A Confession to my Metalheads...

[OldSchool_Metalhead]

So basically this isn't a myTake that's all about metal. This is a take of a tough confession.

I know a lot of followers around me know me as the upbeat fun headbanger chick of the site. I used to be seen around here all the time, every day. A lot of people got to know me, likely through amazement of seeing an 18 year old that knows the history of metal. But then suddenly, I have slowed down on being here big time.

I am not exactly the upbeat person that you see all the time. I mean at times I am, but some know that I do have issues with depression. Even before I had depression I truly was the upbeat person that people usually think I am. I can't afford much with getting treatment for depression so I just put out all my bad feelings into music. The problem is, my music is starting to fail me now.

My depression has gone off the deep end honestly. Many factors are affecting it, as honestly my life ain't the easiest life to live, but I will state 2 reasons why. First, my grandma on my mom's side of the family, I call her abuela since she is from panama, by next year she is going to be hitting age 70. She has had rheumatoid arthritis since age 54, and it's giving her a lot of other complications now. Now she is also being diagnosed with lung issues that may shorten her life to just a few years. This has played a part because she is my strength, my rock. Me and her had a rocky point in life where it made me speak and see her less, but now this is just a major game changer man.

Reason two, I am dealing with another breakup. I knew this guy since around November. A fellow old school headbanger, bass player, you can pretty much say he was another Cliff Burton. We have been together as a couple since April, but things have gotten bad where he ended up breaking up with me. He was my support through all the hard times in life as a friend, and then as more. He was more of my strength than anyone else was, and did indeed understand my weirdness and my depression. He was my shining light in the dark tunnel of life, but now that light has burned out.

I used to tell people that music literally saved my life. It did when I was 12 years old, but all I can say now is that I can only hope that it will save me again.

#Depression

[ornithorhynchus]

Have you considered exploring other musical genres as an emotional support? If it is the melodies you connect with, you might consider listening to orchestral arrangements. Many have very powerful emotions and complex melodies. If it's the lyrics you connect with there are many symphonic metal bands that utilize the most powerful aspects of each genre and merge into a very unique emotional experience.

Is music the main thing you use to combat your depression? Connecting with the natural world can promote positive mental health.

Take care of yourself.

[Brewmaster531]

It can save you. Keeping your mind busy is the best thing you can do. Also, try to make friends. If your usual friends are of the opposite gender, don't fall so hard for them. Keep a clear line between friend and more. Hey, I'm more than happy to hear you and let you vent without it being weird, so you have a free listener in me.

[OldSchool_Metalhead]

thanks. yeah usually my friends are just a mix of both genders. though it seems that I tend to get more male followers on here

[Brewmaster531]

Every female on here does. Everyone is a horny hot mess on here.

[Brewmaster531]

Just look at a woman who has a sexual health question or something involving her menstrual cycle. For some reason, 16 guys will respond before 5 girls respond, yet guys have no idea what's going on

[Aynsof]

Well a depressed metalhead is hardly a new thing it has been the music of comfort for many such over the year
Here is a kindred spirit for you then

https://youtu.be/cDJiTCyOwsA

[OldSchool_Metalhead]

thank you \m/

[AllThatSweetJazz]

When you say you put the feelings into music what does that translate to in terms of psychological mechanisms? A lot of people let it churn negative emotions. I would suggest that drawing ideas from the music and using the music as a transformative tool is the way to go. Is that what you're doing or what you've done in the past? That is, put feelings in, dissolve them and get something different out? Also, find new music if it's just metal that you're listening to.

I went through a break up around the same time as you and then lost my grandma not long after. That... sucked! Worst time of my life. But I realise that despite the more intense emotional pain, it's not the same pervasive depression I once felt, it's important to recognise the difference and focus on what is good (helped by other music). After a while you realise it's not the music that saves you anymore but you that saves you. The music is just a tool, like a toothbrush, it helps you get shit out of your body, but you have to make it work.

[castratedwhiteguy]

Metal music will always make you depressed. If you keep listening to that demonic shit than your soul will rot in hell. You really need to break free from satin's music. That's what I learned from listening to too much Black Sabbath and Led Zep at a young age. Metal music, and the messages associated with it, will always mess up your mind. I can tell you, from personal experience, that you will never feel free and happy until you stop listening to satan's depressing metal music. You need to know that satin's metal music will never save you!

