I find highly intelligent guys very attractive especially if they have a strong personality but I act distant with them as I find them intimidating. Am I weird?

Question

Same with physically fit guys who happened to be pretty clever. I act like I'm not interested at all or act distant when they approach me. I would barely speak when they try to talk to me. Am I weird or some of you find your type of people as intimidating?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Why do you think intelligent guys want some woman they can have an intellectual conversation with?

Not trying to brag, but I’m a very intelligent man. I’m very well read and have easily over a hundred books in my personal library with more on my reading list. I’m also very well traveled and have gone to over ten countries and lived overseas.

I’ve completely given up on finding a woman I can have an intellectual conversation with. I don’t think they are stupid—that’s not what I’m saying—but I simply operate on a different wave length than most of the women I’ve dated. I’ve only had one girlfriend that I considered to be very intelligent, but oh guess what she was an abusive bitch. Nice.

I’d much rather just have a girlfriend I can be comfortable with. Someone who is kind, caring, thoughtful. Someone I can just make a cup of coffee for and chill with, take walks together or travel. Shit like that. I don’t expect her to love philosophy or history or care about scientific studies or even how to write a bibliography for a scholarly paper. I just want someone I can have some fun with and who will give me my space to just be me without making a big deal out of it.

Many of the men you’ve blown off may very likely feel the same way. We are looking for an emotional bond, not an intellectual one.

Malgaran · Accepted Answer

Not any weird, Intelligence always seemed very intimidating to people. In person i usually always play dumb cause of it. Like with other guys in particular some can become very competitive and if they happen to be insecure about themselves they easily turn hostile. I just so do not care about all that crap , if people think you are stupid they usually treat you better, people like to feel superior, it feels safer.

With women too i know some of my ex's told me they were scared of me that way. They felt like I could basically manipulate them and they be none the wiser, take advantage and they wouldn't know they were being taken advantage of. Even though I wouldn't , it makes sense anyway. I know i could if i i wanted to, but it's not who I am, if i was to ever manipulate someone , it would be to help them find happiness. Never done anything towards anyone for self interest, even though to be honest my own kindness repulses me sometimes.

Anyway sidetracking a little, but point was it's not any weird. Cause if you feel like you are in the company with someone who is a lot smarter than you for example, you also have to put your trust in them that they won't take advantage, which considering how messed up the world is, that's quite a big leap of faith i can't blame anyone for not taking.

Yurrasis · Accepted Answer

I find them intimidating too, but I personally like them because they have a different vibe. Last time I met a guy I found intimidating, he roasted me so much 💀 Brutally honest and well-versed, but he means well and is a really sweet guy.

It wasn't because I thought he was smarter than me, but because smart people like him judging is a bit scary lol. I guess you can say being roasted by someone on your level or higher is different than someone lower than you. It sucked I couldn't refute at times because he had a solid point.

We constantly had debates and I always found our conversations very insightful. I really liked him, but he moved enrolled in a university back in China while I just stayed in Canada. We still have each other's contacts and socials, but we don't text each other anymore.

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

It's a normal reaction. But you should try to push outside of your comfort zone. Guys have a hard enough time as is, trying to read women. Don't make it even harder on them.

And for yourself, the more direct you can be, the more positive experiences you will have, and since you've only got one life to live, why not have fun with it?

Manab · Answer

You are Indian, I am too and I study physics, so I guess I can put some insight into your question.
It's not very much of a girl problem but more an Indian girl problem as they tend to have less experience in dating and talking to guys than their western counterparts. Both Indian women and men tend to get weird with each other.
Actually intelligent people are never arrogant as they know there's actually no end to learning and they tend to have imposter syndromes as they feel their knowledge is never adequate. It's the average ones who are more show off. I have met Noble Laureates, top scientists from all over the world and many of them act goofy or silly.
However, I have met so many western women at conferences and they are pretty chill about it. You can engage in conversations about ideas, physics, culture with them all day, we became friends too and still talk every day for years.
I can engage in some playful banter and can tease you but they are not intended to make you feel bad. But if you act distant I will think that you aren't interested in me.

