How true is the phrase ''A spanking never hurt anyone''?

[Vesuvius87]

I've noticed several people that got spanked/hit as a child, claimed to have no negative effects. Most of the spankees want to do the same to their kids.

If that saying is true then why did it have a negative impact on me? It was only my father that used a belt during my early years. I never want to do that to my future child and nope, I don't thank him for that at all. There is nothing to be thankful about getting hit by an object.

Very true (well most of the times it doesn't hurt anyone)

Somewhat true (it shouldn't affect anyone)

Not true (it's a 50/50 chance they will grow up against it)

Other

Updates

+1 y

It had a negative impact that I'm forever against it. Sort of a childhood trauma.

[Anonymous]

I was spanked as a child and it didn't break me in the sense I am permanently traumatized lol I mean my mom was rough but I'm not in therapy because of it lol.

I did spank my kiddo but only one time because she was old enough to listen and take care of her glasses. She had prescription glasses and she would keep losing them or lending them to friends. After the 4th time I did spank her and I explained why and hugged her after she had her alone time. After that she didn't lose them again. They cost me over 350 dollars so it's not something to take lightly. I paid myself no government aid so to me it was a lot of $$$ and she wasn't taking it seriously.

[BrittBratt2416]

Sorry but timeouts, grounding, and go sit in the corner don't work for a lot of kids. This is the reason why kids overrule their parents and get away with crap, some kid don't react to a 15 min time out or getting their games taken away.. it just makes them rebell even harder to prove their point. I went to school with a kid who beat the crap out his mother, kids who even slap their mom's, or yell at them in front of people. Did I do that? He l l no cause I knew my Ass would get handed to me.

[Vesuvius87]

My method will include more than just that. It will also involve creative punishments and natural consequences as well of giving household chores and keeping them active (not lazy kids with messy rooms that don't help out at all in the house).

[Wonderer89]

There is a difference between a spank and being beaten with a belt. If an adult needs to use a weapon to discipline a child they've got issues

[Justinaveragedude]

If my kids are like me, talking to them, putting them on time out or restriction wouldn't do jack. I could always find ways of getting into trouble in time out. My imagination would just run rampant. Getting spanked brought me back to reality long enough that my parents could actually resolve things with me.

If my kids respond to other forms of discipline, then I don't have to, I would rather not, I do not like inflicting pain, but I would rather inflict pain then let my child suffer worse pain or injury.

[Atreyu]

I got smacked when I deserved it. I learned.

grew up to be a more or less respectful functional human being who doesn't need anxiety meds or anti depression pills.
never cut myself or talked about suicide.

got a full time job that pays well, contribute to the community and have a fantastic relationship with my father.

and yes my children will also be spanked.
100% for corporal punishment

[Vesuvius87]

My teenaged brother (who is now 15) got the belt much more than I did when he was younger and right now he's kind of crazy and has been in nothing but anxiety meds and anti depressive pills. At this moment, if my father tries using the belt, he's going to take it away from him and try fighting him.
So I dunno.

[Vesuvius87]

Find a woman that agrees with your stance. I spoke with my boyfriend about it and he agrees with how I felt about spanking and my methods. His method is going to being the child's friend at the same time.

[Atreyu]

oh I have :) she was raised the same way I was.
hell she didn't even smoke pot in highschool lol

although I would never tell you how to raise your children, and I hope you would do the same with me, it's my belief that parents and children can't be friends until they are adults as well. the fear of stepping out of line must be there. and it's hard to be friends with someone you're afraid of

[Vesuvius87]

Whatever suits both of you. Just make sure it's not just corporal punishment for everything.

[Atreyu]

of course not lol there is definitely a line between discipline and abuse

[HOAAH]

I Am against violence, but I am for discipline. Put the child in their room, miss a meal, take away toys or video game time

[Vesuvius87]

This exactly. Discipline doesn't have to mean hitting a child. Too many think that there is no discipline if you don't use corporal punishment.

[MsMacabre]

Spanking can be a good form of punishment when dealt out correctly. There is a difference between physical punishment and physical ABUSE, which is something that can stay with the child forever. I went through the latter and speak from experience. If you think the kid has done something deserving of a smack on the arse, go ahead, but be careful not to hit them too often or too roughly... that's when it starts to stick in a negative way.

[Vesuvius87]

I guess. I'm forever traumatized by the sight of an adult carrying a belt, raising his voice and making the child cry.
I decided not to use hitting or smacking for my future kids. If I become a mother, I want to dedicate on having that extra patience and if it takes me an hour or days for the kid to understand (whereas spanking would be a lot faster but lazy too me but no major lesson other than just obeying out of fear) then that's how it will be.

[MsMacabre]

I like your style! I have no plans to have children myself but my sister is planning to take a similar approach to you.

[Cosytoasty]

Spanking, like any punishment, has to be applied correctly and with good reason and timing. Mindlessly flaying your children will result in your experience with it.

You spank if your kid throws a brick through someone's window, you don't spank if he has dropped and smashed a glass of juice.

[Anonymous]

False. Psychology finds that spanking has very negative effects. However, some people still believe in it. I'm against spanking children.

I like to be spanked during play time though :)

[Vesuvius87]

Yeah in the bed (lightly and done in a playful way) it's different.

