Is it okay to spank kids?

Question

I think, that kids were spanked often before. Why is today some kind of weird trend to not punish kids physically (or even not at all)? For example my grandpa was beaten almost every day and I don't think, that it left any "trauma" on him For me personally? I'm glad, my parents spanked me sometimes, when I see how my generation can behave. And what about you? Have you been spanked by parents? And do/will you spank your kids? (And sorry for my English :( )

blackisnotacolour · Accepted Answer

Title contains "spank". Read further and find "beaten". Do you people even can differentiate between the two?
I've been spanked and I know that when in happened, I deserved it.
How would you briefly explain to a 3yr old eg. that running across the street and risking getting hit by a truck isn't a very good idea when parents call the kid? Especially when it happens for n-th time in a row and talking to the kid changes nothing in the behaviour.
That's quite different from beating the kid for no reason whatsoever or beating the kid instead of spanking when a young one truly deserved it.
Anyway, it should be used as a last resort. It has to have that weight to it, so a child would identify and grade the levels of "wrong" it has committed. If you spank a kid every damn time, it won't have any deeper meaning than causing pain. Not wanting to eat cereal isn't spank-worthy but trying to test a space shuttle by jumping out of balcony in an Amazon cardboard box certainly is.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Spanking doesn't resolve a problem. It just puts fear into a kid and shows that problems are solved with violence. Wouldn't you be pissed if you fought with your sister only to have it never resolved and a parent spanking you and her for causing a scene?

Mikayla3 · Accepted Answer

The only reason we think it’s ok is because it was done to us. It’s not ok. The only time I think it’s except able would be in extreme cases. Like a small child runs out in the street after you told them no. Or, if an older child ran away from home. Stealing and lying would also count. But, I would reserve these extreme measures for extreme cases where you are really trying to drive the point across. It would only be done with a hand to the butt. Otherwise, absolutely not!!! To spank a child for everything they did wrong. Or, to use a belt or any other thing. In my eyes would be child abuse.

snowangle · Accepted Answer

I think every child is different, and what works for one won't necessarily work for all. Personally I was spanked as a child and it didn't help; it only taught me not to get caught, rather than teaching right from wrong.

dancing_in_nebulas · Answer

Spanking was just one type of discipline for us, usually for really severe things like stealing or cheating in school.

Its an amazing form of discipline.

No marks, no bruises, and you felt the physical manifestation of the consequences of your actions.

Spanking is very natural, as its akin to animal parents nipping their children.

The nips are hard enough that the cub yelps, but doesn't break skin or anything abusive lol

Its also domineering, and reminds cubs, teens of pack hierarchy.

Likewise, your parents spanking you reminded you of who was really in charge, and to not be a brat and cross them.

Notice how when teens get passed spank age, they challenge their parents more. A lot of parents, dads usually, will knock the shit out of their teens if necessary.

I've seen 16yr old boys push their moms and get DE-STROOOYED by their fathers.

Yeah, never pushed mom again, never talk to shit to dad again, and now laugh about it with their other friends who also thought dumb enough to provoke their parents.

Whats hilarious, is that my non spanked friends have more issues with depression because their soft parents never taught them the life skills necessary, to cope with pain and hardness in life. Because it was hugs and kisses or telling their parents to shut up and fuck off, that they developed a spoiled, entitled complex.

They actually say, "I wish my parents would have been more firm and spanked me. I can't handle anything now like you guys (us old school kids,) can."

Thats just sad.

You dont have to spank, but be a strong, firm ass parent when necessary at least.

These babied kids can't keep jobs, complain all the time, I've seen one even beat up in the hallway at my college because her parents never made her clean anything.

She was really dirty so her dorm mate started throwing all her trash and stuff out the room lol.

The dirty girl got pissed and tried to physically stop the other girl and got DE-STROOOYED in that hall way.

The girl throwing out her stuff was spanked as a child.

Parents lol, dont set your kids up to be thrashed in a college hallway.

