, but you don’t have to care. Someone will always fight you on it, so let it be.
Are all of your points going to be right? Not all the time, but your main point is your main point, and if you think it through correctly and write about it sincerely, people will get that. And if they don’t it’s because they don’t want to. And all the other noise, criticism, and attacks? Just let it be.
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