Here's some uplifting suggestions that will actually free and purify your your polluted metal head soul and all of the the satanic messages that are a part of the package:

Neil Diamond - Captain Sunshine

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPTswiya3FY

John Denver - Looking For Space

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eU-qwrK3i-c

Tommy James - Sail A Happy Ship

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsyuAOKbg0w

Yes - And You And I - The Union Tour Live

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyO1nHfcJlU

[Kaneki05]

Well your dumb and i only read 1st sentance.

[gothmoth]

@castratedwhiteguy
fuck off conformist
u make me sik

[OldSchool_Metalhead]

@castratedwhiteguy woah man, you got metal music all wrong. I mean I have nothing against classic rock cause I do like some of that too, but metal is NOT devil music. metal, like other forms of music, is art. really a lot of metal bands have members that don't even worship satan. metal music is like a horror movie, for example. sure, in the horror movie there are killings, and people summoning demons and spirits and what not, but does that make the actors total Satanists? nope. metal is just the same way. music is not what makes me depressed. so many people assume that metalheads intentionally put subliminal shit in their songs. just like the movies, its just art that comes from the mind. just an acknowledgement of the things within that other people fear to speak about. unfortunately some people take metal songs as an ebook on how to live life such as slayer's "mandatory suicide" or whatever. other people, like me, listen to the metal songs just to listen. its not devil worship.

[Kaneki05]

Couldn't of said it better my self Oldschool metalhead even tho i like the bands that do worship satan and jut because they do Lol

[OldSchool_Metalhead]

@Kaneki05 lol thank you. I'm never against those kind of bands either. its their religion anyway nobody really has a say on what is or isn't better for the band to believe in

[zagor]

Well, Ozzy said he is a Christian...

[KinkyHisoka]

i cringed so hard after reading the first sentence

[castratedwhiteguy]

I understand what you're saying. On occasion, I enjoy listening to Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin and Metallica. But that's as far as metal interests go. However, metal music that invokes depressing images of death, violence, satin worship and suicide just isn't my idea of a pleasurable listening experience. Al Di Meola once said that metal guitarists are a bunch of frustrated serious musicians who don't have the chops to play anything better. You really need to stop pumping a constant stream of dark musical images into your head if you ever want to feel happy. Musical choices are really that important to your mental health. That's why I posted these videos, so that you could hear the difference.

[castratedwhiteguy]

@zagor I like Ozzy - even though he's a fucked up dude!

[castratedwhiteguy]

@Kaneki05 Maybe you should listen to the videos that I posted!

[Kaneki05]

Why would i they look like boring slow rubbish. And your first line of your comment legit showed me your a person i dislike and some one who is really dumb what person actaully belives metal music always makes people depressed.

[castratedwhiteguy]

@Kaneki05 Okay then, enjoy your depression. And don't ever say that I didn't try to help you!

[Kaneki05]

Oh yes such great help by saying metal music will give me depression. Well i tell you what gives me depression this horrible world that has ingnorant people like you who think metal is satanic music.

[castratedwhiteguy]

@Kaneki05 Oh! You will learn!

[OldSchool_Metalhead]

searching and listening to more metal I've never heard of has helped me big time. I'm nowhere near as depressed as I was when I wrote this. I'm already happy about life again. people just have different reactions to metal. some can't handle it and assume its devil's work while others see that its art and listen to it just to listen to the sound and not for using it like an ebook on living life. I don't go slaughtering goats to a dark lord or burn churches. I rather listen to metal to let off the rage instead of doing all that other shit. that's what metal does. I'm not against classic rock because I do listen to some of it, but it doesn't help with making me better. metal does. for some people it helps, others it hurts. just gotta listen responsibly.

[Kaneki05]

This guy don't do commen sense no point talking to him he belives it is satanic music.

[castratedwhiteguy]

Good points! Although to much metal really depresses me. I'd just hit a point in my life where I needed to find more emotionally and spiritually uplifting music to feel happy. Metal music, by design, is a nightmare that never ends. I just can't understand how these targeted violent messages could possibly help anyone feel at peace with their world?

