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The road not taken: Dealing with the choices in life we regret!

Ez-Bri-Z

My apologies ahead of time for those who had a mini panic attack thinking they had been whisked back to high school English courses and needing to write essays on Robert Frost. I assure you that while there will be an assignment at the end of this, I won't be grading it and this is the only time I will be referencing Frost's poetry at all.

Or maybe we just have a lot of poetry fans here...
Or maybe we just have a lot of poetry fans here...

I am less than a month from my 42nd birthday and while I would like to think I have done the best I can in my life so far with what I have been given, the truth is, I really haven't. There are times when I try and reflect to points of my life where I let my anger get the best of me or my desires would cloud my judgment or even moments of choosing inactivity because I just didn't have the energy to do what was needed to be done. I feel like everyone has a moment they would love to have back. Maybe some of us have more than one and that is OK too. As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20, right? If we always had the right answer or the perfect comeback or placed the right bet then how much different would our lives be? Honestly, I am not sure how life would have as much meaning as it does if we weren't able to learn from our mistakes and for that to occur, some bad choices need to occur.

"I knew it all and I say money really CAN buy happiness. See how happy I am?"
"I knew it all and I say money really CAN buy happiness. See how happy I am?"

Now I figure some of you there reading this might think, "Hey, having all the answers would be a great thing!" (it isn't) or for others, "I already know everything and am already perfect" (you aren't). Just try to think of it this way, if you knew the best path to take every single time there would be a point where life really wouldn't be a challenge. It would be too much of a good thing and I know, for me at least, I would be bored. But what about the REALLY big things? What about the things you said or did that ended up costing you an opportunity at something really beneficial or maybe a family member from your life?

I've made a ton of mistakes in my life. Everything from burning food to signing up for the Disney Movie Club even though Disney + exists.

Here is a bunch of other useless junk to sell you, Bri.
Here is a bunch of other useless junk to sell you, Bri.

One of the worst moments of my life came as a parent and I really debated on whether or not to reveal this because it definitely doesn't paint me in a positive light. I like to think of myself as a pretty neutral, relaxed, even goofy person except when it comes to things like phobic or racist dialogue. In one of the darkest points of my early parenting, our son came home from my brother's house after my wife and I got off work that day. He was around 2 or 3 years old at the time and, for the most part, he seemed to be in a completely good mood. He was eagerly telling his about his day and what he saw watching YouTube with his uncle when he said something that to this very day I will swear on a stack of bibles was the "N" word. Both my wife and I stopped dead in our tracks and looked at each other because we both heard it the same way. We asked him to explain it a second and a third time and each time it kept coming back to what we both heard as a very hurtful word. Admittedly, I lost it with him at that point. I yelled about how bad it was to use language like that and how that was never acceptable in our house. I was on a warpath ready to have it out with my brother for showing him any videos that would even contain language like that. In the end, my anger got so bad I actually did end up spanking him because he shutdown and wouldn't talk to us anymore.

You put my wholesome images in a story like this? Youre sick, lady.
You put my wholesome images in a story like this? You're sick, lady.

I ended up sending him to his room after so I could cool off. A few hours pass and I still couldn't shake the feeling something wasn't right (well, besides my behavior anyway). So very calmly, I went back to his room and talked to him again and for a fourth and fifth time asked him to repeat the story and again the result were the same, so I decided to change tactics. I asked him to describe what happened in the video. As he went into details my heart sunk. I am in tears right now even typing this up because of it. In his story, he was describing a lizard.

A lizard.

For whatever reason, he was struggling to say the word correctly. Once everything had fallen into place, I started bawling right in front of him. I had flown off the handle and punished him over a lizard. I couldn't apologize enough that night. I told him how wrong I was and that mommy promised to never EVER get that mad again. I am happy to say that I have been able to keep my promise on that, but I hated that I made that choice to begin with.

I have a lot of choices I regret, but I think they built me into who I am today. That choice, however, would be the only one I wish I could have back, regardless of any possible reflection I was able to do within myself to fix the issue. There are things I would like to fix despite the choices I made. I would really like to have a relationship with my parents. I would love an even closer relationship with my children than I already do have. I'd love to be to look at myself in a mirror and not just break down into tears because of years of letting self hatred build up. All of those though became the way they are now because of choices I made then. Going forward I hope I can find a better road to take and make the right choices so that I can make those things a reality.

