Is it okay to tell someone they're being cheated on? Especially if your friend is the cheater?

[ThisDudeHere]

What is more important - preserving your friendship or telling the truth?

Yes, you should tell them.

No, you should not tell them.

Other.

[Anonymous]

Shooting the messenger is why I really don't do this anymore unless I know the person who's being cheated on like the back of my hand.. acquaintance, new friend- hell to the no.

If we're all friends, it depends on what friendship is more significant. If its all equal, I try to confide in another friend within the group about what to do- usually, we just encourage him or her to break up with them instead of continuing to cheat... and if whomever suspects the cheater, we don't indulge but we encourage them to look into it or break up. We play the fence and encourage a break up.
If I'm better friends with who's being cheated on, I will get a few of us that are close to confront him/her and make sure he/she knows. If I'm better friends with the cheater, the friends and I will wail on him/her to break up for their shitty shit. Most of the time though? They're both cheating!

[mellifluous_girl]

I think it would be best to talk to the friend first. Let them know that you are concerned about their actions and you feel it isn't fair to their partner that they're cheating. If things don't work out, I would tell the person being cheated on.

[egi22]

I would have a serious talk with that friend, making him/her understand that he/she did something wrong. I would convince that friend to tell his partner about that. If not, I would definitely tell that person about it.

[ThisDudeHere]

But what if they didn't want to tell their partner?

[egi22]

I already said. I will tell their partner myself.

[Schrodingerscat]

I'd definitely tell them. Their partner deserves to know.

[guy532]

I've been cheated on and wish someone told me. I've also been in a situation where my ex's best friend was trying to cheat on her boyfriend and I wanted to tell him so badly because he was a great guy and his girlfriend was a pos. I didn't though because firstly she never cheated, only tried to (still completely fucked up and she would have cheated on him in a heartbeat if the guy she was chasing wanted her) and secondly if I told him it would mean that his girlfriend would be furious with me and my now ex which means my ex would have been furious with me. I told my ex that if she ever cheated on him and I was better friends with him I'd tell him in a second. Same ex ended up cheating on me a few months later. If your girlfriend is good friends with cheaters it's usually a really bad sign, lesson learned.

[guy532]

So I think it depends, if you're friends then you should, if you don't know each other that well then maybe it is best to mind your own business.

[madhatters4]

i would advise my friend that he or she needs to come clean. that would be my first step. if they don't come clean then i would probably feel compelled to tell their partner. but this is hard as it is my friend... but having been cheated on and in one of those cases it was the best friend of my girlfriend who told i think the virtuous and moral thing to do is tell the person who is being cheated on

[WeaponZero]

I'm very picky about the people I call friends. They wouldn't do that. And if they did I would cut them off. I only associate with people who are good to everyone, not just me. And yes I would tell. I ended a friendship over it before and I'd do it again.

[ThisDudeHere]

The right decision in my opinion.

[natured]

I would confront the cheater, and ask him/her to stop it and to come clean ,, but dont tell the girlfriend/boyfriend directly, it's something that they are supposed to resolve alone...

[ThisDudeHere]

And what if they don't find out and potentially waste years of their life with a cheater? All because you decided to "let them find out on their own"?

[natured]

Ok let me tell you why, i have been in a similar situation, my friend was dating this girl, and this girl texted me saying if he cheats, and i KNEW he does, and i told her YES and i sent her the evidence, ofc they broke up, because of me... and my friend HATES ME NOW, and he told me that he is going to HAUNT me until he can beat the f... out of me (im a woman and he doesn't care he still wants to beat me up) because of this... i tried to help a sister out, now she hates me because according to her i ruined her life, and i have his stupid ex trying to kill me... if you want to be in this situation then GO AHEAD... don't say i didn't warn ya, but honestly i REGRET IT, i should've left them with their misery, because even if you are trying to do something good it will backfire in this case... you choose now :) @ThisDudeHere

[ThisDudeHere]

Fuck them then. If she can't appreciate a helping hand then that's her problem.

