Why do men assume that single women over 30 (with no kids) are too picky, too bitter, too arrogant or have insanely high and unrealistic standards?

Question

On the contrary, single men over 30 (with no kids) are viewed as career guys who have forgotten about relationships because they're too busy for them.
I was listening to a couple of guys chatting about single +30 women who haven't been married before and have no kids. It seems like men view such women as being too picky, too arrogant, etc..
Simply, the reason could be that they haven't met the right person. 
Haha. What do you think about that?

ManThatKnewTooMuch · Accepted Answer

Most men do view, or have a propensity to view such women as arrogant, picky, etc.

Tell me if I'm wrong, but generally speaking women tend to be the more emotional ones, the ones that want an emotional attachment, fantasize about marriage, etc. Under that assumption we expect women to settle down at an earlier age, 18-29. This window has expanded in the last 40 years as a result of women being in the workplace or getting an education. Men have corrected for it and now mentally allow for a single female to be 29 without necessarily having any hang ups.

However, if we find a woman to be in her 30's the question of why she's still single starts to creep up. Surely by this age she would have found someone. All those college years, all those jobs, all those girls' nights out, all the trips to Vegas, all the vacationing, all the friends of friends and parties... and STILL SINGLE? Something is amiss!!

As a man I've had the misfortune of meeting these women. I'm sure many men on this site feel the same way, as well as the ones in your home town. We go out. These women are there. We try to hit on them. They shoot us down. They have every right to, we're not complaining. But let's examine the reasons why...

How many times have you heard a woman say that her man has to 1. Be educated 2. Make her laugh 3. Be attractive 4. Be intelligent 5. Have a career because she's going places and, ahem, she needs a man that can keep up! Now, this is a short list. No surprise that women with these lists are also usually those that have gone to school and have spent time in the workforce.

Why should they SETTLE? After all, they worked hard for that Sociology degree and to find a job. They're smart! They're funny too! These woman are AWESOME and they deserve THE BEST. Go to any dating website and they'll say so, albeit implicitly, in their profiles.

You're right. They haven't met the right person. It's because he doesn't exist.

Theguyoverthere · Accepted Answer

It really depends on the woman's history. I mean, she could've been engaged and it fell apart when she was 29, who knows?

Now I am sure there are insanely picky women out there. I can go online and see dating profiles of girls years ago who are still there. However, they can say the same about me because I still have a profile up too.

Thing is, at 29, I am seeing women who are putting long term intentions out there way too soon. I am seeing couples move in within months of knowing each other. I have gotten a reply from a first message stating she doesn't want to meet me because I don't want kids (when I put no in there because I need to know the person, but she musta assumed 0 possibility all together). Kids are a luxury nowadays and being independent I know that I would want a higher income before even thinking that.

But too many women out there will not date guys who don't have a specific thing that they want. Many girls are avoiding guys who don't make 50k or higher, or have a house, and so on. I even see women with dating profiles stating that anyone who doesn't have at least a bachelor's not to message... so a guy can even make the 50k+ but she still won't talk to him without that piece of expensive toilet paper.

So yea, we can't immediately judge a girl without knowing her situation, but what you're hearing is what these men are seeing. So it is real.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

People automatically assume that about me now at age 27, and I am not bitter or any of that. I just haven't found the right guy, and sometimes finding the time to try and find the right guy is hard. I work six days a week.

I don't want children though. I have nothing against children, and I think it's great when my friends or family members have kids. I absolutely adore my little nephew, but I just don't want kids. It's something I've felt since I was a teenager. So I expect that will be something that will make it harder for me when I do get time to date. All my friends and family tell me all men hate women who don't want kids. So that's partly why I am single. When I do meet someone, I am scared he is going to hate me once he finds out my decision.

I'm happy though. I don't remember the last time I actually felt lonely. I have an active social life, I work a lot, and I feel good most of the time.

