At a young age I found myself not ever caring about my birthday, I hated the attention and the awkwardness it made me feel. But, not enough to actually hate my birthday.
Tomorrow I'm turning 17 and I actually find myself feeling depressed about it. When I was younger I always picture my older self confident, beautiful, outgoing, and having life figured out. I actually feel the exact opposite at the moment.
It also reminds me that I can never go back. I'm never getting any of my previous ages back. I felt this way for a long time but it's really hitting me. I honestly don't see my life going anywhere.
I also hate that where I'm from, 17 is the legal age of consent. That definitley doesn't please me because the number of older perverts flirting or harassing me is going to be much more than what it is now. Then again, age never really stopped any of them to begin with.
I just don't feel safe. I don't feel happy. I don't feel as special as most people feel on their birthday. I don't treat myself how wonderful I treat others on their birthday.
Is there anyway I can look at it better? Most people my age are excited about turning 17, 18, 21, etc.
Everyone around me is always so outgoing and giddy on my birthday, but I don't feel that way.
It may be because I used to rarely receive attention on my birthday when I was younger. My ex step mom always put the attention off of her, and I sat by myself opening my presents and reading my cards. Or the one time I was very ill on my birthday and was ignored as I just by myself.
I honestly do not see anything exciting about it, at all...
Any time someone shows concern for me or tries to make me feel special I just start tearing up because I don't deserve it.
First figure out what ultimately makes you happy. Is it achieving your goals (that's what it is because dopamine), so what are your goals? If you look at maslow's hierarchy of needs, it goes
1st your physical means like air, food, and shelter.
2nd I think is getting a security of your physical resources required to survive.
And I'm pretty sure 3rd is forming social connections/finding a comfortable spot on the dominance hierarchy.
Seems like you're at stage three because you're first going to thinking about your connections with other people (e. g. pervs being annoying and people giving gifts).
So figure out how to get where you want with your social connections (e. g. getting mr. Hot stuff to ask you out or being most popular person in your friend circles) then figure out ways to get there and maybe you'll find that one applies to your birthday.
One might be you can use your age of consent to bait some guys into "dating" you and then you dump them to be avalible to the guy you actually want (it sounds kinda psychopathic, but it's true that a girl with plenty of suitors is perceived to have a higher social value and is subsequently perceived to be more attractive to a Hot guy or any other guy [it's true even if you reverse the genders, it's called "preselection bias" or the "bandwagon effect" too]). Frankly for me, birthdays are just weird.
When I turned 18 I was just like "meh okay, neat, I can get a job without parents' permission now and it's easier to get a driver's license." Birthdays have never really related to my goals, so I never really bother to care much except that seeing people at a birthday party is nice and birthday money can loosely relate to my goals.
Hmm, a few goals I have is to improve my drawing and writing. I'm mainly focused on drawing though.
I don't care much about dating or anything, I actually have no interest in any of the sort. I don't care much about social connections, the only one I care about is my family. But I'm afraid to become attached because I miss them a lot. My life feels like it's revolved around school (And work eventually) and it feels like family is just a second option. That and the way past experiences have been with family, it's been split apart. And because of that, I rarely see them anymore. It's just my dad and I.
And yeah same, I don't really see the benfits of age.
You actually remind me a lot of myself lol here my advice to you first really try to step outside if yourself not literally of course but just think when i was turning 15 i was terrified cause it ment i wss now old enough to get behind the wheel i didn't feel i wad ready and the first time i actually got behind the wheel it was pretty bad and even when i turned 17 or 18 it was the same way all this pressure and anxiety its definitely a lot to take in not knowing where your life leads and not having things figured out its a rough road but what you have to understand is those thoughts are normal for most at that age no one has there life completely figured out no matter the age there are to many variables in life to have everything mapped out to the T but just relax and go with the flow believe in yourself and don't back down from what life throws at cause you may feel like you've lost but the moment you give up is the real moment you've lost and if you can't believe in yourself then ill believe in you for you and you deserve to feel special well all do if felt the way you have and it hurts to be alone but you will find someone that will make you feel special everyday of you life one day and that's worth believing in i really hope i was able to make some sense and put your mind at ease a bit good luck and don't give up yet😉👍
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I love my birthday, but my sister is the same way like you and just don't make a big deal out of it. I know sounds stupid. It is just another day, if you don't want to you don't have to treat yourself that way. Skip it and if you want to celebrate another day or not.