devilman666 · Answer

I was spanked when I was a child. Honestly it served a purpose, it was a good way of tying in punishment with bad behaviour. The big thing to avoid is abuse. Punishment without establishing a reason just causes pain and fear and makes them tie in the pain and fear to the parent, not the reason why they're getting punished. You need to take a moment to sit down and make sure the child understands instead of just punishing out of anger, it needs to be done specifically as a lesson, with no ill intentions and not too much anger, what I'm trying to say is that punishment needs to come from a place of reason, not personal feelings. I grew to reject spankings though, mostly from looking at training animals. Caeser Millan plays a really big part in this, I think this quote I just pulled from his website will help; "In behavioral science, though, “punishment” just means anything that decreases the preceding behavior. For example, say your spouse likes to flip through the channels on the TV but hates country music. If you put on country music when the channel flipping starts and it causes the behavior to diminish, then you’ve just punished your spouse". My stance is that punishment can be achieved without the spanking, and the spanking brings unnecessary baggage like instilling fear. If you have a better option, one that gets the same effect with less chance of problems, why use spankings? The most important part is making sure the child understands why they're being punished, rather than the severity of the punishment itself. Infact, as that description of punishment should make evident, you can punish with just a conversation. You can often talk to your child in a normal tone and make them understand something they did or said was wrong without resorting to punishment, understanding and empathy are great tools, and children have them too, lets build those tools up instead of resorting to instilling fear in the hope that the fear will prevent bad behaviour, even fear of hell doesn't prevent sinner so clearly it doesn't work.

EpicDweeb · Answer

I was spanked as a child... the only harm it ever did me was to make me believe there's absolutely nothing wrong with spanking your child IF emphasis on IF it's done properly. There are conditions that must be met for spanking to be a good thing.

1. Always make the reason clear. Spanking should never be merely out of frustration. The child MUST understand spanking as a consequence of their actions. They ought to be told and/or they must be able to show that they understand WHY they are being spanked. If a kid doesn't understand the why it will feel abusive.

2. You must show yourself to be the authority. You have the right to spank your child as a disciplinary action because YOU are the authority. They don't have that authority and thus they don't have any right to spank or hit other people. People say spanking simply teaches kids violence, but kids are smarter than that. To some extent you can argue that "monkey see, monkey do." But kids are smarter than we give them credit for. Spanking a kid because they spanked another kid out of anger or some other wrong motive teaches them that it's not okay for them to it use or resort to violence.

And Finally...
3. Love your child. If you're going to spank your kids spank them because you want to teach them. You want them to grow in maturity and self-control and make ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that they KNOW you love them. Be the kind of parent that anyone can see would die to save their children. If this condition is met the others will, generally speaking, fall into place. Likewise if you ALWAYS show your motive to be love no kid is going to learn to hit others out of anger.

I know many will argue or disagree with me, but again... I was spanked as a child. It hurt, but I never thought it was okay to hurt others. I never felt unloved, and I learned self-control. I learned that my actions had consequences and I learned to think about what those consequences would be BEFORE taking action. These are all skills and traits I am beyond grateful to have. If my parents hadn't loved me I could have turned out horribly which is why emphasizing the REASON behind any given spanking is SO important as a parent. I will spank my kids because I believe that I never would have learned if my parents hadn't spanked me. I want to teach my kids well. I refuse to leave them to their own devices and their own folly. I will raise them to be wise and nothing anyone can say will stop me.

dangerDoge · Answer

I’m pro-spank within reason. I don’t think spanking should be excessively done, but if a kid is really acting up, a slight hit on the behind generally corrects the behavior.

Thinking back to when I was a child, I was honestly a conniving and mischievous brat. I always sought to figure out where the boundaries were of how far I could push my parents before they’d snap. If I didn’t get spanked as a child, I would hypothesize that I would be waaay worse now. Standing in a corner didn’t bother me. I would just think of a story or imagine something interesting to keep myself entertained. If something got taken away from me as a punishment, I’d shrug it off and just figure out a game with something else.

I think it was also a good thing that my parents (well, my dad) would tell me that they didn’t enjoy spanking. They didn’t want to spank me, but they said “every action has a consequence.” The important part about the spanking is not necessarily the spanking itself/the pain, but rather the reinforcement on the message with the spanking. They’d be clear in why they spanked me. Communication is VITAL, even with small children.

Another thing about spanking is that the pain helps you retain the memory. I can vividly remember plenty of times I got spanked, and I can generally remember the reasons why (i. e. pelting my sister with a controller at mach 5, learning that hitting my sister in the middle of the back gave the most satisfying thud, learning that the other controller had a solid spin when pelting my sister with it). Meanwhile, I can remember standing in the corner as punishment some times, but I have no idea why.

I think spanking is bad when it seems like it’s spanking for no reason. The kid needs to hear why he is getting spanked and the spanking needs to serve a purpose. It should be done sparingly— when the kid does something pretty bad and clearly intentional. In other words, spanking should be rare, as to avoid habituation. Likewise, spanking should be enough to make the kid remember the pain, but not enough to seriously injure. I’ve gotten hit with the belt once, but I think that may be pushing it.

