Which vocal tonality do you generally have throughout social interactions? And is it intentional?

[Anonymous]

⬇ Here's a video explaining them if you don't understand the diagram

TimeStamps: Seeking Rapport - 1:07 \ Monotone - 1:40 \ Breaking Rapport - 2:12

[sheepdip]

Depends on the audience obviously.

I work with special needs kids who need a lot of reassurance, so at work with them I keep my voice low and more base as this is comforting for them.

With my friends kids, who are awesome, I keep it a bit higher so that they know I'm interested and excited to be with them.

With people I like I just talk normal - something like a soft tennor I think.

With people I don't I like I tend to bark at them with very hard short and loud sentences.

Does this make sense?

[Asker]

Yeah, it makes sense! The only thing that caught me off-guard was how the special needs kids prefer the monotone vocal tonality over the seeking rapport one.

[sheepdip]

Its not a catch all; the kids in my department prefer it, but there's loads out there that can't stand it. Special needs is a really mixed bag.

[Asker]

Ahh, I understand 👌

[SuperManiac]

I don't know. I think I fluctuate between those 3 a bit. Usually, if it's like a friend I haven't seen in a while, I think I start off with a bit more of a higher-pitch like seeking rapport, but typically just for the greeting. I tried to record how I might approach that situation. For strangers, I don't think I do that (I tend to be a bit more monotone in those cases -- if I move to "seeking rapport" type of way, it's usually more affectionate).
https://vocaroo.com/i/s0phvF9awPmi

[SuperManiac]

If it's a stranger I still try to be a bit enthusiastic, but maybe not as much tonal pitch (slightly less enthusiasm since I'm usually not as excited):
https://vocaroo.com/

[SuperManiac]

Err doh:
https://vocaroo.com/i/s0k4LudspRG1

[Asker]

Ayee, you've got a nice voice man!

I notice I'm more of seeking rapport and monotone. I'm more seeking with people I care about as well. But I won't be so quick to go to breaking rapport with people I don't care about. I rarely go into the breaking rapport vocal tonality unless the person is being really rude and there's no reasoning with them. If there is reasoning with the person then I tend to stick with monotone until rapport is regained. Once it's regained and everything is cool, I'll go back to seeing rapport.

[SuperManiac]

Cheers! I'm not sure I'm really capable of breaking rapport, and in my case, whatever differences are probably rather subtle. Probably it's between monotone and seeking in my case. I never thought of it as a status thing so much though. Usually, if I raise my pitch a bitch, I'm trying to be affectionate or show sympathy or something like that... or sometimes just expressing some enthusiasm so I don't sound like a zombie: "Heeeyyyy!" :-D

[SuperManiac]

Usually, if I raise my pitch a [bit, whoops!] [...]

[Asker]

You've never spoken in breaking rapport before?

Yeah, that part caught me off guard! I don't think it's like that in everyday conversation but I do think people sometimes judge someone's capabilities off voice. I imagine it matters more if you're in the business scene though. So many are egotistical af 😂

[SuperManiac]

I don't know. I was trying to see if I could do it playing around a bit, and it sounds silly and forced when I try. I've been in leadership positions before at work but I'm not a very good leader when the team becomes too large or unruly, and maybe partially for this reason. I don't have that kind of ruthless ability to talk down to people. I did all right with small teams where I could use a more empathetic approach to it, checking up on what everybody is doing, making sure I acquire a bit of expertise on what everyone is working on, etc. But I'm not that good at bossing people around. I try to inspire loyalty but watching out for people and showing I got their back, but I don't have that kind of ruthless tone (I do admire those who can utilize it when appropriate).

[SuperManiac]

I try to inspire loyalty [by] watching out for people and showing I got their back [...]

And I've learned to be careful to balance that out and be assertive enough not to let people exploit that good-natured side of me. But I don't command that type of tone and manner that demands respect and loyalty. I try to inspire it instead. I do idolize many types who can do it though: the Tywin Lannister, the Thulsa Doom, the Gordon Ramsay -- those types.

