Why are some guys not contented with just one girl?

[ilovejas]

what is a perfect girl for you? my boyfriend left me, he told me he found someone else. I'm so heartbroken right now. he said he love me. he is my first bf... I did everything for him and he still left me. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I'm always crying and I don't want to go to school. what to do? :( HELP

Updates

+1 y

i feel better now. thanks girls and guys :)

[MrOracle]

"Why are some guys not contented with just one girl?"

This is the wrong question, at least in this case. Your ex doesn't seem to need more than one girl at a time (that's different than this), he just wanted something different. Both guys and girls do this: they'll get into a relationship with someone, and maybe their feelings for that person aren't super-strong, but they'd rather be with them then be alone, so they go ahead and get together. Then, along comes someone that they have stronger feelings for, for whatever reason, and they'll break up with the person they're with to get with the person they have stronger feelings for.

Part of that is selfishness, and part is immaturity, both of which are fairly common in both sexes (but particularly with guys) in your age group. Most guys during college age are kind of in "party mode" and feel like that is their chance to experiment and get with a bunch of different girls, and so many times they don't take any one relationship all that seriously.

You said he is your first boyfriend. Your first relationship is always a major loss, because those feelings are super-powerful and the first time you feel them, it's new and overwhelming. IMO, it's better for people to "date" when younger, and the stakes are much lower (no sex, etc.), so that when that relationship ends, you deal with that "first relationship" devastation long before you get to the point where there are potentially life-altering events involved (sex, pregnancy, STDs, etc.)

I know it hurts, but your first relationship wasn't likely to last forever anyway. Part of the point of dating is to learn how to choose a partner. When you have no experience doing that, you tend to make lousy, often superficial choices (we all did/do). Having these relationships fail teaches us what is important and what isn't, and so we can make better choices in the future. You learn what danger signs to look for and avoid, and what traits to seek out.

You're feeling pain right now, and that's normal and expected, but you'll survive, and you'll be stronger and smarter in the future.

[bwrd830]

You'll get over it. I'm just gonna leave it at that because its true everyone gets over these things, they hurt like hell and some people handle it worse then others but try your best to persevere and let time pass. Don't feel bad just be happy for him, it would have never worked out if he didn't have true feelings for you. That's all relationships are, they're a test for yourself and your parter to see if you really like them and you have it a shot. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you or else he would have never dates you. Things happen, you could have been the one to find someone else, so don't take it harshly. It's best that he was honest to you instead of keeping your relationship going with fake feelings. At least try and stay friends with the guy but give your self some time for yourself, you'll be OK. I've gone through the same thing and its dreadful. It took me 2 years to get over it, don't let your feelings get the best of you like I did cause I lost 2 precious years of my life miserable off of my own self pity. We all put these thoughts in our heads on what people think of us or why things happen but never think about the real reason they did. It's a natural emotion to feel sad but keep fighting it and it will go away.

[happygirl18769]

there is no such thing as the perfect girl or guy . don't blame yourself that he broke up with you . He might have been your first but he is DEFINITLY not your last . there are going to be a lot of guys come into your life some good some bad . when a guy breaks our hearts we always ask our selfs why and wonder what the hell is wrong with us .. its not your fault . you said you did a lot for him and you cared about him a lot and he still went out and found someone else . well that just shows you that he was not the right guy for you . if he treated you like that then you don't need him . and its a good chance he will do his new girl the same way . I wish I could tell you something you could do to make your self feel better faster but the only thing that helps a broke heart is time and understanding . you just got to tell your self that he was not worth the tears and you are better then that because its true . DONT text him don't wait around hopeing he changes his mind that is the worst thing you could do to your self . I am a 28 year old female I have had a lot of break ups and my first boyfriend I ever had rip my heart out then handed it back to me just so he could rip it out again . :( I caught my first boyfriend who I was madly inlove with in bed with his ex girlfriend that I hated ! I cried my eyes out what seem like forever and it took me along time to get over it . I even took him back at one point and he left me for her again .. NEVER EVER waste time on someone who puts you last or who makes you there 2nd choice . I thought I would never find someone who liked me ever again but I did and so will you ! just look forward to your future . now you single and can meet someone better . have fun with friends and flirt with new guys that really helps the pain fade faster. and don't try to get even with him the best way to do that is to just ignore him for get about him and do stuff that makes you happy .

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, it's an awful feeling (I've been there). Don't blame yourself!

The best thing you can do is stay busy, in body AND mind. Keep yourself surrounded by fun, positive people that care about you. Keep your schedule booked with things you enjoy and things that are uplifting and possibly productive. Maybe find a new hobby, meet new people, start a project (like reorganizing your house/bedroom, stuff like that). Exercise, cook, listen to music, watch movies, etc. It will get easier, sometimes without you even realizing it.

Good luck, I hope you feel better soon!

[Opinion Owner]

I'm so glad you're feeling better!

And thank you for BA :-)

[Anonymous]

I know how you feel. I am a little bit of an expert on this. Guys sometimes think they are gonna find someone better and it's not about you not being good enough, pretty enough, etc. He is unsure about himself and probably afraid of commitment. Guys get nervous and afraid. I'm sure he did care about you, but not enough to stay. So try to connect with family and friends to help you cope. My friends always listened to me and it made me feel better. Even a counselor or therapist is great too. Good Luck. Just take it one day at a time.