Sociopathvictim · Answer

People with low IQ and low intelligence resort to spanking and smacking and other forms of abuse. I was smacked and spanked as a kid and my parents are not very intelligent, did not know how to parent and have no respect for children (treated us like objects). I have been on the wrong end of punishment for things that were not even my fault, i hate my parents, they have no empathy or respect. I never misbehaved, but i would get smacked for their inability to trust anyone outside. They held beliefs that we have to live like aliens in the community they lived in whilst others lived openly and respectfully with each other and wanted to treat us the same way. Instead my parents acted like people are out to get us and outside is dirty.
How i'd treat my own kids, respectfully, id explain why something that they did is wrong, entertain compromise, reward good behaviour, allow them to make mistakes and learn from their own mistakes and about consequences, id allow them to create their own rules and their idea of punishment. Simply hitting them or abusing them is child cruelty and is lazy parenting, the ones who do this are lower class backgrounds like i said have very little brain cells, they are forcing their kids to live in fear and the result, they will leave and you will be remembered as a monster.

BaileyisDarcy · Answer

Its illegal now. Its not a trend its the law.

But hell yes my kids are getting smacked if they cross the line too far.

Kids learn to deal with having their toys taken away or going without sweets. They dont like it but it stops being an effective punishment if its used too often and for every offense.

If my kids bitten another kid im not going to tell him no dessert, im gonna bite him, both as punishment and a learning thing that being bitten really fucking hurts.

The punishment should always fit the crime. And being told "im dissapointed" is not a good match for a kid that just threw a tantrum in the supermarket.

Dont laugh if they swear and know what theyre saying, tell them off.

Dont let it go when they throw their toys, take the toys away until they learn to respect their things.

If they hit their brother, hit them back so they know how it feels. (Obviously if thats not effective place them in timeout instead. But use timeout correctly)

If nothing you're doing is stopping the nasty behaviour, the next time you catch them in the act give them a nice whoop on the bum and warn them not to do it again.

This all coming from a non parent, but a sibling whos witnessed the difference between growing up being smacked for every little thing, and watching her siblings grow up with no discipline at all.

Elaine_17 · Answer

For those who have been spanked, I know spanking may not have traumatized some of them, but spanking is not for everyone. As a kid, I wasn't spanked, but I was yelled at a lot and my grandmother once carried a butcher knife around angrily before which scared me. In my eyes, this can be similar to spanking. A tool that CAN be used to instill fear. I think talking to kids and helping them understand why they shouldn't do things should be the answer, and a pat on the butt (spanking) should be a very last resort. I was yelled at for things I didnt't understand like turning on a dish washer. I was even yelled at and threatened by my father who said he would cut my hands off with a butcher knife if my brother and I didn't stop arguing over something minor like who was going to type the email into the box on the computer. I still hold this against him to this day about how he parented me. Of course, I did take his threats seriously, and I thought why would a parent want to do that to his kid? He probably wasn't serious, but I took it seriously and I was scared. Instead of talking this out, he decided to instill fear instead of making compromise between me and my brother. Same goes for my mother and her methods of "parenting". I know that people will think that because I haven't been spanked before that I wouldn't understand it. To this day, I can image that if I did, I would still hate my parents because they punish for minor things that to this day, I would say are not reasonable. I wish people talked more to their kids instead of instilling fear with violence in their kids. I realize to this day that now I'm the one abusing my parents. Yelling at them for being controlling. For everything they do that is wrong. I think I have anger issues against them now that I think about it. I yell a lot at them for stupid things they do. I honestly did not learn anything when they yelled at me. I wasn't stupid. I just didn't understand, and nobody explained it to me.

AverageJo · Answer

Action and consequence. That is how I was raised. Granted, I was a good kid and spankings we're rare.

What I remember about it was that when I did something worthy of a spanking, my dad did it best. Mom was just an angry spanker, and she was so light it didn't matter much. Dad did it the right way. It was almost transactional. I did something to warrant a spanking. Dad asks me if I know why I am getting a spanking. This can go two ways, chances are I knew exactly why I was getting a spanking. That established, the prescribed number of swats with a paint stir stick (not the 1 gallon ones, the 2 foot ones) was administered. It didn't matter if I cried or not, didn't matter if it really hurt or not. X crime warranted X swats. When that was done, he would ask if I wanted a hug, and most times I did. I knew my dad loved me, I knew I had done something wrong. I had paid the price, and my dad was there after to comfort me.
Yeah, spank your kids, when it is warranted, not out of anger or frustration, but as a method of correction.

FMJ_Guy · Answer

It really depends on what you define as spanking? Some call 'spanking' a beating with a belt, and I think that is wrong, in EVERY WAY!!
Some women I know were spanked as girls, and on their bare bottom, usually by their father, and I am really thinking that is a little too much, to personal, and maybe psychologically damaging.
I rarely got spanked, but several times my mother slapped me, when I said something she didn't like, or thought was disrespectful. My dad seldom did anything but smack the back of my head, when I did something stupid, just saying "Think smarter!" He was beaten with his father's belt, growing up, so I guess he figured out that it wasn't right.
I know some couples, and they spank their children, but only when they don't listen, and then do something that could really hurt them, or kill them. But they way they explain it, is that they spank, but then tell the child that they are not 'bad' but they did a 'bad' thing, and they always end with a hug.
Not sure what to think about that, from a child's perspective. Maybe mixed messages?

