I Am a WGHOW- Woman Going Her Own Way: Here's Why...

[Anonymous]

I just don't want to be involved with men and sadly, I'm straight.

How it started....

I used to be fat. It was the most harshest time of my life. I was mocked, ridiculed. I was constantly shamed. You know who meted out most insults towards me? Men. Yes. Men.

Guys were downright mean to me. They didn't want to be friends with me. I was bullied by them in school. They acted as if I'm invisible. Girls on other hand, were constantly there to support me (with extreme rare exceptions).

When I started working out in a gym, it was men who made it awkward. They used to smirk when I struggled with machines but never once bothered to help. Their face used to contort in disgust when I passed by.

Be it gym or anywhere else, guys only cared about hot chicks. Guys were the shallowest.

Whereas Women....

When I started working out and dieting, women around me were extremely supportive and encouraging. I owe my weight loss to women around me. In the gym, a few kind girls helped me with my workouts and gave me useful tips.

I had a lesbian friend and her friend who was a bi girl showed interest in me. My lesbian friend is quite active for the LGBTQ community so she introduces me to these people all the time. There were times when girls have shown romantic interest in me, despite my weight.

Whereas guys didn't, and they thought it was perfectly okay to be mean to someone just because you're not attracted to them.

When I lost weight...

The behaviour of women didn't change. They were just as kind and friendly as before. Girls still continued to show romantic interest in me. Albeit slightly more than before.

Guys on other hand......

Guys suddenly wanted to befriend me. They started smiling when I passed by. They tried to chat me up. The number of guys approaching me online and offline skyrocketed. Guys who used to ignore me started warming up to me. Just because of my looks. It made me realise that guys are shallowest.

Guy logic: be hot or else sod off.

I never felt like going out with any guy who asked me out because I would wonder....

Did he ask me out because he genuinely likes me? Would he still ask me out if I were fat? What if he wouldn't? Then it means he's with me for looks only.

It all just made me disgusted by the male sex. This blatant shallowness. It is not just me, social experiments like wearing fat suit on tinder dates prove the same results. This is why I don't want to associate myself with men.

Alas I am straight or else I would've gladly dated the girls who asked me out- because they saw inner me and not my looks.

I don't date men and I associate myself as less I can. I have no interest befriending males either. The only males I interact with are my colleagues and I want to keep it like that.

[haniee]

Omg this is just as riiculous as MGTOW. Girl, please no, just no... >.>

And before you hate me, I AM YOU. I went from the ugliest girl around (and I mean UGLY), to a smoking hot girl in span of 3 years (age 20 to 23). And guess what? My best friends were always guys. I grew up around guys, hung out with them and adapted to them, I have two younger brothers I love to death! <3

None of my friends wanted to bang me, or date me, but they sure wanted to be around me and be my friend. There is an inherent air of "needing to prove yourself" in male company to be accepted, you have to bring value of some sort to the table inside the group you are in, or guys ignore you. There is also roughness you must contend with. Some girls are just not suited to enjoy "guy company" and that's ok, it's not ideal place for everyone. That says nothing about your own value.

I myself didn't have beauty, but I read a lot of psychology and have a sense of humor my guy friends always loved. And they embraced me without even asking me to be like them. I was accepted as a girl among them and as long as they could be nasty and guy like around me, I was loved and given incredible loyalty. Loyalty I would walk trough fire to reciprocate!!!

I also love girl friendships, but as it happens, all girls I ever befriended ended up talking behind my back and betraying me. When I was 15 I tried giving up on them just like you're doing with guys right now... But then I grew up and realized all I needed to do is find some lovely female creatures to make better friendships for myself. And now I have best of both worlds, because I didn't let my immature interpretation of my fleeting relationships with crappy people, define an entire half of the human population.