A child however, never asked to be hit with an object. I think if someone can't figure out what's wrong with their child and work on the issues without resorting to the first temporarily ''solution'' by just using your reaction by spanking, then they lost. That basically means the child was able to get a reaction from them and they were so clueless that they didn't know what else to do.

[Vesuvius87]

For me spanking a child is basically being at a loss of ideas.

[Opinion Owner]

I agree. I think its emotional frustration more than actual discipline. But its also based on an old fashioned idea of parent-child relationships.

[HonestGirlAlways]

It depends on how severe it was and on each person's individual reaction to it. Personally it didn't affect me but I wouldn't do that to my future children and I understand people who have been affected by it.

[Sam19XX]

The answer for that question really lies in the hands of psychologists and other people who study these things. You are not likely to find the answer here , from random people.

[Vesuvius87]

Yeah, indeed. I think we as people are complicated. Some spankees claimed to have been hit by branches or other things that hurt a bit more than my father's belt and said they had no affects. Meanwhile others, get affected easily by getting hit even once.

[Caaarl]

I think it can scar people but that depends on the individual and how rough it is. I don't think spanking had an impact on my long term health.

[Vesuvius87]

It was mainly done in frustration so that might have made it worse. There were many things that could have been talked out but my father would resorted to his belt as his 1st resort.
Later on as I was getting older, it was just threatening to use the belt and yelling.

[Vesuvius87]

Very rare did he use the ''no tv for today'' (grounding method). He was too much into corporal punishment.

[Caaarl]

If you truly want to know look into the psychological studies and see what they say.

[Vesuvius87]

yeah I'll do that when I get a chance to

[martyfellow]

Generally, it's not something so violent that it scars people emotionally, no...

[Vesuvius87]

I've noticed many of my older family members (hispanics mainly) get to spank while being frustrated and by then, they already raised their voice.

[martyfellow]

I think the spanking phobia is mainly an elite, Anglo trip in the US. So much emotional abuse going on in their families anyway, and they won't talk about that, instead they blame mainly other ethnic groups where spanking is more common, claiming THEY are causing abuse!!!

[TheDamnYankeeLad]

A lot of that depends on how the spanking was carried out. My grandfather would tan me, but he would never hit me with a belt or anything. If I was being difficult, he'd just throw me over his knee, give me a few licks and tell me not to do it again.

[jacquesvol]

It will possibly hurt the daughter in law grandchildren. Because many spanked people tend to be violent: their parents learned them that violence is OK to solve a problem.

[jacquesvol]

edit:
daughter in law and grandchildren.

[Words_and_Wisdom]

news.utexas.edu/.../risks-of-harm-from-spanking-confirmed-by-researchers

[Midget_Hug]

The victim is too young to know if it harmed them and thus are simply told it did them good. How then can they assess the value of such claims?

[Vesuvius87]

I guess. I can't think of how it did me any good at that moment apart from just obeying out of fear.
For me there is nothing fun about making your child cry, fear you at that moment and leaving them to calm down when you caused that commotion.

[Midget_Hug]

It is a rather senseless game to play and we know in clinical studies that it does change a person in generally a negative way causing them to retract and recoil but that's another tale for another time. In essence ruling by fear is also something people have no problem doing.

[Vesuvius87]

True. It would be better ruling and getting really respected because you're a great example, instead of just being someone they fear. Someone fearing you isn't the same as someone respecting you.

[Midget_Hug]

Ends over means sometimes.

[Nikodemus]

Oh it hurt, alight. Especially when punched. I detested my father for this, and promised myself that I would not behave like him when I grew up.

[angrycupcake]

Giving birth to someone shouldn't give you the right to hit them

[Vesuvius87]

Exactly. You brought them to life and saw their very first moments of them opening their eyes and crying.

[Anonymous]

It's only true if and only if you don't take it to far like your dad did

[Vesuvius87]

I guess. His first immediate resort was always either using the belt or threatening to use it and yelling.

[Opinion Owner]

That being said I am only going to spank my daughters in the most extreme of cases

[Vesuvius87]

That's different than always thinking the belt is the solution to everything. My 15 year-old brother is literally kind of crazy by now and if my father were to tried to use the belt on him now, I can honestly say my brother will take it away from him and fight him. He already tried to fight him last year. I don't think it's normal for a teenaged son to tried to punch his father.
During his earlier years, whenever my brother was having trouble with math homework... if he didn't get the answer right the 2nd or 3rd time, my father would already be with the belt.

[Opinion Owner]

Well from I was 14 to 16 i was physically and mentally and sexually abused in a orphanage and I ended up cutting of a priests penis and balls with a rusty knife

[TheUglyMonk]

If he thinks the belt is the solution to everything then that transforms from spanking to abusing.

[Anonymous]

I was spanked as a child and I think it did nothing but good be me as a person.

[blondfrog]

If you do it a lot it can actually hurt.

[emerald77]

It's not true.

[Vesuvius87]

Yeah. I wish I can freely say that I wasn't affected in any way but it did. Everytime I associate a very young child (5 year-old for example) getting spanked with an object, I associate it with an adult that doesn't know what to do and is only spanking to get rid of his/her frustration at that moment... basically just trying to calm their own emotions while not considering the child's emotion's nor even wonder why is the child acting that way or if they can help out.
I see it as a type of bullying to be honest.