Everyone seems to be happy on social media, is that really true?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

No... I don't think many are happy all the time. Now, whether we avoid the negatives (usually) because we don't want to sound like "Debbie Downers" or because it feels like "Too much info" to give... or we don't want to think or talk about it - we want to relax and scroll... hard to tell which it is.

I post very little because anything perceived as negative will have the armchair critics piping up. People who don't really know the situation. I've learned that even fairly innocent funny things, if it sounds down... it'll get people who don't know the situation piping up with a ready to go fight. Some people just like to watch the world burn.

I post maybe twice a month, usually funny, fairly impersonal stuff. Carefully edited. Even then, I delete most of it after a few weeks anyway. Even jokes, people have to be careful. The last "negative" post was about a close relative who passed. The rest... funny things that happen. That's about it.

That's ok. Not everyone on a friend's list is a true friend (even if you know all of them in real life). Some friends, even the "real life" close people we trust can be just damned toxic people.

Also... social media is like a conversation with a waiter you don't know super well, or talking to a clerk at the grocery store.

I ask the clerk a Kroger how she's doing, I don't want a 15 minute thing about how her cat just died. Yes, I'd probably be caring, and sympathetic... I have no desire to use this info against her... but past a point, I don't need to know. They say "How are you?" and I say "fine." I do the same. It's just a social thing they're sort of obligated to do...

I don't need to get all weepy and tell them my parrot died (He has ceased to be! 'He's expired and gone to meet his maker! He's a stiff! Bereft of life! He's kicked the bucket, shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!). And they'd think me crazy or unhinged if I did. So I say fine. At most, I'll say... ugh... one of those days... but that's about the most sad I'll get. They don't even want a standup comedy set about my day. THAT is kind of like "real life" social media. No, not everyone who says "I'm fine" is happy... but we have to pick and choose those who deserve to know when we're not.

[MrOracle]

Most people post the best 1% (or less) of their lives, and thus imply - or sometimes even outright SAY - that this represents their ENTIRE lives. In nearly all cases, that's complete bullshit, but that should be obvious to everyone.

I may go on vacation to some place that has some beautiful feature or interesting thing, and I could post that on my social media (if I had any), and you might think that somehow represents how I live every day, but it doesn't. But if that's all I showed you, it wouldn't be hard to convince yourself that it was true.

And for someone who was specifically, actively trying to deceive you in order to build a following, and willing to go out of their way to portray themselves that way, there's lots of things they could do.

Imagine someone going to an exotic car rental place, and having someone take pictures of them getting in and out of several different exotic cars. Same with a limo company. And even with a private jet charter company. Then, maybe they get a 2 day vacation to some nice place - where they flew coach and stayed in a cheap motel - but they called a 5-star hotel and asked to tour a room. A few pics of the room, maybe a pic of the surroundings from the balcony of that room, along with some pics of the limo and the private jet, and now they've built an image of themselves living a billionaire lifestyle when they've only spent a few thousand.

This is why you must ALWAYS understand that social media is just like any other media - it's a PRODUCTION, and it's easy to manipulate and thus to manipulate other people with it, because far too many people take everything at face value.

There was one famous girl who was big on Instagram, who eventually started showing how she was portraying herself. She'd have a picture of herself on a seemingly deserted beach, lying in the sand all beautiful, and then she'd post another shot a bit wider, and you'd see that there were a bunch of other people and stuff going on and suddenly it went from a private tropical vacation paradise to just a public beach. She would often pull over when she saw a beautiful spot off the road and take some pics, and they would be framed to look very exotic, but as soon as you saw a wider view, you could see that it was a tiny piece of beauty in an otherwise average place.

This is literally what Hollywood has done for decades. They could shoot in Southern California places that depicted almost anywhere in the world, just by inserting a bit of stock footage to set the scene, and keeping all the other shots close and tight, so that you only see the half-a-block of facades they built to make a street look like Morocco or Argentina or 1600s London.

It's fine to appreciate pretty pictures, but be VERY careful about buying into the narratives that people create on social media, because most of the time, it's at the very least an exaggeration or "cherry-picking" only the very best moments, and quite often, it's just an outright lie.

[AmandaYVR]

Let me do something different from what I often write on a q like this. I'll play a devil's advocate of sorts, in the positive.

