Does unsolicited advice annoy you, or do you welcome it?

[Msputiton]

Updates

+1 y

Here's my opinion. If you have raised me and invested your time money energy into making me the well adjusted person i have become. (My parents, family, coaches, teachers, or friends, supervisor/boss) you have earned the right to force your opinion on me.
You have no clue how i live my life, or what i am doing to improve myself. I am not in need of another parent.
I am the type of person who, when in need of advice will find the people i trust and love and respect to give good advice to me.

[blueonblack22]

It can be highly annoying even very insulting if it’s time wrong or even worse the source is wrong.

With that said I actually welcome constructive criticism from people I trust. But not everyone is like. Some people just live for what they want to hear vs. what they need to hear.

Those people more than anyone really need unsolicited tough love advice. They usually get defensive but if someone bravely speaks up it can help them in the long run.

Funny I recently had to give a friend some tough love advice. He is deeply (almost clinically) depressed and everybody has been very gentle and patient with him. I was too but I realized non of that was getting through to him.

It’s been over a month and he’s still not improving. I tried a different tactic and got angry with him and told him to take action on something he needs to be doing. But I was careful to get angry about the action itself vs. getting angry at him personally.

Given he’s a man I know he understands that. But other people take criticism as “hate” and it’s nothing but if it’s coming from someone who cares about you. This usually doesn’t work out well when I am trying to help a woman.

[Being_a_good_Indian]

It's disrespectful and presumptive to insert your opinions and ideas when they may not be wanted. Unsolicited advice can even communicate an air of superiority; it assumes the advice-giver knows what's right or best. Unsolicited advice often feels critical rather than helpful.

[Msputiton]

Exactly!!!

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

A lot of the time, unsolicited advice is taken as criticism. Despite the good intentions a person might have in offering solutions when someone is venting their problems, talking about it doesn't mean they don't know the solution to the problem, they just want to get it out of their head by talking about it with someone.

I'm not against advice when I need it, and I'm more than willing to offer it to people who ask for it explicitly. But I'm also a solution-oriented person, so every time someone presents a problem my first gut instinct is to offer a solution instead of just listening. I'm learning to get better about figuring out when not to do that, but it still takes some work obviously lol

[melanieeeB]

Most of the time I'm damn annoyed, cause I often actually already have a solution for me and when I'm telling people something I'm already set on my way and mostly people tell me their advice in a "oh i know better" way and I get so angry at that lol

Until now it happened really rarely that their unasked advice, was actually helpful

[Msputiton]

Exactly.
I can't stand it.
It's hilarious on here the most.
I ask one my random question. And someone tries to tell me how to fix some nonexistent problem🤣

[melanieeeB]

Oh yeaaah haha that's such a common thing on here lol

[Msputiton]

🤣🤣🤣

[collie22]

I know what your saying, same

[Gloree]

I don't need such advice. it's annoying.

[melanieeeB]

Yeah agreed lol🙏🏼

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I listen no matter how I feel about it. When I was a kid, someone bullied me and my dad asked didn't ask me what the kid said or did but he asked me if he was right.

I thought about it and realized he might have had a point.

He taught me that even if someone is trying to hurt you, you can still take criticism or advice or just generally learn to be better.

Maybe someone you think is stupid has just one little part of life figured out way better than you.

Maybe someone who doesn't like you is your most useful critic.

My rule of thumb is to listen to what people have to say but never take advice if you don't understand how it applies to you.

[all_hayl]

OR you could ask HOW it applies to you instead of just writing it off completely. It could completely apply to you and you don’t even know it. Oftentimes we’re blind to our own faults (yet we see others’ with a keen eye). You might not find out if you don’t ask.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

@all_hayl if it seems worthwhile, I'll ask.

[bigpauly]

It’s welcome sometimes when it’s from someone that actually knows what they’re talking about.

bit often, it’s just someone who is telling you their opinion on something they have no experience with and that annoys me. Especially when the present their assumptions as facts.

[Msputiton]

But if i need advice i will ask it.
They aren't my parent who needs to force they values and views on me.
If i respect you enough to value your advice. I will directly ask you

[bigpauly]

That makes sense, too. It usually is just obnoxious when people give it with out it being asked for.

