Would you have a one night stand in the delivery room?

[Anonymous]

just wondering really what people think

lets say you got pregnant from a one night stand and kept the baby would you have the one night stand in the delivery as a birth partnar or would you have him wait outside

plus would you have an ex in the room for the delivery

thanks

[weasley8]

It really depends on the guy, and whether or not I would be comfortable with him there.

The same goes for the ex. What were the reasons for the breakup? Do we still talk regularly? Are we on good terms? Etc.

[Asker]

but the baby is his so why stop him being at the birth of his child based on your feelings

[weasley8]

Because I’m the one in labor. When someone is in labor, they are the priority. Point blank.

Some people say that it’s an important bonding experience, but newborns are immediately placed on their mothers chest anyway. And they can’t really see at that point. So it won’t make a difference to the baby whether or not there is an extra person in the room. The father can come in right afterwards.

There’s also the fact that having unwanted people in the room can cause unnecessary stress on the birthing mother, which greatly increases the risk of complications that can be fatal to both mother and infant. Surely no caring father would want that for his child.

[Asker]

i am not disagreeing with you just asking why as sure you are in labor but a caring father would want to be in the room for the birth of their child and denying them that is cruel as if you want them to be an equal parent then you need to treat them equally or men may just say fuck it what is the point and walk away

[Asker]

plus the baby is not just yours alone and i am sure you will want money to help pay for that baby

[weasley8]

He may want to be in the room. But that doesn't change the fact that it's the right of the person in labor to decide who is in the room when they are sweaty and naked with their legs spread apart, when they are scared and in pain, and when stress makes it more likely that they will die.

If she doesn't want him there, than him being there increases the risk that she and the baby will die.

If being denied access to the delivery room is enough to make someone give up on being a father altogether, then he wasn't a good father to begin with.

I'm aware that it takes two people to make a child. Just since you keep referring to the situation as if it's actually happening to me, I'd just like to clarify that I don't have any kids, I'm not pregnant, and I don't plan to be pregnant any time soon. This is not a personal subject to me.

With that in mind, responding to your point about a mother wanting resources from the father, that it something that is completely case-by-case. I don't see why that would relate to this argument. It could hypothetically be applied to any parenting philosophy as well. By that logic any parent who wants resources from another would have to essentially surrender everything that they want. That's not really how parenting works. It's not quite so mechanical. Again, if he's not going to put in the work to provide for his child because he was denied entrance to the delivery room, he's not a good father, and he never was.

[Asker]

but why should he put in the work to provide for his child when he was denied entrance to the delivery room plus the my body my choice only goes so far as what is stopping him from saying my money my choice plus funny you should say he has no right to be in the room yet turn around a demand money so unfair if the baby is half his then dam right he should have the right to be in that room no matter what the mother says and ps i know you are not pregnnat and hope you never will be with your views as i can see you making the fathers life a living hell for him

[weasley8]

Again I will say, none of this involves me. So I have done none of these things. What other people do is their business. I'm not demanding anything of anyone.

I'm simply stating that it is no ones inherent right to be present while another person is giving birth. This doesn't make them any less of a parent, and it doesn't interfere with their bond with a child. This argument doesn't just apply to fathers, but to also to parents who use a surrogate, in which case the surrogate is not genetically related to the baby, and both of the parents are. Neither of those parents has an inherent right to be present while the surrogate is giving birth.

There are many reasons for this, but since the choice argument doesn't appear to be resonating with you I will again raise the one to which you have not yet responded to. Unwanted people in the delivery room causes unnecessary stress. Stress often causes complications that can be fatal to the mother and the fetus. Therefore, having unwanted people in the delivery room can cause the mother and/or the fetus to die. It has nothing to do with choice, and everything to do with biology.

I also don't see the point in your personal attacks. Although I assume it's much easier to do when you're posting anonymously and the statements can't actually be traced back to you. You know nothing about me, so you've essentially just been shooting in the dark to see what sticks. So far it's been all strikes. Personally, I don't plan on having kids before marriage. I don't plan to have kids with someone who I wouldn't be comfortable with having in the delivery room. Not that that is at all relevant to my argument. But if you're going to go for personal attacks, try again. You were unsuccessful the first time.

