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Blonde Jokes to Make You Split Your Sides

We all love blonde girls and just like other girls, they can have varying levels of intelligence. The issue is, blonde jokes are hilarious! Here are a few really good, clean ones to tell to your favourite blonde.

Blonde Jokes to Make You Split Your Sides

1.

A brunette, a red head, and a blonde girl sit down at school to eat their lunches. The brunette pulls out a ham sandwich. "Eewwww, I am so sick of ham sandwiches! I am going to be sooo mad if I get another!"

Redhead pulls out a tuna sandwich, "Uuughhh, mum KNOWS I hate fish!"

Blonde, "Yucky-ick! Cheese everyday! It better be something different tomorrow!"

It is not. All three of them pull out the same sandwich and all three of them declare they will commit suicide if they get the same the next day.

It is the same the next day. They all commit suicide and at the funeral, the mothers have a conversation.

Brunette mum: "I knew she disliked ham! I am such a terrible mother!"

Redhead mum: "Tuna was what my husband had, I just gave it to her too because it meant I used up the rest of the mixture. I am so lazy, Never should have had kids!"

Blonde mum: "I do not understand, she made her own sandwiches!"

2.

A man who has a blonde wife learns a blonde joke every day and tells it to her. He means it in good humour but she is hurt and tells him she is going to prove him wrong. She is going to learn all the European countries and capitals. The next day the husband comes in, "Hey, how do you make a blonde forget something? Blow in her ear!"

She pouts, "I am not forgetful! Test me, I know all the European countries and capitals!"

"Ok then, what is the capital of Poland?"

"P!"

3.

A brunette woman goes into the doctor. "Doctor, I do not know what is wrong with me! My body is in pain all over, everywhere I touch, it hurts."

She touches all over herself and screams "OW!" every time.

The doctor asks, "Are you really a blonde who dyed her hair brown?"

She is stunned, "Why yes, doctor, how did you know?"

"Your finger is broken!"

4.

A man has finished his week's work and he goes to Gatwick London airport where he will catch his flight home to Glasgow to be with his family over the weekend. He is really tired. He gets on the plane and notices there is some disturbance. He sits there for a half hour, way past when the flight is supposed to take off. He asks what is happening. It turns out there is this blonde woman with a standard class ticket who has plonked herself down in 1st and will not move because she feels she has the right to stay there. The man just wants to get home, he says he speaks blonde and will talk to her. He comes back and the flight attendants are stunned when she sits in her proper seat.

"What did you say to her? She was a nightmare!"

"I told her the front half of the plane was not flying to Glasgow."

5.

A blonde, redhead, and brunette are trapped on a desert island. They find a genie who will grant them each one wish. The brunette wants to get home to her family. The genie sends her. The redhead wants to go home to her true love. The genie sends her. The blonde is the last to make a wish. "You know, it is so lonely here without the others, could I have them back?"

6.

A blonde, brunette and redhead are captured by crazy Arabs in the desert. They are going to be executed. They line the brunette up and they yell "one, two, three-"

the brunette yells, "Flash flood!"

they all run for cover and she gets away.

They line the redhead up. "1,2,3,-"

"Sandstorm!"

She gets away.

The blonde is lined up. "1,2,3-"

"FIRE!"

7.

A blind man walks into a bar. He sits down and announces that he wants to tell a blonde joke. The woman next to him clears her throat and tells him, "I am an ex wrestler blonde. My blond husband who is sat next to me is an ex-wrestler too, there are three black belt karate blondes sat over there and there is a blond boxer on the other side. A blond policeman has just walked in. Do you really want to tell a blonde joke?"

"Nah, I don't want to have to explain it 10 times.

8.

A man and his blonde girlfriend are looking at his car. They are trying to fix his indicators/blinkers

"Honey, I think I may have got it I am going to sit in the car and turn them on. Please stand outside and tell me if they are working."

She stands there, he turns them on, and she says, "Now they are, now they aren't, now they are, now they aren't

9. A blond man joke...

A blond man goes to his friends' house with two black eyes. They see him and are concerned, they ask what happened. "Well," he says, "it went like this. I was at the Ascot races and there was this woman in front of me whose dress was caught in her buttcrack. It drove me crazy so I pulled it out. She punched me in the left eye!"

One friend laughs but then asks, "But what about your right eye?"

"She seemed so upset about it that I decided to put it back!"

10. Short ones

How do you kill a blonde? Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

Why did the blonde open the bottle of milk in the store? It said open here.

How do you keep a blonde entertained for 3 days? Give her a piece of paper with please turn over on both sides.

I hope you enjoyed your laugh

Coming soon: Yo momma jokes.

Blonde Jokes to Make You Split Your Sides
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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Crissy001
    "We all love blond girls" really? So you expect every girl to dye there hair blond to be loved.
    • No, brunettes and auburns are my favourite. Dye your hair one of those colours. :P

  • Anonymous
    They're ok.
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