[Msputiton]

Exactly

[PatriceONeal]

You rely entirely on being able to choose suitable teachers.. for yourself? how can you effectively know who to choose if you dont know what they know. You move through the world incorrectly yet suddenly you can choose suitable idols? Dumb..

[bigpauly]

@PatriceONeal oh hey! Great example of unsolicited advice 👍

[PatriceONeal]

Great example of willing ignorance, really. Unsolicited advice is a term made up by morons who are mad they're wrong.

[bigpauly]

@PatriceONeal all terms are made up. Trusting peoples advice on topics they have no proven knowledge about is moronic.

[PatriceONeal]

@bigpauly good luck with that. If the advice is based in truth and you don't understand it, guess you never will. By virtue of assuming it wasn't proven due to ignorance on your part. Ignorance being the very thing defeated through listening and understanding. By your premise, children shouldn't take advice since there's no way to prove everything to them.

[bigpauly]

@PatriceONeal children are a completely different case. By the time you’re an adult, you should be equipped to have an idea who you can trust. You very well may be missing out on good advice from time to time but most people who give advice that wasn’t asked for don’t know what they’re talking about.

[PatriceONeal]

"Should be" is an idealistic non conversation word that I don't accept. Do better bro.

[PatriceONeal]

Kids "should" have 2 parents, they don't. Kids "shouldn't" learn though the internet but they do. Let's be pragmatic.

[bigpauly]

@PatriceONeal Terms that you deem conversation worthy or not don’t equate to the point being mute.

But, for some reason I want to entertain you. Guardians and teachers would fall under the category of people who kids would have reason to believe know what they are talking about.

[PatriceONeal]

*moot.

Guardians and teachers would fall under that category. Which is why there are so many liberal minded people being raised in that way by default. If your parents were serial killers, suddenly deferring to their knowledge would have terrible outcomes. Use that grain of salt, skepticism. But be open to any and all information. Especially if you find it offensive because that's where your blind spots are. This is really a free speech debate and I assume you're for free speech. Telling this girl to effectively stick her head in the sand might make you both feel warm inside for 20 seconds but it literally helps nobody, in fact it enables her ingorance even more.

[bigpauly]

@PatriceONeal thanks for the correction despite all your own typos.

Serial killer parents are quite an edge case. Do serial killers teach their kids how to commit those crimes? There are certainly people who come from families who’s advice might do more worse then good in the long run. Such people are against many odds and knowing who to trust for them would be really tough. These cases are not the norm, though.

Not listening to advice that wasn’t asked for isn’t entirely the same thing as not being open to other points of view.

[Msputiton]

Ignore him pauly he runs around desperately trying to interact with people by arguing. I have yet to see him make a valid point.
Just attempts to start an argument

[bigpauly]

I do enjoy all the complete irony. Stating so many fallacies to try to win the argument while claiming the other side is close minded.

[Msputiton]

🤣🤣 or the random parents are serial killers argument 🤣yeah that has nothing to do with me. Hence why random strangers giving me advice out the blue isn't worth hearing.
Because it's always way off.

I find people take advice from people who have proven to me they have commonsense.

Not people who think they do, by assuming they know what advice works for someone they know nothing about. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[PatriceONeal]

Are you nitpicking grammar on an app? Cmon bud.

[PatriceONeal]

A 21 yr old knows nothing and for them to expect to be "proven to" is about as narcissist as it gets.

[Anonymous]

This totally depends. Some advice does annoy me. It really depends on the circumstances. As well as who it’s from. Sometimes a encouraging word is something I need while other times they may be well meaning but makes it worse

Examples “well you need to try harder” well if I am already trying

“oh fake it until you make it” LMFAO!!! Never worked for me.

“think positive” this really just puts me in a bad mood. For many reasons. Look I can live in a fantasy all I want. It never got me anywhere. People are delusional about a lot of things that aren’t true no matter how much and how strongly they think about it.

Thwre is some that does make me upset. But I know they don’t mean to so I say thanks. If they keep pushing me I might try to be nice ask ask them to leave me alone I don’t need or want your help.