[haniee]

PS. Just like some guys ignored you for not being hot, they ignored me too. Sometimes you're not worth the friendship and that's ok. If you were a guy, that guy would still not want to be your friend because you're not his kind of person.
Now I get more male attention left and right, but guys I can be friends I would have been friends with anyway. The only difference is that you just so happened not to find the type of guy who could be your friend. And since not all guys are the same, if you were lucky you would have. You got lucky with only girl friends, I got lucky with only guy friends. Let's not learn from that any more than that we were blessed to have such good friends in our lives. <3 <3 <3

[TayTay21]

You missed the underlying point of what she is saying. She's not saying that she's giving up on guys because a couple of guys were mean to her or whatever, she's saying that her experience of going from fat to fit has shown her a certain truth. Specifically, it has shown her that guys don't actually value girls as people. We are sex objects that are only valuable in that we look good and produce a response in a guy. She was the same person fat as she is fit. She did not change. The only thing that changed was her appearance, but the dramatic difference in guys' reactions to her has shown her how crass the whole business actually is.

[myTake Owner]

@TayTay21 ❤️❤️ you said it girl

[JudgmentDay]

It's not a specific gender that is shallow, rather it's shallow people that are shallow. It's a superficial world and so that's why they tend to judge a book by it' cover, and to be frank, I find it to be fucking awful. But it is what it is and how it is with this kind of a world. The way I see it, too many people are deluded and only focus or focus excessively on the physical appearances of someone, not realizing and not able to see the entire full picture. Physical appearances are NEVER going to last forever, they can and will change with time and aging. One should ask themselves, how fucking certain are they that they'll be "happy" once those appearances fade away. And if not, then what is the point? You'd only be setting yourself up for disappointments and miseries in the future.

[jakeforfun]

Very good take, especially from a younger guy. Nice.

[JudgmentDay]

@jakeforfun check the profile I'm not actually 20. More like in my 30s.

[jakeforfun]

It comes through. Good insight.

[Unit1]

I agree.

Looks fade. It's personality, that sticks around for longer.

[JudgmentDay]

@Unit1 The cold emptiness void is the truth. If one realizes and learns it the hard way it's still better than to not learn it at all and not realize it at all.

[Unit1]

True that.

[OlderAndWiser]

Okay. . . but you have a lonely life ahead of you. In the meanwhile, how much of your reaction is actually motivated by fear of becoming involved? When you are fat, you have a built-in excuse for not being in a relationship and you don't need to confront your insecurities about your ability to maintain a satisfying partnership with the opposite sex. Now, your excuse has been removed, and you need to either confront your insecurities or run and hide. The choice is yours. I know, because I have been in that position.

You are overgeneralizing about men. Of course, many men are shallow. So are women. So you are not shallow, but does that mean you have NO faults and NO flaws? Relationships are partnerships of real people who love each other so much that they can tolerate each other's flaws and idiosyncrasies. If you don't want any part of that, live in a social cave but be prepared for the consequences.

[Unit1]

Sometimes I wonder if I could feel bad for WGTOW and sometimes a few MGTOW but I suppose that is mostly on their hands how they live their life.

[Anonymous]

Aaaayyyyy good for you! You see, this is EXACTLY how many men feel, just vice versa. But good you decided you don't need a man to be happy. I was straight once too. But after quite some thinking, I decided that if I just care about personality, why does it matter if it's a boy or girl? Really, it doesn't. I may struggle to get as much physical attraction to guys, but it can be there if I try. I learned that when other guys are a bit feminine, I get attracted. Metalhead guys with long hair seem like a perfect date I could likely not pull off with any woman , at least not around. I am not really in to the sex aspect. Why should I be? There is self pleasuring and sex robots in the future. Why bother? Not worth the stress, trouble, or drama. Women to me are like guys to you. Just colleagues. Of course, like you, I have straight tendencies because for me, I was used to that for so long. Changing now is quite hard. If there is a girl that approaches me, sure, maybe it'll go off on a good route. But I don't have expectations and for sure, I don't chase. Now guys, I could likely talk to so much easier that being queer in that way is quite awesome. Also, I highly suggest that if you REALLY want to stick it to the shallow guys around, show interest in other women. You don't have to LITERALLY be interested in them, but don't be afraid to imply it. I do it all the time. If I'm with guys and there's a pic of a girl in a bikini, I go "eh" but if there's a muscular guy, "Damn, he's kinda hot." Because I am not interested romantically so much, but why not compliment the same sex? Yea, it's kinda a joke but it's a compliment so why not? Of course, when people take it as gay, 1) they are just being judgmental pricks and 2) So? I can be gay af if I want. The compliments I give on guys as I explained are a bit satirical yes, but oh well. It gets a point across. Nothing better than the look on some girl's face (who think she's the hottest girl ever) then to go up and tell her "ay, eyes off his abs, bitch. He's mine *snap snap*" Guys have greater access to guys and girls to girls. The ability within the gender often seems a lot higher than to each other, and if guys are cool with each other, joking compliments to each other is a shove to the face sayin "MAN pride." Same with women who love each other.

