What to do about a pessimistic girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

I've been seeing a girl for about 3 years, and she's in the process of getting her degree, living with her parents and seeing me. She wants everything to happen overnight. She wants her degree, wants to be married and all that. One day she tells me she isn't ready to get married yet, but wants to know why we never go look at rings or talk about wedding plans. The other day she says to me, I don't think you want to get married, I don't think we are on the same page.

My question is, what am I suppose to do? She is always down on herself about trivial things, she changes her mind constantly. I'm getting to the point where I'm sick of it, I do everything for her, support her in everything, I pay for everything, what more does she want from me?

[Darkfairie17]

I think you need to sit down and talk to her. She doesn't think you guys are on the same page, well then sit her down and tell her to talk with you about what she is looking for in the relationship. Find out what you both want so that you can be on the same page.

Are you wanting to marry her? Or are you not sure yet?

Getting a degree can be hard. I just graduated college and I went through those periods of self-doubt. I was scared my boyfriend didn't want to marry me ever, I was stressed over tests, I was worried I wouldn't get a job, I did all of that.

Now I am still worried about my boyfriend, but everything else worked out. Even if I don't end up marrying my boyfriend I know I will be okay because that's just how life is. Everything comes full circle eventually.

I think she is just so cared. This period of her life is really hard and stressful. She is probably seeing friends having kids and getting married, graduating and wishing she could have that too. It's perfectly normal to feel that way.

But I would definitely talk to her about this. Get you guys on the same page. Let her know it's okay to talk to you about this stuff.

[Asker]

We've been to like 5 weddings this year. I'm pretty sure they've all been the cause of her panicking on where her life is. I was trying to let her focus on her schooling, why worry about other things at this point.

[Darkfairie17]

She worries because she sees all of her friend's lives advancing and so now she compares her life to their's. It might seem crazy and stupid, because I'm sure her life is great. She is doing something really good for herself to get her degree. But she probably feels like she's falling behind everyone. That is most likely the source of her panic there.

[SuperPerve]

She's at a bad place.

I think she probably feels like she isn't making any progress in life by the sounds.

She might not be ready to get married but to feel like your relationship is worthwhile she probably needs to be made aware whether it is something you would consider with her (increase her feelings of security and just be clear about timing!)

For me - uni has been a really hard time in my life. Finding your own place in the world can make you a bit down on yourself... especially when your constantly being graded and ranked for things that have no meaning in the real world (studentlyf#)

She probably also needs to spend a bit more time doing things that make HER happy about herself... like exercise or sport or another hobby.

The best thng you can do is communicate with her about it. In a calm way, express concern but make it clear that you feel like you aren't making her happy and if that's the case - she needs to make herself happy otherwise you might have to look at other options

[LuvJamesDeen]

You can't make pessimistic an optimist. You just have to learn to deal with it if you really want to be with her.

[Asker]

You are right. Usually I ignore her being pessimistic, or try to ease her mind, but that doesn't last but a few weeks.

[prophecy]

she wants to marry you, and then take half of everything when she changes her mind about her boyfriend/husband - you.