So, my assignment to you is this; take a moment to think about some of those choices you have made. I just want you to really challenge yourself to analyze those ones that haunt you the most. Was it a choice that made you a better person despite how bad it was at the time? Is it a choice that has stunted your growth as a person because of how crippling it was? Finally, is that choice something that will make you second guess future choices because of the impact it may have?

Don't worry, I won't ask you to share them with the rest of the class. All I want today is for us to really think about our choices whether it be here in a post saying something negative or offline in your own personal life. In the end though, whether you want to do the assignment or not, that's your choice.

Hopefully you are as eager to do that as you were to write about R. Frost in high school.
Hopefully you are as eager to do that as you were to write about R. Frost in high school.
The road not taken: Dealing with the choices in life we regret!
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Most Helpful Girls

  • loves2learn
    I have deeply, deeply regretted losing my cool with my children and I know husband is the same. Though I am better about apologizing afterwards than he is.
    .

    @Ez-Bri-Z, my friend, what we are doing is showing our children that we are humans. Humans make mistakes. It’s your actions after those mistakes that truly matter and teach our little people what to do when they make a mistake (because they will).
    .
    Much love from one imperfect mom to another. 💕
    Is this still revelant?
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      For me I would love for my mistakes to be forgetting he likes only cheese and ketchup on his burger and I accidentally put mustard instead lol

      I do hope that he is able to take away from that whole situation that mommy isn't going to perfect, but that mommy will also be willing to admit that fault and correct it. I didn't really have that growing up so I would like to show them a different way.

    • @Ez-Bri-Z what an amazing learning experience for all of you. Truly.

      My non-violent, sweet and loving kindergartener for some unknown reason slapped his classmate across the face in front of the classmate’s dad on the bus.

      I was utterly horrified. I cried. Like that is now what I taught my child. We went over, he apologized to the kid and his dad and said he “forgot to think.” What an innocent answer.

      They forgave him and thanked him for coming over. Throughout the remainder of the year my son made an effort to mend fences with that boy and by the end they played together at recess every day.

      Big humans and small humans make mistakes. It’s their actions afterward that truly matter.

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Omg, that was very responsible of him! That is parenting done right there

    • Show All
  • Miah02
    Aww thank you for sharing, and nobody is perfect but from our private discussions, you are so strong and should be very proud of yourself as a person as a whole, because your courage and ability to be you even with all you have endured.
    This is something you deserve 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
    Is this still revelant?
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Thank you so much 💓

      I'm just going to keep trying the best I can.

    • I second this! 🥰

    • Miah02

      Keep being you, because i love who you are. And the rest will eventually fall in place. 🥰

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

19
  • exitseven
    Thanks for this. I have been on GaG for 4 months and in some respects it has been one of the most painful experiences I have had in a long time.
    People ask personal questions about my past and I have to relive them. Some of these questions have made me relive these painful times in my life over and over again.
    I have had the luxury (or curse) of being able to reflect upon my life because I am trying to figure out how I want to live the second half of my life.
    In my 20's I was enrolled in a degree program while I was practically flat broke thinking that some Jesus type miracle would happen and a rich relative would die and leave me enough money to pay tuition for the rest of the program. When it did not happen I cursed my bad luck for having not been born with rich parents. At the same time I patted myself on the back for trying my best for more than 3 years and that i should feel good about getting that far.
    At the same time I was in a relationship with somebody who lived halfway across the country. This was before cell phones and the internet. We wrote letters and once in a great while splurge on a phone call after 11PM when the rates went down.
    This lasted another 3+ years. Over 3 years of being lonely and sad. Again I patted myself on the back for not letting something like 1500 miles ruin my relationship.
    Looking back I would have dropped out of that college after the first week because it sucked. Then I should have told my girlfriend that what we were trying to do was never going to work. I knew this the whole time but I felt that I had to stay on this path anyway. Maybe it was me being lazy and resistant to change. But it is probably one of my biggest regrets.
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Do you feel like those moments helped define your future decisions or made you better suited for handling situations where you tried to make something work when you knew it was doomed to fail?

