What Are Some Crazy, Weird, Or Funny Sayings You've Either Heard Or Use Yourself?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

The above list and more can be found at:

https://scrollseek.com/wordplay/sayingslist.html

[Yads_Is_Back]

I will contribute here and say that if you think English phrases like this are crazy, you should look at some Spanish ones and what they literally translate to vs. what they are meant when said. Most English-speaking people, when translating, are like whaaaaat? because they haven't heard them mentioned in actual scenarios, but that's what makes it fun. :) Just like in English, the person wasn't REALLY thrown under the bus, but I didn't know that until I was old enough to realize it was just a phrase 😂
Yeah...
One thing my friend says a lot now is that she's "on the struggle bus." (She just got braces and can barely talk normal.) I find it kind of funny.
Even better is when somebody says somebody threw them under the bus, meaning basically snitched on them or gave up their innocence.

You should really say the second one to a non-native English speaker. If you get the response I used to give from taking it literally, you would laugh your ass off for the next five days. And you should consider some of the good ones in Spanish too. It'll have the same effect generally :) (if you know anything about translating)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

That's funny lolol 😂 and I'll have to check some out lol

[Elliegirl]

There are some pretty unusual phrases here in the American south. A few examples:
-bless your heart
-act like you’ve got some sense
- I’ll snatch you bald headed
-any swingin’ dick
-too big for your britches

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Right, "I'll snatch you bald headed always cracks me up 🤣🤣

[Citizenkirk]

"One bird in the hand, is worth three in the bush." My Great Grandma Lucy always used too say about a sure thing being more valuable than the possibility of untold riches. Sometimes, though, it wasn't a metaphor she was using when asking me too bribe Hidy, her doberman spoiled little girl, with a tasty treat too beat the urge too tear out the BlackBerry bushes too get at them pesky birds hidden within. The one incident that canceled that metaphore out was when the dog stirred up the birds and I caught 1 and the two others were bottlenecked into a situation where they could hold still and be pulled out by Grandma, or fly out too be snatched up by Hidy or myself. In that situation, hand, bush too hand, jaws of dog, same difference.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Lol right!

[Citizenkirk]

"An apple a day, keeps the doctor away." Didn't they mean "My HMO play, makes the greedy doctor say, no way, Jose'!!! Not in my network today?"

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Ha right!!

[WhiteSteve]

When I try to get someone’s attention and the wrong nearby person responds, sometimes I say “no, not you... you... the bow-legged one“, like Pepa says at the beginning of Shoop.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/4vaN01VLYSQ

I don’t think anyone has even gotten it since the 90s, but I still persevere, lmfao. Ever feel like you’re really funny but the rest of the world just isn’t slick enough to keep up with you? That’s what I tell myself...😝

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

you mean like
https://youtu.be/kfpDeslXe6E
🤣🤣I think you're funny 🤗 and funny cuz my daughter is bowlegged 🤣🤣

[WhiteSteve]

Lmao😂 Appreciate it🙏

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

💙🙏🙂

[Samoht_Sirrom1]

Random note: I've literally "Burst my Britches" jumped from a wall 12 feet up landed in a squat on both feet and my pants burst from my in seam all the way down past my knees...

"Well, bless my soul"
Something my adopted sister once said to me when I was feeling down. She sat beside. me on her bet and lifted my face (I was looking down didn't want to face her) turned my face toward her looked me square in the eyes and said I love you, you know that right? "Never Doubt that I Don't Love you...". I just "burst out laughing" (The quote "" used are to show the (crazy, weird or funny sayings) that I've experienced, heard or said. My friend once thanked me for saving his life... "I was almost unfatally killed" *facepalm* true stories both.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Almost unfatally killed, yeah that's a face palm moment there 🤣

[Jjpayne]

Like a bull in a China shop, like grant took Richmond, like flies to crap 😂😂😂

Stuff like that but...

I've got to this ren and stimpy quote sometimes

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🤣🤣🤣

[Massageman]

My wife's grandma would say , "I look like the wreck of the hespers", if she looked a bit unkempt.