More people spend more time at home vs. going out now. (Covid, cost of living, habitual change in behaviour, society-wide, etc.) Socializing has become very, very common online, and away from in-person (it's inferior, but it's better than nothing. And it's more beneficial for those who have a small circle, or no circle, irl.)

It's not just about bragging, creating a false image of oneself (though it is a bit, or a lot, of that, too.) It's partly because, generally speaking, people prefer to see positive people talking about positive things. Having fun, sharing new experiences, is part of that. Seeing that can be invigorating, sometimes even inspiring. It's less of a drag on others than having to listen to someone bitch about their life, or society, or other people in their life.

The happiness could be real in that moment, but being happy all the time is not the human existence. In fact, making this a goal in life is more detrimental than achieving a philosophical acceptance that life is not about being happy. Happiness is a byproduct of making good choices, decisions, along with a bit of luck thrown in there. Happiness feels so good because it is in contrast to the difficult and dark times we also experience. Or the I'm-so-bored-I'm-going-crazy sort of feeling. The more stimulation we get, pinging our brains, the more we become addicted to that, and that's likely one of the key reasons why we're hopped up, have all this leisure time (because there's a lot of machines and automation doing our bidding now), yet we keep moving the goal post away, thus never truly achieving whatever goal. We humans, we're so tricky. We even trick ourselves.

[Smoothing]

You are very articulate and intelligent. I just like reading your stuff. Now I am inspired.

[AmandaYVR]

Thank you, @Smoothing 🙏. That's very kind of you.

[exitseven]

I read a book about how social media is actually reducing the quality of our relationships. Yes, covid has really screwed up a lot of people. Many struggled with isolation and loneliness. Yet if used right social media can be a good alternative to IRL interactions.

[AmandaYVR]

@exitseven A whole book on that, eh? Mmm. I have taken in so much about it all, but it's so easy to do a blanket conclusion about how detrimental it all is. But you are right as well - and I will affirm, based on a study I read: People who have a good social network of irl people do not benefit all that much from online friendships/contacts. But the ones who don't have the former, benefit a lot.
I do think, without a doubt, it is worsening communication and causing anxiety for young people who have never really learned how to interact in any other form. (This could be mitigated by more conscious and thoughtful digital communication.) And that is sad to witness.
But on the bright side, it's better than nothing. Maybe irl relationships will never happen because so many people are staring into their black mirrors, missing potential opportunities to connect and meet irl. But there can be depth in the ether. And there is something to be said of community; and familiarity. We, strangers around the globe, have met only because of this. And that is quite something.

[exitseven]

The book is "Distracted" by Maggie Jackson. i interviewed Maggie for school project in 2011 and told her I would read her book. I finally got around to it a year or so ago. A lot of the things she wrote about in 2009 have come true today,
I work in IT but before I found this site I had very little to do with social media/

[AmandaYVR]

@exitseven I am very interested in this topic. I have 55 pages of notes in a Word doc, things I wrote down from various sources, interviews, documentaries, etc.
One of the most surprising, though, was that our attention spans are actually about the same as they have been. There are more things to distract us, but our brain is able to focus about the same, when tested. Interesting.
It's not easy to parse through all the info and data out there. One thing seems logical; but then another contradicts it. Or, another interpretation seems equally valid.
I can be pessimistic (very easily), but sometimes in my lighter moments I think cooler heads may prevail...

[exitseven]

Maggie basically says that social media prevents us from making deep connections with people. You can have a thousand Facebook Friends but not have one single person you can really talk about personal stuff with. Also, multi tsasking is a myth. People cannot work on more than one stream at a time. They have to stop one stream and than start another. Work on that for a little while and then switch streams again. It is very inefficient. People that claim to be able to do more than one thing at a time are really doing more than one thing at a time but doing both of them badly. A little off topic but still part of out modern life is the drive through culture that has developed. People do not get out of their cars to interact with others.

[AmandaYVR]

@exitseven True about the multitasking. Females score a little higher on it than men, but it's basically a switch situation, for the most part.
I strongly disagree with the deep connections conclusion she has. Not true. Communication is what you make of it. It's not as good (is inferior) to irl, sure, but deep bonds can be formed over distance.