    • exitseven

      There s no easy answer to that. I spent a long time being angry with the way it all turned out. Fortunately I had better outcomes in my future endeavors but mostly it was because I took a more realistic view of what was attainable and what was not.

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      I think it was a lesson learned in learning when to say no and when to know when something is worth fighting for. I'm sorry they didn't work out originally though

    • Show All
  • RealMarek
    I wasted 15 years with an abusive person. I paid for it and will keep paying for it for a long time. I’m just glad I got out and found a wonderful person to be with.

    Growing up in the 70s the common punishment for saying a bad word, whether a kid knew what it meant or not, was a spanking (usually more than one) followed by washing the mouth out with soap, and the parents didn’t even feel bad about it. Times have changed.
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      I think they did the soap thing with me like once, but while I wasn't really much of a swearing type, I did have more of an adult awareness and would question their reasoning on everything I was expected to be and do around the house and wouldn't be satisfied with answers that extended into the actual world as into how things worked. They ended up buying me an encyclopedia set so I could do my own research.

      Spanking was definitely a thing for all of us. My mom used to do it too until my younger brother hid a book in his pants and she hurt her hand. She stopped giving them, but that meant my dad took over all of them who preferred the belt anyway.

  • Cherry234
    I regret the amount of student loan debt I'm getting myself into. I go to a private university and I have both federal and private loans. I know I'm going to be neck deep in debt by the time I finish. If I could go back in time I would have gone to community college for my first 2 years and then either transfer to the private university or to a public school. I know that being college educated will put my foot in the door to a middle class career. I think that's really the only advantage of college. It's very painful to think about
  • Lyubyets
    I like how y'all say "humans make mistakes" and then use it as an excuse to love yourself instead of glorifying the perfection found only in God
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Hello fellow southerner!

      I would kindly remind you that not everyone believes in your God and that is well within their right.

      I won't be getting into a religious debate with you here, but I will say that humans do make mistakes and how they find that peace within themselves is up to them regardless if it is by divine grace or just looking inward and saying "despite my flaws, I am still a good person" or even just saying "who gives a f*ck? I'm over it".

    • Lyubyets

      They dont believe in god (which is in everyone who does any good at all, god is a creative spirit, satan is a destructive spirit) because they have no recognized god. I dont care if someone doesn't believe clouds are made of water, theyre village idiots. I dont care if someone doesn't believe in god, theyre just idiots.

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Thank you for your opinion and for reading the article

    • Show All
  • legalboxers
    I regret nothing. I am me. I do think before I talk but people only want to see one side, not both sides or they choose not to see the other person because thats how they are programmed to. You may have that.0000000001% person who would actually take the time to hear your side, empathize with you, and fully understand what shoes your walking in know why you are the way you are, but then you got those who will see your side, and gang up on you - followed by everyone else (since they love "Follow the person")

    #zerofilter I am me. I dont give a fuck if you like me or not or dont want to talk to me or be my friend, or ally, you can be an adversary and stay on that side, and that is all well and good. Stick to your principles! thats what makes you.. you! I listen to both sides and if it dont make sense to me, even with my research, I will still stick to my point of view.. like you!!!
  • Andres77
    Uncomfortable homework...😭
    • Andres77

      Plenty of regrets... and thinking back is just painful.
      I'd probably need to be buzzed and write down what I could remember.
      Sorry teacher. I just don't want to. I'm trying to fix things now so I can move on from the uncomfortable past.

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      You can have the hall pass 😊

      Seriously though, thank you for taking the time to read it.

    • Andres77

      You're a smart girl and I love how you lay out your cases) arguments. We don't agree on some things, I'm sure, but you educate me every time I read your stuff.
      I feel privileged to have any contact with your mind. (And I'm not buzzed).

    • Show All
  • msc545
    Very nice mytake - thanks!
  • DaveToo
    Don't be putting down Robert Frost!
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Nobody put him down

    • DaveToo

      I know, but you said "the only thing he wrote", or words to that effect.

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Nope, I said it would be the only time I reference his poetry in the MyTake.

    • Show All
  • DeltaCharlieEcho
    I regret nothing.
  • Anonymous
    school is stupid everyone should drop out

    its nothing but lies
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