Well, it really turned out to be the Hesperus, a ship in Longfellow's writings. If a Southern Lady really doesn't care for someone very much, they will just say in a very studied manner, "Well, bless your heart!"

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

That's a cute story 🙂 And yeah, know bout them southern ladies lol my grandma's as southern as they come, and even tho she's in her 90's now, still feisty as ever... She could run circles around some of these young people today lol

[JimboGB]

• Here's health to your enemies' enemies!
• May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.
• May the roof above you never fall in and those gathered beneath it never fall out.
• May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past.
• A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.

[JimboGB]

Do not resent growing old. Many are denied the privilege.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

So true my hubby died at 46... I know a lot of people I knew as a teenager that died... Most before they even hit 40

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Love all the quotes listed here 👍

[JimboGB]

I am sorry to hear about your husband. May he rest in peace. And they we're all way too young.

- Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

[NamerOfStars]

One of my all-time favorite quotes came from a role-playing session with my brother and some of his friends. One of them was giving us a puzzle, and handed around a sheet of paper with a drawing on it consisting of several lines of varying lengths. When it was handed to me, I thought of those tests we'd had in school, where they'd show arrows with the tips bent up or down, and see if you could tell whether it affected the length of the line itself. My brother, seeing my expression and guessing what I was thinking, said "It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one."

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

That's nice one 👍😎

[Static_In_The_Attic]

I love the people who say there is a light at the end of the tunnel & I say the light at the end of the tunnel could be a freight train.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Right! Funny but very true

[Static_In_The_Attic]

A long time ago one of my bosses said you were here from the start & made this company what it is today & he thanked me as I was on my exit interview & after that he shook my hand & said it must feel good to see the light at the end of the tunnel & I laughed & said the light at the end of the tunnel could be a freight train. The timing was perfect!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Sounds like

[AlwaysBelieving]

Now I have the line in a movie (I forget what movie): "don't go towards the light, the light is NOT YOUR FRIEND!!!"

[Static_In_The_Attic]

@AlwaysBelieving you are going to have me pondering this one & I wonder where I heard that from.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

@Brainsbeforebeauty my dad always uses la tee freakin da.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Funny I'm trying to think if I ever said that 🤔 maybe years ago

[Static_In_The_Attic]

I remember going with my father to pick up his car & when we got there we both went in & my dad was expecting the bill to be around 200 bucks & when it come to 500 something I asked if there were any discounts. The person said let me look & said I could give you ten dollars off. La Tee Freakin Da my father says & I couldn’t stop laughing.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

My mother always says IF Worse Comes To Worse & then she finishes what ever she is saying.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@AlwaysBelieving It was poltergeist
https://youtu.be/UYk56jemsbU

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Not that I've said... I used to tell me daughter "Start as you mean to go on" I can't remember what movie or show I got it from but I would say it and sound kinda country 😂😂

[AlwaysBelieving]

Thank you @Brainsbeforebeauty. I think it was actually one of the Wayans brothers on one of the "Scary movies" franchise. It was more of a "funny satirical tone one voice."

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@AlwaysBelieving well but they still got that from the poltergeist movie 😂

[AlwaysBelieving]

@Brainsbeforebeauty Good point.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@AlwaysBelieving thanks

[Static_In_The_Attic]

That movie was great & I’m sure it’s going to be on tv sometime this month or or Netflix too.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

What one "poltergeist"? Or" Scary movie"?

[Lliam]

I'll slap you so hard you're kids will be born dizzy.
If I want any shit out of you, I'll kick it out of you.
Tweedle dee dee.
Jumping Jehosaphat
Spank my butt and call me Nancy.
Eat my shorts.
Fuck me dead.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

"Spank my butt and call me Nancy."LOL😂😂😂

[ThongQueenFlirt]

Slap my knee, and call me Shorty. What's your name. John Brown, ask me again and I'll knock you down. Look up, now look down. Look all around. What do you see? A little black monkey trying to hypnotize me.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Hahahahahahaha 😂😂

[michael1469]

Oh course I love you, my dick is hard

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

The first one, 🤣🤣🤣

[michael1469]

But its sooo true... lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Don't that just happen anyway 🤔 morning wood ain't about love 🤣🤣

[michael1469]

Shhhh dont let anyone know...