DamnSam · Answer

Made me laugh

Look at me, I'm 6'3, slim, highly intelligent
I can talk to women, if I'm not interested in them... but a fat chick in denim fabric and a primary color shirt, maybe even bracers... one nice smile and I'm 15 again with sweaty hands and stuttering

Nice feeling, but usual there is no 2nd conversation bc it's just awkward...

I get 33 in summer, my last nice date was when I was 26...

World is full of weirdos... we just sometimes need to brake through that ice of not asking/not knowing...

And your weirdness sounds like you coul overcome it with a bit coming out of your comfort zone

I took a shitty job for a few weeks where I was forced to talk to people face to face just to get out of comfort zone and relearn how to talk to people I don't know 😆 worked better than thought

Hunnybee1 · Answer

I used to have a big crush on this really smart guy, and he was the kind of guy that's knows almost everything.
And i kinda felt ashamed of how i wasn't as smart as he was. Like even if i was curious about something and i wanted to ask him about it, he'd always have an answer but i wouldn't ask. Just felt really stupid lol
Maybe this is not the same situation as yours you seem like a really smart gal
You're not weird at all by the way
I'd say just be brave and give them the ol' "hey maybe we should hang out sometimes"
It works wonderfully

DonkeyDan · Answer

It sounds as if you are submissive and you just find dominant traits attractive. I don't think it sounds weird really, it would say it is standard gir that kind of attraction.

If you do want to get together with someone like that, you'll have to find a way to be able to talk to them but maintain your submissive side.

There really isn't anything to feel intimidated by unless they are one of these smart jerks who knows they are more intelligent than others and looks down at people around them, you're better off without someone like that.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Sub conscious emotions.

question then becomes what are those feelings? have to dig deeper and find out how your projection of who that person is maps back to your childhood experiences. Is it a good or bad thing. in this case you stated it..."intimidating". so I wonder if you experienced that as a child, either positive or negative. For example, if you took a strong emotional hit from seeing someone abused by a strong man, that might create those feelings to shut down. Or a positive version... strong man carrys off woman into sunset. has to be emotionally meaningful though.

Generally speaking, I believe it's the emotional impressions formed as a child that are being "rung" when you experience these... as they are familiar. I believe as well some of this is passed on generations, may have been something from ancestors. Bible says stuff is passed on 3 generations as reference. No doubt we pickkup traits and patterns from our family members.

aWes0MeNeSs · Answer

It's normal to be intimidated by someone you look up to and/or want to impress, as I think everyone who has had a crush has felt nervous/intimidated at first. However, if you want to capture their interest, it's important to not act disinterested or too distant, as they will assume you aren't interested and move on. I know it's hard to overcome crippling shyness, but just try to remember that they are people just like you.

Honestly, what people love most is when you ask them questions about themselves. No need to pressure yourself, just be authentic (remember, if you aren't a good fit for them, you're missing out on nothing but an incompatible relationship, and there are plenty of fish in the sea) and ask them about themselves, and show interest in them. When they in turn ask you about yourself, be authentic and don't try to be anyone you're not in order to impress them.

Anxious_foreva · Answer

Same
It’s just I feel inadequate and worst is sometimes few if those guys can be mean (thinking back to high school days…)

If I ask with a smile to explain something they mentioned, this guy goes “go read the news” with a rolled eyes look

Ouch.

EmbraceThePain · Answer

So, basically, you give off zero signs that you like someone when you really do.

I don’t think this is weird, as a lot of people are like this to conceal their true feelings.

It’s no surprise that a lot of people do not like to be found out that they like someone, so many pretend to not be interested to take the pressure or spotlight off from them.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

I enjoy a intelligent woman. I find it refreshing to have good conversation. Most woman I have encountered either hide it well for men because some men aren’t up to par, or would rather a dumb airhead that does what he wants. No real space for smarter women. Then you have those that aren’t smart at all. But that’s for both sides. It’s not intimidating for me because I don’t go with the mindset of impressing anyone.. especially a girl. Which I don’t mean that in a mean way. But I don’t go in saying I need to impress them with anything. Least of all my intelligence. I don’t need people knowing my secret.

JSmuve · Answer

I don't think you're alone but as a guy, it's incredibly difficult reading women like you because we're told not to approach unless she gives you signals she's interested, which rarely come because, like you, they're "trying to act not interested". As an aside, I think you'd be a great candidate to answer this question for me
https://www. girlsaskguys. com/flirting/q4737699-has-this-ever-happened-to-you

Ad_Quid_Orator · Answer

No it's not weird. It's like how a lot of guys are afraid to approach attractive girls because they 'think' that they're "out of their league".