And by the way, I still hold that any father who gives up on parenting because he wasn't present for it's birth is a bad father.

[Asker]

and yet again you cannot see that the baby is not just the mother so lets use your logic them so no one has an inherent right to to be in the room for the birth then the same should be said about a mans money no one has an inherent right to his money then there is the issus of biology if we are to use the biology route then by that very logic men do not need to pay child support as it is not something imposed by biology but the law and i was not shooting in the dark as by your veiws on this and your reply u are very much a women who does not vaule me and fathers as if you did you would want it to be more fair but as you do not i hope no man goes near you as if they did you would make his life a living hell

[Asker]

upon reflection i am sorry for my words and action it is just i am hightly emotional right now due to what is happening in my own life and i regret taking it out on you as you see my brother is going throuth this right now with a one night stand my brother tried to be there for the pregnancy and birth he offers support to her but was tunred away at every turn but now the baby is here which by the way he found out off facebook 3 weeks after the birth the girl is now using his lack of involement in the pregnancy and him not being in the room for he birth as reason he should not have any rights or contact with the child and the courts are agreeing with her when my brother just wanted to be a good dad to his little girl

[weasley8]

Whatever helps you sleep at night. I'm not going to respond to any more personal attacks from a person who has never met me. Did you even read the point about how unwanted people in the delivery room can result in death and other permanent complications? Respond to that, and then maybe we can have a civilized conversation. Until then, have a good day stranger.

[Asker]

did you read my last reply

[weasley8]

As for your brother, I'm sorry that he's going through this. Personally, the moral issue that I would take with what she did based on what you've told me has to do with not telling him, and then trying to prevent him from gaining custody. It sucks that people are able to manipulate information in such a way to present people as something other than what they are.

[weasley8]

And no. My previous comment was before reading your last reply. Then it came through and I sent in the newer one.

[Asker]

sorry for my actions in this post but the reason i am so intent on this is if the mother can use the lack of involment in the pregnancy to stop him seeing his child why dose the father not have rights before birth now i have calmed done i do agree with the birth thing but what i dont agree with is not being told he has a child on the way and not being able to be in the hospital at least and to know how the unborn child is doing and seeing a scan or something

[weasley8]

Of course I agree with those things. He has a right to be involve with his child's life, unless there is some other circumstance, which based on your description there isn't. The tricky thing about birth is that it is also essentially a surgery for the mother. He deserves to be involved with the child, and to see ultrasound pictures, and if she doesn't want him in the delivery room, then to come in right after the baby is born and she is covered.

And thank you for apologizing. I'm not angry with you.

[Asker]

sorry again i am just all over the place today as my brother yet again got fucked over by the mother and court and we just want to see his little girl u know and i agree with the delivery room thing but i would put in place that the mother should have to tell him when she is in labor if she can and let him be at the hospital in the waiting room if not in the delivery room and can i asked do you mean just the pics or in in the room for the scan or just see the pic after

[weasley8]

I was referring to ultrasound pictures, as those are pretty hard to come by and often are related to medical testing. Once the baby is born I believe he has the right to see it in person, unless he has some reason to be denied custody and visitation rights.

[Asker]

you get ultrasound all the time durring pregnancy lol i should know lol but i was saying he should be able to be in the room for an ultrasound but if not at least let him see it on a screen from another room as it is happening you know

[weasley8]

I’d say in the room if she’s comfortable with it, but if not he should be able to see the image in some other way. I don’t know if hospitals are currently set up with those screens. They may be, but even if they’re not, it doesn’t seem too difficult to pull off. I like the idea of having him in the building at least, that way he can also speak to the doctor.

[Asker]

want to here my system i had set up in my head lol

[Asker]

and can i ask are you a fan of harry potter lol

[weasley8]

Sure. Sorry for the late reply. I had to go to sleep at some point. And yeah. I’m kind of obsessed with Harry Potter.