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🤭🤭😅

[David92506]

My parents grew up on farms but when they had me we lived in the city. Whenever I came into the house someone usually says, "Well, look what the cat brought in."

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Lololol

[IAMNathanael]

When ever I agree with someone or have something to give I like to say
"that's the one"
with a super thick kiwi accent. It's fun to use it sarcastically too.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Nice 😎🙂

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

"Weed the Good from the Bad"... my late Mom would always tell us kids that saying and what she really meant is be careful about friends you choose to be your friend cause some can be good and some could be bad?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

That's a good saying, that's not so crazy.. Your mom was a smart, wise woman 👍🙂

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@Brainsbeforebeauty Yeah, well one time on this site called Blurtit.. This guy from the UK told me that the saying made no sense and me and him sort of had a disagreement... But I agree it does sort make sense? Lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yes I think so

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

And they say "weed out" cuz weeds are bad kinda like weeding the garden of weeds that can kill your plants. So we'd out the bad seeds, friends to have good

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@Brainsbeforebeauty Yeah now it makes sense

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

👍👍🙂

[AndrewMG]

I mean... I start off 99% of my conversations with this those 2 words, so whilst it's not quite the greatest answer you'd expect, it's getting late at night so it's the best you're getting for the next few hours! lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Now see your answer could've been...
"Your ass is grass and I'm the lawn mower"
😂😂😂

[AndrewMG]

@Brainsbeforebeauty See that's your saying though! I'm cool, but not cool enough to claim credit for that beautiful line! lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

But question said that you've heard or used...😂 I used it, but you heard it lololol

[AndrewMG]

@Brainsbeforebeauty Oh wow I did misread that question! I saw it as a line I'd usually use... now clearly the greatest line I've ever heard is "Your ass is grass and I'm the lawn mower" ... though whilst I say it's the greatest line, it's also one of the most intimidating lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂😂 yeah must of been some crazy person that said that 🤪🤪🤣🤣

[AndrewMG]

You say Crazy I say Awesome. Tomato... Tomatoe! lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Aww thanks... Crazy awesome 😁🙂

[Unit1]

Money is everything.

[Unit1]

I AM A STRONG AND INDEPENDENT DOG. I don't need no owner



Meanwhile

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

But umm 🤔 if the man lifting the seat up from the down position shouldn't he put it back down when he's done 🤔 so now woman gotta do it because of feminism 🤣🤣 it's called leave things, put things back the way you found them🤣🤣 you young people are a trip how far you take this gender crap...

[Unit1]

Not gonna disagree with that 😊 of course i leave things how i found them. Unless of course it broke.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

You break the toilet seat when you pee 🤔🤣🤣🤣

[Unit1]

That never happened.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Well that's good 🤣

[Unit1]

:)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Okay 👍👍

[Unit1]

Alright. Off I dash to make more money. I can already smell it from here.

[19magic]

Nothing cool tbh just like bobs your uncle is the only one I really use a lot till someone says but I don't have an uncle Bob and I just laugh

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂 lol

[Anonymous]

"Shit or get off the pot" - Usually used when someone is taking forever to make a decision.

"Don't let your alligator mouth run over your hummingbird ass" - For when someone is all bark and no bite.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

The second one, tho 🤣🤣

[Virgo31]

There was this kid I passed on my way to soccer practice and he was talking about how fences were being abused and hanged. I almost died laughing lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🤣🤣🤣🤣 omg really that's funny 😂

[wankiam]

you can't argue with a prick
who put a quid in the dickhead
i used to be indecisive but now im not so sure

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Love the second and third one 😂

[wankiam]

thought you might ;)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Especially the second one 🤣🤣🤣

[wankiam]

i can't take the credit sadly

www.youtube.com/watch

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Nice 😂

[CaptainSmartass]

Revenge is a dish best served.
Pissed as your nan's mattress.
Stick out like dog balls on a canary.
Fuck a duck and call it Mildred.
Shit biscuits.
Fudgesicles.
Monkey spunk.
Donkey dick.