MaskedSanity · Accepted Answer

Didn't you know? Us wimminz are meant to be in a relationship/get married/have kids by a certain age, otherwise we bring shame to our kind and fail as a proper woomin.
Career? Traveler? Explorer? Devoted scientist or doctor? Pffffffft, don't kid yourself honey, clearly you're just a bitter old hag that nobody loves. We don't care what you've accomplished in life, so put that degree back in the attic and only bring it out after landing yourself a hubby and only then will society consider you an accomplished person.

As a side note, I knew one woman, who was actually extremely stuck up and expected Mr. Handsome with chiseled bod and fat wallet to sweep her off her feet and denied any other suitors.
I think she's around 50 now, still single.

washize · Accepted Answer

Because people's minds explode when at the thought of a woman not wanting a relationship or children.

People, especially sexist men and women can't grasp the concept that EVERY GENDER doesn't share ONE collective brain. They don't/can't understand that all women do not want to shoot babies out of their vagina's and/or get attached to a husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend.

Many people are still sexist and they believe that a woman can't possibly be complete if she hasn't had a child or a man to take care of.

Anonymous · Answer

The answer you selected as best answer doesn't really answer what you specifically are asking. You aren't asking about women who don't want to settle down. For people who do want to settle down, this is what I think is really true.

For men over 40 and women over 34, if they have wanted to settle down with someone, but haven't, they are either unrealistic and too picky in their expectations, OR they have too much baggage and are too much to deal with so people run the other way.
If someone says they don't want to get married and have kids (as your best answer says), I don't think anyone says they are too picky.
If someone says, I just haven't met the right person... then everyone thinks, you've probably met many of right people, they just haven't been good enough for you in your opinion. (or there is the chance that a person has so many issues, people don't see them as a person to settle down with.)

It's the same for both guys and girls, just the age differences is a little. Before you give me all the thumbs down about the age cutoff for men and women, we all know women mature faster than men. No one criticizes anyone who says women mature and develop intellectually faster than men. Plus, nature views an aging woman as less than desirable than an aging male, so they are under more pressure to find their partner earlier. It sucks, but its the truth. Don't hate the messenger. Men are perceived to get more handsome as they get older, while women struggle to stay and look young. It's nature too. The male lion is attracted to the younger female lion and becomes attracted to the females that are most fertile (the ones fresh out of puberty.)

So yes, most of us over my threshold who don't want to be single, but are, are either too picky, have unrealistic expectations, or are too difficult and have too much baggage that scares people away.
I'm in that boat for what it's worth.

lonerider · Answer

first of all this isn't my opinion, but i am just trying to explain why they think so.. Since childhood people have seen girls socializing more with guys, they have seen first couples around them in junior high and by the time of graduation, almost every girl is committed. After school, the girlish traits wither away and the woman starts taking over, when they see women going out with many men and start sleeping, so not just emotional, but physical compatibility is tested by women. This gives them further experience of guys, having 200+ likes on  Facebook  pic, 300 contacts on whatsapp, gives the sense of many guys being around her. and the probability of finding the *RIGHT* guy increases. further, men come upto women, so all she has to do is accept/ reject. while men themselves HAVE TO DO THE WORK. that's why women are thought to be choosy, while men are not.

SüßeJäger · Answer

I don't know if that is true but I could see how some guys would think that. I don't think that way at all. Actually totally opposite. I haven't dated many women who are my age or older (im 34) but I have a few and all but one of them have been very wonderful experiences. They were not at all like you described and honestly I don't know why they were still single and never married. Although one was married and divorced. Age is not a big deal to me. I've been with girls that were a lot younger (11 years) and a little older (3) years and they all can be amazing.

yellowmamba024 · Answer

It's because women really get to choose who they want to date. Women have more of that power over men. Women usually have a boyfriend/husband. And if they are still single by 30, yeah, it is totally out of the norm. Of course, not all single women over 30 with no kids are what you described, but what you described definitely can be the case. I have rarely met any single women. Most that are single (under 30) are pretty picky and do have pretty high standards unfortunately. I don't know about arrogant or bitter though.

I think single men who are over 30 are not career guys who have forgotten about relationships because they are too busy with their careers. It just means they can't get laid at all. And more likely are losers when it comes to women.

