Can people really change?

[exitseven]

I think about how much I have changed since I have been married and what was the cause.

[WonderBell99]

Yes.. I’ve changed a lot. When I was in elementary school, I barely had any friends. I never socialized with anyone, and had the resting bitch face. Though, I was polite to people whenever they talked to me. I did not try to fit in.. I was just me, I used to mind my own business and never really initiated conversations with anyone.

Things changed in middle school. I started realizing that I had no “true” friends and that I was the problem. I had “friends” who talked shit about me behind my back. I was a tremendously sensitive kid. I used to cry for everything. I was bullied and was called awful names by my fellow peers. However, things took a turn when I went to 8th grade. I moved to a different country for a year. I stayed with my aunt there and actually made a few friends. I came back to my previous school in 9th grade and was more confident. People actually liked me when I stopped trying to fit in. I was a tad bolder. I wasn’t that big of a pushover that I was in 6th and 7th grade. In 10th grade, I’d become “cooler” and I made a few friends. I made some acquaintances, but most of all, I found my group. We’re a group or 3.

In 11th grade, however, COVID fucked up my mental health and my progress had gone down the drains. I’m going to complete my senior year in about a month, and I’ll be graduating in July (depends on when the results will be announced) and I’m a little more confident. Sure, I’m still awkward, but I’m not really sensitive. Even during this lockdown, I’ve gained a backbone and stand up for myself when need be. Im still working on myself, but from now on, it’s only going to be progress even in the face of adversity!

[exitseven]

So your transformation was due to external factors in your environment and not some internal decision on your part?

[WonderBell99]

Combination of both.. I was terribly bullied and it fucked with me, but moving schools was a blessing in disguise because it helped me find myself and grow into a more confident person. However, if you look at it this way, aren’t I doing better now because I chose to be more confident? I could’ve chosen to remain the wallflower i used to be until 7th grade, but I chose to leave it behind, found confidence within myself and stopped giving a shit about what other people thought of me… I still have a long way to go, but I think it’s a good improvement

[WonderBell99]

Thank you kindly for the MHO!

[Aerissa_Jade]

Yes, people do change, that said your past is what made you who you are today. Doesn't matter if it is good or bad or evil or whatever. You cannot run away from it.

[sage2021]

Change has to come from within the person making them willing to change. I know that I cannot change anyone but myself. And I did that years ago. I grew up with people that took drugs and drank cheap wine when the pills ran out. A very dysfunctional family to say the least. I developed coping mechanisms that weren't working for me any longer. Mind you I never took drugs or drank alcohol. I didn't like not having 100% of my mind in case there was some kind of weirdness going on in my house. I was the hypervigillent one, always making sure the doors were locked and everyone was safe. This was my job 24 hours a day. There was no father in our house. I think that was my job as well.
When I turned 37 a neighbor of mine told my about a 12-step meeting for adult children of alcoholics (and drug users). My first meeting I knew I was in the right place to help heal me from my crazy upbringing. The first three meetings I cried the whole time; I realized that everyone in that meeting had the same kind of childhood as I did. The things they would say happened to them, were things that happened to me!
I went every Tuesday night for 2-1/2 years - even when it was snowing and I was tired from being at work all day. But I had the intestinal fortitude to go to meetings no matter what! I wanted to feel better inside, and finally, with a lot of hard work I did feel better. My son noticed the difference in me after only a few months. He was a young teenager at the time and told me one day that my sense of humor was different. Then he smiled and said "I like it". I said that it wasn't only my sense of humor, but my character changed.
It was a lot of hard work, but I did it! I changed!! 🎉🙂

[Andres77]

We can.
It takes help.
If my wife hadn't shown up I'd be dead and so would a lot of others.
Forgiveness can happen.
Humility (a healthy form of humility) can develop, and hope can grow.
With that I'm getting older and my sense of right and wrong doesn't change with the tide nor as a result of being on social media.
I'm fierce yet gentle and because I'm confident in my abilities I'm less threatened by others.
I'm still human and a fucking mess.
I'm trying.
We can change.
It's been a rocky road but my journey has not yet ended.
So all you monkey feathers are gonna have to tolerate me yet a little more...😏

[NathanDavis]

of course they do... we change, they change, things change, life chances, situations do change... for good or for bad, we all do

[exitseven]

I know a few people who were losers in high school and are still that way.

