I got kicked out of Project Adventure for it. That goal of the course was to overcome my fears. I got kicked out because I had none. I did the challenges like 20meter tightrope walk with no harness. I thought I was making the course extra interesting. I just gave the teacher talking all day about overcoming our fears a near heart-attack. This fear stuff really doesn't register in my brain the normal way -- I am like a robot. It is good for skateboarding (I was sponsored as teen), but sometimes I feel bad when I make people so scared for my safety. I can feel other people's feelings of fear -- just not my own. So I am less reckless when other people are watching.
I can feel most of the other things. I even cry here and there. You punch my arm and it will hurt me. You feel sad and I will feel concerned. You make joke and I will laugh. But for some reason the whole fear thing doesn't register in my head... also jealousy -- I don't understand jealousy. I have a complete brain disconnect with people who feel that -- along with fear.
Well, the way I see it -- I've been thinking about what is wrong with me over the years -- is that I remember being like a normal person with fear when I was a little boy. I was scared of things -- like darkness, demons, things like that. But my mother was devout Christian and I am just not wired that way -- I mean no disrespect to spiritual or religious people but I told my mom when I was six that I wasn't sure about the stuff they were teaching me at church and Sunday school... seemed like it had no more proof than the Santa and Fairy God Mother and stuff (and I could never get myself to believe in those). So she pulled over the car and screamed at me that if I don't start believing, I will burn in hell for eternity... and I couldn't get myself to start believing. So instead I started trying the most dangerous and painful things, hold my breath under water until me whole face and head were throbbing... get used to the idea of an eternity of torture. And gradually I got over the fear of eternity of pain and suffering -- and after that there doesn't seem much left to be afraid about... except bringing other people down to hell with me. And that's about the only thing I'm afraid of is dooming other people to same fate as me.
Sorry that must suck
It's kind of interesting sometimes. But I have to watch myself because of the disconnect. There are things that I don't think is a big deal which is to other people. And it is like a complete emotional disconnect. But sometimes it has a good point -- like I was close to Fukushima earthquake when it happened, and lots of people were afraid but I didn't think it was big deal -- let's work our way to exit. So I could guide people there and be a decent person for once -- actaully I love those types of situations because lots of people seem like they are afraid of discomfort, or pain, or suffering even if it's of a limited time. I got over the fear of an eternity of it. So I feel like I'm good at certain situations... but retarded in others.
I mean yea that makes sense. at least you put a positive spin on it
Cheers! I am sorta afraid of some things though. Well, actually a funny thing is that I got all afraid driving this truck one time... because if I mess up, it is not just me who will be hurt -- actually maybe being in a big truck, I will be one of the ones least likely to get hurt. Maybe the others will get hurt or die as a result of my mistake. So I kept the conscience at least -- even if a part of my brain still feels damned for eternity. I am backward that way from most people -- I am less afraid of speeding down a highway on motorcycle than I am a truck -- because on motorcycle if I mess up, only I will pay for it.
Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions
What about you what's your biggest fear
That no one in my life actually cares about me