Why won't the sun go down already

What the sky looks like outside my window
What the sky looks like outside my window

I know a lot of people don't like how early the sun sets this time of year, today the sun will set in my town in MA at 4:19 PM

A lot of people get depressed over the lack of sun, me I always like this time of year. I like how early darkness falls. I don't know why but when darkness comes I always feel a sense of relief, I feel miserable right now, I haven't had a drink since Saturday or Friday, I honestly can't remember,

That's the fucked up thing though, I know that if I had a drink, I would feel better for a little while that the lonliness and depression would leave just for a minute, that I could breathe but that I would feel worse.

Nobody told me this about addiction, Its something I'd never heard of, this damned if you do and damned if you don't. I don't know, maybe its different, maybe others can take pride in being sober, maybe its just because I'm just a miserable and lonely person who truly thinks that his life will never get better. I dunno.

Which I guess would be my response to someone who asked me why I'm sober, I don't know. I still don't see the point. I'm miserable and alone, wouldn't it be better to be miserable and alone but drunk, and to be honest, I can't answer that question. Its like I'm sober without a reason for being sober, I still don't get the point of it all, I feel the depression, despair, and loneliness less if I drink, like giving morphine to a person whose dying, just something to ease the pain.

The sun sets at 4:19, the full dark will come soon after. I don't know why but I always seem to breathe a little easier then.

Why wont the sun go down already

Its the long days of summer that are the hardest, when I'm depressed and wish nothing more than for night to truly fall so I can breathe that little bit easier, that I don't feel as miserable, but the sun stays in the sky till past 8 PM.

But as I type this sentence, the sun will set in 34 minutes. I'll still be miserable and lonely and depressed but I'll be a little less so. That's all I can ask for sober, just a tiny bit of room to breathe.

I don't know what you expected from this take, hell if you made it through you probably think this is just the ramblings of an addict and you know what it probably is.

Why won't the sun go down already
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Most Helpful Guys

  • TahoeHiker

    Thank you for shedding some light into your darkness. A very well written piece, under difficult or complicated conditions I presume.
    I hope that you get replies that help you, or at least make you smile. My advice may do neither. I cannot regurgitate stale cliches of happiness and optimism. Nor can I tell you how I can relate to whats going on or how are you feeling.
    You have helped me though by reaffirming my belief that for people who have the chance to enjoy life or occasional piece of mind should feel so fortunate to be able to do so.
    Good luck and take care

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  • Legendhardon

    Funny I've felt similar since like 17, plus i use to listen to depressing music, while getying really drunk i actually like feeling like that and the gloomy weather made it feel even better. I also listen to goth music and i felt good about being in that state i felt comfortable. But its been years since thats over i always like this weather toi but now its been years since i listen to anything now i just watch drug intervention videos and drink to them. I got used to feeling so depressed that now i can't seem to get out of it.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Apple1996

    Most people feel the opposite, like why won't the sun stay out a little longer?

    Like 3 People
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What Girls & Guys Said

  • AlexBlack007

    Hey I love darkness too! A sky without the sun offers so much more than a sky with the sun does. Stars, the moon, sometimes shadowy clouds, aircrafts, sometimes mysterious things that keep you wondering what you just saw... Light is beautiful, but so is darkness.

    Like 2 People
  • Doctor_Strix

    You are not a addict. You are a person suffering from addiction. Two separate entities to be seen. You are life, addiction is death.

    LikeDisagree 3 People
  • goaded

    3 minutes to go, you can make it!

    Do you like the Buffy the Vamipire Slayer series?

    Like 1 Person
  • Raym0nd

    I don't know where in a MA you are but my church is in Worcester. Called the Journey.

    Like 1 Person
  • Asad1ONE1

    4:19? That is crazy early!! I wonder when it rises then.

    Like 1 Person
    • Waffles731

      Tomorrow the sun will rise at 6:42

      We get a little less than 10 hours of daylight

  • Somethingwittty

    Whatever you do keep drugs and alcohol out of things when you suffer from depression.

    Like 1 Person
  • notadwarf

    I feel that all too much. I'm not an addict, but I do suffer from depression. Something about summer makes it worse, it's like everyone else is of doing summer stuff and I'm just here, depressed. You're not alone, remember that

  • Stingray444

    Hello darkness my old friend...

    Like 1 Person

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