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I put I was spanked but don't want to spank my kids.

I'm not saying I wouldn't... because some kids do need it... and deserve it. But who the fuck wants a kid that needs it and deserves it?

The kids that do end up needing and deserving it usually have a certain parent that's enabling or unknowingly teaching/training the behavior. I for instance had a stepchild who would become the perfect kid throughout the week... it takes just one weekend at Dad's house to spoil the child again. Imagine moving in with my Mother-in-law's... where any control over the child was removed and that child had my Mother-in-law giving him bowls of marshmallows, did his homework for him, and constantly pandered to his every desire. That phase had him trying to scratch my wife's face and he punched me right in the nose. ... Once we moved out of that situation, it took a decent amount of time and the ability to punish the child back to undo the behavior... which would've never come to pass if his Mother and I were the only adult influences to begin with.

That was more long winded that I hoped for it to be. In short, a child isn't going to need a spanking as long as the adults are getting it right from the start.

Dragon_Rises · Answer

No, it is never okay. I would never hit or spank a child. I wouldn't even call them any negative names or say anything negative about them. I believe it is wrong and will negatively influence them. I believe in positive reinforcement where they get a gift or some type of reward for behaving well and maybe a punishment like no "free gift this week" or "no candy" or "no television" or "no phone for a week" or taking away a favorite toy for a few days.

I consider any type of physical, verbal, or emotional negativity harmful for a child. My parents hit me and my dad was and is verbally abusive and I can honestly say I really dislike my parents and I HATE my dad. I do not like almost anyone in my family anymore. I will cut them all out of my life. When I have a family of my own, I will be the best parent I can be and be the type of parent I wish I had, and I will do everything I can so my children will have genuine love for me. Any type of abuse, and physical like spanking/hitting or verbal (insults/put-downs) will only cause hate and anger to develop over time. Positive Reinforcement techniques are healthier and more effective than Negative Reinforcement techniques which are harmful.

Noobtastic · Answer

Legend says the eyes of the parents can be a powerful non violent weapon one look is powerful enough to send a message to your kid that the Emp of such devastating pressure is powerful enough to shut down your kid's bodily fuctions rendering them to give themselves a timeout with a side of nap. I tried challenging the looks so I would make a face to make myself feel better but that was a bad idea so I started getting a bonus called the police slap that thing hurts like hell. From then I did everything in my power to avoid both attacks and be a good a boy ever since. Normally spanking kids would do wonders but overtime the kids would become violent but in my case I did not like the slap or the looks they were quite memorable enough that I will train my looks so my kid knows what's up. The looks made me grew up non violent and I am proud or else I would have grew up a douchebag or worse. Sure I do not get the looks anymore but I am too old to be violent and instead I play games to distract me from my anger and in couple hours I am totally fine unless you tell me afterwards I was angry and why I did not overeact. Please use the eye it will help in the long run and no spanking or you will end up having a psychopath

Anonymous · Answer

Whe I was a kid I always did some mistakes and I act so stupid. I got spanked a lot of times and I think Im a mature person because of that. And no. Its not a tragedy. But most kids won't understand if you yell at them or explain they do it wrong. So yup. Ill spank the hell out of my kids to make sure they succedd in life. Now. This new generation ( 2002+) are getting worse and worse. So many girls gets boyfriends at 10 years, at 12 they already are showing their body on social media for attention. This is because the paresnt didn't put that much effort to control their kids actions and to make sure they develop into a healthy and smart human. Instead. They get Ipads , And phones since they get born and all it gets worse and worse. For example my brother is 2 years younger than me , but he spend more time on his phone and texting than me. After that. My sister is 13 and she doesn't want to go to highschool because its "stupid" and spend 24/7 on facebook or insta or taking pics , she doesn't talk to other people or things like that. why? Because my mom gave her all she wanted and never said no , she even gets her homework done by my aunt. after that. my little cousin , she is 4 , but she stays at 6 pm until 8 pm on a Ipad. But because she lives with me , I check her and make sure she is watching "Johnny Johnny" or Scooby Doo and someting educational. Thid is the diffrence. , My sister is a huge spoiled brat that cries or do a scene if someone checks her phone. While my little cousin can use her I pad , but just two hours a day , in rest , I teach her to paint or take her at my dates (she really likes my boyfriend and call him Brother , and he is not annoyed of her and we go at pizza or at a park together)

itd not that about being spanked. its about how you raise them. But Ill only dpank my kids when they did something very bad or if their misbehave.