[Asker]

Ahh yeah, I know what you mean 👌 I really don't like using it with anyone that doesn't know me well. It just feels wrong! I always use it as a last resort option, even with family. I do like staying in a neutral tone when conflict arises because the breaking rapport could come across as very self-absorbed or lacking self-control. And I wanna come across as openminded and inquisitive. Not to the point where I'm gullible 😂 but just so people know I'm able to be reasoned with.

[SuperManiac]

I might use it more often if I simply could! I'm not sure I can very well. I have to practice. :-D When I was a teenager, I was really shy and timid. So I had to learn to speak up, become more assertive, etc.

But I don't think I ever got this breaking rapport tone down. One thing I do that might make up for it a little bit (not entirely) is that I have learned to kind of command a certain type of physical presence: not like an arrogant vibe but I've learned to confidently command my space if you will.

And maybe that helps a bit. I've found ways to be treated very respectfully even among shady and belligerent types perhaps more through body language since my tone of voice probably leans somewhere between monotone and seeking by default. I think there's a bit more leeway to use it there without people looking down on you if your body language and presence are a bit more assertive in nature. Some of the appeals of gaining some muscle mass for me is also tied to that.

[SuperManiac]

The inquisitive tone is probably my favorite, showing interest and curiosity and enthusiasm towards a person that way. And I think I almost always move towards the seeking tone when I'm trying to come off inquisitive and interested.

[Asker]

Oh yeah, that's what I'd prefer to do as well. I like to make sure my body language matches what I want out of the situation. Sometimes this can be tough for me though. Especially with large crowds!

Something I will never do is show weak looking body language and have the breaking rapport tonality. 😂 It just looks so silly

[SexyAshh]

I have the definition of a valley girl voice.

So basically whatever that pitch is, i have

[crazy8000]

Don't let the status go to your head.

More and more people falls in to autism spectrum today and they have a tendency to be monotone in their voice also they tends to ignore people status projection in the non verbal department.

Also a lot of people tries to be high status individual. doesn't mean they are. very easy to spot.

[Asker]

This question isn't concerned about the status aspect. That can be interpreted many ways. This focuses on a pattern people recognize about themselves. 👌

[crazy8000]

That he is talking about how the voice is going up or down in the end when you say something is also how you reinforce if it's a question or not, even if someone is not certain or certain.
It's more to it than status like this person did come with.

The funny thing we need more than one cue to make the communication clear or for that matter complete.
Most cues has multiple meaning depending on the context and other cues.
Even then is it something that could mean something totally different.

How your tone is when you talk no matter up or down can mean insecure, afraid.
It's to much to go over here and to much detail involved mixed with the whole picture.

[crazy8000]

An answer to your question.

Little to aware of my cues and use it regularly otherwise is it totally flat no signals, like a poker face.

[ThisDudeHere]

This is the second video posted on G@G that I've watched until the end. You have a tendency to post some interesting shit I see :D

Anywho, I haven't really noticed tbh. It really depends on the person I guess.

[Asker]

😂 No way! You haven't watched anything else until the end in all these years?

I should have made the question more specific and interesting 😂 something like:

Which one of these vocal tonalities do you use with authority?

[ThisDudeHere]

"You haven't watched anything else until the end in all these years?"
I'm about 70% sure that I haven't, no.

[Asker]

I feel honored! 😭👌

[bolverk]

Neutral, and yes its intentional when speaking to anyone who is not family of friends I am not seeking to make the other person feel uncomfortable, but speak to them as an equal as my job requires that I'm able to quickly transfer information verbaly with no abiguity about what I'm doing and what I'll need to compleat the job.

[AcidT0y]

Always monotone. My voice doesn't inflect up or down naturally without me making a conscious decision to do it. And I can't be bothered with that xD

[Asker]

Yeah, that would probably get tiring trying to manage it consciously!

[AcidT0y]

Yeah I used to try and do it but then people thought I was being sarcastic if I forgot to inflect so I rarely bother doing it now. Only if I have to talk to a customer, which is rare as my job isn't one where I typically have to do that

[Asker]

😂 Did they only think so because they aren't used to it? Or are you doing it wrong?

[AcidT0y]

I guess it could be eiether. I don't know the right way to do it xD

[spesh]

monotone cos i have no feelings and am lazy