[PhilaPenn]

Some guys are not happy with one girl for a number of reasons. 1) They like more than woman lady an equal amount and are trying to see who is better fit. 2) Different girl fill different needs (one girl might be caring, one girl might be sexy, one girl might be adventurous) depending on what mood the guy is in, different girls may serve different purposed. 3) He really likes all of them and can't fathom not seeing any one of them. 4) He likes having sex with all of them and he'll never have to worry about getting bored. 5) He's selfish.

[martyfellow]

he's an immature jerk. Hey, it happens. Don't blame yourself for his shortcomings.

Think of all the good things about yourself, and then think of how he didn't appreciate them. Talk to older friends or family, who have been through break-ups with their first boyfriend or girlfriend. They can give you some perspective. They will also tell you why he'ws too immature to appreciate you.

Next time, you'll know someon is an immature jerk right away, and you wo't be at any risk of falling for him!

[martyfellow]

UPDATe: That's all we can do--make you feel better!

[ilovejas]

Thank you!

[martyfellow]

Remember me for Best Answer!

[Gawesome]

Because when you're a guy and you're young, think you got game, and generally an idiot...you think you can get any girl you want so settling down is not in the front of a guy's mind. You probably were right at the time, until priorities in life changes and he decides to dump you. He was probably thought he wanted a girlfriend at the time until he bored/lost interest or found someone better.

Don't worry, it's not you, it's him. If he was your first boyfriend, it's gonna hurt (speaking from experience) but you'll get over it and eventually find someone who who will care about you and is in it for the long run.

But just a heads up if you're in your early 20s, don't expect too much from boys until they decide to become men.

[JohnWhilkins]

That sparrow girl knows her sh*t. But besides that, after you get over it (which you will, no doubt, even if it's hard) it'd be good to stay in touch with your ex if you can still be friends for the following months. It's a really mature act and honestly hard to pull off, but it's kind of great after all of this to just sit down and talk about what you thought of the relationship. What went wrong and what went right.

After that when you feel the time is right you can let him go, find love anew.

Best of Luck

/Max

[HowsTheWeather]

aw I'm sorry to hear that. Just like what others said keep yourself busy and be with your friends. I haven't really experienced what you experienced cause mine is of different scenario, mine is more of guilt BUT I've seen my female friends before and just like you it's like the end of the world for them. The good thing is that all of them eventually moved on. Don't blame yourself and don't ever feel that you're not good enough for him. I hope you will feel better soon :)

[HowsTheWeather]

@update: mabuti naman at okay ka na ngayon! love MODERATELY :P ^-^

[ilovejas]

salamat sayo! =))

[Toxicremedy]

It's all about maturity. To start, girls mature faster than guys in the teenage years, then in most cases it swaps around in the last 20s to guys being more mature. There is nothing wrong with you, it's a fake sense that some other girl is better for him, even though it usually isn't the case, if you treat him right. The majority of teenage dating does not last though, don't beat yourself up over it. Good guys are out there, just wait for them to find you.

[honeyltsme]

Sorry to hear you - looks like you got played.

Some guys just look at girls as prey or meat and they will be nice on the surface, but in reality they want to score as many vaginas as possible.

The question you need to ask you is "why does this guy want me?"

In today's times it is hard to expect an average guy who is in his teens to stay with you for life. But even if he is not ready to marry he still wants to have sex with somebody during the years he grows up - and that somebody will be you.

[DeepBlue]

Were you implying with your question's title that he cheated on you? In any case, it was your first relationship so it's not surprising that it feels like the end of the world, but these feelings will pass. Just be cautious in the future with boys who like to talk a big game (say they love you) and yet don't follow up with their actions. Actions speak louder than words.

[Racez]

You simply have to surround yourself with more caring and understanding guys.

If you have trouble moving on, simply spend a lot of time with yourself.

Find new activities/hobbies which occupy your time.

Also, your first boyfriend leaving you is a sign that a more worthy guy is waiting for you.

[theblondeguy]

first of all f*** him move on accept he's a piece of sh*t and stop giving a f*** about him

thts not all guys tho (just the sh*tty ones)

lastly don't cry its over find a new and better boyfriend I'm sure you can you're pretty cute ;D

just find someone tht makes you happy

[wallflowervulpine]

Well, some guys are not content with a stable monogamous relationship for reasons that lie along the lines of they are not emotionally able to commit, for whatever reasons may it be. Most of which are because of their mind set or personality. Many guys who you find hopping every girl are not emotionally able to have a deep and completely vulnerable relationship whoever it might be.

[Applenuts]

It goes both ways. Regardless of age, they are still living in their tender years they don't know what they want so they try to have it all. Women mature earlier then men and it usually causes the frustration you are going through now.

[oddball]

sorry bt your gona have many more bfs it just happens like that...

if your a great girlfriend then its not your fault he just suks

pick yourself uo , being sad dosnt help, fuk him he suks don't let him get you down

[Torres]

because sex with lots of women is more interesting to us men because love exploring new bodies

don't take it personally since you're a cute looking woman

[ilovejas]

Most guys are like that?

Will use me then leave me?

Don't guys feel pity for the girl?

They don't have a heart!

[tiredofwaiting]

They are players why else?

[Anonymous]

most guys want one girl