Is it bad that I wish I was a white woman?

Question

I'm a black young woman and it sucks. We have very bad stereotypes and most guys don't like black women. It's not fair. Why did I had to be born black? My parents told me that I should be proud and some people try to be like us. My best friend who's white says she wishes she can do her hair like mine because we can do lots of cool hair styles with our hair. I wish I had long blonde hair like she does. My natural hair is by my neck. It's never passed my shoulders at all. 
My skin color is this color:  

It's the same as that girl the picture. I wish my skin was this color:
 

White girls are just so pretty and even most guys like them more. :(

EyeSeaYew · Accepted Answer

The girl in the first picture has absolutely beautiful skin! A beautiful glow, no visible blemishes, and rich dark tone.

I don't think your problem with being black only has to do with your skin tone itself. Self-hatred is unfortunately rampant among black people in general and I can say that with first hand experience being black myself. We as a whole attack our own selves (again, still speaking in very general terms here). Lighter skin tones are viewed more positively. Basically, having as non-black features as possible is praised as being more attractive/desirable. The lighter the skin tone, the wavier the hair, the less ethnic features, the better. It's seriously a shame. I have acquaintances, both male and female, that try to push that crappy mentality on to me without even realizing it (because they likely are in denial that they have that mentality in the first place). Words like "dark skinned" and "coily hair" are always said in a negative way. It can easily make you feel inferior or not as desirable if you have those features because, HELLO, they're constantly being talked about negatively.

It's seriously important to rise above that ignorant mentality, though. Otherwise you're going to go through life with low self-esteem and an inferior complex. Realize that the people who view your dark skin or hair type as being something bad or negative are idiotic at best and in slavery to some baseless standard of beauty. Once you view it like that you'll no longer give a crap about the opinions of people like that and they will no longer truly affect you.

Keep in mind that there definitely are plenty of guys who will find you attractive. I don't know where you live, but in my area biracial couples are the total norm and plenty of black females don't have trouble finding guys who are attracted to them. Even if a guy doesn't find you attractive, it's okay! We all have different ideas of beauty. What one guy doesn't find attractive, another will.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Yes, it’s a smack in the face to your ancestors and their beautiful physical characteristics.
If being white was all that then mass amounts of white women wouldn’t be risking skin cancer to get a tan, injecting their lips to make them look fuller/doing ridiculous shaping with a pencil to make their lips look like what they aren’t, spending thousands on a new a**, wouldn’t statistically be the group most likely to suffer from eating disorders, and they wouldn’t be one of the groups most likely to culturally appropriate others for example Iggy Azalea. White females are not immune from insecurity. White skin is not the answer to your self-esteem’s deepest problems.

You need to stop being envious because that means you’re being ungrateful for your blessings. Also, to be quite honest, it’s insulting to all the women who shared your features and were raped, brutalized, and treated like animals so you can be free and by insulting your features, you are insulting their features. Beauty comes in each ethnicity and more importantly than physical beauty is internal beauty. One day when we all are saggy and wrinkly, our hearts and minds are all that people will care about.

blunttalker · Accepted Answer

It's normal, we all wish we could change something, i wish i had blue eyes for example. But i don't so i tell myself this: Fuck it, there's nothing i can do, my brown eyes are more than good enough, and you're more than good enough, people have different opinions, not everyone feels attracted to the same type of person, skin color, eye color. You just gotta accept it. It's not cool to be wishing so hard something so insignificant like that, it's ok if you wish it once, twice, but stop right there, put your head up and stop thinking about it, because there are more important things in the world. You're not here to get prettier, to wish you were blonde or whatever, you're here to get stronger, smarter, kinder and wiser.

evenlift · Accepted Answer

The first step is to get out of the mindset of race tribalism. Your parents told you to be proud to be black presumably because they had some experience of being shamed for being black. But, the solution to one form of irrationality is not another form of irrationality. The solution is rationality. You should not be ashamed to be black. But you should not be proud to be black either. Being black (or any colour) is a non-moral issue. It is not a failure. It is not an achievement. You do not share in the achievements of other black people or the failures of other black people, any more than you share in the achievements of other women or the failures of other women, or the achievements of other heterosexual people or the failures of other heterosexual people. You are you. Your achievements will be your achievements. And your failures will be your failures.