Also I never want to hear you say again you wouldn't be special. Never. Don't do that. You're! The moment you say to yourself you wouldn't deserve that you make yourself seem like worthless. That's a lie! You deserve the best and all the love. Just because your stupid ex stepmother was a Bitch, doesn't mean that it has to define you. You decide who you're and you decide what defines you! Never again will you say that you don't deserve whatever. Never. You do. Don't give your power to others. It's sad and pathetic. You're better than this! Look you're 17 and I know it's annoying when I say that but trust me, with my 26 I do have some experience and I do come from a family where my father left us when I was 7 and my mom started drinking and always said it's our fault. Trust me when I say you're going through puberty right now. Everything will turn the way you want to, if you let yourself be the best version. You will become who you want to be, but you alone have to fight for it.
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2 Reply
Opinion Owner
+1 y
Stop having a pitty party for yourself and enjoy life, figure out what you like and learn to love yourself and gain more confidence. Work in the direction you want to go, instead of sitting there and saying you wouldn't deserve thar
Hi, it’s me again, and expect another really long reply from me.
Let’s start this off. First; it’s okay to be sad about your birthday. It’s okay to be sad in general. It doesn’t matter if it’s your birthday, a random Wednesday or Christmas. It’s okay to be sad.
It’s also okay if you don’t have your life planned out, or even have an idea of what your life is gonna be. Chances are, if you could hope and imagine it, get set on that life style, and come to realize later, that’s not what you want anymore.
It’s true you can’t go back in the past, but you know what you can do with the past that you can’t do with the future? Learn from it, grow from it, and live. You have no idea what life can throw at you in the future. BUT, you can take your past experiences and help you handle whatever the future throws at you. (Opinion is too long. Rest will be in comments)
1/3 You’re still very young, you can always change your life around. You may not see it moving, may seem like you’re a sitting duck. But this situation? Its helping position the way you should be, in the direction for you to move on.
Since when did 17 turn the legal age of consent? I’ve always known it as 18.. so feel free to just continue to say you’re a minor for another year. And you know what i did when i turned 18? Whenever i found old men creeps, perverts whatever. “You’re hitting on someone who is barely legal” and it’ll throw them off.
2/3 About not feeling *as* special on your birthday, i *personally* feel like, that’s because people use it as an excuse to drink, get “fucked up” party, whatever. And if you’re not into that stuff, you feel like you’re missing out on the “happy stuff”. I wish we lived closer, we may haven’t known each other long enough, but i would definitely do a birthday dinner with you, and let you relax and have a nice, stress free day. But who really wants to celebrate another year older, you’re just another year closer to dying 😂😂
But to be honest, you deserve the best birthday. You’re an amazing women, who does way more for people then what they deserve. And you do way more then MOST people would even consider doing.
3/3 But, if you’d be okay with/comfortable with, I’d love to send you a little gift. Yes it’ll be late, but better late then never right? I may not have all the money in the world (as Gwen S would say) but I’d love to spread a little joy, and happiness into your world.
I exactly know how u feel but just try to not think about the past and try to have a great time on your birthday. try to invite friends and or family... Do something u always dreamed of like horse back or help others, And yes I don't know who told you you don't deserve it but you do deserve it Your ex step mom should have done any gold parent to do which is celebrate your birthday and anything else u can think of with u... I am extremely sorry u were ill to on your birthday.. I am here for u... My friend..
