Title contains "spank". Read further and find "beaten". Do you people even can differentiate between the two?
I've been spanked and I know that when in happened, I deserved it.
How would you briefly explain to a 3yr old eg. that running across the street and risking getting hit by a truck isn't a very good idea when parents call the kid? Especially when it happens for n-th time in a row and talking to the kid changes nothing in the behaviour.
That's quite different from beating the kid for no reason whatsoever or beating the kid instead of spanking when a young one truly deserved it.
Anyway, it should be used as a last resort. It has to have that weight to it, so a child would identify and grade the levels of "wrong" it has committed. If you spank a kid every damn time, it won't have any deeper meaning than causing pain. Not wanting to eat cereal isn't spank-worthy but trying to test a space shuttle by jumping out of balcony in an Amazon cardboard box certainly is.
Spanking doesn't resolve a problem. It just puts fear into a kid and shows that problems are solved with violence. Wouldn't you be pissed if you fought with your sister only to have it never resolved and a parent spanking you and her for causing a scene?
The only reason we think it’s ok is because it was done to us. It’s not ok. The only time I think it’s except able would be in extreme cases. Like a small child runs out in the street after you told them no. Or, if an older child ran away from home. Stealing and lying would also count. But, I would reserve these extreme measures for extreme cases where you are really trying to drive the point across. It would only be done with a hand to the butt. Otherwise, absolutely not!!! To spank a child for everything they did wrong. Or, to use a belt or any other thing. In my eyes would be child abuse.
I think every child is different, and what works for one won't necessarily work for all. Personally I was spanked as a child and it didn't help; it only taught me not to get caught, rather than teaching right from wrong.
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Spanking was just one type of discipline for us, usually for really severe things like stealing or cheating in school.
Its an amazing form of discipline.
No marks, no bruises, and you felt the physical manifestation of the consequences of your actions.
Spanking is very natural, as its akin to animal parents nipping their children.
The nips are hard enough that the cub yelps, but doesn't break skin or anything abusive lol
Its also domineering, and reminds cubs, teens of pack hierarchy.
Likewise, your parents spanking you reminded you of who was really in charge, and to not be a brat and cross them.
Notice how when teens get passed spank age, they challenge their parents more. A lot of parents, dads usually, will knock the shit out of their teens if necessary.
I've seen 16yr old boys push their moms and get DE-STROOOYED by their fathers.
Yeah, never pushed mom again, never talk to shit to dad again, and now laugh about it with their other friends who also thought dumb enough to provoke their parents.
Whats hilarious, is that my non spanked friends have more issues with depression because their soft parents never taught them the life skills necessary, to cope with pain and hardness in life. Because it was hugs and kisses or telling their parents to shut up and fuck off, that they developed a spoiled, entitled complex.
They actually say, "I wish my parents would have been more firm and spanked me. I can't handle anything now like you guys (us old school kids,) can."
Thats just sad.
You dont have to spank, but be a strong, firm ass parent when necessary at least.
These babied kids can't keep jobs, complain all the time, I've seen one even beat up in the hallway at my college because her parents never made her clean anything.
She was really dirty so her dorm mate started throwing all her trash and stuff out the room lol.
The dirty girl got pissed and tried to physically stop the other girl and got DE-STROOOYED in that hall way.
The girl throwing out her stuff was spanked as a child.
Parents lol, dont set your kids up to be thrashed in a college hallway.
I was spanked when I was a child. Honestly it served a purpose, it was a good way of tying in punishment with bad behaviour. The big thing to avoid is abuse. Punishment without establishing a reason just causes pain and fear and makes them tie in the pain and fear to the parent, not the reason why they're getting punished. You need to take a moment to sit down and make sure the child understands instead of just punishing out of anger, it needs to be done specifically as a lesson, with no ill intentions and not too much anger, what I'm trying to say is that punishment needs to come from a place of reason, not personal feelings. I grew to reject spankings though, mostly from looking at training animals. Caeser Millan plays a really big part in this, I think this quote I just pulled from his website will help; "In behavioral science, though, “punishment” just means anything that decreases the preceding behavior. For example, say your spouse likes to flip through the channels on the TV but hates country music. If you put on country music when the channel flipping starts and it causes the behavior to diminish, then you’ve just punished your spouse". My stance is that punishment can be achieved without the spanking, and the spanking brings unnecessary baggage like instilling fear. If you have a better option, one that gets the same effect with less chance of problems, why use spankings? The most important part is making sure the child understands why they're being punished, rather than the severity of the punishment itself. Infact, as that description of punishment should make evident, you can punish with just a conversation. You can often talk to your child in a normal tone and make them understand something they did or said was wrong without resorting to punishment, understanding and empathy are great tools, and children have them too, lets build those tools up instead of resorting to instilling fear in the hope that the fear will prevent bad behaviour, even fear of hell doesn't prevent sinner so clearly it doesn't work.
