Why are there more likes when others solve things by hitting than non-violent ways?

[Vesuvius87]

For example if parent slaps someone's child for a rude comment and there is a biblical fanatic poster saying ''what's the way it was in my times, the bible says blah, blah, etc'', that person suddenly gets over 100+ likes, many replied to him.

However, if someone else has a successful story (with even better results) of solving the same situation without hitting, instead of the bibles talks about research, creativity, dynamics in problem solving... that person gets fewer likes. Less replies.

Why? Why are more people praising those that use hitting to solve things vs those that don't. What's wrong with that picture? It happened on both youtube, reddit, facebook, etc. You received more likes for using violence. That takes no effort at all. Anyone can get frustrated and do that. It's actually more challenging and time consuming getting the same results or better without hitting.

[Shiprex]

There are a lot of wannabe bullies who live by vicarious means through the perceived actions of others. They like the idea of following up their video game lives irl but wouldn't do it because they aren't insane enough yet but the thought of others doing it is a gentle relief as the relive it through these other people

[Vesuvius87]

I was very disappointed to be honest. By now we should've come a long way and get cultivated, enriched with more knowledge.

[Shiprex]

Thing is minor physical reprimand is effective in the moment. It's like being arrested as an adult. You will have seen belligerent adults ignoring police and authorities and even with the ability to reason they refuse. Now put that on a child incapable of regulating their emotions or focus and argue whether or not a firm grip of them and restricting their freedom as being the most on point and immediate method of redirecting their attention
I agree children SHOULD be treated with respect and not unnecessarily harmed.

[Vesuvius87]

I won't mind physically removing a toddler away from danger if they try to touch a hot stove or restraining one that's kicking wild until they calm, then redirecting them to their rooms and followed by verbal reprimands. That's different than what those people were suggesting about hitting a child with a belt, stick, sandals, etc. Or someone that easily smacks a child (hitting right away, as first resort) just for a bad word said.

[Vesuvius87]

In the case of just a bad word (backtalking) said but no physical aggression, hitting a child with a belt would be excessive force. That would be like a cop throwing someone to the ground very hard just because someone told him stupid.

[Shiprex]

One of the things that shocks kids who are in an obsessively dangerous frame of mind that can harm them or others is to grab and hold them to restrict their movement or squeeze their ear or something that creates a short sharp pain that isn't damaging but refocusses their attention to the adult is acceptable to me. Using it as a punishment is a grey area but as a deflection it's wholly suitable as things can easily spiral out of control especially if the kid is getting bigger and a lot of (especially women) don't have the physicality to restrain or hold a toddler down.
If it's only verbal misbehaviour then there should have been some element of training from young age so that a look or word is enough to refocus the child.

[Vesuvius87]

yeah, I think if a child is verbally disrespecting a parent once they're 13-16 years old, something is off there. It's likely rules weren't introduced or there were lots of yellow flags ignored and they turned into red flags later on.
I think I might be able to restrain a toddler (hopefully my expecting baby boy is of calm temperament). I'm 5'7, 160's Ibs by now (well I'm pregnant but it used to be 140's) and do know a bit about restraining from previous Judo classes.

[Vesuvius87]

I agree with retraining them until they calm down if they're acting in very harmful ways or I'm trying to get them away from hurting others. I don't agree with corporal punishment (painful hits and lashes with belts, wooden spoons, sticks, etc).

[Shiprex]

Congratulations
Had to chuckle at the judo reference against a toddler brings up images of hilarious interaction. You could probably take him up till he's a teenager but once puberty kicks in he might have the size and strength on you.
You're right that it's important to teain children to be respectful and kind from earliest days.
Good luck

[Shiprex]

Corporal punishment was the norm when I was in school and it wasn't anything that gave permanent damage. It reinforced boundaries that as knowing children (you DID KNOW right from wrong) you still pushed boundaries and knowing there were consequences that weren't outrageous you'd take that risk in spite of the STIGMA being belted gave. It was less of a punishment than the social STIGMA others showed about it than the actual punishment. A bit like being called out loudly in public

[Shiprex]

TY for SO

[Vesuvius87]

That was a time where studies weren't advanced and people didn't focus on your thought process and mental health issues weren't discovered. While it might not have given permanent damage, corporal punishment can alter a young child's cognitive development. In the end, it's really a short-term change to the behavior but not effective in the long run. You're just avoiding not to get caught again, nothing else. My younger brother received corporal punishment as a kid and as an adult, he's taking anxiety and depression pills for the longest. Sometimes he has severe mood swings and delayed in other areas for his age.