[umngopher1991]

Oh boy. Another article that trashes men in general.

I'm sorry you had this experience. I really am, because my story is like yours.
Yup, the opposite sex doesn't give a hoot about you until you look good.
Fat insults, which for me turned racial. Fatass. Tubby. Chubby ass chink. From men and women. I know it.
The promotion goes to the hot guy or girl who does a fraction of the work that you do and has been with the company for far less than you have. It's depressing.
Girls laughing AT you because you had the nerve to talk to them. Who the hell are you, you ugly little troll? Yup, makes my blood boil.

I was lonely for years. Few guy friends, no female relationships. So I get it, when people (especially the opposite sex which ignored you for so long) start to treat you better, it's fucking infuriating. In fact, I went MGTOW for a year, but then gave up on it when I realized what i was missing out on.

I think it's unfair to trash all women and say I don't want anything to do with them. There are so many great women out there who would be awesome friends or life partners, and in making a few close female friends, they've brought out the best in me and I can confide in them. I can talk to them about things that I would never tell my guy friends. In turn, they trust me, and I can always be there for them. Are there shitty women who like the superficial ones in my past? Absolutely. But you don't have to deal with them.

There are good men out there who can be your friend at the very least. Do whatever makes you happy, but just consider this before you decide to cut men out of your life completely.

[moonyshiner]

Respect for you!!! And so proud of you, and your weight loss achievement!!!

I totally agree with you about how guys can be very shallow but you forgot one thing.. For us women our self esteem and confident play a big role attracting a man (not judging you cause I don't know you) but maybe when you were fat your confident was low so men didn't pay attention to you and only saw what's outside.
in the other hand when you lost weight you gained more confident which is normal and that automatically showed up from the outside and started to attract guys ( beside the fact you have a hot body now)

Do you understand what I am trying to say?

I was once very fat.. Still kinda but more curvy and sexy now haha.. I never seen that problem cause I always had a pretty strong personality. I never gave a fuck about what men thinks about me so they noticed that and always wanted to seek my attention.. Men love a very extremely confident woman no matter what her weight is or she looks like. Always remember that.

But still I respect you for not caring about men and living your life as an independent woman which I am doing too now cause I'm sick of stupid men hahaha.

[jakeforfun]

In some ways, you've hit the nail on the head - it's true that most men will notice a woman's aura, her body language, confidence, even approachability. The Asker could very well have had certain "tells" about her that men shied away from, and now that she's more confident and approachable, men are into it. Yes, guys (JUST AS WOMEN) can be shallow, and hurtful - don't give up just yet.

[moonyshiner]

@jakeforfun 👍👍👍

[DocilexElle]

Okay. I agree and disagree. I have the opposite problem. I don't have many guy friends who wouldn't date me. Yes ones I knew for years probably wouldn't... but how do I know they'd still feel like that if they just met me?

I never know if guys like me for me because my FIRST boyfriend used me... I was hot, innocent, emotional. Our personalities didn't match up... but he loved my body.

As a thin girl... I had low self-esteem because I wanted to be strong. I actually admire curvy girls!! I started working out to get fit. I made my goal... BUT that didn't make me hate men.

But totally... it makes you wonder if they like you for you. How to tell: wear no makeup and be yourself... talk to them and have real conversations. If they rather fuck--they are either really horny or don't like your personality?

What's wrong with someone finding you attractive? I'm bisexual... but I rarely find a romantic connection from a woman. I find my female friends attractive... but it doesn't mean I want to fuck them. Will I ever find my dream girl?

Message me if you want!

[ManOnFire]

This is an interesting Take that I did give a thumbs up. While I don't agree with all your points, your experience is still your experience. For the record I love thick women lol, but I too have dealt with situations where women only cared about looks in men and weren't interested in me because of my race, because I'm not muscular enough, because of other physical features, or even because of what kind of job I had or background I DIDN'T have that they wanted, that has nothing to do with the man's character and personal potential.

