Is it ever ok to spank a child?

Question

nightdrot · Accepted Answer

My girlfriend and I have lived together for 12 years and have three children together. Two boys, ages 9 and 8, and my little princess, age 6. The first two children were unplanned pregnancies and you would have thought that would have set up some fairly significant disagreements about how to raise children. Yet we are remarkably in sync.

We actually both believe in the occasional swat on the behind. Not the rather quasi-brutality sort of portrayed in the photo with this question, but just a swat over the knee.

Of course, a lot depends on the situation and the child. In a situation - say a restaurant - where the comfort and courtesy of others is the immediate concern, then a swat is called for. Ditto situations where the immediate safety of the child is at risk and deterrence is necessary, then too a swat may be called for.

In situations where the behavior is less immediate - say where the child "mouthed off" or such, then the "time out chair" or time alone in their room can do the job. Even then, the child's temperament matters too.

Our oldest is a live wire. His life's motto seems to be - "Why walk around obstacles when you can just walk through them?" We are pretty sure that he was the first second grader ever to apply to join the Marine Corps and we are pretty sure he was on the SEAL team that took out bin Laden. I have been known to give him a swat and he has looked up at me, a puzzled look on his face, and said, "That didn't hurt." This then requiring time in his room alone - which he hates.

Contrast this with his younger brother. His older sibling's temperamental opposite. So much so that I've asked my girlfriend what the mailman was doing the week our second son was conceived. He is our little cuddler.

When I get home and the other two are flying around the house, he will climb into my lap, look at me very earnestly, and say, "Did you have a good day today, daddy? I was very busy today..." "Oh were you?," I reply, to be then regaled with the days doings at school. (He loves school and he loves his teacher.)

All it takes with him, as a general rule, is to look at him sternly and say, "I am so disappointed in you." He then crumples to the floor in sobs. Swats are very rarely necessary in that case.

Now, as to my little princess, I must confess - as the princess appellation suggests, a certain fatherly bias. When my daughter misbehaves I am far less likely to give her a swat and am more likely to say, "Now you be a good little girl" and give her a little smooch as I have no doubt that she will immediately see sweet reason, end her rare deviation from perfection and continue in her angelic ways.

This is about the point where my girlfriend rolls her eyes and usually steps in. Which is probably all to the good for my little princess's upbringing. Yup, I confess, I have my little princess right where she wants me.

In truth, I do admit that as a man I feel odd in even swatting a little girl and that comes from my upbringing. (Boys did NOT hit girls.) So I know in my head that my girlfriend - my children's mother - is right and I do not object, well, object much, when my girlfriend steps in. Overall we are in full agreement and proportionate physical discipline is definitely considered by both of us is well within the bounds.

WadeDanielSmith · Accepted Answer

It's okay to slap a child's hand away from a hot oven or stove, and in some cases it may be okay to slap with an open palm on the bottom one time as a punishment or deterrent to wrong doing, but it is NOT okay to spank a child for bad marks in school, and it is never okay to spank a child with a paddle, belt, or switch.

My parents were complete hypocrites. They claimed to be "christians" and yet they beat the hell out of me when I was a small child over every minor offense.

When I was in the 4th grade, I failed one semester of French class, as foreign language is literally my weakest subject, and neither of my parents could speak a word of foreign language, and my father had a speech impediment in English and I had to teach him how to spell and do math, because he was an ignoran tfool. So I had no help from parents in school, because both of my parents were uneducated fools. And so when I failed french for a semester, my mother beat the hell out of me with a leather belt at full force swings and hit me several dozen times, and the more I tried to defend myself against her assault the more she kept swinging. And yet she claimed to "love" me after the fact.

I was also paddled one time in the second grade by an adult and again one time in the 9th grade by a 280 pound disciplinarian who hit me several times full force, and I did nothing wrong. what happened is a multiple failure senior kept harassing me and we got in an ARGUMENT and the teacher sent us both to the principle's office, and I was given a choice between suspension or paddling. I took paddling, because I was going to get beaten at home if I got suspended anyway, so I may as well have taken the beating from the principle. So I was fucked either way, and God is my witness I did nothing wrong. I didn't do anything wrong in the second grade either.