[NathanDavis]

I welcome it... many times, it has been great advice

but if you mean more of the condescending, snobby type of unsolicited advice... I still welcome it because I find it amusing, lmao

[Msputiton]

The 2nd one.
Like it is hilarious.
My question are just learning human behaviors of others.
Than you get that one idiot who goes into trying to fix and solve some non existing problem they assumed i have.
And the advice is really dumb

[NathanDavis]

yes, lmao...

I still remember that one time someone in here... dedicated me over 30,000 words of "advice" and told me all about how my entire life was a "lie"

[NathanDavis]

and that, over pre-marital intercourse, I believe... lol

[Msputiton]

🤣🤣🤣

[Chazmatazz269]

Depends on the context. At work, i’ll accept tips and tricks with an open mind. I’m a professional and i strive to be better.
Outside of professionally, you better know me to offer me unsolicited advice. I’m smarter and more capable than most people. I’m also grumpier. I won’t hesitate to roast some random asshole publicly because they don’t know me and they don’t understand tact. Ell oh ell!

[Aerissa_Jade]

It depends on motive, if they are genuinely trying to help, I welcome it. Even if it isn't helpful, I know they are trying to help the only way they know how to.

This is how I feel with my mother.

If someone is instead trying to find a solution to a problem that creates other problems and then says, that is NOT my problem, I figured out the solution to the other problem. That is unhelpful, rude and annoying and I do not welcome it.

[Aerissa_Jade]

A good example of the worst kind is when someone says I should take mass transit, I then say, there is no mass transit here, it is rural.

Then they get all like, that isn't my problem, its your problem for choosing to live rural. Move to the city.

I reply, but I can't, the city is too much, rent along is like 1500 a month or more, I can't afford that.

Then they get all df like and be, not my problem. I gave advice on how you can take mass transit.

[Messianic_Monk]

I'm a mathematician working with overly complicated crap on a daily basis so I welcome it 😅 if someone thinks I'm wrong I wanna know it. Any and all discussion is welcome because when we mathematicians screw up the results can be devastating.

[Msputiton]

This ain't what i mean.
Here is a good example.
A guy asked me out.
I told him i don't date, and prefer to be single.
He then goes into trying to help me learn how to find a date.
Um i don't need your help. As you just seen i don't have a problem finding a date.
I do not want to date.

[Messianic_Monk]

Oh 😅 I mean with me... what happens in my career kind of carries over into my personal life so I kinda just go with it.
But with something like that I guess I'd be kind of annoyed. Especially since we mathematicians have a reputation for not being very social. I'd prefer not to receive advice in that area unless I ask for it because I don't like people assuming that I can't handle myself in an environment with people.

[DesiUwU]

it annoys the shit outta me for some reason, if i come to you with one of my problems, it means that trust you enough to tell u, i don't just spout all my shit out like that. i'm just tryna get it out, i don't want advice.

[Msputiton]

Exactly. Get outta here wit that. They ain't our parents

[mandyfire98]

I think it comes down to who's giving it. There's always a difference from getting advice from someone who actually either has experience and or cares and then the other side of the coin is someone just giving advice because they are a know it all and control freak.

[mstbooblover]

Although often annoying, unsolicited advice may according my own experience sometimes reveal useful... Nevertheless, listening to whatever advice does not mean having the obligation to proceed according with it.

[Msputiton]

There is no reason to force advice on someone that doesn't need it.
It is an assumption that your way is just the better way when you force your advice on others that did not want or need it.
Just because something works for you, doesn't mean it works for someone else.

There people who just assume my questions are actually personally about me, and begin trying to solve some nonexistent problem they assume i have.

[mstbooblover]

True. Mind that the topic isn't easy. There is in us an inborn susceptibility. Sometimes a particular person really doesn't know they're acting wrong, and thus will maybe get relevant although unwanted advice. Maybe similar to a father or mother witnessing a child doing something dangerous. It's not always easy to know when advice would really be adviced, whether to give or to accept.

[Animallover3742]

Depends on what it is, if it's about a personal issue like make-up, my boyfriend and our relationship generally I'm going to be annoyed and probably fantasize about smacking you for the rest of the day.

