11 years ago I lost my only brother to suicide still to this day never finding his body after he jumped in the river all because of the stigma attached to men’s mental health this has to stop men are human too they have feelings they have concerns they want to express themselves why shouldn’t they be able to just like we are everybody ones equal rights yes so why the hell can’t men have equal rights when it comes to mental health this arcs my My skin it’s not fair.
Men please speak out in case you don’t know us women love a man that shows his emotions speaks how he feels so please please please don’t ever ever ever ever feel like your feelings your emotions aren’t valid because they are your mental health is not a bad thing it’s simply shows you have feelings and emotions and I and everyone else love that please speak out choose to talk rather than taking your life because the pain left behind is on bearable because my brothers body has never been found so every day every phone call every night every single knocked on my door I’m praying that my brother in the reality years after 11 years I know that’s not going to happen and we have never got closure so please think of your wives your girlfriend your sister your mother your brother your kids because I promise you the pain any man is feeling can be solved but if you take your life your family can solve the appearance of the live with it every minute of every day like I do and that is more torture than I can describe the rainy night I lie here and I think but what if my brother is out there in the rain is he called and it’s just it’s mental torture so please men everybody please help me lift the stigma of mental health and men is not a bad thing equal rights so equal rights for men and women’s mental health. I AM Considering starting a petition in parliament who thinks I should and this is a good idea? HELP PLEASE
THINKING OF MY BROTHER * SHANE CHUCKY MORAN* My brother whom is 11yrs missing 💔
Should I start the parliament campaign
Make a video that is shareable to cause awareness
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
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WHY can't OR shouldn't MEN HAVE FELINGS/EXPRESS THEMSELVES?
I definitely DO understand where you're coming from in talking about the stigma of mental health, and males. There is indeed an extra layer men have to break through. It's not 'manly' to admit to the 'weakness' of struggling with a mental illness.
Now, the way I see it, this stigma is entirely wrapped up in the social construct of "traditional masculinity". There is nothing inherent about being a male that makes any difference to what emotions you feel, or your ability to express them. It's entirely the social construct and expectations around what "being a man" is supposed to entail.
But I think that it has to go well beyond just when mental health specifically is under discussion. It's the day to day things, the million little and big things you can do to change the perception of what "a man" is supposed to be. So to me, it's not just the "feelings" part of traditional masculinity that is dumb as hell. And tearing down that image as the only way a 'proper man' can/should be is all helpful towards getting guys to open up. I think there's no doubt that this is indeed happening. Things were much more rigid in the past. You REALLY couldn't be a man, and admit to having a mental illness.
So, I'm a guy. I do totally talk about my feelings. I also, have suffered from depression since I was 16. I'm not someone who is really embarrassed by that (especially because you can't swing a cat without hitting someone else with depression these days).
BUT I do have to admit... that while I talk about my feelings. It's almost never with a guy. I've always had guy friends for sure. But my female friends have ALWAYS been the ones I've been closest to... because I can have a real talk with them (about feelings).
Guys are terrible at talking to EACH OTHER about their feelings. I don't know if that's ever going to change a whole lot. The dynamics between men... just has all this subtext that I don't think is going anywhere (even if you expand what it means to be a "man").
Personally, I've never once wished I could open up to another guy. It's not that guys don't talk about feelings. They do. But not in a way that really leaves them vulnerable. There are of course exceptions.
I never felt the least bit hard-done-by as a guy WHO HAD FEMALE FRIENDS when it came to having outlets for talking about my feelings. I think if I didn't have any female friendships... yea... that would be really hard.
But, I don't know that guys will ever start talking to each other openly. There is too much subtext and competition among guys for that (in my opinion).
Honestly, I think it's a matter of guys needing female friends. To me that's where the solution lies. Maybe something to do with how young boys and girls are socialized needs to change (couldn't tell you what though).
But I think that guys hearing this message from WOMEN (we still think you are just as manly even if you show your feelings) is the most helpful way to get guys to be willing to open up. After all, guys try to fit the ideal of 'manly' because they think that's what women want/expect as much as anything else. And they may open up more to their guy friends, but... more likely, they'll open up to female friends (or make some); girlfriends or wives.
