Why do men self-sabotage?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of 3 years, known for over 5 is like a detonating time bomb. He’s unable to stay at a job and now wants to move 15 hours away solo in the fall. It hurts me because I have been so patient with him and supportive, so the fact that he wants to leave without me is upsetting. He says that he does not know who he is without me and needs to find himself.

He’a gone back and forth all of these years about what he wants (marriage, kids, our future, etc). I should also mention that he is bipolar and not on his medication (hasn’t been for years now) and I feel like if he were taking the right medication, this would help him.

Obviously, I’m not going to force him to stay. We are our own people and he is an adult— he is free to do as he pleases. I just can’t help but think that if it weren’t for his self-sabotaging behaviors and tendencies, things would be better and he wouldn’t be trying to leave.

I’ve done quite a bit of research on self sabotaging behaviors and he checks off every single one. How do I discuss this with him to help?

[zagor]

Pretty common. I've been my own worst enemy at times.

[Asker]

How do you help yourself?

[zagor]

I try to learn and think things through better but it doesn't always work. I've lost jobs, friends, relationships, even been arrested because of doing things against my own better judgment.

[Asker]

Sorry to hear that :( I’m worried our relationship is doomed. Trying to remain hopeful because I love him but I can’t be the only one putting in the effort.

[Asker]

That was supposed to be a ☹️ my b

[zagor]

The bipolar thing is very tough to live with. You need to think seriously about whether you want to continue in this relationship. I have a relative who had a spouse with bipolar disorder who ended himself a couple years ago.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Dump him, you cannot help that.

[Asker]

I probably should. I’m just not one to give up on somebody, I wouldn’t want them to give up on me. I know in the future everything will work out for myself whether I’m with him or not, but letting go of my first true love is difficult for me to process

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆

[Asker]

? What’s funny about this?

[Opinion Owner]

The fact that you don't get why only makes it all the more comical.

[Asker]

Maybe you could shed some light? I’m interested in hearing your opinion.

[Opinion Owner]

If I thought anything I'd say would get through I would. But it wouldn't. I can't help you. Only you can help you.
I'll just say this don't make people a priority that make you just an option.

[Asker]

That was actually really helpful. Thank you. I struggle to put myself first sometimes. We’ve just been together relatively long (my longest relationship) and it’s hard to see it die. I guess I’ll see where the cards fall