Having said that, things like what you detailed happen to guys too from women, and personally I think women's judgment of a man's worth is much worse and more shallow and in more ways. Most of the judgment from men usually is physical like you detailed, but apart from that, at the end of the day most guys still aren't going to turn a woman down because she doesn't have a car, works at Starbucks or Walmart, or doesn't have a college degree, despite her body image. Women however do treat men like this.

[jakeforfun]

SO TRUE!!! Most women want to know what a guy does for work, what he drives, where he lives, etc. (=what he HAS). Most guys couldn't care less if the woman can pay his way, or not. But, women do have a built-in need for a protector, bread-winner, teddy bear, right? So, why can't we have our own built-in criteria? Huh?

[ManOnFire]

@jakeforfun I would agree with that. I think it's kind of ironic that women should be offended by what men like or want in women yet think they're justified in having superficial "expectations" in men.

[Levin]

I sympathise with your experience, however, two things I'd like to say are:

Women are just as shallow as men, it's just that their critical eye is usually cast on things like socio-economic status as opposed to men who are more visual. 'Good genes' are indicated in different ways for both sexes.

I do think there's some validity to superficiality. It's honest, and it's natural, to want to be with someone whom we find attractive. You could certainly make the argument that all relationships descend, or ascend, into platonic friendships once the biological aspect has been fulfilled. I'm not attracted to women who are overweight. But there will be plenty of men who are. We each like different things. And we're entitled to find attractive and put different weightings on what we find important as we like. The main thing is that we're not wholly focused on visuals. We should see the inner person too, otherwise, things do descend into hollow materialism before we know it.

You know, dating is not an easy thing for men or women. But we have to find a way to overcome our hurts and bitternesses and resentments. Remember what our ultimate purpose is. To find someone to love and who will accept us as we are. But first, we have to be willing to open and vulnerable. And yes, it hurts, it hurts to make yourself sensitive. But it hurts yourself more to shut yourself off and make yourself dull and cold to it all.

[dancing_in_nebulas]

Seems like a mild case of PTSD.

My first encounter with a man, he raped and beat the crap out of me.

I stayed clear of men for 8 years, besides my dad who didn't know, but later nurtured me through the trauma. In fact, being surrounded by supportive safe men healed my trauma and now I associate men with love and gentleness.

The same happened with the girls and you.

PTSD comes from highly traumatic situation associated with a trigger object.

If men trigger your bad feelings of pain, fear etc, you still haven't recovered.

I loss 12% of my breathing capacity for how hard he crushed my ribs,

but I forgave him and do not blame men nor fear them anymore.

If men still cause you those bitter feelings, you should forgive them and recover.

Humans hurt humans.

Guys in school were sweet to me, but the girls teased me to the point of fist fighting.

Because I was smart like the white kids and apparently thought I was so cute for being a light skinned black girl.

But I forgave them also and can now love all humans and not feel aftaid or in pain.

[BETAOPTICS]

Oh I am so sorry to hear that. You deserved better, way better. I genuinely hope you got justice and the piece of garbage is in jail.

[OpenWine]

the exact opposite of a feminist. people like you prove my truth more and more "the humans who've had the worst happen to be the nicest". I've also had a darker past but despite still not getting a suited warm feedback I won't change cause forgiving and finding back to peace is one of the traits that help me stay happy

[dancing_in_nebulas]

@BETAOPTICS

@BETAOPTICS

Ty, its okay, can't change what happened. He did go to jail for a few years but released in 2008

[dancing_in_nebulas]

@OpenWine

Yeah, it humbles us thats why lol if youve never suffered, naturally develop an entitled attitude and lash out at others. But when you suffer you are just thankful to not suffer anymore and seek the peaceful way of life

[OpenWine]

I sometimes come across such entitled people, women generally.. I usually look for an issue on myself on all kinds of stuff (ama straight mkay) but when I find a woman pleasant and she shows me self centered traits I don't consider myself bad in the long run, I always find love and apreciation for myself because I can see how much I've grown into a better person. not everyone needs to see or know it, I want to see it and it's like the biggest source of happiness I have

[BETAOPTICS]

I am heartbroken to read your story. I do want to congratulate on your weight-loss achievements, not many are able to put their mind to achieve it but you've managed it. In my own opinion you should do what you think is best for you always because at the end of the day you have to be able to live with yourself. Not that the opinions of others should never matter but you have to take care of yourself.