[Kaneki05]

Just the same way as people watch horror films it acts exactly the same way it makes you feel better about your life or just for watch it for the fun of it. You don't watch a horror film and become depressed excatly the same for metal music you don't become depressed from listeing to it.

[OldSchool_Metalhead]

@Kaneki05 exactly man. violent messages by bands aren't made to control. again its art. just the same as painting something more "dark" you know? technically an exploration of both good and evil and speaking about stuff that people are afraid to talk about. messages in metal help me deal with stuff because again it helps me let off any negative feelings in a better way than doing it through harsher means. hell I went to a concert a year ago for Anthrax, an awesome thrash metal band. I left that place happier than I ever been in my whole life because of how the loud music and crowd and everything was like chaos. but GOOD chaos. everyone was having a good time and letting off their energy from jumping around and moshing and headbanging and all that. best damn birthday present ever. and at that time school was really dragging me down but I was like a new person after the concert.

[Shadow44]

I'm here If you want to talk. I know things seem hard but they do get better. I've been through similar before and it's not easy. The thing that helped me out was experimenting to find new things I enjoy. Listening to music was one of them, and playing guitar ended up being another. Though beyond music I tried to keep an open mind and just try and find new things that were fun. This involved forcing myself to try new things and leave my comfort zone. I also tried to get out more (being an introvert) and find soem cool people to hang out with. I find having positive social interaction with good people around even if I wasn't talking about my problems helped me out a lot.

[Compodulator]

It's hard. Depression is one hell of a hellhole to fall into. I'm in there myself. Metal keeps me afloat, though. Not the headbanging type, sometimes slower, sometimes speed metal, sometimes just good ol' Alice Cooper.
Keep your head up, soldier! You're fighting a war here, so don't you dare let the enemy win!

[howlyz]

I still think you are so very cool and I also know that you will pull trough this time again. About your grandma, you should just know that we can't control everything but you can cherish every moment you have with her and be there for her, this happens to everyone, people we care for are leaving our life's at some moment, I lost someone in my close family so I know how that is. I hope your grandma will recover very soon and I know you will find your inspiration in life again :) :) "hugs" :)

[AbdKilani]

AWW
My dear, I feel bad for you :(
Don't worry about the light, it will never fade away, you just need your friends now to lift you up and help you.
I would gladly help you out, at any time
You are a great girl, taking Metal to a another level, Respect.
Never leave music, friends and family, because they are always there for you <3

[Nice222]

Stay strong my friend. You can trust music. Music has got me through the worst of times. Ozzy and Black Sabbath and Dio have saved me many times. Unfortunately relationships are just like bands. Sometimes you have to have a lineup change in order to keep making music and touring. If you ever wish to chat or talk please feel free to message me. I’m way to old to be your boyfriend but I can definitely kick ass on Bass. 🤘🤘🤘

[marilynmansonssextoy]

Music is the only thing that has kept me from suicide at multiple points in time.
xx
~ Mrs Manson

[Aynsof]

Music is like that indeed

[OldSchool_Metalhead]

right on mrs manson

[MarketData]

That sucks but you will get through it. I believe in you.

[OldSchool_Metalhead]

thanks

[Lance1965]

I can relate to this in more ways than one. Music has helped me through a lot of bad times and I have suffered with depression off and on for over 40 years. If you ever need to talk I am here.

[monkeynutts]

*hugs* sometimes life just sucks a cheesy bag of flaccid dicks. Lesson s learned, and when you feel chirpy again come and chat with us.

[naraku]

Listen to Babymetal, Burzum, Cradle of Filth and Satyricon. The sounds you get from those act's are unlikely to leave you feeling blue.

[Anonymous]

i would message you privately but since i can't i would just say it here. if you ever need advice about depression you can always talk to me. anyways stay strong and stay true to yourself.

[LegateLanius]

If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. Message me any time.

[Kaneki05]

Damn hope music don't stop working for me.

[Kayla45]

Awesome myTake! Hang in there

[TsubasaCorrupted]

If you want to talk, I'm available

[ThePundertaker]

We’re all here for you man

[Anonymous]

Thank you. Nice take.

[OnePunchMan__]

@YourSweetLifeSaver why did you block me?

[OldSchool_Metalhead]

Huh?