Anorack · Answer

My fear with physical punishment in general is that, if parents make a habit out of it, there's a chance that they'll use it unnecessarily or to make a show of power rather than for legitimate reasons. Also, I know for me, personally, maybe when I think back on it, it might not seem like it traumatised me, but when I give it more than a minute of thought, I'm now terrified of messing up or making mistakes in any kind of environment because I associate mistakes with fear and physical pain. In some environments this can be good and useful. But if you work in fields like art or science, fear of mistakes leads to a fear of taking chances, which will keep you from learning from mistakes you could make. And if I look all the way back in my life to figure out when this started, I can only come to the conclusion that it started when I started getting spanked by my parents at an early age. Now, maybe I'm a rarity, but if you feel the same stuff as I'm taking about now, maybe you should give a little more thought to parents physically punishing kids

Leafpool2 · Answer

It's abuse. It doesn't work. It only creates resentment and will make your kids never go to you or tell you anything. If they're not old enough to understand words they won't know why you're hitting them and if they're old enough to understand words, use words. Explaining why what they did wrong and giving them a punishment suitable to the scale of the crime will make your kid so much more mentally stable in the long run.

If you can't teach your children in any way other than beating the shit out of them you shouldn't have them.

MermaidMotel · Answer

I was spanked growing up, but I was hardly ever spanked because I was just a naturally good kid. My parents also stopped spanking pretty early when they found out the existence of DCF. Spanking didn't do really anything in terms of discipline, it just instilled fear and spite in my parents, especially my father. Fathers really have no business hitting their children, especially their daughters. It is a very terrifying thing for a young girl to go through and is a very easy way to severe the relationship. Often times, a daughter's father is the first meaningful relationship a young girl has with any man and this relationship can drastically influence her outlook on men in general. Mothers have no business hitting their children either, for similar reasons I stated above. Learn different parenting techniques.

chimera1 · Answer

Resorting to physical measures such as spanking to discipline is never the right choice. The child's brain is not yet fully developed to understand and correlate as to why he/she is getting hit. Inflicting pain on a child will only teach them to fear you. There are much more better options to get the message across to the child, options that aren't so violent/aggressive

Anonymous · Answer

I just don't see how spanking your child does anything than scare them. I was spanked as a child and now my relationship with my parents is almost bon existent. Spanking didn't teach me anything expect to hide from my parents. I once got my fingers stuck in a closet door and instead of calling for help I just sat there in pain because I was afraid of getting hit, my fingers swelled so bad that the door had to be broken apart around me.

I understand if my kid is gonna touch a hot stove, smack their hand away and explain why. If they dont listen, then experience will teach them. I'd rather my child experience minor failures or injuries rather than shelter themsleves because theyre afraid of me.

debi2622 · Answer

I was spanked, when it was deserved. As a kid the lat thing you want is to be spanked, hence thinking about the repercussions of your actions was a good deterrent. But there is a difference between spanking and abuse. The 'experts' seem to not understand how valuable and effective spankings can be, and lump spankings in with abuse. Most kids today that are not spanked, instead received verbal warnings and such, which parents rarely follow through on. And if they do, the kids just laugh at it. So not effective in teaching any lessons.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I was spanked a few times as a child, learned to be obedient so I was not spanked very often, but I have never had children.

Liberalism has a goal of everyone being free to do whatever they want to do without suffering any consequences, so punishment is contrary to their beliefs. Also, many liberal parents want to be their child's "best friend" so they don't want to do anything that would make the child relate to them as an authority figure. I think that attitude represents an abdication of parental responsibility.

ShortCircuit · Answer

Let's replace the word "spank", with what it really is...

Do I think it is okay to cause intentional physical harm to your children? No, whether or not it causes any permanent physical or emotional damage. It is simply unethical in and of itself. Period.

No, I have never been spanked. I was raised in a somewhat "traditional" household, in which I probably would have been spanked if there was ever a reason to. But there wasn't. I happened to think that the rules I grew up with were fair and reasonable, and I was given enough freedom to be satisfied for the time being--so I never broke them.

No, I would not spank my kids. Granted, I don't want kids, but even if I did, I wouldn't spank them.