[NathanDavis]

yes, there's a lot of variables involved in life... not all of them will change at the same time nor to the same extent

[DaveJord]

I always say that you should be willing to give people a second chance, but never forget who they have proven themselves to be. So that is to say, be willing to give them a second chance but do not put yourself in positions to be force to trust in someone that has proven themselves to be untrustworthy in the past.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the person. As you know, an obstacle that one person allows to totally destroy them only strengthens another person.

[exitseven]

great reply.

[Opinion Owner]

ty :-)

[UniquelyBasic]

If you haven't changed in someway then you're doing something wrong.

[AviatorTom]

When a couple gets married, guys what their wives to stay the same, and they change... on their own, while wives want their husbands to change. Guess who wins?

[Tiptoetamm]

Yes people adapt over time after awhile you begin to change. For the good and the bad. It all depends on the choices you make

[rievious]

People are like onions. At the core they're the same from the beginning but they made new layers and grew. The outer layer is the one that protects against the elements.

You peel enough and you'd find the same person you hated but many other layers you might like more now.

[DonGiovannii]

People can definitely change, it just takes them wanting to change. Change takes a lot of work, so if they don't want to put that work in, old cycles will come back.
It's good to just remember that we're all human and our present moment is transient.
We're simply transitioning from our unalterable past to our unknown future

[Slartybartfast]

Absolutely, I'm nothing like the cheerful outgoing, optimistic person I was before my divorce.

I used to always think the future was going to be great, now I see only darkness and pray for a quick end.

[dustybiker]

Trauma changes people completely. Based on that alone I say, yes.

[midnightmoon05]

I hope we all do.
I was a baby… now a mom and have my own babies
you know what I mean…. Oh… and my grey hair 👩‍🦳 😂

[TrueConfection]

I know I've changed A LOT in terms of goals, values, beliefs, self, likes and dislikes.

[exitseven]

Do you know what changed you? Did you get changed by your environment or did you change because you wanted to.

[TrueConfection]

I think both. I changed by getting married and becoming a mother. Those 2 environmental factors made me want to change in many ways and forced me to change in other ways. Sometimes I have a sense of grieving for my old self and other times I'm pretty proud of who I am now.

[exitseven]

thanks for the reply.

[TrueConfection]

Thanks for the great question.

[Jaximus-Lion]

I speak for my self only, i did change since i came to Sweden, still changing , i think i am 😁.

[exitseven]

Why are you changing? Is it because you moved to Sweden?

[Jaximus-Lion]

It's a part of it. I was not a very joyful guy that i am today, i do read more, i am learning hiw to become a farmer and carpentering, and it's not just learning, but changes where is can be self sufficient

[OneNineZero]

Only a small part of them can change
Whether is physical or psychological
Deep down inside they will remain the same

[Squaresquirrel]

Yes, if the drive to change comes from within. But you can't really change other people

[Mj4woman81]

I've changed from internal and external factors. I had a stroke while my baby was delivered. I was married, and now I am divorcing. My husband's family abused me, so I walked away. I wish I were the person I was before, so I regret my life.

[Dargil]

Our viewpoints, attitudes and appetites definitely can evolve.

[yhesus]

People change if they want to, but you shouldn't try to change other people

[LinkxPeach]

Depends. If someone, or an ethnicity is living in poverty, and still stealing from you. They can’t change.

[CuriousMufuxka]

Yes. Mostly due to age or changing situations whether that be relationships, health issues, or time in jail/prison.

[Anonymous]

Religion i was kinda bad person but after i lost someone very close i have changed i because more religious and i quit party's etc and of course sex without marriage

[MountAverage]

People change constantly. The notion that people supposedly can't change is absurd.

[In_Trance]

Don't confuse change with evolution. Everyone evolves but people seldomly change

[Anonymous]

I think everyone can better themselves. But I don't believe anyone changes at their core.

[msc545]

Yes., some people can change.

[JuanVeIasco]

Yes, when I was 15 years old I was more handsome.