Shy Guys Are NOT Victims (Authored by a Shy Guy)!

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Shy Guys Are NOT Victims (Authored by a Shy Guy)!

The title says it all. Before I ramble on, here are some things about myself.

I'm incredibly shy because I don't consider myself good looking, tall, and aggressive. Confidence is key and somewhere along the way I failed to pick up my own box of confidence.

So when a girl "hits on me", here are some insecurities the come to mind:

* She can do a lot better than me

* I've been burned in the past for being up front

* I don't know if I am mixing signals because girls with similar flirting signals have rejected me in the past

Shy guys don't take rejection easily.

Shy Guys Are NOT Victims (Authored by a Shy Guy)!

It just simply adds to our insecurities. The girls never truly tell us why we were rejected (I know why: it's just incompatibility) and we are left to our own devices wondering why. You take a few blows and eventually your knees buckle.

Then, when we have the courage to muster up to share our feelings with someone we are told that we are doing it wrong or that there are plenty of fish in the sea and try again. We're told that we have to be more alpha in our approach and change nearly everything about us: from our clothes to our attitude towards life to our appearance. Yet this changes who we are and it's not natural and it tends to cause more problems than it solves.

Yet despite all this, WE ARE NOT VICTIMS! So shy people everywhere, please listen...you will be better off for it.

Do you know why the girl rejected you?

For some shy guys we tend to aim outside of our range. Yes, most shy guys are not as attractive as the general alpha population and sometimes we feel we can aim out and get a girl "above" us. This will almost always lead to disappointment.

Compatibility is key. I don't fully agree with complements. So an outgoing person isn't necessarily going to be attracted to a quiet person and vice versa. At the same time shy people don't necessarily want to be with shy people either. Compatibility and chemistry are so complex that sometimes you can't just rely on "hard and fast" rules to find your mate.

Maybe you asked her at the wrong time. She either broke up recently, is in a relationship, or crushing on someone else. Whatever it is, it just wasn't the right time.

Why haven't you made yourself better?

Have you ever considered the fact that you just haven't made yourself better? Some shy guys have nothing going for them due to their self esteem. So they didn't get a decent job, didn't make enough money, and have nothing going on in their lives.

Guys...you need to make yourself better. But please, do so in a way that makes you happy. Don't make yourself better to get girls. Make yourself better for you.

What are you doing about your insecurities?

Shy guys often complain about being ugly, short, low self-esteem, and so on.

Ugly is subjective...but in some cases objective at the same time. No one can turn on the switch and say "Hey! I'm going to like him for his personality!" There are ways to boost your looks without plastic surgery and what not. Invest in some clothes THAT FIT not clothes that are expensive. Trust me, clothes that fit look far better than expensive clothes that don't fit. Yes, you'll inevitably have to go to a tailor (or do what I do: alter it yourself by teaching yourself) but clothes do get girls to notice you. Just don't be too flashy or obnoxious with your clothing.

Now unfortunately there are some flaws that you can't fix that are holding your confidence down. You can either accept those flaws or get plastic surgery. YES, you heard right. I know someone 20 years ago who was so self conscious about a certain feature that no amount of therapy could help her. Her family couldn't help her. She couldn't accept herself...so she went under the knife for just one procedure. This was 20 years ago and she didn't look back and doesn't regret it at all. It was one of the best decisions of her life.

Look, plastic surgery isn't for everyone but sometimes it is. Even fixing one "flaw" can go a long way (and in the case above, 20 years and counting). But please, do not overdo it. Jocelyn Wildenstein is a good example of when plastic surgery goes too far.

Hit the gym, if you're into that kind of thing. But remember, you might have to clean out your wardrobe if you get too big or too small. Most importantly, do it for yourself...I know I sound like a broken record but go to the gym only if that is what you want and what you can commit to. If you can't commit then don't do it and don't waste your time.