PinkMichae · Answer

I was spanked and I believe with some kids spanking is the only thing that works. I never had to spank my son as time outs worked for him. But my daughter is a different story. Nothing worked except spanking her but. And trust me I tried time outs, reward jars, etc... If i put her in her room with a baby gate to make her stay, she kicked it out. If I shut the door, she put holes in the walls and broke the door. Screaming the whole time. She was one out of control little girl and spanking her was the only thing that got her attention and made her stop her fit. I use to think spanking was unnecessary because like I said my son responded to time outs. So I thought every kid was that easy. Boy was I wrong. And now my daughters behavior is under control where time out work. Every kid is different.

curiousnorway · Answer

In my country the child protective services would take your children from you and the court would either heavily fine you, send you to prison or ban you from meeting your children if you spank them. Even if you're ghosting them this might happen. It's because of physically and mentally abusing children makes the child more likely to get trauma and mental disorders. While not every children gets equal scarred, it's still way more that gets negative effects than children that gets treated with respect.

I do support that law because learning children that violence toward people who are weaker than them is okay makes a toxic society. Violence creates more violence. It's ways to learn a child what's right and wrong telling them it in a constructive way and respect without inflicting pain or any forms of abuse. If a child hit someone, you should tell them that's not okay because it's hurting someone and they can feel pain like the child himself.

Why would you teach your child violence?

Anonymous · Answer

I was spanked once or twice, and I don't want kids but I disagree with it in general (one of the reasons I don't want kids is I think I'd be an abusive parent :/ )

It just doesn't work as a way of modifying behaviour. It causes the kid to fear their parent which is never going to make for a healthy relationship. It teaches the kid to avoid getting caught doing whatever they were doing, rather than getting them to understand the actual reasons they shouldn't do it. And it teaches them that might makes right; that hurting others= power. All fucked up results.

jjay747 · Answer

Any form of punishment you give to a kid can bring spite or cause damage so research says. I feared my father's belt till about 12 to 13 as he wasn't going to hit me harder than he should. Spanking is a healthy way to discipline a child. However, it is not meant for every situation. Some situations require explanation of why you can't cuss. Thus my mouth was washed with a bar of soap. (It works) most generations before ours have used this method and it works. The reason you spank on the butt is because it is a meaty area of your body that DOES NOT cause permanent damage unless you are excessively abusing. Hitting in the face or torso is not a spank. Learning is the goal in punishment, it's why it was invented.

TheBigSoftie · Answer

I've been smacked on the face, but not spanked.
And 97% of the time, it was always them (mainly my mom) accusing me of anything and everything, so I basically didn't deserve it.
I don't know if I am traumatized by the smacking itself; I think I am traumatized because I got smacked for almost nothing.
Even today whenever I say something that's off she will immediately start screaming and bitching at the top of her lungs about how nothing she does makes her happy, how I don't care or love her, blah blah blah. It's all an attempt to make me feel like shit. Make a small child feel bad about something he didn't even do or intend to do or even know what to do and then continue to make him feel bad 10, 11 years later.
That's fucking smart you fat lazy bitch

VaIiant · Answer

I was spanked a lot as a kid. My dad did it for the shock factor and not to cause pain, whereas my mom did it with the intention of causing pain by using my dads leather belts. (I don’t think she realized that at the time, and she still denies it to this day). I would spank my kids the way my dad spanked me, but not the way my mom did. You should never intentionally harm your child.

OmgItsJoe123 · Answer

Regarding spanking kids as "not right" means that dogs are better trained than our own children. Dogs are trained using a reward-punish system... in which if he does what you said right, you reward him (mostly by food), and if the dog does not do what you said, or did it in a wrong way, you punish him (by hitting him slightly or by not giving him food, etc..). Your kids, on the other hand, are not punished for what they do wrong and are rewarded for what they do right, so how will they distinguish the right from the wrong?

Pamina · Answer

Nope, physically harming children traumatizes them for life, especially if it's done by their own parents, who they're supposed to be able to trust and feel safe with.

Anonymous · Answer

Ok. So growing up to Mexican American parents, they beat us. Lol.

But there were rare occasions because I quickly learned that if i acted out, I’d get a beating. When I was about 7, I threw a fit at Walmart over a toy, my mom took me to the restroom and spanked me.

Never threw a fit in public again.

I always see kids in public misbehaving when they’re old enough to know better (or should know better) and their parents are just on their phone. It’s more the parents fault than the kid, but still. Almost makes me want to spank other people’s kids. Lol

ChronicThinker · Answer

I don't see a point. All spanking does is show children that larger, authority figures can abuse their physical strength over somebody who is weaker than them. Once they get too big to hit, you've already lost out on your ability to actually mentally condition them to understand right or wrong.

Iron_Man · Answer

if you don't spank your children they have nothing to be held accountable for they can do what they want at any given moment because they have nothing to answer to. They can stay out late at night and come back home late and what are you going to do ground them? They'll just laugh it off and the next thing you know they will just open the door and come out of their room and do what they want stay up all night watch TV walk out of the house then what are you going to do as parents call the cops and say my kids came out of thier room and are staying up late after 3 in the morning watching television and they won't listen to me? If they have to answer to a good spanking the Fear Factor begins and they will not defy you no more. I know this because the spankings were my Fear Factor and I behaved

Hurlyburly · Answer

I've been spanked as a child and grown to distrust and hate my father because of that. He realized that he was wrong and apologized to me as I was about 20, but I never developed a good relationship with him until he died.
I do not want my own children to mistrust/hate their parents.