Secondly, is it really true that white guys don't like you? Some will. Some won't. Perhaps (at worst) you will find it harder to get a white guy to like you, on average, than to get a black guy to like you. But, is that really because of your looks? Or is it perhaps because of presumptions (some perhaps rational, some perhaps irrational) about cultural differences? There are many possible factors.

DocEvol · Accepted Answer

I feel the same way believe it or not. I am 28 yr old black man. I've grown up in places with very low percentile of blacks. My fashion sense , personality & manuresisms resemble that of a cacusian person and where I live it comes off as off not bad but off to say the least when dating the opposite shade. Threw my long road of trials and tribulations of struggling with my identity and wanting to have white features or many racial aspects changed drawn from society , media & opposite sex. I found out you gotta love the skin that your in , Look and love who you are ! Rather than what you are.

CHARismatic110 · Answer

I used to be that way when I was in my early teens. People used to call me white washed because I was into boy bands and Britney Spears and rock music and always had crushes on white guys. I liked black music and boys too but not nearly as much as white. I hated being called that and made fun of for it so I figured if I was white then it would be better. Then I started to feel how you felt about white girls looking better and all that. Only difference is that I've always loved my hair.

Then I realized that I'm exactly the way God intended me to be. And that it was ok to like what I liked regardless of my skin color. Because that's all it is anyone. Skin color. We look the same inside. Do I like the sterotypes surrounding black women? Hell no, but I know I fit none of them so I'm good. You shouldn't feel like you're any less of anything because of your skin color hunni! You are just as beautiful as a woman with ivory skin!

Sbgirl · Answer

You have lovely skin! I'm pale and sometimes wish it was a bit darker, so it normal for people (especially women) to want a body they don't have. But recently, I found that I like my skin now because that's what suits me and that's just who I am and there is nothing wrong with it. Be proud of your skin - a lot of people would love to have a darker skin colour. You can do more with your hair as well, which is always a bonus.
And actually, a lot of white men actually prefer black women. I know and have seen many couples with white males and black women, so there are plenty that do. Hope you feel better about it :)

ManaX · Answer

If you are unattractive your issues are not because you are black, it's because you are unattractive.

I don't like the phrase 'proud (insert race)', I think its dumb as it suggests other races have to be below. I like my race, I like me, I like my British culture but who I am today isn't because i'm black, it's not because of my race, it just is.

But in short stop blaming your race, it has nothing to do with it. I can't tell you how many races of men (including white) i've dated. My sister is the same. To say dark skin is ugly is personally insulting to me.

ComDom · Answer

I think I can hopefully clear some of this up for you. First off guys on the whole like women in general. If you are healthy and more importantly a good person to be around you should have no trouble with guys. Secondly if everyone were the same of any race or type I'd think it would be boring. I happen to be white and I like women of all races because they're different. I think it's fun.

Also it's beneficial for children to have very genetically different parents. It tends to make more effective offspring. I guess the bottom line is that sometimes we need to accept the things that we cannot change and maybe that isn't such a bad thing. It really comes down to what you choose as far as whether or not you will be okay with the way you were made.

GrownUp · Answer

you or me.. or another person.. no matter what color is our skins.. there is 7 billion people in world.. and there are alotof people who like black girls and white girls.. and i am a white man who dont care people's skin color.. for date or for any other thing.. being hot or attractive is not about your color or how long is your hair.. it is about how you act.. how you taking care of yourself.. be cool.. be relax.. enjoy your time! read books.. watch movies.. hang out with good people.. research something which you curious.. and learn more stuffs about it.. even if you are alone sometimes.. deal with it! i dont care what people think.. you shouldn't too.. at the end of it you need just 1 special man.. everyone dont have to like you..

Klaatu51 · Answer

SAY IT LOUD... I'M BLACK AND I'M PROUD!!! black girls are beautiful too... stop having this silly thought and embrace yourself!!!

Creativityblock02 · Answer

Honey you are gorgeous! And it's a case of you want what you can't have. I'm 16 white and have always loved black guys. If I had a chance to be born black I might have taken it but you need to love who you are especially when you are stunning anyways. You can still date a white guy if you want to. You are beautiful please don't go to such extreme measures as bleaching your skin. And as for the stereotypes only true idiot actually take them to mean anything. Hell us white girls aren't all soft little daddies girl.