Happy birthday to you and u do deserve it you do deserve to have the best birthday ever.. Birthdays only come once ayear and i hope u make a great one to... 🎉🎊🎈🎂😄😃😀😊☺😉😁😌😎😺😸🙉✌ Happy 17 birthday girl
Welcome to the club Not because you are going to be 17, but as a toughtful teenager Most of the time, it's the Idontgiveashit time for teenagers but it seems this does not affects you
I have experimented how disturbing pervert guys harass on girls (I have some screens if you are interested about it) But you will see after some times that you can overcome this task and may be able to come back like your old self confidence
If you feel determined, you should pick your old time as a long term goal, like I am trying to do
Im sorry to hear that you are worried about your birthday and what may be to come. But look on the bright side. With your age has come experience and knowledge. With that knowledge you can use it to brighten your life and leave haters and bad thoughts in the dust. And this is coming from a guy who was sad about turning 22. Lol life goes on but the experiences are worth it
You know what I got for my 16th birthday last year... older. Jokes aside, the closest thing to a gift, was from a random dude trying to get money at a Coinstar. It was a silver dime (I'm a coin collector).
I feel like we all have been there. We all imagined ourselves to be somewhere different when we got older. I've gotten older and for some reason I have more fears and I'm more insecure then I've ever been. There's nothing wrong with not being excited for your birthday but it shows that you don't have much that feel needs to be celebrated. You can turn this around by just changing the things that are making you feel indifferent towards growing up. I hope this helps you out because I know it helped me out.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
As someone a mere 10 years your senior, I can say that: You are still insanely young.
Don't put so much stress and meaning on milestones. You'll ruin them.
Focus on today, on tomorrow. Build your future and your future self.
I'll remember that. I tend to struggle with focusing on the moment here and now. It takes away a lot of my joy and I have no clue how to stop thinking about it.
i feel very sorry for you. I wanted to tell you how many people are sad on birthdays and new years eve as it reminds us how time flies by. but what you said about feeling unsafe and old perverts is just nothing I have ever experienced. It feel very sorry for you, and it bothers me that such is still a problem on this planet in 2018. I wish you all the best!
I feel the same. I hate my birthday since i don't really like attention too and i always slightly depressed on my birthday as well. But soon, you will get used to it, i think. Just think of your birthday like any other ordinary day
Shit wait till your 50 60 70 fuck even 80 90 those who have been around the block or so. You have no right in complaining. Your fucking 17. For ducking sakes. Sounds like you need to get laid on your birthday. Do you have cloths on your back food? A roof over your head? Some people don't even have all those. Some are just glad they have food. Maybe you need a "safe space".
And I am well aware peoole have it worse. That does not mean my feelings aren't valid. And I don't want to feel this way, so that I can get help. Not hear from some pervert that I should be grateful and get laid.
Yeah babe.. I listen to you. Our topic is my birthday. But you didn't celebrate it. Am I wrong? P. S.: Doesn't count if you're going to celebrate mine by telling someone else😑
I haven't been excited for my birthday since I was like 6. Because living broke for so many years means you can't enjoy life nearly as much if you had money.
Enjoy life as much as can while at the same experimenting with what you think you like and want to do for your future.
I've spent years going through a ton of phases and experimenting with what I think I wanted to do and I think a huge reason why I found what I really want to do for my future is because I almost never socialized outside of school. That allowed me to not get distracted by all the bullshit every other teenager is doing/thinking/worrying about and I dedicated my time to constantly thinking, researching, scrapping ideas I thought I wanted to do for my future. I learned to be selective of the people I chose as friends too.
Almost everyone our age has no idea where their life is going, the massive majority of people are like this so it's completely fine is you have no idea where your life is going.
I would advice you celebrate your birthday celebration of your birthday means celebration of life and you should be happy because you getting older and you get to have some advantages to it And Happy Birthday
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