[natured]

Yeah, but this is life, people won't appreciate shit if they get hurt, and ofc they blamed me... that's why im kinda warning you, but i still understand that you wanna tell them and that is the best thing to do, but i wish you luck with it.

[Curious625]

Sometimes getting involved can do more harm than good. Personally I would encourage my friend to break it off before the other person finds out. I would be hesitant to get involved unless I knew it would help the situation.

[martyfellow]

I just asked the same question last week. The answers were all over the place... Personally I would tell them, even though often they will be more angry at ME than at the cheater!

[ThisDudeHere]

by the way thanks for reminding, I'll head over there later and check it out.

[deraz24]

I'd normally say mind your business but it's hard bc if it were me I would want someone to tell me if I'm out here looking stupid

[ThisDudeHere]

So you'd want yourself to be informed but wouldn't mind someone else being uninformed?

[deraz24]

No im saying to let them know bc I'd want to know

[fauchelevent]

Yes, telling the truth and letting someone know they're being betrayed is more important than friendship.

[Laa7430]

Stay out of it. If it's That nasty then confront the Cheater. Tell them it's not nice... n that they should stop

[Turkish_Delight]

Telling the truth. Also its hard for me to get friends because I pick the ones I really trust, so probably that situation wouldn't happen.

[SunsetLover]

Being currently in this situation, I have to admit it's a difficult choice to make. I decided not to say anything and act as if I didn't know even though it burns me not to say anything.

[ThisDudeHere]

So you're going to let the person remain in the dark and further waste their time?

[SunsetLover]

I think it's not my place to say anything about it. Plus, the guy cheating is my brother... I haven't told him I know yet. I think it's best if I don't interfere.

[jacquesvol]

They usually suspect or know it already. Do they want to get it rubbed in? I don't think so.

[ThisDudeHere]

And if they don't?

[jacquesvol]

Trust me, they guess it but do not want the world to know it.

[ThisDudeHere]

That's not reassuring. I could potentially walk off on helping someone out on an unconfirmed assumption that they 'may' already be aware.

[jacquesvol]

It's a problem within a couple, Not sure they want you to know about their problem or arrangement.

[ThisDudeHere]

Well I already happen to know by that point so them wanting it or not changes little.

[Iraqveteran666]

No as it's not your place and your betraying your friend.

[ThisDudeHere]

So a what of the person who's being cheated on? What if they never find out?

[Iraqveteran666]

Still none of your business. How do know the person doesn't know and what about loyalty?

[ThisDudeHere]

And how do you know that the person knows? What if they don't? I think it's safer to assume that they don't know.

[Iraqveteran666]

Why reveal to the world that you are a false person and untrustworthy?

[ThisDudeHere]

Trust needs to be earned. You can't act like a peace of shit scumbag and expect friends to cover for you.

[Iraqveteran666]

Exactly trust needs to be earned and no one wants to be friends with guy that has history of betraying their friends trust over what was not his business or place to say. In fact doingredients so makes you the scumbag piece of shit.

[ThisDudeHere]

I'm the one who helped someone out so there's no way I'm the peace of shit.

But this all seems like deja-vu. I'm pretty sure you and I have already had this argument before.

[Iraqveteran666]

I think so to. Maybe a year ago.

[Iraqveteran666]

Also two wrongs don't make a right.

[ThisDudeHere]

Our definition of wrong is too different then. I suppose we should just do it like last time - agree to disagree.

[jman46241]

If it's a friend of mine then hell yeah I would tell them!

[clampfan101]

Always tell the truth. They'll find out sooner or later, and the sooner the better.

[findmethroughlove]

yes. why not. imagine yourself in that place. wouldn't you like to know the trurh?

[archiz]

Confront the cheater?

[Anonymous]

I don't know what I would do if my friend did that

[Anonymous]

I would tell the person if I know him/her.