You know as I read your story, all I could think of that your life hasn't been easy, and I honestly don't blame you for the feelings and thoughts you have formed. If it brings any relief to you, in my therapy clinic reception I meet many women and men who have had similar pasts and tell how difficult it is for them to learn to trust people again after being broken so many times. Know there is nothing wrong with you, you've only adapted to the circumstances you've dealt with and it has informed your life decisions.

But most importantly love you for you and be honest to yourself. If you find yourself unable to trust people and especially men again then at the very least I hope you can find some male friends if they are strictly platonic. If you feel lonely or find yourself someone who truly earns your trust, which I hope as you deserve to be happy whatever that means to you, then listen to your heart and mind. You are good enough just the way you are. And you are never alone.

[Unit1]

Ahhh, WGHOW.
I remember my time when I considered myself a MGHOW. It seems pretty familiar to me.
Because I had my share of being a MGHOW and I was blinded. Just like you now are (being confused whether men like you only post weight loss or for real).

I don't know if I can expect you to listen to me but I will still say it.
First of all: You have my condolences for what you have gone through.
Getting sour experience from the opposite sex will really blind someone in a certain way (for example 100% of my bullies were men. That means men = bullies).
Especially when it's after achieving some kind of success. In your case it's weight loss. In my case it's getting financial independence (hence for weight loss you as a woman would believe men are attracted to your looks only while financial independence for us makes us believe, that women are attracted to our money only - both types are shallow)

Just know, that this path, that you are taking may leave you sadder once you manage to get out of it as soon as you met enough cool men, who you believe have proven you anything but the boys, that you have had sour experiences with. It's one thing if one and the same group of boys used to bully you are now all crazy over you AND IT'S something entirely different from meeting new men, who don't know about your past but they do like you shortly after meeting you.

Women have told me (during my time in MGTOW), that men being MGTOW is a very sad path of life. I didn't believe them at that time. One day I woke up, got confused (by all this MGTOW stuff), blinded, reevaluated where I stand and what I will do from that point on and got disappointed and actually pretty sad, that I have (mentally) disregarded the women. I realized I made a mistake.

___

But I do not shame you for being a MGHOW. Not at all. By all means do what is best for you and go your own way. Hell, don't even listen to me if that is what you think is best.

Best of luck!🍀

[Unit1]

But I do not shame you for being a WGHOW*

I am tired. I should go to bed.

[JudgmentDay]

If one was truly going there own way they do it without the fuss or the grudges holding onto the shit that had made them miserable, just let all of the bad shit in the fucking go. Just let it the fuck go. Stop taking too much shit overly seriously, it's no wonder people are always constantly so damn miserable. Always recognize and realize that life is short and it really ain't worth all the stress and miseries holding onto the bad past experiences and we only have so much control, if any control at all over what happens. And whatever had happened is already reality.

[JudgmentDay]

"Just let all of the bad shit in *the past* fucking go." Since it had already happened either way, and there is no real way we can change or alter the past.

[Unit1]

@JudgmentDay Exactly man! Holding onto these grudges is like drinking poison and hoping for someone else to die slowly. It doesn't hurt anyone but someone itself.

[Anonymous]

As a female I think we have all noticed this unless we have been hot all our life.
I'm not fat but i'm not exactly skinny either, I was born with resting bitch face and that's something I just can't help even though I do try. Here's the things I notice

If I go out without makeup i'm invisible
If I go out with makeup guys are kind, courteous and helpful
(ironic because most guys apparently prefer natural girls)
If I go out with shapewear underwear i'm easier to see too
I will get more likes on my SM pics from men if my boobs are hanging out and my face is covered in makeup, Not the pics where I'm doing something fun with my family
If i'm out with a girl who's bigger than me and maybe not as good looking as me guys will approach them more because she might smile more.

I too am a woman going my own way and have been for a while now. I'm not looking and made my peace about being single. I figured when one worth his while comes along i'll know.