If it's about cats... I'll welcome it always!

[DizzyDesii]

I just let them talk. I’m used to making sure I speak my piece regardless of if im being tuned out, so i let others do it too

[Msputiton]

Oh you nicer than me.
I will just shut them down.
My favorite thing to say is:
I'm sorry that you actually thought i needed your advice.
I don't mind if i ask you for your advice, but when someone just forces unneeded or unwanted help. Naw I'm not down for that.

[DizzyDesii]

My face if you wouldve told me that


But i know me and sadly i wouldve kept talkin 🤣🙈

[Msputiton]

🤣🤣🤣
I have very few things that get me annoyed but this is one

[HuskyJ]

I was just thinking about consent (with and from a female human who told me her name is Darcy - in such a rare accent I'd love her to speak to me all her waking hours... and whilst asleep 💜). Sorry, was getting lost thinking about her.

Unsolicited advice - perhaps it is like attention - if it is well intentioned/well meaning, it is priceless. If it is ill intentioned, ouch - it really hurts feelings.

[HuskyJ]

Your update is very interesting and sane/coherent.
I would hope to not have anyone's opinion to be forced onto me but rather reasoned/explained/conveyed for what it is.
The rest is to fit in tge best possible way - and hopefully give back as much as received or even more.
Thanks

[SweetTwistedSatanist]

It's welcome if it's something I needed, something I didn't know I needed. If the person knows me, they can go ahead and give me that advice. But from what I gathered within the last two days, this place is all about advice and you are all people who don't know me, so that unsolicited advice will most likely come from people who think they know or understand me, and that is going to be hellannoying.

[SweetTwistedSatanist]

I like updates like this one.

[Anonymous]

if i don't ask for help or advice, i don't want to hear it

i hate when people say "i'm just trying to help you" when i didn't even ask, they're trying to make me feel bad

[Msputiton]

Exactly.
I don't need you to save me. I'm not helpless. I can take care of myself

[ArrowheadSW]

Depends on the circumstances and why they are giving the unsolicited advice. Some people are just assholes and have to throw around their advice, as worthless as it might be. Others might just be engaging in a normal conversation and might offer a suggestion of sorts and it is no big deal.

[Agape93]

It's annoying as fuck. If I want your advice, I will ask you.

[Msputiton]

Exactly.
Stop pretending like your some savior.
I got this

[Wish4UrB00ty]

Umm! Good question! It usually annoys me unless it is good advice.

[Msputiton]

Doesn't matter to me.
I don't like advice unless i ask for it

[Wish4UrB00ty]

😂😂 that makes sense!! It can be pretty annoying when it is unwanted.

[Msputiton]

Yeah

[Wish4UrB00ty]

That is fair!!! I often forget how much I owe my parents the respect that I expect. I fact I have issues giving most people the respect I expect…. Lol! This is a great reminder!

[Reece12345]

I welcome it. I need a pair of eyes outside myself to see me as a I really am. Like I know the truth isn't always pretty but it's important to be self-aware.

I really need it like as much as I can get it lol

[RavVid]

Persistent unsolicited advice aggravates me. Usually I have thought out what I do from the possible options and unsolicited advice is unthought out, top of the mind views of others. I don't mind it initially but if constantly put I will get angry.

[SeriouslyFunny00]

I love feedbacks, even negative ones. But those loooong unsolicited advice annoys me everytime. Gosh, it's my life, I live my life the way I want to. 😟😂

[anon171999]

If it's good advice, I'll take it gratefully. If its bad advice, it's unwelcome. I don't really get advice from people much though. Mainly just from my husband.

[LiamJHayden]

Mostly annoys because when it comes it is generally about something that is not the busybody's business.

[Msputiton]

EXACTLY!!!

[Anonymous]

That is an odd one as it can easily be annoying if you just want to vent but also it can also end up being very helpful advice. It's a mixed bag as even if it's annoying your getting advice you didn't want still could be worth listening to.

So I can find it annoying but also maybe sometimes helpful.

[Sparkie460]

I'll let them get it off their chest then say " did I ask for your advice, I don't think so".

