Do you think CREEP SHAMING is a real thing?

[Toad-1]

Girls just creep shame guys just because they aren't attractive or something like that? is it real?

[BuchitaBuchys]

Eh. I feel there is an overreaction on both ends.

Let's take an example.
If a "hot" guy came up to me and touched my ass, I would and have cussed him out and told him to fuck off. This has happened to me, and it was at a party. One of my friends was telling me "Buchita, he was cute! Why didn't you get his number?" I told her because he was being creepy.

Now, if an "ugly" guy did this, I'd do the same. Tell him to fuck off and cuss him out.
But, in his mind and to others watching, they'd probably assume that I would have been ok with it or nicer if he was attractive. Because people are judgmental pricks, myself included.
Though, they'd be wrong.

I'm not going to say that all women would behave this way to an ugly and hot guy alike.
But that's just it. Guys would probably too. And I know it rarely happens to men, but it happens to many women A LOT. And even since we were like 14, 13, even 12 or 11 years old. By the time we're adult women, we're tired and worn out about being looked as a piece of meat.

Guys say: "I'd be happy if random women find me sexy."
Look, I'll admit at first, it's a bit flattering. But it gets old fast. Then you get tired of it, this is so first world problems I know lol.
Then you have the creeps who follow you even AFTER you've rejected them politely. And sorry to stereotype, but it's usually conventionally unattractive men who will pursue you to the point of harassment. "Attractive" guys usually will take the loss and move on to the next one (probably because they know they have other options). Though some conceited hot guys will give an attitude or insult you for rejecting them because they believe they're god's gift to women.

You just have a hard time deciphering which guys are generally interested in you, and which just wanna bone.

[GreatnessPersonified]

"You just have a hard time deciphering which guys are generally interested in you, and which just wanna bone."

All men want to bone. It's up to you to make sure they don't bone too quickly.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@GreatnessPersonified I mean JUST SEX.

[TheSkaFish]

There's different reasons why a guy might feel like he doesn't have options though.

I messed up with the women I liked due to not enough confidence, not interesting enough personality/not enough hobbies, no job - even though I could have real conversations with these women, we got along, they saw some good things in me, and I was both physically attracted to them and interested in getting to know them. They seemed like cool people. But I was still a mess due to a lot of unresolved insecurities, fear, and self-doubt. I wanted to be better but I didn't know how. If I had known the right way to act, I would have done it. I was too inexperienced to know where I was messing up. I met those girls before I was ready, and unintentionally made a bad impression.

I feel like I might meet other women, however, I'm fairly sure I won't find anyone I would have liked nearly as much as those other girls. That's why I feel I have no options anymore and why I don't want to give up on them.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@TheSkaFish I'm somewhat in the same boat as you. I always was too shy to let my feelings known.
Now I just approach

[TheSkaFish]

Yeah, I grew up shy too, with the idea to take things slow because I didn't want to come on too strong and be labeled creepy. I don't know. I really do believe in being friends with someone first, because I don't see how I could be interested in dating someone if I'm not even sure that I'd want to be friends with them.

I just commented on this when I saw that you said attractive guys don't pursue as hard because they feel they have options. I just wanted to point out that while I think I could get someone to date me, they probably won't be as good as the ones I met too soon, who were actually what I wanted. I've looked and there hasn't been anyone that comes close them before or since. And I do feel like if I could talk to these women as well as I did, then there had to have been some way I had a chance. We actually had things to talk about, whereas with most girls, we don't talk much and I'm not all that curious about anything they're interested in. I just wish I'd made a better impression.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@TheSkaFish unfortunately, that's life. You just gotta take it as is.
Yes pursue, but after she says no, then that's it. That can be considered creepy.

[TheSkaFish]

Well, I've been doing lots of self-analysis, trying to figure out everything that's wrong with my personality and how I should have been instead. Like I said I know I have a lot of work to do. I wouldn't say I ever acted "creepy", it's not like I told them I wanted to do weird fetishes or something. I was just interested in them, but not cool enough. I also took a break from talking to these girls, so that the old, bad impression is less fresh. I'm trying to be a better "me" in the hopes that they see me as a new, more interesting, more confident, more attractive person.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@TheSkaFish that's a good start. But I think it's also important to accept that you can be the best person, but not everyone is going to throw themselves at you.

[Anonymous]

Okay, I admit it. Creep shaming is real. Like, there's this fat guy at my school who keeps hitting on two of my friends... and they're totally disgusted by him. It may be because he says creepy things (like, "I passed by your house yesterday."), share no common interests, and has no friends... Or it could simply because he is fat and ugly and needs a shower. As much as I love my friends, it’s probably the latter. And as I much as I’d like to consider myself a fair judge, I’d probably label him as a creepy for the same reasons, too. Physical attraction is part of the relationship equation for most people.

[Toad-1]

So if he were thinner and more attractive you wouldn't think of him as a creep?

[Opinion Owner]

No. Sorry, I didn't word my previous response well. I wouldn't necessarily label a "fat person" as a creep. Skinny people can be creeps too. Perceived creepiness probably has more to do with how you present yourself. A well-groomed fat guy with a cheerful smile and interesting personality certainly would not be labeled as creepy. Versus the guy who was hitting on my friends: he obviously did not take care of himself (matted hair, dirty clothes) and had a permanent leer on his face.

[idkwtftoputhere]

I don't know if it's a real thing or not but I think it's still stupid, regardless, to peg a guy as "creepy" just because he's making sexual advances and the girl isn't attracted to him which could possibly ruin his self esteem. Then you have so many women complaining, "why don't men approach more?"

[peachblossomluck]

A guy needs to display appalling conduct for me to consider him a creep. You can't just be one because you aren't my type. If a guy is drunk and he won't stop trying to talk to me and I have to keep getting up and leaving to get away, that's creepy for example.