So, no, paddling, switches, and belts and shit should ever be used, and it should be considered child abuse to use any force multiplying device against a child in spanking them. All that is is hatred and laziness. If you can't discipline a child through reason and logic and stuff, instead of violence, then you're just a bad parent and YOU should be punished.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Spanking = not real discipline - ignorant or careless parents who don't understand all spanking does is teach you if someone pisses you off, beat them. Why do you think bullies often come from households where the parents are less than savory? They learn it from their darling parents. Why do you think some people from such households have meltdowns in tough situations, cause they never learned a proper healthy way to vent (many spanking parents are bullies in themselves & will refer to an upset child as weak, pathetic, etc.)
And this is exactly why kids from parents who spank are a ***problem*** or a downright nuisance in school (and even into later life) because they don't know real discipline & the teachers have no means of control.

Non-spanking alternatives - real discipline = intelligent parents who think things through. It's called discipline. If you do something there are consequences. Don't take the garbage out (a chore) as asked well forget going to your friend Bobby's house tonight, forget playing video games, etc. These sorts of kids are not pests in school because they've grown up to real discipline & are often successful in later life because they don't need to be smacked around to act properly.

It may be a bad comparison but imagine two dogs. One is beaten whenever it misbehaves. That dog will either learn to "bite first" (for a kid punch, lash out, etc.) before he/she is smacked or become defensive, insecure & likewise prone to bite. The other dog is raised through positive reinforcement & learns that if it doesn't do as expected well it gets no treats (garbage out = games).

Utter no brainer.

CubsterShura · Accepted Answer

Yes it can be okay in some situations. It's not a black and white thing that either you never discipline your kids at all or you keep them in constant fear by beating them, some people literally care about virtue-signaling than anything else. Spanking at times is perfectly ok.

Boring_Joe · Answer

It should only be done rarely and when appropriate, but yes, it is.
I was spanked. I don't hate or resent my parents, and I'm not afraid of them. Spanking taught me that actions have consequences. The more you shouldn't do something, the worse the consequences are. It also gave me reason to realize I was always warned.

I was never spanked without reason. I was always told "If you don't stop that" or "if you act this way" I'd get a spanking. If I did it anyways, I was punished. And I understood that I earned that punishment.

Now, there are a great many things you should never spank because of, and if that's a disciple you choose to use, you need to be smart about it. Always have a good reason. Always make sure they know certain actions could lead to a spanking. Always tell them WHY something deserves that punishment ("because I say so," or "my house, my rules" are not acceptable answers. You need to be able to explain, clearly, why something is wrong).

When I was a kid, I got spanked. I spent the night at a friend's house, once, and I saw his dad beat him.
One thing I think people need to understand is that there is a difference between a spanking, and a beating.

theCobbler · Answer

Big can of worms:
Fisrtly.. if a child is disciplined and taught to behave at home than the less likely anyone has to discipline in public...
and hey Joe public... mind your own dam business.. unless you see blood or just ouright abuse! Piss off and worry bout your own !
Too many times , I've seen a child act up/ throw tantrums etc. .. and not see the parent do one dam thing about it except for the totally wrong thing and give in to the child... that's NOTgood reinforcement and teaches the child all the wrong ideas...

Grab hold, one swift spank, right when whatever happens happened positive reinforcement of Discipline and make that one Swat court. Let me cry and by God dont wait to get home

potatoiswhoiam · Answer

I don't know why people are so against spanking. I was spanked as a kid and turned out as an unspoiled and mature person, who knows how to distinguish between what's right and what's wrong. I don't see anything wrong with spanking without hurting your kid, like spanking very lightly. Most of them get the point that they've done something bad even without feeling physical pain.

Madhatter920 · Answer

I chose "no." You don't hit an adult when they do something bad and the adult actually knows better. You're just using an excuse to hurt someone who can't fight back because it's easier than actually put in the work to teach them. Besides, many studies have been conducted and found corporal punishment to be less effective than other forms of behavior modification.

mattmanyah2 · Answer

I put always ok because 99% of the time it's fine but it is pointless and wrong if you don't tell them what they did wrong what behavior you want to see and after you talk to them they need to repeat what they could have done to fix it... You aren't spanking to hurt them you are spanking them so they will respect athority because they think you can always go harder. If done right it's rarely done.

cicchis0 · Answer

Yes, spanking is not meant to be about venting frustration (like shouting) or causing pain, it is a means to get attention/focus, like a whip used in horseracing, which works by making a loud noise as a loop of leather slaps shut. There is nothing harmful about that.