Simples...

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

"Stick out like dog balls on a canary.'
Hahahaha 🤣🤣🤣

[peedy]

Can't remember who used to tell me this when I was grow up, they would say "your knee high to a grasshopper" mean i was getting tail but never understood the saying because a grasshoppers knees are way above their head and body

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Lolol right? I've heard that.. Think that was a popular saying back in the day

[JackSmy]

"I'm so confused, I don't know if I should Wind my Ass, or itch my Watch!"

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂😂 at least itching your watch don't give you Booty fingers 😂😂

[JackSmy]

@Brainsbeforebeauty It's OK! This COVID crap has taught everyone how to wash their hands!! :) :)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂 hopefully their booties as well 😂😂

[JackSmy]

@Brainsbeforebeauty I only date women that are clean, proper ladies!! Seems most women are scrupulously clean!! :) :) Love that about them!

[Wise4myage]

Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

You couldn't pour piss from a boot if the directions were written on the heel!

Does a bear shit in the woods?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

The second one...🤣🤣🤣 lolol

[Wise4myage]

lol. Yeah, there is sooo many of those.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I know right.. The link above has some really funny ones 🤣

[Wise4myage]

Your barking up the wrong tree.
Go pound sand.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🤣🤣🤣"Your ass is grass and I'm the lawn mower"🤣

[Wise4myage]

lol. I love it. You couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a bass fiddle.

[GreenGold1992]

"Ain't no rest for the wicked"

the irony is I'm not evil enough

https://www.youtube.com/embed/FcGLveebwjo

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🤣🤣🤣

[Aakash_Hangargi]

If someone throws a stone at you throw flowers at them but make sure that it's with its pot 💐😂

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🤣🤣🤣

[Aakash_Hangargi]

I had made a comment on newfreshstart thread he deleted it lol😂

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

You did? He did? What was it?

[Aakash_Hangargi]

I just said you could use Dicktator I added that bc of ongoing conversation 😂😂😂😂lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🤣🤣🤣.

[TCredo]

lol.. I can't top any of these - but these were great - thank you :)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

You should check out the link there's some really funny ones 😂

[AlwaysBelieving]

There's probably a bunch. One that I question is "There's more than one way to skin a cat", to which I reply, "why would I want to skin a cat?"

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🤣🤣🤣 right, some sound weird but make some sense, but that makes no sense at all... Very good one 👍👍😂

[AlwaysBelieving]

I've actually googled the origins of some sayings. I haven't felt the need to find the origins of that one though.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Hmm now you have to cuz now I'm curious.. Although, "Curiosity killed the car"😹😹 just don't skin me 😂

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

*cat not car 🙄

[ThongQueenFlirt]

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but satisfaction, brought it back lol.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@ThongQueenFlirt lolol like that one 😅

[COMMODOREII]

Heaven didn't want me and Hell kicked me out for trying to take over. 😎

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I bet 😂 oh that's the saying 🤣 thought you meant you hehe 😂

[SuccessfulHornDog]

I came here to chew bubblegum and kick ass and I'm all out of bubble gum

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🤣🤣🤣

[Tim-loves-it]

"I couldn't hit water if i fell out of a boat!"
(talking about my throwing ability)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

But you would hit the water all right 🤣🤣

[Tim-loves-it]

You should see me throw!

[Vencam]

Maybe Jesus was just a very bad thrower, then...

[Tim-loves-it]

@Vencam What does that have to do with this?

