Why does it bother me that my girlfriend had one one night stand before she was with me?

[Anonymous]

Weve been together over a year. She is a great girl, never cheated and I totally trust her. I'm only the 5th guy she's been with and she has only had sex twice outside of long term relationships. Obviously the one night stand is one of those. All is great and never have I suspected her of cheating but for some reason just recently this has begun to bother me. She isn't slutty by any means but that one night stand just puts doubts in my head for some reason. Do I just need to get over it or what?

[kmw333]

Every guy has a delusion that you are what you girl fantasizes about.U like to think that she touches herself to You when she's in the shower or in bed.When you find out that she had a one night stand in her past,what upsets you is imagining that guy fulfilled her fantasy or physical desires where you couldnt.As a man,its an ego boost to think that I turn my girlfriend on more than anyone could.Boyfriends sometimes feel like the safety pick;like she only has sex with you because you fulfill her emotionally or because she loves you so much.And there's nothing wrong with being that guy

you guys probably waited a few weeks or even a few months to have sex.Which is great,but you can't get past the fact this guys turned her on so FAST,and so Well that she allowed him to enter her on the first night.

My current girlfriend of 10 months had one of these(that she's willing to tell me) and it bothered me a lot like you.She was alone in Zambia,when she was abroad.She met this Rafting Instructor from New Zealand. He was charming with a sexy accent.He showed her a good time in this exotic country.So she slept with him within the first few hours of meeting. It’s like something out of a romance novel.Every guy wants to be that guy.A Rockstar.James Bond.He met her at some exotic resort in an exotic country.He had an accent,super charming,and did extreme sports.Ive imagined that day a millionX.Its upsetting because you feel like you never have or never will be able to make her feel that dangerous and comfortable at the same time.I always imagine her wanting him so badly that she's willing to be his slut for one night when she's not.I imagine her screaming at the top of her lungs from orgasms that I have never been able to give her.How did he do it?How did he manipulate the girl I love so much into doing whatever he wanted her to do?I imagine her fantasizing about that day even today.Its emasculating and hurts.She doesn't love you any less,and if that guy showed up at her doorstep today she most likely wouldn't feel a thing for him.But that doesn't matter to men. What's important to us is that we are able to give her the greatest sexual experience ever and were the ones who make her want to drop her pants right now.But I'm not.It has haunted me for weeks.This guy overtook her with a night of passion that I have never given her.

she’ll say“its in the past”or“im with you,not him”which is true.But you feel less of a man,because she's never wanted you that way.You aren't her Rockstar or her JamesBond.YoureTheNiceGuysWho’llWatch“The Notebook”WithHerOrGoBuyHerTamponsWhenSheNeedsThem.OneDayHopefullyYouAndIWillForgetAboutItAndBecomeHerRockstarOnceAgain.youreGonnaHaveToAcceptThatThisGuyPlayedTheGameAndWonWithYourGirlfriendForOneNight.WhatYouGottaDoIsHoldYourHeadUpHigh.StayInShape,beAdventurousForHerUntilYouBuiltUpEnoughConfidence.DontGetLazyWithSexBecauseSshellResortBackToThatFantasticalNightWhereThatGuyrockedherworld.ContinueGettingBetterUntilYouKnowNoOneCouldEverGiveHerBetter. GoodLuck

[Cantremember]

Many men struggle with the idea at their girlfriend has some wild stories in their past. The "easy answer" usually is that you are just a control freak or burning her for having a past (at least that's the answer I head in that 99% of the time).

But if you look beyond that, there are two things here. One, that you want your girlfriend to be yours and yours alone. Which is a sweet thing (if its not controlling). And the second one is that as a man you are a visual creature. When she tells you she had a one night stand, your brain tries to visualize that. And there you end up watching your girlfriend with another man in your mind. Which hurts. And even though she did nothing wrong you feel pain from this image. Now if you just get mad at her she won't understand and won't feel like she can trust you.

So, how to "just get over that" (I hate those words):

Realize that it basically is your mind playing a trick on you. Your mind trying to problem-solve something that doesn't need fixing. So, as stupidly simple as it sounds, you need to occupy your mind with something else. A visual mind works that way, give it something to think about and it will create the according imagery. So next time you feel doubt creeping up on you, go to your girlfriend and tell her you need to feel close to her. Do something together. Have sex. I know it feel ridiculous at first but it's like training your mind like a pet. You are conditioning your own mind to focus on the right things.

And that's what people mean when they say "it's all just in your head". And while that is true, you still need to get it out of your head.

Hope that helps.

[Cantremember]

TL;DR: you don't hate your girlfriend for it, you hate your mind for visualizing it.

[beerY33]

Yes, you just need to get over it. There's no good reason that should affect your relationship. Although in order to move past it, it would probably be useful for you to figure out the reason it's bothering you and why that reason is (moooost likely) illogical.

[justalady]

Dont judge her past..get over it, the past is the past ...and hopefully she's your future your lucky to have a good women by your side.. enjoy and appreciate her :)

[Anonymous]

you've been together for over a year? time to get over this...

[brundawger]

It's just annoying. I've had many girlfriends, and I got get annoyed to if I find out my girlfriend has done a one night stand. I know it's a double standard, but I think we have a perception that women should not do that. It's just natural, evolutionary. So I feel the same way. I try not to let it bother me, but it does. I mean either you can deal with it and it doesn't interfere with the relationship, or it does, and you just have to find someone that has never been in a one night stand. There are plenty of women that have not.

[Littletad]

If you can't handle the knowledge, don't bother asking. Bottom line, this girl is with YOU now. Accept her past, or the relationship will crumble because of your insecurity.

[Anonymous]

Have you never had a one night stand? You don't see her stressing about your past, so why are you caring.

[Anonymous]

You must be very insecure.

[Anonymous]

because nobody likes used stuff...