Goma15 · Answer

No, research shows that while in the short term it might stop the undesireable behavior, in the long term it tends to cause various types of psychological damage and damages the parent-child relationship. In addition some research suggests that it may be somewhat addictive to the parent. Because they get reinforced (get a reward, essentially) for spanking their child (the negative behaviour stops) so then later they're more likely to do it again, even if they're not consciously aware of this.

DiegoO · Answer

Psychologist say no, and sadly science has been corrupted with politics. I think 1-2 spanks don't do any harm if a child did something for its age. Spanks with a reason. Spanking out of anger can lead to more than a spank and the kid is gonna end been violent.

I-am-a-nobody · Answer

It's good with younger children, sometimes... ironically... for their own safety. After a certain age, there are more effective means of discipline.

Ámayas_20 · Answer

No! Honestly this has always disgusted me, you're prevented by law from hitting every person except your own children, to me there is no difference between spanking and abuse and I'm very happy the law in my country now sees it the same way.

iimJay · Answer

The only time I ever hit my kids is when they purposefully hurt someone else in disregard. It should never be used as a general punishment or out of anger

MountAverage · Answer

No, never. No matter how you twist and turn it, it's always abuse. Being physically attacked (in whatever way) by the main caregiver and main person of trust (the parent) is highly traumatizing to children and leads to issues in adult life.

pigoat · Answer

There is no right answer to this opinion  Just do you  Although the kids that were spanked in my experience never changed their behavior so it seems ineffective in some cases

pizzalovershouse · Answer

can't say it does much good usely taking freedom away works vest like no goingnany bbn where after school no computer to texting depending on age younger ones no friends or playing outside to toy privileges

John_Doesnt · Answer

I caught my kids playing video games so I beat them to within an inch of their life because that's how my daddy raised me. And I turned out just fine as a guy who sells trampolines door to door.

nelly83 · Answer

Sometimes there’s no other solution to such a terrible child that the only method left is spanking. And trust me it works well. It’s called tough love

OddBeMe · Answer

I don’t have children, but I think spanking and physical harm is the parent venting rage. Besides, grounding is much more painful to children.

Chris006 · Answer

There are other ways to punish a kid for beeing a kid. But I don't see how physical punishment does help at all to be honest. Communication is the major way to go

one1wild00 · Answer

I was raised with spankings and have noticed that people in my age catagory did better later in life if they had to face spankings vs those that didn't for being bad and or doing things wrong.

advicecream · Answer

Only if it’s for the safety of that child or someone else

Hyper2 · Answer

Its common where i live to spank a kid, so I voted 'just in some cases '

lucas262 · Answer

My dad would wet a switch, which is a thin stick, trust me it wasn't enough to keep my mouth shut

Daniel3035 · Answer

Unless they're 18/16+ no and would have to be extreme reason.

najekim · Answer

Yup. Reinforces the concepts of right and wrong in their actions.

888theGreat · Answer

Yes, Cute Sexy Butt , needed spanking badly. I mean look how she turned out. I would blister that ass.

masonderek6994 · Answer

That's why they were given behinds. It teaches then right from wrong with no lasting pain or marks

goaded · Answer

I don't think it helps.

NorthwestRider · Answer

I do not think it is a good thing to spank a kid

Gedaria · Answer

At one yes but these days no...

codyccc · Answer

In the most extreme case yes

bklynbadboy1 · Answer

I think it's okay if they do something really bad

Cryptic-Game · Answer

Yes. Correction is a good form of punishment.

Anonymous · Answer

Sure, if that's what turns you on.

Miristheiss · Answer

Sure

NewZion · Answer

Yep.

hknmhmn4 · Answer

No way

esotericstory · Answer

No only a grown up.

7771999 · Answer

No. Never

jimmy2 · Answer

Disciplined is fine

Slim57 · Answer

Of course

Is it ever ok to spank a child?

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