[Asker]

i can tell from the profile pic and yeah so am i lol oh and here is that system i made up know i now there are flaws but it is more fair

my system is for fairness between both parents this is how my system would work

1-if the mother wants the baby but the father does not then he does not pay anything plus gets no rights
2- if they both do not want the baby they both pay half the abortion cost
3- if the mother dose not want the baby but father does they both pay half the abortion cost plus the mother paying for any therapy for him if he needs it
4-if both want the baby then they both get rights to the pregnancy and birth but if the mother does not let him be at any of it then she loses any surpport payments but if the mother lets him be at it all but he does not go to them he loses his rights to the child giving both the mother and father incentives as it gives the mother an incentive to invole the father in the pregnancy and birth plus gives the father incentive to surpport the mother durring the pregnancy
5-if any abuse is proved by any parent with proof of it then the abuse parent loses all rights upon the birth of the child
6-if any parent is proved to break ant court order then they will have a minimum of a fine paid to the other parent to compensate for any lost time with the child (this goes both ways so the father does not turn up the mother can get him fined)

[Dav1ss]

I wouldn't If it was a one night stand why would you

[Asker]

cuz it is the babys father

[Dav1ss]

Fine but would you still want to know him after the one night stand

[Asker]

if i was pregnant with his baby yes as he is the babys father so has the right to be a father to our baby

[Dav1ss]

But I might say no because I wouldn't be proud of getting pregnant from a one night stand and wouldn't want him to know

[Asker]

so you would keep his child from him wow he has the right to know he has a child

[Dav1ss]

He would know but I wouldn't really want him in the room

[Asker]

oh why not as the baby would be his how would u feel not being at the birth of your child just cuz you where not the one giving birth

[Dav1ss]

But if I really had a one night stand I wouldn't want to know him after that so I dont ouldnt have a way of telling him

[Asker]

then i hope you never get pregnant from a one night stand as anyone who denys a father his right of even knowing they have a child is a cruel person in my book

[Dav1ss]

1 I'd never want a and night stand
2 I would tell him he just might not be in the room

[Asker]

still cruel not letting him be at the birth of his child a once in a life time event denyed cuz the women stopped him would you be happy being bannd from your childs birth just cuz you where not the one to carry it

[Dav1ss]

No but he won't be paying for or caring for the child at all after that why would it matter to him if the child exists it might even be easier on him if he felt guilty because of the one night stand he would hate seeing the child

[Asker]

note really as i have know men to driven to kill them selfs over not being told they had a kid and not being able to be at birth or pregnancy

[Riggers]

Haha. You fucked up big time hoe.

[Asker]

i dont mean me lol this is just a hypothetical qustion

[Riggers]

Yeah... Ofcourse it is... “hypothetical”... “asking for a friend”... “had this crazy dream”... all the same shit 😂

[Asker]

no it really is hypothetical i am just a curious person by nature

[daisydukeso]

If it's his, he should be in the room.

[Asker]

what is your reason on that

[daisydukeso]

He is partly responsible so he should provide support

[Asker]

yeah but i am not talking about that i am talking about being in the delivery room u dont need to be in the room to pay support do u plus i belive men need to be support durring pregnancy maybe not as much as the women but still a little

[daisydukeso]

The man and women should be together and support each other :)

[Asker]

yeah i agree but i am talking about a one night stand

[daisydukeso]

Even if it's a one night stand, they will both be nervous

[Asker]

i know but i was asking would you have a one night stand in the delivery room and your reason why

[daisydukeso]

Okay. My answer is yes, because we would both be nervous and need support

[Asker]

so you would be ok with a one night stand seeing a baby rip its way out your vagina lol

[daisydukeso]

Well he's already seen me naked so

[Asker]

true but still not in the way it would look durring birth

[daisydukeso]

I would be more concerned about the pain, but I could always ask for a blanket to cover up and most hospitals have curtains

[Asker]

true guess i am more of a if you are not my partnar or loved one of mine then you can wait outside type of women

[Ordinarygurl_]

Lol no

[Asker]

why not as the baby is his too