[the_rake]

I think attractive, confident men can get away with things less attractive and less confident men can't.

BUT at the same time, there are genuinely creepy behaviours that women would be repelled by and actively shame in ANY man.

Sometimes, there are also behaviours that are not creepy but people get unnecessarily shocked by, because some of our social conventions are overly conservative or prudish. Essentially, when a confident man takes the initiative to approach a beautiful women, there will always be judgmental and prudish onlookers who do not understand the difference between assertive confidence and arrogant creepiness. This is because they rarely - if ever - push boundaries or challenge social conventions themselves.

All in all, creep shaming is a real thing (hence the existence of the term 'creep' in the English vocabulary) but there are blurred lines, complications and exceptions to the rule. Different people will see creep shaming differently.

[Bandit74]

I. sure it's a real thing but I don't know how common it is.

It's no secret that we perceive a person differently based on their looks, so I 100% believe ugly guys are more likely to be labeled creepy for using the same approach that works for attractive guys.

Although I'm not sure how often it happens.

[Toad-1]

Do you think what ginnyweasley says is true?

[Bandit74]

In some cases she is right but I also think uts true that attractive guys can get away with being more assertive than an unnatractive guy could.

[Bandit74]

Oh I just remembered something.

I remember seeing someone else make this point that I thought was very interesting.

From an evolutionary perspective girls generally have more invested in reproduction, they have to eat for two, become more vulnerable, could die in the process of giving birth, and only have a limited number of shots at reproducing. Versus a man who risks nothing and could theoretically impregnate 100 women in a year. So it could be argued that women have more of an aversion to unwanted attention from unattractive guys because from an evolutionary perspective, getting pregnant by him would risk her life and waste one of her limited shots of reproduction on a man with subpar genetic material.

Im not an expert on evolutionary physiology or anything, its just a theory I remember reading.

[martyfellow]

By creep girsl mean anyone without the ability to spend a lot of money on them, which is most guys.. and yes, a lot of girls metaphorically kick guys in the groin all the time. From adolescene on.. the reason there are so many more gays in today's USA, I think.

[AleDeEurope]

Oh definitely, no doubt about that. There are guys that aren't creepy but since they're not attractive, they get called creepy. I've seen it too many times that I don't believe those who say it isn't real.

[Jxpxtxr]

Nope and just because someone is unattractive to me I won't randomly assume they're a creep lol wth?

[Ginnyweasley97]

no i think it sounds like a way for guys (or whoever is creeping because girls can totally creep) to bitch about that they came on a little too strong and as a result the girl does not like them.

[Anonymous]

If a non attractive guy tells a girl she's attractive, she'll consider him a creep.

It's normal: she wants beautiful kids: they have more success in life.
And if she's seen with him, other persons will think she can't get better. Gives her a bad rep.
That's life. Who does he to think he can deny her attractive children and give her a bad rep?
Certainly a creep!

The same happens to girls. (mopeds)

[Applefan1]

Yes, there are a lot of girls out there that will call a guy a creep just simply based on the fact an ugly guy said "Hi" or looked in her direction. Those girls that do this are very immature though.

[Anonymous]

I only call men creeps when they consistently ask me about my sex lives (in detail) or when they will sit there with a creepy ass grin on their face and drooling all over themselves just by looking at me. Most of the time it is older men who do this.

[Anonymous]

If I say someone is a creep it's because he's done something creepy to deserve it, not because I find them unattractive. Then they're just not attractive to me.

[Prof_Don]

Yup, "creep shaming" is such a real thing. The problem is that women don't realize how differently they respond to the same action, by guys of (to the girl's tastes) different attraction levels.

[LittleSally]

I'm not sure slut shaming is a real thing... so no...

[Toad-1]

Why not?

[LittleSally]

If someone is a slut - when you point it out why is that 'shaming them' - they should be ashamed of it - from a moral stand point. Creeps as well...

[Toad-1]

why should they be ashamed?

[LittleSally]

Maybe they shouldn't... In my mind they should because it's not moral...

[Toad-1]

but isn't that like bullying someone else?

[LittleSally]

I didn't say to shout it from the rooftops. Hahaha
I mean if they ask or if it comes up - honesty is best.

[Toad-1]

i think only if they ask you should tell them.

[Blonde401]

No. Creeps are creepy. I wouldn't shame anyone for just not being attracted to them.

[Betwyn]

Being a creep is more about how you come off.. then how you look.

[zombiebabe]

i don't think creepiness and attractiveness have any correlation

[GreatnessPersonified]

People like to shame. It's a human thing.
So tell them, "those without sin cast the first stone."

[DamnCurtis]

If some guy is staring at a girls tits I am going to shame the shit out of him.

[Anonymous]

Girls only creep shame guys who say or do creepy things.

[Watermelonoma]

i believe the word is a bit overused personally

[Toad-1]

do you think what ginnyweasley says is true?

[Watermelonoma]

most girls are going to answer this with a fairly biased perspective. In terms of what she said, im sure it is true for some guys, but that doesn't change the fact that i think the word is overused. I do think the level of attraction a woman has to a man will sometimes play a role in how creepy something actually is. I mean we already have studies which show that people will generally treat more attractive people better, and give them more of a benefit of the doubt than they would for uglies, so its not a stretch for me to believe that some selection of women practise this sort of bias in the dating and pick up world.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes the only difference in a girls mind if a guy is super romantic and creepy is dependent on how sexually attracted she is to him.

[karahiri]

no, i've seen good-looking guys be SUPER creepy.

[Lonewolf_1296]

yeah, many girls pull the "omg such a creeper" line often for no reason.