The operative word here is 'think' because I don't really believe in the whole concept of "leagues".

MrNOTKnowItAll · Answer

I don't think it's necessarily weird to be like that, most people may feel the same way too, me included.

I'm not your average Michael B Jordan or Chris Hemsworth but i do have a close friend who's pretty up there in the hotness scale and as you know like attracts like, so she too has a lot of very attractive female friends, so whenever she invites me to parties and hangouts, i'm a man who forgets that English is a language. So it's absolutely fine to feel like that, but i would suggest that you try to overcome that and be more confident on interactions, i'm trying to do that too. Cheers!

YourFutureEx · Answer

So, this is why I'm single...

Citizenkirk · Answer

I don't think you're weird, but it sounds like the kind of guys you're attracted too are the same kind you turn away from, and that's the opposite of what you want in a potential relationship scenario. Try try conditioning yourself to give positive feedback to guys that you find attractive or would like to get to know better, and see if you get better results in trying too date the kind of guys you are attracted to.

sensible27 · Answer

I think it's a conservation strategy. maybe the same reasoning behind why people are shy or shy around people they like, you don't wanna messup? So you play it reserved and conservative

Dontabesillybe · Answer

I act the same way to hot girls, I never approach, and once a hot girl actually try talking to me and smiled at me and sat by me, I'm pretty sure she had a crush on me, but she doesn't know I had a crush on her cos I didn't show it lol, I acted like I didn't care lol

ChiTown33 · Answer

I don't think you're weird but you seem like you're not self assured. I'll tell you what an old man told me when I was younger. He said "All men no matter how great and powerful still puts their pants on one leg at a time". If I'm ever intimidated by anyone (which really doesn't happen anymore) I just remember that and it enables me to look them dead in the eye.

BarryLiverstone · Answer

That happens more often than you would think. What you are describing seems fairly common and it’s like the girls build up a wall. What are you trying to reverse this instinct?

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Its pretty normal but yes its also weird. Why wouldn't you show your interest? Im pretty intimidating to girls and they usually are hella into flirting and some even ask me out. Then we get there and they can't talk, afraid to see me, feel i must just want to use them because why would i be interested in them... stuff like that. Many can't even look me in the eye.

Think hot but criminal biker gang vibes, wealthy, step to anyone who disrespects me attitude. I scare the shit out of some girls. One girl wouldn't even show me her face or look me in the eye for like 3 full dates she was so scared. Yet she kept going out w me. Lol.

Its not just you who has these issues. However yes its weird. Grow up you're 30. Most of the girls im dating are like 20.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Approaching someone you think is SO worthy is ALWAYS intimidating... you gotta force yourself to speak up in spite of the fear, or you won't ever get their interest.

Uptowngirl88 · Answer

I wouldn't call it weird. These men are someone you can learn from. Instead of being intimidated sat, "tell me more! Oh I never knew that!" Men like to help so don't be afraid to ask them to explain what they know

llorando · Answer

It's very common to find guys that are both hot and intelligent intimidating, it's kinda like wanting to purchase a fancy $2000 phone, it looks good and has a lot of features, but you're intimidated carrying around something that expensive.

MCheetah · Answer

"I find highly intelligent, bold guys very attractive."

Yes, for a woman, that is very much weird.

"... Same with [tall] fit guys"

Ah. There we go. Never mind. That's the super-common thing, there.

"[Do] some of you find your type of people as intimidating?"

No. I do not.

CherryK · Answer

Oh i used to feel the same girl til i realized they also have dumb moments. We all do. I bet you have clever moments as well. It could be you're thinking too much and don't want to look foolish around them. Just work on your insecurities.

HighlyVolatile · Answer

I tend to be drawn to women I can talk to most easily so they tend to be the opposite intimidating. They're like the super warm and open and friendly types. I can't imagine them intimidating anyone except someone who is extremely shy.

rocksongwriter · Answer

Do you find highly intelligent guys very attractive regardless of their height/weight/age/etc?