Being short sucks, I get it. But do not wear lifts EVER! It inflates your insecurities even more and eventually when you meet the girl you'll have to take your shoes off at some point right? While there are currently no surgeries or pills to fix this but dressing well will had an inch or two to your "height." Trust me, people who dress well just look taller. But above all, make sure it fits! I don't care how expensive that shirt is...nothing is more unflattering than a shirt that doesn't flatter you.

Why so personal?

Shy Guys Are NOT Victims (Authored by a Shy Guy)!

Why are you taking rejection so personally? It's never meant to be personal and you have to look at the other set of shoes facing you. Why do you think she rejected you?

Quit thinking "Girls only like bad boys"...NO THE FUCK THEY DON'T! Shy guys always misinterpret girls not wanting them as "nice guys finish last" or even "shy guys finish last." The vast majority of girls I know of and seen might be in a relationship with a bad boy but they start families with good guys...even the shy ones! This really eats at the bad boys because they know that if they find a girl they like and want to have a family with them chances are the girl will want a family with the good guy, not the bad one.

So please, don't use just 10% of couples out there as your representation of all girls...no girl in their right mind wants a bad boy all the time. Besides, bad boys aren't always bad. Just because your crush's boyfriend is with her doesn't make him a bad boy. Please don't judge a girl's boyfriend because you can't have her...it's disgusting.

Make girls want you

Shy Guys Are NOT Victims (Authored by a Shy Guy)!

Making yourself better, addressing your insecurities, and being more selective with what girls you choose to be with or ask out will really make girls want you. Let me give you a true story about myself.

Several years ago when I was in college I crushed on a coworker (I worked a job throughout college) and just could not get over her. Long story short, she gave me a lot of "signals" and never once mentioned a boyfriend until I asked her out. I was crushed and devastated and it took me a LONG time to get over her (like 4 years...no kidding!). I really thought me and her were meant to be together...as cheesy as that sounds.

So while I did sulk, I completed my degree and got my job while still working at my current job (hey, we all need to side hustle!). We were still working together after all these years and I noticed she was giving me some signs again and showed some interest...but yet never mentioned her boyfriend that she claimed she had. I eventually ignored her (not professionally, just personally) and almost overnight, I had gotten over her.

How did I get over her? Because I had something that she wanted. A man who could support himself, was educated (and no, you do not need a college degree to be educated...even though I have 2), had his own place, his own car, could make his own decisions, etc. At that point I felt that I could do better than her and as wrong as that sounds, it was what made me get over her. I can honestly say I have 0 feelings for her.

It's because I made myself better and boosted my confidence and that made me get over her. But I couldn't do it by feeling sorry for myself because I would have never gotten over her that way.

Establish yourself & quit trying to find love

Shy Guys Are NOT Victims (Authored by a Shy Guy)!

Am I still single at this moment (as of 01/2018)? Yes. But do I feel sorry for myself? No. You cannot force a relationship to happen and this is the most common problem I see with shy guys who have established themselves.

They get arrogant, cocky, and start becoming more alpha when their core says they are not. You need to find purpose in your life and I've always believed love will find you.

Now of course, you shy guys need to reciprocate some feedback with the girl you like. Step outside your comfort zone a bit...but don't wander too far or you may not find your way back. "Stay within the city limits" as I like to say.

Don't be a player and try to get as many girls as you can...you'll end up for the worst of it and you'll be right back where you started: sulking and wondering why you can't find the right one.

Let things happen naturally, don't just try to approach random girls in a mall or street...it's tacky and you won't get the girl you would really treasure. You can try online dating, sure...but make sure you really do your research. Personally for me? I don't like online dating and have never done it. But hey, I'm not against it either.

As a last piece of advice, you are always a work in progress. You are never too old to find love and you cannot stop improving yourself. It's recursive in a way. The more you improve yourself the more you'll want to improve yourself...which improves yourself.

Don't have such a negative attitude towards women and life because there are so many people who have it far worst. Some people have lost limbs, have severe deformities, or die early and never get the chance at love or even a chance to flirt. Just remember, as long as you have shoes on your feet and clean drinking water you're doing just fine.

Shy Guys Are NOT Victims (Authored by a Shy Guy)!
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