[Shiprex]

I think often the opposite is the problem. There's often too much cuddling and explaining attempted to give a child self worth and confidence in themselves. They can also become entitled and unprepared for disappointment or deal with bluntness or refusal. Always needingan explanation when they don't succeed.
These days more people are suffering from srlf esteem and anxiety issues because cold hard treatment is no longer applied to them.

[Vesuvius87]

There shouldn't be cuddling for bad behavior either. That's the extreme side of parenting called being permissive and literally doing nothing at all nor even having established boundaries. For instance if my child threw a tantrum, I'm not going to praise that behavior by taking him to the park or buying his favorite dessert. His privileges would be taken away, no desserts at all and depending on his age, he can do household chores and tasks.

[exitseven]

Everyone likes to see a good fight. Two guys slugging it out over some perceived slight is cool. Two guys having a sitdown and settling their differences by talking is booooooorrrriong.

[Vesuvius87]

Ironically sometimes (depending on the case) guys befriend each other after a fight. This rarely happens if women fight each other. So far I have never seen two women having a cup of wine after a physical fight.

[exitseven]

you have a good point. Fighting with somebody can make your opponent respect you and maybe have some appreciation for him

[Vesuvius87]

You guys work differently than us. Personally I'm not into fights and can't imagine befriending another woman that either beats me in a fight or I beat. For 2 women to get to that level of a physical fight, too much has happened and it likely goes from far back, more than just a challenge.

[exitseven]

I love to see two girls kicking each other's asses/

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[Vesuvius87]

You're welcome.
Though it's really not fun seeing anyone fighting. The typical catfights is really women that don't even know how to throw a basic punch. If one woman actually punches and the other woman doesn't, the know that is only into slapping around will lose the fight immediately. I haven't gotten into a fight with another girl since 7th grade. As an adult, with the exception of taking previous Judo classes with my past ex boyfriend as my sparring partner, I would only fight in self-defense.
If it got to the point of self-defense, I'm not going to slap around and roll on the ground all day long with the other woman. I would do what I gotta do to neutralize the harm.

[exitseven]

@Vesuvius87 Girls fight dirty.

[Nikki1989]

Mainstream media, from action movies to video games, often glorifies or relies heavily on violence as a primary means of conflict resolution. It has been hard-wired into some people's brains.

[Vesuvius87]

It's so sad that we (the only functionally animal with complex language and advanced cognitive abilities, along with problem-solving skills) haven't evolved after all these years. I've recently shared (on FB) two successful stories of two children that were never hit; my friend's daughter and my cousin's son. I've only received 4-5 likes. Needless to say that was disappointing.
They mocked realiable research studies (tested by science) and praise a bible as the only reliable source; a book that can be interpreted by people in any manner and it's unrealiable.

[Agape93]

Catharsis by proxy. Most don't have it in them for real violence, so they enjoy when others do it for them. It's a primal form of justice or revenge.

[Vesuvius87]

Little do they know revenge and giving in to violence so easily (for instance hitting over rude words; not even self-defense, just over words) isn't assertive nor in charge. It's actually weakness.

[Agape93]

How so?

[Vesuvius87]

You're letting emotions take over, letting words get to you so fast. It takes no challenge to lack self-control (anyone can lack it and react in that manner) so therefore that's weakness.
Strength is actually having self-control because you're not giving in to emotions. You're applying thinking skills and that requires more effort and time than just going through to hitting.

[Vesuvius87]

Anything that requires little to no effort (that anyone can do) , isn't a challenge nor a strength. Anything that requires more cognitive skills and solving it in other ways (what fewer people do) is strength.

[Agape93]

How does not wanting to show restraint, be counted as a weakness? Diplomacy and meekness isn't an inherent virtue

[NathanDavis]

that's what you call... shock value...

[Vesuvius87]

pretty much it. It takes little to no effort hitting for words than managing to get better results without getting physical.