StickStickity13 · Answer

Is your intimidation based on you feeling less intelligent than them? Even highly intelligent people can't be good at everything. Odds are you have something valuable to provide.

20yearsolder · Answer

They are basically two different things, yes you can be totally attracted to that type of person but also be scared when they approach. Do I think that's weird? I don't. That's just who you are

mobiusforniner · Answer

Yes its weird because its very misleading. I was deeply in love with this indian girl who did the exact same thing to me. She ignored me but talked with everyone else. But she was super insecure if I avoided her. Very flirty yet shy at the same time. Drove me insane.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

If you're single, then that's probably the reason why.
I don't know if your last relationship (s) went bad or not, but not many guys will make time to continue to talk to someone who shows or pretends to be uninterested. That's pretty much contradicting the point of being attracted to them.

VikingWarLord · Answer

Unfortunately for you, women age like MILK, and then when they hit the wall (around age 35) and these types of guys don't show them anymore attention, they cry and whine about getting no attention too. You better start getting some of these dudes before they dry up in your dating pool.

BeMuse · Answer

There are a lot of girls that self-sabotage their chances with men they find attractive out of fear...

anon1903 · Answer

It isn't weird. Lots of women do it. It just doesn't work that way. Imagine transferring one app to another device, both need internet, or at least a good substitute such as Bluetooth right?

ANDYB88 · Answer

I used to feel like this in my late teens / early 20s… I used to totally clam up and feel really uneasy. I don’t any more though and genuinely can’t say why.. age probably haha

Troyana123 · Answer

It is a matter of belittling you, i had that insecurity of myself some years ago maybe you think you aren't enough for them i had the same problem

Roadcruiser1 · Answer

That is not weird. Just try to strike up a conversation. It works.

Raperonzolo_Viv · Answer

No, you are not. They are intimidating cuz of the thought of 'Am i good enough?'  How long your distant behavior goes on?

EdgyDebatesLord · Answer

No, this is natural response and our natural instincts think of men as a threat/intimidating

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I like women with a strong personality and if they come off as intimidating I shy away from them

robocop666 · Answer

no everyone has something they do when their around people their attracted to. Being cold is normal. Lots of people do that others get rude or whatever.

Guy13 · Answer

Smart people tend to scare off the insecure or those who have trust issues. Perhaps, this is what’s happening to you

HighValue · Answer

It seems like a bad idea to act not interested in the type of people you actually want. that is a recipe for always being disappointed.

nawtee_me · Answer

not at all... sometimes you just need to get to know someone to be comfortable with them...

jimjim41 · Answer

not weird, it's more likely that you're too dumb to hold a conversation with, you know it, so you keep your mouth shut so your slow unencumbered brain can focus on standing/walking and breathing all at the same time.

NathanDavis · Answer

they don't bite...  well, some do

Wester1967 · Answer

Now I know why I can't get a date.

Alextry · Answer

Luckily for you I am confident and highly intelligent should I do the approach sonyou can get used to it and have it easier in other interactions? I'm open to chat with you if you desire it

Babygirl_S · Answer

Maybe you're shy around them.

Wise4myage · Answer

Are you just really shy around guys like that?

DWornock · Answer

You are acting as you should because you know they are out of your league.

Hedo-1 · Answer

You obviously have the need to be chased. Your intimidated because they don't chase

ohshee · Answer

To be honest its cute

Still-alive · Answer

heh no wonder you were scared talking to me. clearly outpace you intellectually >;)

rabbitzzz · Answer

No you are just making sure they turn into intelligent super villian.

driven159 · Answer

are you afraid you are not smart enough?

DiegoO · Answer

Define intelligent. Street smart? Book smart? Creative smart?

TallAnon · Answer

Maybe that's why I'm single? Too smart? 😁

AbruvAvgMatt · Answer

To each their own, as long as you don't feel like you're missing out. Distancing is usually a clear hint you want them to leave you alone.

Cowboy6666 · Answer

Oh thats why you distant yourself from me? Remember we used to chat?

MakeUpModel91 · Answer

Same here. 🤣

I find highly intelligent guys very attractive especially if they have a strong personality but I act distant with them as I find them intimidating. Am I weird?

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I find highly intelligent guys very attractive especially if they have a strong personality but I act distant with them as I find them intimidating. Am I weird?

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