Strider90 · Answer

Its a bad thing not to love your own nature/folk or race, say it however you want it. What you feel is usually the problem of the whites being brainwashed by anti-white propaganda to hate their own self, so they want to mix themselves with blacks and Asians and contribute to the extinct of a whole racial group that happens to be the creator of humanities greatest culture. Im proud about my white ancestry and I have studied anthropology. I belong to the Mediterranoid group. As much as I am proud about being white, I say you should be proud to be black.

zagor · Answer

I wouldn't say proud; I don't know why anyone should be proud of being black or white or whatever they were born as, since its not an accomplishment or anything. But you should be happy in your skin. I think both the girls in the above pictures are quite attractive. There is a tendency to think your life would be better if just this or that was different, but there is no point in obsessing over something you can't change. You have to work with what you've got - I always wanted to be taller (I'm just shy of 6 ft as it is!) and wish I didn't have this gross surgical scar I got back in HS, but you can't dwell on the petty things or you miss out on a lot of living.

by the way I am a white guy, and I have dated black girls.

ArtLoverCutie · Answer

You should be proud of who you aren God made you black and you're always going to be black until the day you die. Think about our black heros that have been through so many things for decades like Rosa Parks, MLK, Madame CJ Walker, Harriet Tubman, and others. Deal with it! You're beautiful the way you are.

SomeoneImportant · Answer

I wish I was a 6'4 black dude with a baby arm swinging between my legs, that way I would be able to pursue a career as a pro athlete, and get tons of ass.

Moral of this story, you are who you are. Just accept it, because you can't do shit about it.

KillerTaco · Answer

I feel sorry for you. For being weak minded enough to fall for the lies that are perpetuated daily on television, in music and other aspects of life that whites are the "most beautiful" and most desired race.

Educate your self on your history and culture instead of force feeding your self the crap you see on television glorifying other races but your own. You'd be surprised at what you discover...

Blacks are very proud beautiful people.

EIsabella97 · Answer

Girl you should be proud of being black. There some people that wish they could be like you and you guys can do some awesome hair styles and l plus, black people don't age much. Think about the black heroes. You lucky girl. You are so blessed to be black. Be you and not anyone else.

Bellibooo · Answer

I understand you feel like that, because of the way blacks have been treated and the mentality that have been, and in some places still are, that whites are more important, better and worth more.
HOWEVER that is wrong. You are just as good as anyone else, no matter skin color, and I find people of color gorgeous!

normalice · Answer

It's pretty common. Everyone has their insecurities. Indeed, if there wasn't "something" you'd wish to change about yourself, I'd be worried.

But this is something you can not change. It would be better to focus on things you can change. I'd like to tell you that the 'right guy' is out there somewhere and you just need to be patient, which is technically true, but it's also true that having a man in your life isn't an absolute requirement for happiness.

Urbantarzan · Answer

I think there are attractive and ordinary looking women in every race. Some black girls are attractive too. Check this :

Hannah591 · Answer

You should be proud! Black people have conquered a lot over the years in order to be more accepted so it's a shame to see you wish you were white. Your ancestors would hate to see you give in like you are. Don't give into stereotypes/racism, be proud of who you are and your skin colour. There are millions of white men who love black women, there's nothing wrong with you liking white men, it's a preference.

Embrace who you are.

Anonymous · Answer

You live in a inherently racist world where Caucasian skin colour is dominant as an elite, no wonder you would wish to be part of the dominant "elite".

It's not fair nor is black skin colour any less, but it's natural to want to be part of the elite wherever defines the elite.

Anonymous · Answer

Ew that sucks. You hate your parents who gave you life and your skin and you want to be a person who hates people like you? this is really bad. move to another country but dont humiliate yourself so much in front on white people, if you want a white non racist guy move to caribbean.

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds like you're having an identity crisis. I dated a black girl when I was at college, I've seen plenty of super sexy black girls out there who I know my buddies would jump at the chance to date so I don't think it's true that most guys don't like black girls.

Artistic_Soul · Answer

You should love yourself. And your skin. That shade is very lovely. And no one should feel ashamed of their skin. Its beautiful. You should be proud to be you. I am proud of myself. And I love myself. And you should too. You'll be a lot happier.