I was spanked as a child... the only harm it ever did me was to make me believe there's absolutely nothing wrong with spanking your child IF emphasis on IF it's done properly. There are conditions that must be met for spanking to be a good thing.
1. Always make the reason clear. Spanking should never be merely out of frustration. The child MUST understand spanking as a consequence of their actions. They ought to be told and/or they must be able to show that they understand WHY they are being spanked. If a kid doesn't understand the why it will feel abusive.
2. You must show yourself to be the authority. You have the right to spank your child as a disciplinary action because YOU are the authority. They don't have that authority and thus they don't have any right to spank or hit other people. People say spanking simply teaches kids violence, but kids are smarter than that. To some extent you can argue that "monkey see, monkey do." But kids are smarter than we give them credit for. Spanking a kid because they spanked another kid out of anger or some other wrong motive teaches them that it's not okay for them to it use or resort to violence.
And Finally...
3. Love your child. If you're going to spank your kids spank them because you want to teach them. You want them to grow in maturity and self-control and make ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that they KNOW you love them. Be the kind of parent that anyone can see would die to save their children. If this condition is met the others will, generally speaking, fall into place. Likewise if you ALWAYS show your motive to be love no kid is going to learn to hit others out of anger.
I know many will argue or disagree with me, but again... I was spanked as a child. It hurt, but I never thought it was okay to hurt others. I never felt unloved, and I learned self-control. I learned that my actions had consequences and I learned to think about what those consequences would be BEFORE taking action. These are all skills and traits I am beyond grateful to have. If my parents hadn't loved me I could have turned out horribly which is why emphasizing the REASON behind any given spanking is SO important as a parent. I will spank my kids because I believe that I never would have learned if my parents hadn't spanked me. I want to teach my kids well. I refuse to leave them to their own devices and their own folly. I will raise them to be wise and nothing anyone can say will stop me.
I’m pro-spank within reason. I don’t think spanking should be excessively done, but if a kid is really acting up, a slight hit on the behind generally corrects the behavior.
Thinking back to when I was a child, I was honestly a conniving and mischievous brat. I always sought to figure out where the boundaries were of how far I could push my parents before they’d snap. If I didn’t get spanked as a child, I would hypothesize that I would be waaay worse now. Standing in a corner didn’t bother me. I would just think of a story or imagine something interesting to keep myself entertained. If something got taken away from me as a punishment, I’d shrug it off and just figure out a game with something else.
I think it was also a good thing that my parents (well, my dad) would tell me that they didn’t enjoy spanking. They didn’t want to spank me, but they said “every action has a consequence.” The important part about the spanking is not necessarily the spanking itself/the pain, but rather the reinforcement on the message with the spanking. They’d be clear in why they spanked me. Communication is VITAL, even with small children.
Another thing about spanking is that the pain helps you retain the memory. I can vividly remember plenty of times I got spanked, and I can generally remember the reasons why (i. e. pelting my sister with a controller at mach 5, learning that hitting my sister in the middle of the back gave the most satisfying thud, learning that the other controller had a solid spin when pelting my sister with it). Meanwhile, I can remember standing in the corner as punishment some times, but I have no idea why.
I think spanking is bad when it seems like it’s spanking for no reason. The kid needs to hear why he is getting spanked and the spanking needs to serve a purpose. It should be done sparingly— when the kid does something pretty bad and clearly intentional. In other words, spanking should be rare, as to avoid habituation. Likewise, spanking should be enough to make the kid remember the pain, but not enough to seriously injure. I’ve gotten hit with the belt once, but I think that may be pushing it.