[Vencam]

Just a pun, @Tim-loves-it

[Tim-loves-it]

@Vencam Ok cool! (totally missed it, sorry)

[Paris13]

It IS what it IS. xx

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

But what is is 🤣

[Paris13]

More or Less, What can You do? lol!!! xx

[sweet87]

You're nutty as squirrel shit! I don't fuck with people like you I just jiz on their face to make them look better!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Omg lol 😂

[douride2]

Stuck like dog shit on a blanket.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Lolol 🤣

[douride2]

I got this one eh. LOL

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

There's a lot of dog shit on here 🤣

[R3DthatDude]

Shenanigans Is my favorite word

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I always think old people when I hear that word lolol now I am the old people 🤣

[R3DthatDude]

Lol.

[newfreshstart]

Cocksucker i always found that funny

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Right specially calling men that 🤣🤣

[newfreshstart]

@Brainsbeforebeauty i joke around a lot i would love the fact if i could get a girlfriend where i could her Cocksucker

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

That's only if she does that lolol and then she can call you a big p$ssy, after all "You are what you eat"🤣🤣🤣

[newfreshstart]

@Brainsbeforebeauty your killing me 🤣🤣

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🔪🔪🔪😇🤣🤣

[newfreshstart]

@Bainsbeforebeauty dont do it inless you want to go to jail cocksucker 🤣🤣

[newfreshstart]

@Brainsbeforebeauty

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Go to jail I wouldn't be a cocksucker more like "BIG Bertha's prison bitch"😱😂😂

[newfreshstart]

@Brainsbeforebeauty go to my jail you would be 🤣🤣

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Hardy har har 🤣🤣🤣

[newfreshstart]

@Brainsbeforebeauty my bad if that was over the line hows your moring?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

You're good.. It's fine just got done working out with my daughter

[newfreshstart]

@Brainsbeforebeauty she is single lol jk

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yes she is but 👁️👁️ that's my baby 🤣

[newfreshstart]

@Brainsbeforebeauty just kidding

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Me too lol she gonna be 22 in December, but she always gonna be my baby 🥰 They both are even tho my older one just turned 24😱 lolol

[newfreshstart]

@Brainsbeforebeauty lol i'm still older then both of them lol they good kids

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Of course they mine, how couldn't they be 🤣🤣 even when wanna wring their little lovely necks 🤣🤣🤣

[newfreshstart]

@Brainsbeforebeauty hope u dont mind that i asked about them i was just curious

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

You're fine 👍🙂

[newfreshstart]

@Brainsbeforebeauty they know you on gag

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yeah why?

[newfreshstart]

@Brainsbeforebeauty just was curious

[Twalli]

Sometimes late at night I lie in bed and stare up at the stars and wonder where the heck is my ceiling.

[CuriousMufuxka]

"George is getting upset!"

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🤣🤣🤣

[Radle]

if they throw you a stone throw a bread! on glass!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🤣🤣🤣

[keddesh]

It's colder'n a witch's tit in a brass bra!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂😂 heard that saying before but never with the brass bra part 🤣🤣 brass bra ouch that would be painful lolol

[keddesh]

I always thought it sounded extraordinarily uncomfortable! 😅🤭

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I'd say lol

[Pulseofsulfur]

What in the philanthropic fuck is wrong with you.
FYI I made it up

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂 it's effective lololol I thought you were really skiing ME that 😂😂

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

*asking not skiing damn autocorrect

[Pulseofsulfur]

That's why I turned auto correct off so that I don't embarrass myself with something else. No No No I wouldn't just all of a sudden be a dick to you q

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I know, I have my slow moments lololol but am old and blonde so doubly screwed 😂😂

[Pulseofsulfur]

I've got my slow moments as well lol. The blonde thing you put on yourself

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Good excuse 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

[BipolarBear6929]

If you're not first you're last. Lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Lololol

[nolabels]

"You'll have that".

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🙂🙂

[Pete671]

More than you can shake a stick at,

[msc545]

Funny!!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🙂🙂

[hopingforinsight]

Neater than owl poop

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Hahahaha 🤣🤣