To me it's just fine that men don't open up to other men for emotional support. Again, I think that's pretty set in stone. But I think that men need women in their lives. Like in general. So if a guy is having trouble opening up because all his friends are guys... to me... the problem is that all his friends are guys. I think that trying to form friendships with women, or actually talking with your girlfriend or wife about how you're feeling is going to be more fruitful than trying to get men to open up to other men. The way to move towards that is by having women tell men it's a good thing to be open about what they're struggling with. Just like you're doing here.
I'm sorry about your brother. And while I can answer your questions as to why, I can pretty much guarantee you're not going to like it.
Men don't open up about their feelings primarily because society doesn't care about them. It's an unfortunate relic of our evolutionary history, but where men get respect that women don't, women get empathy that men don't. If you want an example, just look at infant genital mutilation: people (rightly) react with horror and revulsion when a baby girl is sexually damaged. What do you think happens when you say the same standards should apply to boys? Not that they should be given any special privileges, just that the same protections should be given to them. You get cussed out, mocked, insulted, and sometimes even physically attacked. The Nagarwalla case last year saw the national ban abolished. Most states rushed in to IMMEDIATELY ban it on the state level- but only for girls. Boys just don't matter.
My father was red-green colorblind. People with that condition can see through traditional jungle-print camouflage; it doesn't work on them. So the SS was VERY interested in him as he was finishing up high school during the Vietnam war. He got lucky; it ended before he did. But you'd think that would make an impression, no? That you'd remember that a government agency wanted to force you into war, send you off to some godforsaken hellhole to kill or be killed, just because of your gender? And that everyone around you was perfectly okay with it? No. My father was a loving, compassionate man, but in all the ensuing years, he did exactly SQUAT to prevent it from happening to his own sons- my brother turned 18 in 2002, just as the country was gearing up for a war with Iraq. The day the card came in the mail and he refused to sign it, he and my mother had a HUGE fight that was still going when my dad got home from work. I was hiding in my room at the time, but I could hear every word. My brother learned that night that his freedom- his life, ultimately- wasn't important. Neither was mine. Our sister's was- but not ours. Because of our sex. Men just don't matter.
You've seen it yourself, time and time again- when a disaster hits, and the victims are women and children, they're called "women and children". When they're men, they're "sailors" or "miners" or "workers", or even just "citizens" depending on the occupations involved. Men are just expected to suffer and die; it's only a tragedy when it happens to women. Complain, and the derision follows. Refuse to comply, and ostracization follows. Being motivated by social status, not many men will keep it up when their friends back away and women want nothing to do with them.
Fixing this doesn't just require fighting tradition and law, but working against our own biological impulses. Few have the guts, and fewer have the will.
Okay, well this assumes that because men don't do things the way women do that it must be a problem with us. They pointed out MALE friends. Their is a reason for that, male friends are competition from a biological standpoint. We do not seek intimacy with men, we seek it with women. So we are more open with women who we can trust. The problem is women want to be men so badly in our society (thanks to feminism) that women have placed themselves in the catagory of "men" so now we can not be intimate with them because again, intimacy is exploitable by competitors. All men want to be at the top of the social hierachy, so while we don't wish ill will on each other generally speaking, we also know that we cannot let our guard down completely because we are competeting with each other (for status, for jobs, for women etc.).
Historically we would have women in our lives to nurture us and be emotionally intimate with , wether that was a wife, a mother a sister what have you, they would be the ones we would go to for council, for emotional support. However we have changed the dynamics of our interactions which leaves men with no one because now women are competeing with us for jobs and social standing, they are no longer the nurturing partner so men have to stay ever on guard (previously women where out of the race so we could trust them, now that is no longer the case).