People with low IQ and low intelligence resort to spanking and smacking and other forms of abuse. I was smacked and spanked as a kid and my parents are not very intelligent, did not know how to parent and have no respect for children (treated us like objects). I have been on the wrong end of punishment for things that were not even my fault, i hate my parents, they have no empathy or respect. I never misbehaved, but i would get smacked for their inability to trust anyone outside. They held beliefs that we have to live like aliens in the community they lived in whilst others lived openly and respectfully with each other and wanted to treat us the same way. Instead my parents acted like people are out to get us and outside is dirty.
How i'd treat my own kids, respectfully, id explain why something that they did is wrong, entertain compromise, reward good behaviour, allow them to make mistakes and learn from their own mistakes and about consequences, id allow them to create their own rules and their idea of punishment. Simply hitting them or abusing them is child cruelty and is lazy parenting, the ones who do this are lower class backgrounds like i said have very little brain cells, they are forcing their kids to live in fear and the result, they will leave and you will be remembered as a monster.
Its illegal now. Its not a trend its the law.
But hell yes my kids are getting smacked if they cross the line too far.
Kids learn to deal with having their toys taken away or going without sweets. They dont like it but it stops being an effective punishment if its used too often and for every offense.
If my kids bitten another kid im not going to tell him no dessert, im gonna bite him, both as punishment and a learning thing that being bitten really fucking hurts.
The punishment should always fit the crime. And being told "im dissapointed" is not a good match for a kid that just threw a tantrum in the supermarket.
Dont laugh if they swear and know what theyre saying, tell them off.
Dont let it go when they throw their toys, take the toys away until they learn to respect their things.
If they hit their brother, hit them back so they know how it feels. (Obviously if thats not effective place them in timeout instead. But use timeout correctly)
If nothing you're doing is stopping the nasty behaviour, the next time you catch them in the act give them a nice whoop on the bum and warn them not to do it again.
This all coming from a non parent, but a sibling whos witnessed the difference between growing up being smacked for every little thing, and watching her siblings grow up with no discipline at all.
For those who have been spanked, I know spanking may not have traumatized some of them, but spanking is not for everyone. As a kid, I wasn't spanked, but I was yelled at a lot and my grandmother once carried a butcher knife around angrily before which scared me. In my eyes, this can be similar to spanking. A tool that CAN be used to instill fear. I think talking to kids and helping them understand why they shouldn't do things should be the answer, and a pat on the butt (spanking) should be a very last resort. I was yelled at for things I didnt't understand like turning on a dish washer. I was even yelled at and threatened by my father who said he would cut my hands off with a butcher knife if my brother and I didn't stop arguing over something minor like who was going to type the email into the box on the computer. I still hold this against him to this day about how he parented me. Of course, I did take his threats seriously, and I thought why would a parent want to do that to his kid? He probably wasn't serious, but I took it seriously and I was scared. Instead of talking this out, he decided to instill fear instead of making compromise between me and my brother. Same goes for my mother and her methods of "parenting". I know that people will think that because I haven't been spanked before that I wouldn't understand it. To this day, I can image that if I did, I would still hate my parents because they punish for minor things that to this day, I would say are not reasonable. I wish people talked more to their kids instead of instilling fear with violence in their kids. I realize to this day that now I'm the one abusing my parents. Yelling at them for being controlling. For everything they do that is wrong. I think I have anger issues against them now that I think about it. I yell a lot at them for stupid things they do. I honestly did not learn anything when they yelled at me. I wasn't stupid. I just didn't understand, and nobody explained it to me.
Action and consequence. That is how I was raised. Granted, I was a good kid and spankings we're rare.
What I remember about it was that when I did something worthy of a spanking, my dad did it best. Mom was just an angry spanker, and she was so light it didn't matter much. Dad did it the right way. It was almost transactional. I did something to warrant a spanking. Dad asks me if I know why I am getting a spanking. This can go two ways, chances are I knew exactly why I was getting a spanking. That established, the prescribed number of swats with a paint stir stick (not the 1 gallon ones, the 2 foot ones) was administered. It didn't matter if I cried or not, didn't matter if it really hurt or not. X crime warranted X swats. When that was done, he would ask if I wanted a hug, and most times I did. I knew my dad loved me, I knew I had done something wrong. I had paid the price, and my dad was there after to comfort me.
Yeah, spank your kids, when it is warranted, not out of anger or frustration, but as a method of correction.