Nightingale · Answer

They aren't any more picky, bitter or arrogant than when they were at 20-25 years old. The only difference is they aren't as attractive to men as they were back then.

Guys, on the other hand, are generally more attractive at 35 than they were at 25. That is, if they didn't grow a beer belly.

So if a 35 years old guy have to put out with that behaviour, is he going to go for the 35 or the 25 years old?

Prof_Don · Answer

That talk comes from bitter guys who genuinely feel those same females in their 30s now that will date them,

REJECTED them when said females were in their 20s (and "more attractive") for more attractive or more economically resourceful guys.

Therefore said guys feel they are being "settled for".

Rusty83 · Answer

I know a few very attractive women over 30 who are single and have been for a while and the main reason is that they want to find 'Mr Perfect' but unfortuntely he doesn't exist...
Well apart from me that is but im already taken! :)

BrunetteNYC · Answer

It's just that women are weak who buy into this crap and give a damn about what other people think, lol.  Unless you are happy with someone, why should marry them?  It's not fair to the guy either.  Can you imagine guy or girl marrying someone just to be married?  I'd rather be single and thought picky than married and utterly miserable :)

HandsomeRaj · Answer

I don't, never have and never will think that way :D it's about individual choice and they are free to have theirs. Most time it's a case of sour grapes or empty minds need to talk about something :D

islands7 · Answer

Sure, some of all that can be true &/or exacerbated by the few minutes she has to herself = stress.

It's also CODE for too much work, too many hurtles/complications, she had it too good (compared to me).

You're right - when it clicks, all this fades away

Cheeseburgers · Answer

I don't.  A 'far' more common reason is the woman is unattractive.  That or she's run down by her numerous failed attempts at taming the bad boy Far less common is that it's 'her' decision.

NerdInDenial · Answer

It's because women are supposed to be married by the age of 30, at least that is what society expects. Men are expected to be the bread winners and focus on their career.

godfatherfan · Answer

You start with a question..then get into stating fact. What is the question?
If a person has actually been looking for someone, and they reach 30+ without finding that person, then it is safe to say something in their search criteria is out of whack. your are being one or more of what you listed.
If it is just you wanted to concentrate on career then that is fine.

sean1234 · Answer

Not me, I just assume all women are taken, LOL!! I assume all women my age are married with kids.

Anonymous · Answer

Because men and women are different and have different priorities and different behaviors. That doesn't mean that all single women over 30 are like this, but many of them are.

I've noticed this even on GAG. When a woman asks, "I have such a great career and I'm so funny. Why can't I get a relationship?", you know that she doesn't know much about men. That's like when a man asks, "I'm such a nice guy. Why don't girls like me?"

Lawyer1 · Answer

Yes there is a double standard. Single men in their 30s are viewed (somewhat) differently than single women in their 30s.

But, there is truth to the statement that such people are too picky, arrogant, etc. perhaps women are more likely to be thought of in this way because women are thought to be in the "driver's seat" in terms of relationships and it is easier for a girl to pick up a guy than vice versa.

Most men and women want someone who "checks off all the boxes" but - and I can only speak from personal anecdote - men seem more willing to compromise than women.

CellLuddite · Answer

I don't spend too much time thinking about the wants and desires and preferences of 30+ year old women. I just don't give a shit, when there's 20 somethings all around me.

I think your response of having not met the right person is bullshit. Love is not some predestination dealy like in the movies. With men constantly hitting on women all the time it's inconceivable to think that a normal woman wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet a suitable partner in 15 years. She must be defective.

DodgersGM · Answer

It's a gender stereotype for sure.

A single woman that's 30+ must be overly choosy or she'd have found someone by now, whereas a 30+ man might be seen as ambitious and not interested in settling down yet.

BryanM · Answer

You just want to find the right man for you! No sense in lowering your standards or compromising! You still have plenty of years ahead!

Eternallylucky · Answer

If they think like that. They expect everyone to have a short life span like them.

Why do men assume that single women over 30 (with no kids) are too picky, too bitter, too arrogant or have insanely high and unrealistic standards?

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