Ersacol28 · Answer

No way girl... if some guys dont like you the F... K THEM... you should be proud of who you are an your ancestors dont live by stereotypes they're ridiculous and overrated...

abundantlyrich · Answer

Be happy with whaycha got. If there are no challenges in life, we take things for granted and go off the rails.

Vero100 · Answer

I'm sorry you feel this way. Unfortunately, you're right about how many negative stereotypes are floating around; and, as a white person, I risk sounding like I'm trivializing the effects of racism here, but I think it's worth remembering that those stereotypes have to do with anti-black racism rather than an individual's conduct. If I'm white-splaining, that's definitely not my intent.

For what it's worth, I think the women whose photos you posted both look great.

Attila · Answer

Its pretty common to be attracted to blonde women... hehe

Blondiee2014 · Answer

Don't be silly, be proud of your race and who you are sweetie!

Kevin180 · Answer

There are ways to become white... surgeries and such... go for it if you want

Bromanicus · Answer

You are not the first to feel like this. I recommend, as a perspective check, The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison. It's a quick read and very moving. You are beautiful.

Unit1 · Answer

Wrong wrong wrong. You should accept who you are. If you don't then you are not worth to be someones girlfriend.

There are quite some sweet styles for dark skinned females. You should look into, what's fitting for your own taste the most.

JustinCaseUDontKnow · Answer

You should be proud of your race and I'm sorry you are dealing with these issues

VIsQveen · Answer

Been there, thought that.  You need to learn to love yourself.

Littlett25 · Answer

Your skin would be very beautiful. I'm always jealous of black women's hair too, like your friend.

Anonymous · Answer

I understand your pain, i am mexican and my skin color is the color of khaki pants!! If i ever wear a khaki pants or a khaki shirt I look naked. I wish i was white and had white girl attributes.. like being tall and having nice long legs, instead i am ugly and short with a huge butt and huge hips that i hate. Im ugly

MissBeauty21 · Answer

Girl, stop all this damn moping and be proud of your skin color! Your skin color is gorgeous. Black women are beautiful and there are some people that want darker skin. You lucky girl. Stop insulting your own people and be glad!

Anonymous · Answer

Not all white girls are pretty. So I don't know what you're talking about. Most white girls are plain looking. And I'm white!
I seen plenty of gorgeous black girls.
The only black girls guys hate are the ghetto ones or ratchet ones.

miserybusiness · Answer

No, I think every coloured woman wishes she was white at least once in her life. Thank you, discriminatory mass media.

YourFutureEx · Answer

No, it's normal. Everybody have their own wishes BUT YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF BEING A BLACK WOMAN.

Cowboy6666 · Answer

Hmmmm so the case is... Victim of inferiority complex... Beautify your character instead of complexion...;)

Brit10SRT · Answer

I mean if you wanna be that then go get the operation done but, you were born the way you are and you should be proud of that, I am.

Anonymous · Answer

If you like white guys, you'll be fine. White girls are leaving them anyway. If you wanted black guys, it would make sense wanting to be a white girl.

Anonymous · Answer

No. As long as you have a nice body, you're good to go. Black girls can be just as cute as white girls.

Operseguido · Answer

There is nothing worng with you, If a guy don't like you, too bad, to him! I don't know how is it works in there, In Brazil is very commum you see a couples of differents ethnicity

Anonymous · Answer

Some black women are gorgeous, more so than white women.

Findesemana · Answer

there's more to life than dating.. And this doesn't have to lead to envy or self hatred...

kep79 · Answer

Please don't be like Michael Jackson, you have to let the guys you like know you, to fight the stereotypes

_OriginalGal_ · Answer

You should embrace your skin color! black is beautiful girl.

Armada · Answer

What a stupid question.

Izzex3 · Answer

I don't think it's bad, just sad.

Prof_Don · Answer

Love yourself... stop self hating!

Sexualchrist · Answer

Just remember that black don't crack lol

DontDropIt · Answer

Facepalm x1000 You poor thing.

mistixs · Answer

Your skin color looks beautiful :)

KHaskins · Answer

As a white man, I like your skin color.

jacquesvol · Answer

I like your skin color.

kangy · Answer

Yes because it is self hating.

Anonymous · Answer

Would you settle for latina?

Is it bad that I wish I was a white woman?

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