Why am I like this?

[Ndnsnsns]

So I always felt like I didn’t belong especially being in a public school my whole life until 10th grade. My parents were old and strict. The school will always do activities and friends would hang out after school etc. I always went straight home. My only activity was church. Like pathfinders, vacation bible school, AYS stuff like that but that was every other week.

Until a situation where I wanted to end my life because I was being bullied so much. I wanted to tell my brothers but I wasn’t close with 2 of them because they would sexually assault me. To the point one of them successfully went further. I felt completely lost life. but anyway I had a situation at school where I wanted to end my life I have no clue why I told my teacher because I didn’t want to let nobody know. So they took me to the office and I told them straight up about the bullying and the rape. They immediately took me to this center for 4 months. Felt even worst there so I faked it got out.

Finished school at a private school very good school made friends until I left since My dad got sick always been close with him left school to take care of him.

He passed away a few weeks ago and I’ve always was scared of him passing since I was a pre teen since he was old guy lol. Same week I got arrested for having weed and driving with expired tag but I wasn’t thinking. Lost my car that’s was the only saving grace I could to start working again ever since he passed but again I was being stupid. End up staying there for 7days. End up getting raped by 3 grown women. Left naked in the jail for 4 days cuz they took my clothes n never even got the stuff you get for bedding and hygiene smh

Now 8k debt my mother is sick now so I’m taking care of her and just told me I was adopted, and she said she won’t be here for long after saying that. Can’t afford to go back to school. But for some reason i don’t cry about everything that happened I’m just angry and I hold it Is something wrong with me?

[SweetJoyGirl]

I am sorry things have been rough for you. I certainly can relate to the strict parents part. My only activities consisted of school and church. A LOT of time was spent at church. Which is good. It isn’t bad at all. With a religious household comes strict parents. Strict is fine, but being too strict doesn’t always lead to good. It does make a child want to explore the wild side more. If it was a health strict relationship between the child and the parents, the child is less likely to want to explore the wild side.

Honestly, your story makes me really sad. I have known other people who grew up in church with me and their souls are literally lost now. Some have suffered some form of abuse. I am really sorry that yours was sexual assault and bullying. SA is so hard to talk about and if I were to tell you to seek help, I wouldn’t blame you for refusing. It is not an easy topic.

It really seems like your environment, childhood, abuse, and the health of your parents is what is leading to the downfall. Now, it is as if you are lost and don’t see a light.

Oh, sweetie, you not crying is actually something that should be of worry. I means psychologically, you need support. Like I said, I wouldn’t be surprised if you said no to it, but it definitely means you need support in that area. Especially from an expert.

There is just so much going on in your story. I am so sorry, love. 💜

[ohsheeT]

Wow. And I thought my life was up and down... I have a theory about people that don't feel like they belong there's quite a few people like this in the world if you would like you can DM me and I will try to explain it to you

[strateguy632]

If you never cry all year that is not normal.

Most of the story sounds fake.

[Staximus]

You're too submissive, you need to learn to stand up for yourself