I totally get your angle I sometimes feel men aren't worth my time because would they have asked me out if my hair wasn't done or I had no makeup on or I still had those few extra pounds? No

It's like waking up rich one morning, more people will make time for you that wouldn't when you were average or poor. I feel like telling them to get lost now because I know they wouldn't be interested if they would have known me when I was fat or without my makeup on they don't deserve you!

[acridtaf]

Would you consider yourself - as far as identifiable labels go - Asexual, at the moment?

As far as you know, men have genuinely shown you no course to pursue them in any sense until you lost weight, and you've never been romantically or sexually attracted to a woman.

I'm sorry you went through all that crap, it was unnecessary - and honestly, @all the dude's who are jumping her case for not wanting to get involved with any man because her experience has left her scarred: sod off...

It's a crying shame that many of you who are naysaying her Choice to go her own way are more than likely guilty of being the Type of men who would've told her "ew" if she were overweight but would gladly be all over her like white on rice now that she's lost weight.

Shallow. And cruel.

Overweight people are people, too. Treating them like how she was treated most of her life makes y'all inhuman.

[myTake Owner]

True that, just confirms my observations about men.

[myTake Owner]

And I'm not asexual, I'm attracted to men and do want sex. But I don't want to be in relationship or friendship with them at all.

[BETAOPTICS]

I wondered the same thing. I " was a MGTOW " years ago as I bought into the lifestyle albeit for very different reasons than they usually do. Not an experience with someone, but with something, a disease. At first I thought I was dangerous because in some ways I was apathetic and cold in few aspects, but later I started to figure out if those differences were because I was asexual. It later on confirmed and dawned on me as I went to University to study the brains and had them scanned out of curiosity to see that indeed the disease had altered my neurology and perhaps that was the reason whenever I meet a cute girl, I observe it and... nothing. So it might be her experience is the same. Certainly I do understand her emotions here, as heartbreaking as it is to hear her story here, but I hope she finds solace eventually, the poor girl. =(

[BETAOPTICS]

And by ' observe it ' I mean I recognize I find a girl cute (attractive) and then nothing at all, no impulse to get to especially know her. A clumsy socially awkward poor choice of words, I apologize.

[karahiri]

I think... it doesn't make sense to resent men for not being attracted to you. I don't think any of us can really control who/what we're attracted to. I don't think anyone deserves to be ridiculed or mocked over their appearance- but I feel that plenty of men also would not have treated you that way. It makes me wonder as to the age range of guys you generally came across... At my gym, there are thin people, fit people, overweight people, obese people. I have yet to see ANYONE being made fun of or stared at... and I've been going for a very long time to that gym.

You have a decision to make. You can use your prior experiences to find a man who will cherish your persona and who will appreciate the efforts you went through to be fit and healthy. And you can avoid men who only seem interested in the exterior. It is PAINFULLY easy to distinguish between the two kinds of guys. OR you can deny your sexuality and your desire and say SCREW ALL MEN, thereby fucking up your own happiness.

[Bluemax]

https://goo.gl/images/Dn8iQt

I'm glad I read this before I replied. This is so well thought out it leaves me with scarcely anything more to say!

[karahiri]

@Bluemax thanks ☺

[Pamina]

If you think you'll be happier that way, go ahead. But if you're straight and have sexual desires, I don't think this will make you happier in the long run.

By the way, women are shallow too, no matter how much they try to claim they're not. We want our guys to be tall, have nice hair, dress neatly, not be fat, have a functioning penis, and so on.

[jakeforfun]

Thanks. Great to see an opinion I truly respect.

[bosi11111]

finally a woman saying the truth

[10dsw]

You can't blame men for being attracted to women who look healthy. The EXACT same dogma applies to women who prefer toned/fit men over chubby men.

"Guys were downright mean to me." I don't believe this part one bit. Woman on woman bullying is MUCH more prevalent than man-on-woman bullying. It's so bad that some nursing schools teach about "horizontal violence" which is literally a class about woman on woman bullying.

This article reeks of bias towards men. You can't blame men for finding a fat woman undesirable.

[shephardjhon]

I won't dismiss what she said directly but I have to ask what does "mean" actually mean to her?
By her description, it just means ignoring her or not helping when she never asked for help.