[CrazyGirl2]

NO! It’s precisely the opposite! I think that we are one of the most depressed and mentally unwell generations ever! My god everyone I know is one something, uppers and downers, but mostly SSRI’s. Even I still get a monthly ℞ of meds for my “ADHD” which I seem to be handling just fine without the meds, so I just flush ‘em at the end of the month. I do sometimes use them to stay up and study, but I hardly ever sleep anyway, so I almost never need them. We are a miserable generation. I can imagine it was difficult enough to compete with the prettiest girl in school, if you can imagine how, for one second, we have to compete against the most beautiful women iIn the world, and if we don’t quite measure up, nobody is shy to tell you exactly what plastic surgery YOU need at 15! “Her ass is too big, her ass is too small, he ass is perfect but she needs Brest implants, or a nose job!” And Im not talking about girls with massive noses, I mean girls TELLING you that you need 1 millimeter shaved off your bridge, as if THEY could even tell you what a millimeter is in the states. It’s perverse! I have NO idea how I made it out with my common sense in tact… well, technically they've still got me for another 6yrs in the superficial TikTok/Insta world of academia!

[CrazyGirl2]

Thank you for including me in your MHO choices.

[JustinTheGreat]

Of course not.
people only post their good moments on social media.

[DaveJord]

Nah, its call toxic positivity.

What is the meaning of toxic positivity?

Toxic positivity involves dismissing negative emotions and responding to distress with false reassurances rather than empathy. It comes from feeling uncomfortable with negative emotions. It is often well-intentioned but can cause alienation and a feeling of disconnection.

People use social media as a way to make themselves feel better about their lives then they really are. It's a way for them to focus on the positive, and get positive feedback form others, which enables them to disconnect from the realities and true cost and emotional meaning of their lives.

But for those who really know them it causes what they refer to as social media envy. And these people tend to start to disconnect from them... because they do not like the anxiety it caused them, or they know it's not real and it start to make them feel sad for the person that they care about. Which in turns makes people seek validation by posting more and more on social media as they continually isolate themselves from the realities of the real world.

Social media envy

Social media envy happens when a person becomes envious of the lifestyle or aspects of someone else's life as seen through the eyes of social media.

This why social media is toxic... it creates false narratives about a person's true life... and it generates feelings of anxiety for people that start to;

A. Believe in their own false narratives.

or

B. People who start to feel that their own lives are not as fulfilling as the lives of others that they see on social media.

The shit ain't real man... like 99% of it is just people cherry picking moments of their lives in order to feel better about themselves.

[malwins]

Why envy? Whats wrong looking up to someone?

[DaveJord]

@malwins maybe you don't understand the meaning or definition of envy.

en·vy
a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.

Envy is consider a bad thing, more along the lines of jealousy, which is closure hate then love.

Maybe your confusing envy with respect. It's good respect and look up to people. But not good to envy them.

[Bemidii]

Welcome to the delusion best known as social media. Social media is like a shitty curated art show where all the artist post about their new mlm scheme. I wouldn’t take it seriously tbh

There are some people that need that constant validation from other people. They will show you exactly what they want you to see. They won't show you that they are most likely going through the same emotions despite having everything at their feet.

The funniest part about "happiness," as I have grown older is - its so complex, but yet so easy. You may not feel like you are in control of it, but you absolutely have control of your outlook and your mindset.

Belongings and material items will come and go. They can not be buried with you. No one will remember you in 50 years for the posessions you had obtained and showed other people for self validation.

I wake up every morning content with what I have. I may not have much, but really I dont need much. I I am thankful that I was able to get out of bed on my own. I am thankful that I was able to shower and get ready on my own. I am thankful that I am healthy enough to go to work and make a difference. I am thankful that I dont have any family members suffering with health problems... and I would give up any one of my posessions in an instant to keep it that way. When there are children and parents all over the globe coming to the realization that they are sick and dying, who am I to take everything I do have going for me for granted? Happiness for me has happened when I learned to be content.

[BoobSlayer]

Social media can present a skewed view of reality because people tend to only share positive aspects of their lives and hide negative ones. This phenomenon is known as "social media bias" or the "highlight reel effect." People on social media often only show their best selves, which can create a false sense of reality and lead to feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction with one's own life. Additionally, studies have shown that excessive use of social media can lead to increased feelings of loneliness and depression. So, social media may not always reflect the true picture of people's lives.

[DubiousIntentions]

No, the people who are on social media would have a boring life without it. That is why they spend so much time on it. Who really wants to be an influencer on Tik Tok or Instagram? Most of those are only doing it for attention. You even see that here on G@G, especially with the anons, judging by the questions some of them ask. Just to get attention, from someone.

Text me!