It really depends on what you define as spanking? Some call 'spanking' a beating with a belt, and I think that is wrong, in EVERY WAY!!
Some women I know were spanked as girls, and on their bare bottom, usually by their father, and I am really thinking that is a little too much, to personal, and maybe psychologically damaging.
I rarely got spanked, but several times my mother slapped me, when I said something she didn't like, or thought was disrespectful. My dad seldom did anything but smack the back of my head, when I did something stupid, just saying "Think smarter!" He was beaten with his father's belt, growing up, so I guess he figured out that it wasn't right.
I know some couples, and they spank their children, but only when they don't listen, and then do something that could really hurt them, or kill them. But they way they explain it, is that they spank, but then tell the child that they are not 'bad' but they did a 'bad' thing, and they always end with a hug.
Not sure what to think about that, from a child's perspective. Maybe mixed messages?
I put I was spanked but don't want to spank my kids.
I'm not saying I wouldn't... because some kids do need it... and deserve it. But who the fuck wants a kid that needs it and deserves it?
The kids that do end up needing and deserving it usually have a certain parent that's enabling or unknowingly teaching/training the behavior. I for instance had a stepchild who would become the perfect kid throughout the week... it takes just one weekend at Dad's house to spoil the child again. Imagine moving in with my Mother-in-law's... where any control over the child was removed and that child had my Mother-in-law giving him bowls of marshmallows, did his homework for him, and constantly pandered to his every desire. That phase had him trying to scratch my wife's face and he punched me right in the nose. ... Once we moved out of that situation, it took a decent amount of time and the ability to punish the child back to undo the behavior... which would've never come to pass if his Mother and I were the only adult influences to begin with.
That was more long winded that I hoped for it to be. In short, a child isn't going to need a spanking as long as the adults are getting it right from the start.
No, it is never okay. I would never hit or spank a child. I wouldn't even call them any negative names or say anything negative about them. I believe it is wrong and will negatively influence them. I believe in positive reinforcement where they get a gift or some type of reward for behaving well and maybe a punishment like no "free gift this week" or "no candy" or "no television" or "no phone for a week" or taking away a favorite toy for a few days.
I consider any type of physical, verbal, or emotional negativity harmful for a child. My parents hit me and my dad was and is verbally abusive and I can honestly say I really dislike my parents and I HATE my dad. I do not like almost anyone in my family anymore. I will cut them all out of my life. When I have a family of my own, I will be the best parent I can be and be the type of parent I wish I had, and I will do everything I can so my children will have genuine love for me. Any type of abuse, and physical like spanking/hitting or verbal (insults/put-downs) will only cause hate and anger to develop over time. Positive Reinforcement techniques are healthier and more effective than Negative Reinforcement techniques which are harmful.
Legend says the eyes of the parents can be a powerful non violent weapon one look is powerful enough to send a message to your kid that the Emp of such devastating pressure is powerful enough to shut down your kid's bodily fuctions rendering them to give themselves a timeout with a side of nap. I tried challenging the looks so I would make a face to make myself feel better but that was a bad idea so I started getting a bonus called the police slap that thing hurts like hell. From then I did everything in my power to avoid both attacks and be a good a boy ever since. Normally spanking kids would do wonders but overtime the kids would become violent but in my case I did not like the slap or the looks they were quite memorable enough that I will train my looks so my kid knows what's up. The looks made me grew up non violent and I am proud or else I would have grew up a douchebag or worse. Sure I do not get the looks anymore but I am too old to be violent and instead I play games to distract me from my anger and in couple hours I am totally fine unless you tell me afterwards I was angry and why I did not overeact. Please use the eye it will help in the long run and no spanking or you will end up having a psychopath
Whe I was a kid I always did some mistakes and I act so stupid. I got spanked a lot of times and I think Im a mature person because of that. And no. Its not a tragedy. But most kids won't understand if you yell at them or explain they do it wrong. So yup. Ill spank the hell out of my kids to make sure they succedd in life. Now. This new generation ( 2002+) are getting worse and worse. So many girls gets boyfriends at 10 years, at 12 they already are showing their body on social media for attention. This is because the paresnt didn't put that much effort to control their kids actions and to make sure they develop into a healthy and smart human. Instead. They get Ipads , And phones since they get born and all it gets worse and worse. For example my brother is 2 years younger than me , but he spend more time on his phone and texting than me. After that. My sister is 13 and she doesn't want to go to highschool because its "stupid" and spend 24/7 on facebook or insta or taking pics , she doesn't talk to other people or things like that. why? Because my mom gave her all she wanted and never said no , she even gets her homework done by my aunt. after that. my little cousin , she is 4 , but she stays at 6 pm until 8 pm on a Ipad. But because she lives with me , I check her and make sure she is watching "Johnny Johnny" or Scooby Doo and someting educational. Thid is the diffrence. , My sister is a huge spoiled brat that cries or do a scene if someone checks her phone. While my little cousin can use her I pad , but just two hours a day , in rest , I teach her to paint or take her at my dates (she really likes my boyfriend and call him Brother , and he is not annoyed of her and we go at pizza or at a park together)
itd not that about being spanked. its about how you raise them. But Ill only dpank my kids when they did something very bad or if their misbehave.