[myTake Owner]

@shephardjhon making rude comments, throwing disgusting looks, using me as a mean to get to my attractive female friends (befriending me only for that and not bothering to even continue friendship when the 'mission' is accomplished)

[myTake Owner]

@ 10dsw then how do you explain women wanting to date me even if I were not 'healthy' and how do you explain men dating unhealthy skinny girls?
Besides, I have seen women dating 'dad bod' guys often but almost never other way around.

I would understand a gym freak wanting a healthy partner but a guy who spends days playing video games and hogging on junk food? That indeed is healthy. My skinny friend who eats twinkies as I (former fat girl) munch on on chicken breast and Greekyoghurt and working my ass off in gym as the skinny girls it's idle doing nothing mucj- still the skinny girl is healthy in your eyes.

If you men actually wanted healthy women, you all would consider dating a fat girl who is following a health lifestyle to get in shape. But my experience is exactly opposite.

So don't give the healthca partner excuse unless you yourself work out like beast in gym and watch what you eat.

[shephardjhon]

ok that does sound mean or, if that wasn't the "mission" and they just stopped talking to you, it sounds like social anxiety. But then again, I am EXACTLY the wrong person to judge this behavior because I can't talk to anyone about anything except work, and even for that I can't ask anyone for help. I can barely write a description under my real name on Linkedin. I can talk here because my real name isn't here. Not to justify anything anyone did (you know better what they did) but social anxiety does these things to a person and it is MUCH worse for men.

[10dsw]

"Besides, I have seen women dating 'dad bod' guys often but almost never other way around."

... Because a lot of times girls have to settle down for something... anything... out of necessity. As to your point about skinny girls... the OVERWHELMING MAJORITY of men have a preference for a slightly curvy women over skinny AND fat women.

[Margillard]

You go girl! But men are opting out of long term relationships, don't take it personal, it is not just you. This is happening all over the world. Japan calls these men "Grass Eaters". The birth rates are at an all time low, in fact in America the birth rate is as low as the 1800's.
Mother nature is doing a little population control I suppose... aka the Mouse Utopia Experiment.
www.foxnews.com/.../why-men-wont-marry.html
Perhaps we should now call it PGTOW... People going their own way.

[LittleSally]

Those types of behavior patterns in men and women are so common it's nauseating to me...

Yeah, I can totally believe it, to be honest.

I can also understand your resistance to the male gender now... but the healthiest thing here is to try to work on it, if you want to go your own way for now do it... and then maybe, slowly, get back into the dating pool. I don't mean to say you should start dating just anyone. Maybe befriend a guy who actually seems genuine and like a decent person and go from there.
(If some of your girl friends have any good men around.. they can try to introduce you. Sounds like a much better idea than going online or just meeting a random person somewhere.)

[YoungManTryin]

Sorry to hear that, congrats on your weight loss, and good luck with what you choose to do with your life!

Although, I must say, I can guarantee that not every guy is like that. Consequently, I'd suggest, since you said that you are straight, and would have accepted dates from girls if you were lesbians, that you don't give up on finding someone.
It will likely take lots of time and effort, but if you continue to be social, requiring much from potential partners, you can probably separate the wheat from the chaff.
Your choice tho

[Mi2mi2a]

I was fat, not exactly fat (some would call it thick) and I lost weight. While I was gaining weight during highschool, most of my guy friends just changed 180°. I can see what you say, yet some stuck with me even during those depressing times. When I started losing weight, a lot of guys approached me, and I don't blame them. It's in human nature to look for someone attractive and at least healthy.

But the point is that you got to see the shallow side of some guys doesn't mean to generalise, it just means you will be more practical and not get deceived.

[englisc]

I used to be a shy, skinny kid. No girls liked me then, some would mock me too. I worked on my confidence and put on some muscle, and their reactions changed in the same way men's reactions changed for you. That's just how it works - when you become more attractive people take more notice of you. I can't really understand the bitterness towards those people though that I notice many people have after they've improved their situation and start to get more attention, and the attitude of "they wouldn't have liked me back then so fuck them". If I was a woman I wouldn't have wanted to date me either back then. I think the trouble is that people are told all of this bullshit about how we're all perfect the way we are, we're all special snowflakes, people should love you for you no matter what. That's not how it works and it's a weak attitude for lazy people.