ScaryCool · Answer

Pretty much what @Shimy said. It was only when something really bad happened. I wasn't beaten by any means. I don't think it's THE go to for everything, but I don't think it's as 'scarring' as everyone makes it out to be if used correctly. Obviously need to exercise other consequences and behavioral tips along with it.

-Asca- · Answer

I think beating children will not make them more disciplined, it will just make them hate you. Being hit doesn't have to leave you traumatised, but that's definitely not a reason to spank someone wtf? It still feels awful, especially for a kid who can't defend itself. I was spanked once and that was enough for my parents to never do it again. My dad is still stronger than me but my mom was smart for not doing it again because if she did she could be sure that I would pay back every single hit I had to take.

Ki_Wavy · Answer

yep. i'll spank my children for sure.
all these people saying "omg it's SCARRING, such psychological issues, much hatred and disdain, critical future issues" and then say they've never been spanked.
lmao OKAY. keep speaking on something you've never experienced. there's a line between abuse and discipline and you people are getting those wires crossed and it's a little annoying.

vjjoseph · Answer

If you want your kid, to obey you, you should teach your kiddo, to respect you, as a parent but, on the contrast, father's authority in a family is these days, severely questioned, by females, who don't understand why these ideologies still exist. They want to change male dominance in every field, I get it, but it has its own consequences, too. Males, are given a natural, authority, which you females can't change, by dressing or acting like an authority. Well, this is the same thinking which goes in parallel with today's mothers not teaching the family values, of respecting the father.

MlleCake · Answer

In every way possible it has been shown that corporal punishment produces the opposite of the desired effect in children.

Aqai94 · Answer

Most of people I know today whom were spanked are not enjoyable to talk with, they seems ignorants the way they talk. The normal kid can understand when you tell him what is right and what is wrong, and I think its enough to stop talking to him for a while when he don't listen to you, because he will miss the person who used to answer his all questions especially if he was a talkative kid. And, when you decide to get back talking to him and answering his questions he must know the reason of being not talking to him. Beside that, kids likes surprises and gifts, so you can use it to make them keep the correct behavior. And, always you must tell your kid the reason of every decision you make against him to let him know how he must act next time.

mayur955 · Answer

Spanking kids is important but it must be in a limit. If parents overdo it, a child will be mentally disturbed & cannot trust them. Same here.
I was beat almost everyday by my father & mother both. There are still marks on my skin. I was really upset & couldn't focus on myself. My parents did this till I was 18.
Academic pressure on me was constant.
So much restrictions were there on me- I was not allowed to play any game whether it is indoor or outdoor.
Now I don't share any of my personal experience with them.
I don't like to talk with them. I talk with them only when they ask something.

Seeyouaround · Answer

I was spanked growing up and every time I know I deserved it. I would get a warning before I was spanked so I knew I was "cruising for a bruising " . Sometimes kids understand a tinge of pain more than any verbal explanation. So yes, I would spank my kids if they deserved it, because I've seen how little brats who don't get spanked turn out.

AD240pCharlie · Answer

"Negative reinforcement" as a disciplinary method is not about adding a negative stimuli, but rather about taking away a common positive stimuli.
Spanking kids doesn't teach them to respect authority, it teaches them to FEAR authority.
I'm sorry, but I don't want the only reason my future kids behave to be because they're scared of me.
If you fail to set an example they want to become and follow, then you've failed as a parent.

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

I've been spanked. My mom or dad never took any pleasure in spanking me. I deserved my punishment. I never held it against my parents. I'm grateful for their parenting skills. That made me love them even more.

ScarletSpider · Answer

Discipline is always one of the hardest responsibility of parents. The kid needs to know, what he or she had done is wrong and not being tolerated. Also in the bounds of reason.
This is why some people who understands why their punish, reform to not repeat the act. One example is stealing. Remember actions speaks louder than words. So this not for the benefit of the parents, it's the benefit of the kid. Because they will grow and take it to heart, they've learn it even when their punished.
Ofc after that, hug the kid. Tell her/him that she / he should know what they do is bad. Then let them know u want what's the best for them, and only done what is needed.