My fear with physical punishment in general is that, if parents make a habit out of it, there's a chance that they'll use it unnecessarily or to make a show of power rather than for legitimate reasons. Also, I know for me, personally, maybe when I think back on it, it might not seem like it traumatised me, but when I give it more than a minute of thought, I'm now terrified of messing up or making mistakes in any kind of environment because I associate mistakes with fear and physical pain. In some environments this can be good and useful. But if you work in fields like art or science, fear of mistakes leads to a fear of taking chances, which will keep you from learning from mistakes you could make. And if I look all the way back in my life to figure out when this started, I can only come to the conclusion that it started when I started getting spanked by my parents at an early age. Now, maybe I'm a rarity, but if you feel the same stuff as I'm taking about now, maybe you should give a little more thought to parents physically punishing kids
It's abuse. It doesn't work. It only creates resentment and will make your kids never go to you or tell you anything. If they're not old enough to understand words they won't know why you're hitting them and if they're old enough to understand words, use words. Explaining why what they did wrong and giving them a punishment suitable to the scale of the crime will make your kid so much more mentally stable in the long run.
If you can't teach your children in any way other than beating the shit out of them you shouldn't have them.
I was spanked growing up, but I was hardly ever spanked because I was just a naturally good kid. My parents also stopped spanking pretty early when they found out the existence of DCF. Spanking didn't do really anything in terms of discipline, it just instilled fear and spite in my parents, especially my father. Fathers really have no business hitting their children, especially their daughters. It is a very terrifying thing for a young girl to go through and is a very easy way to severe the relationship. Often times, a daughter's father is the first meaningful relationship a young girl has with any man and this relationship can drastically influence her outlook on men in general. Mothers have no business hitting their children either, for similar reasons I stated above. Learn different parenting techniques.
Resorting to physical measures such as spanking to discipline is never the right choice. The child's brain is not yet fully developed to understand and correlate as to why he/she is getting hit. Inflicting pain on a child will only teach them to fear you. There are much more better options to get the message across to the child, options that aren't so violent/aggressive
I just don't see how spanking your child does anything than scare them. I was spanked as a child and now my relationship with my parents is almost bon existent. Spanking didn't teach me anything expect to hide from my parents. I once got my fingers stuck in a closet door and instead of calling for help I just sat there in pain because I was afraid of getting hit, my fingers swelled so bad that the door had to be broken apart around me.
I understand if my kid is gonna touch a hot stove, smack their hand away and explain why. If they dont listen, then experience will teach them. I'd rather my child experience minor failures or injuries rather than shelter themsleves because theyre afraid of me.
I was spanked, when it was deserved. As a kid the lat thing you want is to be spanked, hence thinking about the repercussions of your actions was a good deterrent. But there is a difference between spanking and abuse. The 'experts' seem to not understand how valuable and effective spankings can be, and lump spankings in with abuse. Most kids today that are not spanked, instead received verbal warnings and such, which parents rarely follow through on. And if they do, the kids just laugh at it. So not effective in teaching any lessons.
u I was spanked a few times as a child, learned to be obedient so I was not spanked very often, but I have never had children.
Liberalism has a goal of everyone being free to do whatever they want to do without suffering any consequences, so punishment is contrary to their beliefs. Also, many liberal parents want to be their child's "best friend" so they don't want to do anything that would make the child relate to them as an authority figure. I think that attitude represents an abdication of parental responsibility.
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