[Msputiton]

🤣🤣

[BJP21]

If it gets into the preaching to the choir threshold I get annoyed.

[Msputiton]

So true

[ThatCanucker]

If someone doesn't ask for advice don't give it especially if they are just frustrated and need to get a few things out to someone who will listen. I have always been unsuccessful in dating and sometimes I just want to talk about how rejection and loneliness hurt me as a person. When someone starts throwing out generic advice that I never asked for it kind of tells me they just want me to be quiet.

[AviatorTom]

Neither. I'm not annoyed, but I take the unsolicited advice with a grain of salt, determining on my own how legit it is.

[sirderpsalot123]

It doesn't bother me. If I think it's bad advice, I just won't take it.

[Biancam13]

Usually annoying, especially if they come off condescending or arrogant with it also

[HaveNoName]

I come from a culture where everybody and their mother, grandmother and aunt is an unwelcomed advisor into your life. So we have dealt with it all our lives.

[sheikalana]

Annoys the sh*t out of me. Especially when it comes from family.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Yes, it's annoying, very much sounds like a bunch of trolls or spammers.

[exitseven]

It is annoying I know I am obnoxious so mind your own beeswax.

[Sparkie460]

You should be a little nicer to people.

[exitseven]

@Sparkie460 you guys know I;m kidding right?

[loveslongnails]

That really depends entirely on who is giving it !!

[Staximus]

I give out the most unsolicited advice ever and if people don't like it, they can fuck off. I tell them what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. A real friend tells you what you need to hear, whether you like it or not

[standardguy]

If the person really wants to help me and cares also about when to give the advice (who can hear it) it's great.

[MarquisdeSade]

This is a really good question. Unsolicited advice does annoy me at first but I know that I need it & should listen to it if I could just get my big ego out of the way

[Iron_Man]

Depends if they’re genuine and practice what they preach

[dustybiker]

Never. I’m always learning.

[dustybiker]

🤔 Okay.. sometimes. Just thought of a few incidences. 😁

[Msputiton]

Yes i hate it.
I will let you know clearly if i need or want your advice

[dustybiker]

Best if it’s on point and constructive if not asked for.

[Msputiton]

Even then I'm gonna yell at ya

[dustybiker]

Haha Good on you.

[Msputiton]

🤣🤣

[Cassie2002]

Depends if I annoyed at time could be annoying. Can be welcoming.

[Lookitsmadmax1994]

It's 50/50 sometimes it can be good. If it's bad timing then I'll get pissed

[OddBeMe]

Just unsolicited questions about unsolicited advice.

[Fuentes]

It will go out the other ear

[Msputiton]

I normally tell them to mind their business in one of my creative ways🤣

[coachTanthony]

Yes it's the worst. Can't stand it.

[Charliefretz329]

All advice is worth considering.

[Msputiton]

Lmao i know this was accidentally and ironic.
But you just accidentally and ironically gave unsolicited advice🤣

[Charliefretz329]

Truth lol

[AngryCarl]

Yeah it's annoying as hell. Let me do it my way. If it's wrong I'll figure it out, eventually.

[Jennz6]

If I need advice I will ask for it

[Msputiton]

Exactly.

[Jennz6]

That’s what I say 💃

[Jennz6]

I really like your update ❤️💛💜

[Anonymous]

I welcome it if it's meant with good intention.

[Anonymous]

Unsolicited advice is not meant to help the recipient. It comes from a place of insecurity and is meant to make the giver feel superior.

[PatriceONeal]

I have never seen a woman solicit advice. So for them it's all unsolicited.

[Hardworkingguy]

Depends on the tone used to give the advice and who's giving it

[Bklynbadboy12]

I welcome any advice maybe they see something that I don't

[Labokachulaa]

I welcome it but only if it's respectful.

[lightbulb27]

depends how it's delivered.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I usually do not like it.

[SnowedIn]

It depends on who from and what it's about.

[humanearth]

Depends on the topic

[Kingofkings1992]

Annoying. I got me, believe that.

[Msputiton]

Exactly.

[CoolCatMar1]

I don't like it from certain people.