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

A big time influencer gets paid well actually. It's their job.

I personally like Spencer Barbosa.

[DubiousIntentions]

@Hispanic-Cool-Guy Well I suppose you can call the White House press secretary an influencer too. 😒

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

If they get paid and make a living of it then a job.

[DubiousIntentions]

@Hispanic-Cool-Guy Would you have called Paul an influencer?

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

No because he doesn't influence me but the reality is he does influence others that like him in terms of motivation, inspiration etc.

[tina_695]

Just judging by few minutes of clip or few pictures we can't tell what is going on inside that person happiness comes from within someone can have everything but still feel unhappy on the other hand someone might have less but still feel happy and grateful about it i think mostly it's about our mindset and focus if we have a chasing mindset we will always feel that something is missing in our life and when we are living with gratitude mindset we develop patience and let the blessings come on it's time

[TJ1892]

Of course in most cases anyway, obviously not all. Everyone has bad and good bits in their lives however they only share the best bits of their lives on social media👌 You rarely hear of someone post on social media "today I went to the shop, came home had something to eat, went to bed". However I do truly believe this impacts on people mentally when they go on social media and see people in happy vibes or exotic places and think "my lifes boring" but in reality so is there's only there sharing the few interesting things they do across social media mainly to post self esteem and egos.

[menina]

No, it's not. That's what they want you to believe in. Sure, we have happy stages or happy moments in our lives but life isn't perfect. It's impossible to be happy all the time, we all have our ups and downs. They only post the best because that's what they want to show and that's what gives them more followers and popularity.

[ChillaxingLove]

Social media is just another side of fake that you are fed. People boast crazy lifestyles, but you go and look behind the fake mess you realize that lambo that person is posing near isn’t theirs but some rich strangers, or a “influencer” setting in a nice private plane is actually a set in a studio lol the fakeness is legendary indeed

[ChillaxingLove]

Enjoy your family and your simple life and get that true happiness that lasts

[AdithyaR]

It's hard to judge. A reel that's a couple seconds long or just a pic is not an answer to how someone feels. Some people do post cause they're happy and they wanna share that and some people post to create an image of an ideal life.
It's hard to say which is which.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

No. To actually think a person is happy just because they post pictures almost daily of them smiling and eating food doesn't mean they are happy.

In my opinion being happy is quite. I'm a happy person and I hardly ever post pictures online with the exception of a new profile picture.

[catiecatie]

Many people use it just to make people think they are really happy. In real life they can’t handle thing or they put on a happy face and deal with their demons in private. Why would people show all the dark sides of their life?

[12234445]

The main thing about social media is that people are only showing you what they want you to see. It doesn't mean it's all fake , it's just 0.1% of their life that they intentionally hand picked to share online.

That's why it's so important to keep in mind that comparing yourself to others it's pointless as no one 's life is perfect whatsoever.

[big_ben_007]

I'm better off using social media once a day, for less than an hour. Its easy to waste hours every day watching things and seeing things that people do that won't help u to be successful in life. I'd rather spend time in the gym.

[big_ben_007]

I dont know if people are genuinely happy on social media. Just because a person is smiling in one profile picture doesn't mean their life isn't miserable and hectic

[ilikesnow]

No, no one is truly happy for a long time. The things you see on social media is just moments people think can be showed to others, they wouldn't post moments where they feel sad and lonely. Everything is just a disguise..

[lightbulb27]

oh hell no:)

I am, but I know so many are not. They are just posting the good part. that's why talking to people is important... to get the real scoop. studies have been done on this, social media is poison...

[TheVigilantFox]

No, people aren’t going to air their lives in public, they lie on social media, social media is nothing but lies in my opinion. I never post anything online good or bad, the only thing I have is instagram and I only use that for my photography.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Not everyone tells the truth on social media… take everything on social media with a grain of salt

[jshm2]

Who the fuck sits and listens to bitching?

Psychologists at least get paid for it. But ordinary people want to see the best or funniest of others.

[Beccaasaar]

Absolutely not everyone fakes it. Deep down there lonely and depressed, or just straight bored and the best thing is yes people check social media bc they get bored or want to see what everyone's doing, and to help ur self and your energy it's good to just stop using it or limit yourself and do other things like go to the gym, play a video game, go outside, work on your hobbies, hanging out with frienda anything bc when u do that u feel better about yourself then looking at social media :)

[Beccaasaar]

Also I'm a culprit of this.