Men are taught from the time their small children through adulthood that expressing your feelings is femine and a sign of fragility. And they're taught this by everybody; family, friends, and the media. Men are not supposed to be nurtured like women are. A woman gets a papercut and the whole world gallops to her aid. A man could have three of his fingers sheared off and he'd be lucky to find someone to drive him to the hospital. He can just walk it off you see. Mental health is viewed in the same way. But this isn't the fault of women. It's the fault of men. Men teach this shit to their sons. I was taught it by my father too. Always be like iron, always be resilient and tough, never admitting weakness. And women really try to get men to open up, but they don't let them in. Point of fact is that men do not open up to each other, much less women. Outside of hunting and sports and cars and politics, do men really talk to each other about anything else? Do men talk to one another about what's bothering them? Rarely. They don't want other men to think they're pussies. Yet, nobody understands a man's problems better than another man most of the time. What men need to do is break this cycle of indoctrination that men just have to grit their teeth through all of life, and start confiding in one another. Be available for their friends for more than just four-wheeling or hunting. Most times just lending an ear helps. There's nothing wrong with toughness and durability. Men should be that way But we all have periods of vulnerability, and for god's sakes if you're thinking of offing yourself, than forget about what anybody else fucking thinks, and get a hold of somebody. Anybody. I hope you get the closure you need with your brother someday.
It can be hard unfortunately its not a stigma only women play into but males also make it hard to be honest like even with small things such as crying I think I cried twice or 3 times last year and pretty much been like that since I was a teen and I know many guys that are the exact same
As I see it this goes back a long way to showing dominance meant hiding true feelings, back in time this was seen as a sign of weakness and people played on this to get a leverage over others. Is it right no, does it still happen sadly yes, to the point as you've experienced that people can't cope but also feel they can't turn to anyone without the fear of prejudice. Sadly it's never going to be easy to change. Personally I have suffered deep depression for many many years and it too me a long time to open up to someone about it. Sadly that person is no longer around but I can't thank her enough for standing by me through thick and thin.
I'd rather just keep it all in until my inevitable death rather than ever speak on my negative feelings again.
All they do is call you a coward and shit.
Talking and expressing how I feel has only brought me greater sadness, everyone just mocks you and shit (like they do about everything else) , I'd rather suffer in silence.
Oh, I share my feelings. The part in which you're mistaken in is assuming that people give a damn when men have issues... because they don't.
What you're doing is just repeating the mainstream feminist explanation for why men commit suicide. And it's wrong. We commit suicide because often our lives suck, there's no fixing them, and there's no conceivable future in which they're fixable.
Men have feelings. We just dont like to share them nor do we cry over them.
Your idea that men need to share feelings like women to address suicide is misguided. It doesn't work like that. Half these men feeling depressed are depressed BECAUSE you women have convinced them its ok to act like a woman, share their emotions etc.
This is the process. Man is man everythings normal. Tell man to share his feelings and he does. Women reject him. Men ridicule him. Now he's depressed. If he was just left alone from the beginning he would be just fine.
Ahahaha! The thought of ANYBODY caring, and I mean *sincerely* caring about my feelings is absurd.
*NOBODY* cares that I don't want to die, that I want love, more adventure, more goodwill among our species, etc.
Most people are a lot less happy or mentally sound than I am. They're not going to give a shit about my problems unless there's something in it for them because they already have enough on their plate & most of what I want is beyond human capability anyway.
People like me because I am in control of myself and pretty easygoing. You think they would still hang around me if I talked about my fears, insecurities, etc? HAHAHA!
Ultimately the only one who can save me is myself and I don't have a problem with that because I'm tough enough to take it until I inevitably lose my struggle & die just as I so dearly dread.
Life isn't rainbows, you gotta have grit & enjoy what little time we primitive primates have.
its not that i can't have them, its jus i very rarily have a reason to feel anything, so nothing bothers me... my life is pretty bland n nothing happens.. so no need to feel an emotional way about anything, even when my mum died i felt nothing, cos why should i? what good would feeling sad or crying do? thats jus an negative feeling i dont need or want, i prefer to feel nothing 99.9 percent of the time, thats jus how i am
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Anonymous
(25-29)
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Thank fuck I don't have them but I'll continue for those that are unfortunately beset with such a terrible burden
Men don't talk because they will be considered as if they are a woman
It takes a weak excuse of a man to cry about his issues to people, face them head on
Men are looked at as lessened somehow if they confess they are depressed. If potential employers find out then you will not be considered for employment. Most women will think you are weak even if they don't admit it.
Stimga is still as prevelant as its always been in the medical field too. Neglect, mistreatment, ignorance, and abuse from medical practioners happens daily nationwide.
I've made multiple attempts at killing myself in the past an everytime I think about them or I get utterly shit depressed I think why couldn't any of them worked.
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