Anonymous · Answer

I’m ashamed to say I have lost my cool and spanked my son when he was smaller. I felt terrible and I’m sure he felt equally upset too. I was at the very end of my tether, exhausted, frustrated etc. I communicated and was exhausted and just lost it with smack on the bottom. I was a child who was physically assaulted as well as emotionally and I felt ashamed I had stooped to my mothers level for a very long time. I realised a moment of weakness does not equal what I went through for years but I still regret it now. My son is loved a billion times more than I ever was so i really don’t think it has done any damage. I wouldn’t and have not done it since. How I was raised has affected me deeply and I wouldn’t want my son to feel how I did.

Allie_Oops · Answer

Yes, but there’s a difference between spanking and beating. There’s nothing wrong with being spanked. Pain is a reinforcement not to do something. Beating is different, though. That’s just abuse.

However, I do not believe spanking works with every child. But I do believe it works with most.

alice55 · Answer

I've been spanked everyday as a child (spank / slap), and it never worked just made me to act "provocative" and asking for another one.

Spanking a child is useless, he aren't going to understand what he did wrong plus he would learn that if you do not get your ways using violence is ok / the right ways.

I doubt I would slap my child cause I think it's useless and it show you can only get respect from your child by using violence.

Anonymous · Answer

Spanking does nothing except teach the kid not to do something when you’re around. I wasn’t spanked. When I did something bad, I felt guilty enough to tell my parents and they gave me a firm lecture about why it was bad and I didn’t intentionally do it again. I didn’t want to disrespect my parents or teachers or anyone and kept myself in line.

CuriousGentleman · Answer

It is not to be made into a habit, there are most of the times far better ways to correct kids, however in some punctual occasions kids need to be "shaken up" so they realize their mistakes and remember a lesson (for example is the child keeps breaking a rule over and over).

sophiarw5 · Answer

I was spanked and am still scarred by it, my mom made my dad stop because she just couldnt see us being abused anymore. That's what it is, abuse. In my opinion, hitting your child is abuse and parrently other people don't think so. If my child ever does something wrong, I'll ground them, take stuff away, not beat them

bubbatxman · Answer

I believe spanking should only be used as a last resort when other forms of discipline don’t work. I believe it should be done between age 3 and age 11 only. Under 3, it’s abuse. Over 11, it’s extremely humiliating. I was spanked at 15, after getting in a fight with a neighbor kid. The spanking was humiliating more than it physically hurt.

BubbleBubble · Answer

I think spanking is abuse that people just allow beacause, it comes with a title or reason. People spank their kids for stupid things we can't help. We can't help we failed a test or class we studied hard for.

ThisDudeHere · Answer

I wasn't spanked much at all but that's mostly because I was already a well-behaved kid by nature.

But I do remember this one time I did something incredibly stupid that did not occur to me to be a bad thing - my mom went in and spanked me until I cried and that was for the better because lol at that moment I was a little piece of shit who deserved it. Now I know better.

ImSoSquishy · Answer

once upon a time, everyone except for the white kids use to get beat by their parents. while kids of every color use to get whipped and beat by commonly found items at home, the white kids were simply sent back to their room aka "grounded". one day, a white parent saw parents of another race beat their kids, contacted the cops and called it child abuse. since that day, beating kids were not allowed.

Arctic_Fox · Answer

I think it’s fine, not doing it is probably why kids are turning out so horrible because they have no fear of the repercussions of the actions. I got hit with a belt or wooden spoon, or a sharp slap. I turned out good.

Streamhopper · Answer

I grew up in a different era than you; things have changed a lot over the last 30 years. Things you could do and/or say are much different now. It's too bad, because I really think we aren't doing people any favors. Not that I'm advocating violence against kids; I'm not. There's obviously a limit. But a little swat on the butt? That's just redirection. It's meant to send a message and it does; as long as it doesn't cross the line of abuse, I'm perfectly fine with it. But that's my generation.

naughty_cat · Answer

I think after all this we not this same,,, so if we say that it's ok for the parents to punish their children physically not all parents will stay behind the limits some of them will make horrible mistakes so fmo its up to the parents to know how they want to Rais them,,,

Anonymous · Answer

I grew up in an abusive household. It took me a long time to admit that, and people saying that hitting children (because that’s what it is) is normal didn’t help. Partly because I wanted to believe them. It culminated in a mental breakdown my junior year of high school because the more research I did, the more it became abundantly clear that what happened was abuse. It nearly lost me my chance at college.

LegateLanius · Answer

yeah. sometimes it's the only way to get through to them. As long as it is a firm hand that isn't too hard, it can discipline. I was only spanked once and I learned my lesson. Also, no matter what, any comment you post on this will not sway me, so don't give me any crap about studies and things.

close2heaven · Answer

I was spanked inappropriately and never had kids but would use it because I think it's a reasonable deterrent when existed in the correct manner and for the right reasons.

Is it okay to spank kids?

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